The Thing I Said I’d NEVER Do

On being a know-it-all, eating crow, parenting and good advice.

By Sarah Styles Bessey

Blog: www.emergingmummy.com | Twitter: @emergingmummy

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The Know-It-All

I used to have a very long mental list entitled “Things I Will NEVER Do When I Am A Parent.” After all, I was the perfect parent. Much like you were, I imagine. You know, before we actually had children. *ahem*

I’ve watched most of those “ideas” fall by the wayside and have discovered parenting to be nothing like what I thought it would be because it is so much more. In fact, almost every opinion I once held, particularly those related to my spirituality and my parenting, have evolved.

Eat Humble Pie. Repeat Often.

So after three tinies, I’ve gotten very, very good at holding my opinions rather loosely. Case in point, we just finished our first two weeks of homeschooling my eldest daughter.

Even the writing of that sentence makes me want to laugh hysterically, because, near the top of the old faithful list of Things-I-Will -Never-Ever-Do was that very thing. I knew that I knew that I knew that my children would not be homeschooled. And so our current status as “homeschoolers” is rich with irony and constitutes a serving of Humble Pie for my own enjoyment.

The Quandry

There were many reasons why I did not want to homeschool: I believe strongly in the value of public education and wish to support, not only our teachers, but our community. If every Christian or relatively stable family abandons the system, I reasoned, what hope is there of redemption for it? I wanted to be the “Open Home” for our kids’ friends. We saw several families in our churches that had an open door policy for their children and their friends–particularly in high school. I did not wish to create a “Christian Ghetto” for our family where we only have friends who look like us, talk like us, believe like us. I believe it’s important to embrace and model God’s heart for diversity, not only in culture, but even in beliefs. And then I felt that many decisions to homeschool were primarily fear-based. What if something bad happens? What if my kid gets in with the wrong crowd? What if what if what if what if….In short, I didn’t want my worst fears to dictate my decisions for my tinies. Besides, I saw Christian school kids behaving just as badly (or worse) than the public school kids during our years as youth and college & career pastors. Privately, I thought a lot of homeschoolers were weird.

But now I’m the parent. And so much for knowing everything. 

After preschool ended, I felt a strange draw towards homeschooling my daughter, Anne, for kindergarten. I ignored that inclination for as long as possible because I truly didn’t want to homeschool. Not only did I have my aforementioned reasons, I also now had a nearly-three-year-old boy (who is ALL BOY) and a brandnew baby girl. I mean, come on – I should be turning cartwheels down the hallway about the prospect of all-day kindergarten. But I couldn’t ignore my gut feelings any longer and so I began to look into it.

And slowly my heart was changed. I loved the idea of being together as a family. I love the idea of life as school instead of a compartment. I love the idea of the tinies pursuing their passions and interests as they choose.  I love the idea of the rhythm and work of our home and faith being part of their education. I love a relaxed pace of life without long school days. I love the idea of their natural curiosity and tenderness being protected. I love the idea of restoring music and art and books to a big place within their education. I love the idea of travel and flexibility; even of being the primary influence for just a little while longer.

Stalemate Again

But after all of my research and reading, conversations and prayer, I discovered I couldn’t make the decision on paper.  Philosophically, I could argue for either side. I understood the benefits of both traditional schooling and homeschool, I understood the drawbacks or dangers of both. And above all, I understood that school is not the be-all-and-end-all for a child’s development physically, emotionally, cognitively, let alone spiritually. Homeschooling doesn’t guarantee anything and I’ve seen a lot of fantastic kids graduate out of the public school systems.

When it was all about the facts and philosophies, I sat at a stalemate, unable to make a decision because the Pro column neatly balanced the Con column.

The Best Advice I Ever Received

When I became a mother, my own mother gave me the gift of freedom on the day that she told me this: trust your heart for your children. God made you this precious one’s mama and you can trust His leading. You can read all the books in the world but ultimately, you are the mama and you can trust how God leads you.So pay attention to your heart’s cry and instinct–it is almost always Holy-Spirit-breathed for your mama-heart, for your own children.

And when I remembered that, I stopped thinking about philosophies. And stopped thinking about statistics and denim jumpers and being one of “those mums.” And stopped thinking about creativity and university entrance and all of the millions of “what-ifs.”

I thought of my Anne-girl.

And when I thought and prayed about Annie, about what would be best for her and for our family, I admit it–I felt an overwhelming peace about the decision to teach kindergarten at home. Now I know that I know that for my girl, for this year at least, this is the best thing for our entire family.
So we homeschool.
(For now.)
And I happily admit that I am a recovering know-it-all.
(Not for the last time either, I imagine.)
And crow doesn’t taste so bad after a while.

Grace and peace and fun alphabet tracing papers,

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So, my SheLoves friends, let’s get to know each other better in the combox.

• What is something that you swore you’d never do as a parent that you find yourself doing?
• What was the best advice you ever received about parenting?
• How do you choose to educate your children? Traditional schooling? Christian school? Homeschool? A combination or something different?

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About Sarah:

Sarah Styles Bessey lives in Abbotsford, BC with her husband and three tinies. She’s a happy clappy Jesus-lover, non-profit marketing director, blogger, writer and simple living/social justice wannabe. She blogs at www.emergingmummy.com and tweets from @emergingmummy.
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