Being the Change starts at home

“I think being the change starts where I am and with those in my life.”

By Stephanie Motz Skinner | Twitter: @stephmotz

Growing up I was taught that being the change you want to see in the world starts at home. When my mom has a problem, my aunts are the first to be there for her. Whenever any of them have a problem, it becomes our problem. We survive all of our melodramas as well as our real tragedies as a community.

But what happens when your massive Latino family is very involved in your life? Everybody knows everybody else’s business. And I mean e.ver.y.thing, which can sometimes be overwhelming, but I’m so thankful I grew up in that environment of love and care. My upbringing taught me that everybody has needs and each person’s need is different. I’ve also learnt that because of our individual differences each of us has something essential to offer to those who find themselves in a moment of need.

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Mother Teresa once said, “What I do, you cannot do; but what you do, I cannot do. The needs are great, and none of us, including me, ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful.”

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Together. Being there for each other.

The family is the foundation on which society is built, yet, in my line of work I hear too often of people who are facing some kind of difficulty and end up being isolated, sometimes even abandoned by their own families. No family is perfect, but if we can somehow arrive at the place where our families are healthy then I’m sure that’s a great place to start changing the world.

Two Watoto sisters sit near their home at Bbira, a Watoto children's village. Watoto is giving orphans in Africa the opportunity to grow in a loving and healthy family.

I’m no expert, but I often wonder how I can truly believe that I can help change the world if I’m not there for a family member who needs me. I think being the change starts where I am and with those in my life. I’m learning that I should never undervalue my efforts, my small acts of service or words of encouragement to my brothers and parents because sometimes they are the ones who need me the most.

I have two brothers, Günther and Joey who live in Germany, thousands of miles away from our parents, who live in the sweaty town of Choluteca, Honduras. There was a time in our lives when we thought we would always be together. We’d drive care-free in a convertible jeep that would take us through the steamy jungles, up the sides of the mist-covered mountains and along the countless miles of Caribbean beachfront, immersing ourselves in all of the amazing features that our homeland was blessed with. When we got bored with home, we thought, we would just head to Peru, or backpack through Europe. When we finally settled down we’d live in a cool loft somewhere in a cultured and sophisticated city. Life together would be an amazing adventure. Forever.

Of course, none of that ever really happened. Instead, I got married and Günther is about to become a dad. There’s something about those moments when we are making the transition from youth to adulthood that’s so vulnerable. There are so many questions that need answering and life can become very confusing. This is the place where Joey, my youngest brother, is right now. Because our relationship is so close, it’s difficult for him to see Günther and I forming our own lives. Everything has changed and nothing prepared him for this transition.

Sure, he isn’t starving, he’s not an orphan, he doesn’t suffer from any condition that makes his life uniquely difficult, but still he feels isolated.

I can’t physically be there to support him right now. Yet he needs me to be present in his life, to encourage him and remind him that no matter what he can always count on me.

I can’t lose sight of that. So I’m learning that sometimes the opportunity to step in and make a difference is right in front of our very eyes–in our family and our friendships but we can easily miss it because we are busy looking beyond those opportunities.

I know there’s a lot of need in the world and we are meant to stretch beyond our immediate circle, but I also believe my purpose starts close to home: with making a lasting and positive difference in Joey’s life.

Changing a season

I was 17 when I moved to Canada to study journalism. My parents were brave to let me go. They trusted me, but the truth is, I was a wreck. On my first day in Montreal I looked like a scared and lost puppy, too shy to ask anybody for directions to my department. Finally I summoned the courage to ask help from the stranger standing in front of me as we waited for a bus. Her name was Adriana and, as it turned out, we were both on our way to the same class.

“Where are you from?” she asked.

“Honduras,” I said.

“NO WAY!” she said, laughing. “I’m from Costa Rica!”

Adriana immediately took me under her wing. She wasn’t just a friend, she became a big sister. She called at least once a week. When I was spending my money on phone bills and I couldn’t afford food, Adriana was stacking my shelves with groceries. When I went overboard with the university partying lifestyle, Adriana was there to keep me grounded. When my grandmother died, Adriana gave me a shoulder to cry on. She didn’t have to do any of this, but she was a faithful and consistent friend who probably saved me from learning a few of life’s lessons the hard way. I could have made it through those years without Adriana, but I’m glad I didn’t have to. I’m glad she took the opportunity to step in and be the change in my life because I needed someone like her during that season, and I believe I am a better person because of her.

That’s the kind of person I want to be: Someone people can rely on. Someone who doesn’t just want to be the change in a big world, but is there for the ones close to me: as a wife, daughter, sister, cousin, niece and friend.

About Stephanie:
Stephanie is a humanitarian and portrait photographer for fakeleft.com where she shares stories of hope and dignity. She blogs at fakeleft.com/blog and tweets at @stephmotz