What Would You Tell Yourself About Motherhood?
By Sarah Bessey | Twitter: @emergingmummy
“This video is simple and yet powerful. They asked women this question: “If you could go back to the time before you had your first baby, what would you tell yourself?” These are their answers.
This really impacted me. The question isn’t what would I tell OTHER new mothers. If that was the question, I’ve said things like: Breastfeed. Wear your baby and keep them close. And pray. A lot.
But that’s not the question. (And even if it was, your answers are likely different than mine.)
The question is: What you would tell yourself.
Besides, I already had those things deeply ingrained in me, thanks to being raised by a raving lactivist and attachment parent myself. So those aren’t the things I needed to hear at that time.
There are many here that I can identify with, many that I think: “Yes! I wish I would have known that.” Beyond the “practices” of motherhood into the overarching story of parenthood.
Ones like: Be brave. Trust your instincts. Forgive yourself. You will make mistakes–and your kids will (probably) forgive you.
Early Thoughts
I was never the kid that just “wanted to be a mum.” I never thought of myself as someone overly maternal. I liked kids, don’t get me wrong, but I gave up babysitting at 15, convinced there had to be a better way to make money than looking after kids.
So I was never one that kids gravitated towards. I was never overly comfortable with small children. I always had a lot of ambitions, outside of home and family and marriage. It was a surprise to me when I fell in love with my husband so thoroughly and then we married young, because I was never that ambitious about marriage or motherhood. I wanted to write, I wanted to change the world, I wanted to travel.
Motherhood? Sure, I would tackle that. Someday. After I’d accomplished everything else I wanted to do. But it would be a sacrifice, it would be an adjustment, it would be hard work. I secretly worried that I wasn’t going to enjoy it, that I didn’t have that “maternal spirit” and it wouldn’t come easily to me.
And then we started to have our babies.
Surprised
I was surprised by the depth of love I had for my tinies. I was not prepared for how much I loved being pregnant, loved giving birth, loved breastfeeding, loved loving them, getting to know them. And now as they are growing up, I love knowing them, shaping them, parenting them, talking with them, hanging out with them, training them.
I was surprised by how maternal my heart was, how I couldn’t watch the news anymore without weeping, how my heart became raw and tender again, how I loved with my whole soul. I was surprised by how it enhanced, deepened and enriched my marriage. I was surprised by the ease, how it felt like putting on jeans that fit just right, like I was meant to be doing this all along.
Even when it’s hard, even when I’ve been horribly sleep deprived or frustrated or the days of nothing-but-discipline-dear-God or seemingly endless ways to learn selflessness, I still have a tremendous sense of the rightness of this.
So the thing I’d go back to tell myself is this:
What about you? If you could go back to the time before you had your first baby, what would you tell yourself?
About Sarah:
Sarah Bessey lives in Abbotsford, BC with her husband and two (nearly three) tinies. She’s a happy clappy Jesus-lover, non-profit marketing director, blogger and simple living/social justice wannabe. She blogs at www.emergingmummy.com and is on Twitter @emergingmummy.
I think I’d tell myself not to get too stressed by the lack of sleep and excess of poop – in the end, it’ll be good for you 
