Katelin’s Story: Finding Joy after Miscarriage

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On Loving a God who knows what it means to lose a child.

By Natasha Files | Twitter: @natashafiles

When I moved to Dawson Creek in January I was relieved to know one person: Katelin. Since she and her husband Josh picked me up at the airport on day one of my northern adventure, I have enjoyed getting to know them as great friends. This past week Katelin and I shared in the all-too-regular ritual of visiting the local cupcake shop and caught up over the decadent flavors of cinnamon chai and raspberry lemonade. I am grateful for our relationship because she is a friend who expects us to be real–even when things aren’t pretty–and this time was no different.

We discussed SheLoves and Katelin encouraged me to write about joy. She then proceeded to share her most recent experience and how it translates into joy. I was so moved, I asked if she would be willing to share it in this week’s column:

Katelin & Josh’s story

A few months ago Josh and I decided we were ready to start a family and although I knew it was too early for any results, I started taking pregnancy tests over a week before the test could detect anything. One evening, about four days before my expected period, I had a positive test (followed by one negative test and three more positive tests). We were elated and couldn’t wait to tell family and friends, but wanted to hear the heartbeat before sharing the news.

Over the past year, I have dealt with a blood clot issue so was put on heparin, a blood thinner, after my first prenatal exam. This meant that Josh had to give me a needle in my stomach twice a day. Painful.

A requirement for being on blood thinners was having extra ultrasounds, which gave us many more opportunities to see our baby. We were thrilled when we first saw and heard the heartbeat at six weeks and then again at eight. Soon after, we told our families and then at around 10 weeks we told our friends and church. It felt officially “real” after everyone knew!

Sad news

Around 12.5 weeks I was at work and noticed some spotting. I called Josh who quickly came and took me to the emergency room. Later that day we found out I had miscarried. My heart felt like it literally sunk. They told us it was probably a “missed miscarriage” as our baby had stopped growing around 8.5 weeks–just after we’d last heard the heartbeat. I was also told I would need to have an “evacuation” the next day.

We went home and spent the evening crying. When I got up the next morning and realized that by the afternoon my baby would no longer be inside of me I cried even more. Picking up my computer to go on Facebook, I noticed Josh had already used it to search for scriptures and was inspired to do the same. After googling “scriptures for miscarriage” I came across Psalm 34:18-19:

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The righteous person faces many troubles but the Lord comes to the rescue each time.”

The only words that really sunk in were, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.” Shortly after I had the evacuation and then Josh and I spent a few days at home to grieve.

Grieving

Sunday worship was incredible, but hard. We stayed in the sanctuary as long as we could and just basked in God’s presence. We left without visiting with anyone, knowing we would just break down if we did–though not out of sadness. On the way home we talked about how we felt God telling us it was OK to have joy and that we need to trust Him with everything, especially with our baby.

Romans 8:28 says:

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

Divine Empathy

The following week the rest of Psalm 34 really sunk in, especially “the Lord comes to the rescue each time.” Through this experience I have been reminded that miscarriages are more common than they are discussed. I took comfort in knowing that many others have gone through this, as well. However, the most comfort came from a text message from my old roommate. She reminded me of something that I hadn’t considered: God knows exactly what Josh and I are going through because He once lost His son as well.

One in Five

After we chatted I did some research on miscarriages and, as Katelin wrote, they are more common than expected. According to research from a Canadian parenting website, miscarriages occur in one of every five pregnancies. Multiplied, that is one million babies miscarried for every five million born. Wow. In some cases, the cause is known, but in many others it is a mystery. The Miscarriage Association of the UK has some online resources if you are interested in knowing more.

About Natasha:
Natasha Files is Case Manager with a Mental Health and Addictions Team. She has experience working with youth and adults struggling with a variety of life-controlling issues and she specializes in eating disorders. Natasha’s passion for mental wellness began when she personally experienced the impact of a genuinely caring professional. That passion is paired with a love of espresso, only to be overshadowed by her desire to see women set free from life-controlling issues.

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Natasha Files

Natasha Files

Natasha is a Youth Worker and Mental Health Advocate specializing in the area of eating disorders. Her passion for mental wellness is paired with a love of espresso, only to be overshadowed by her desire to see women set free from life-controlling issues.
Natasha Files
  • Shelagh Hardern

    This is beautiful

    I’ve always said it: your testimony is not your own.

    When we get real about what we’ve been through and what God has shown us in it, others are strengthened.

    This piece is bautiful because those revelations – that God understands because He lost His son and that the Lord comes to rescue each time – are huge and they will be an encouragement to many.

    It takes courage to be honest about these things, even more to put it in print, but these words will resound in hearts at needed times.

    That’s the really cool thing. The Holy Spirit has the ability to remind us of Truths once we already know them. Now that we all know these Truths, they can be brought to our rememberance in times of need. Or when we have friends in need. And that’s so awesome.

    As a young woman, not yet at the baby making point I have often wondered “what if” I miscarried. How I would handle it – if I would even be able to. Who would I call – who among my lady friends would understand both what I would be going through and how I would need to be comforted. But the answer is right here – The Lord understands… and He comes to rescue each time.

    That Truth is so beautiful.

    It brings such peace.

    Thank-you.

  • Kelley Johnson Nikondeha

    I read a book this summer that I recommend for anyone who has survived the deep loss of a miscarriage – Bittersweet by Shauna Neiquist. She shares her story of life during a dark season which includes the loss of her yet-to-be-born child. She shares with unvarnished candor about the feelings, thoughts, hurts involved with such a personal loss. She shares where healing comes from, even if slowly or ever. But it is as real as I have ever heard someone talk about a miscarriage – raw, real and yet with hints of hope.

  • Michele Henter

    My miscarriage was 13 years ago…even now I tear up when I think of what might have been. I would never trade my Hannah for anything but sometimes you go there and wonder. Was baby a boy or a girl? Blue eyes or hazel? blond or brunet? How would life look different now if they had come into this world alive and full of potential?

    Thank you for sharing.
    xoxo