When Friends Become Family

“Sometimes when we connect with others, something special happens, and somewhere along the way, a new family is created.” 

By Stefanie Thomas | Twitter: @stefanie_nicole

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Ten years ago my sisters and I were hanging out with our friend John. We were likely doing something silly, talking about something silly or reminiscing about a time when we did something silly. An example of said silliness: once John walked many blocks to a party we were having wearing a chocolate beard. Yes, he had chocolate icing smeared over the lower half of his face, until it started to slide off partway through his journey … But I digress. He mentioned: “I’ve got an aunt in Peachland, we could go visit her this summer.” We’d never heard of this aunt but thought a little road trip sounded fun. I think we all imagined that we’d spend our days out and about doing all of the good stuff the Okanagan has to offer and maybe visit with his aunt and uncle over dinner before heading out on our own for more fun at night.

When we arrived at Jerry and Diana’s house, we were met with a warm welcome and cold drinks on the patio overlooking the lake. They told us to make ourselves at home (Diana: “there’s a wacky stack of towels in the closet”), and it was one of those homes where it actually felt easy to do just that. We settled in to bedrooms filled with a colourful array of stuffed animals (some cute, some kind of scary, all good for inducing late-night bedtime giggles).

Welcome

My sisters and I quickly learned that our hosts were fantastic people, ones we’d want to spend our vacation time with. Jerry’s subtle humour had us in stitches while Diana’s fun spirit had her ditching work to come “play” with us “kids” (it’s all relative, right?) during the day.

Yes, over the next few days, Diana (and sometimes Jerry) joined us as we swam in the lake, floated down the canal in Penticton, played games in the yard, did some winery-hopping, and donned goofy costume props as we sang karaoke at a bar. (Wait, why was the lady hosting karaoke wearing a lobster suit? Perhaps some of you have crossed paths with this karaoke queen in your travels? She can often be heard exclaiming “Holy sheep dip!”).

As our trip drew to a close, Diana told us: “Even if John can’t come next year, you girls are always welcome!”

Summer tradition

Cut to: A decade later and just yesterday I got home from the 11^th annual Peachland trip. Sometimes we go early in the summer, and other years it’s our final hurrah before “back-to-school” time comes, but we’ve never missed a year. Early into the tradition, John’s fabulous sister Tara joined us and has come ever since. Different girlfriends and boyfriends (one who is now a husband) have been brought along over the years. One year Jerry’s nephew showed up with about eight of his friends (they were on a pre-wedding stag) and this happened to be the same year Tara brought some Irish lasses along. There was a houseful, and perhaps it’s needless to say this was a particularly entertaining Peachland visit.

Each year the trip is a bit different; the guest stars may change but the main characters stay the same. And Jerry and Diana are constant in their warmth, their generosity, their playful spirits and caring hearts.

I’m lucky to have many wonderful aunts and great-aunts, and I feel as if I’ve inherited another one in Diana. She never had children of her own, but she embodies all of the qualities that make the best mothers, aunties, grandmas, friends. She’s been through a lot (her first husband passed away when she was the age I’m now) and I’m inspired by how she handles life and all of its challenges with strength and humour. When crisis hits, she rolls up her sleeves and does whatever it takes to get through, always with a positive attitude. To me, that is true grace. Being around Diana when we visit each summer reminds me of how powerful it is to focus on: what’s good, what’s right.

Good Man

One of my very favourite people in the world was my dear Grandpa Garth, and Jerry so often reminds me of Grandpa. He’ll sit quietly listening to the rest of us chatter on, and suddenly he’ll remind us he’s there by piping in with a hilarious line, always delivered with a twinkle in his eye. He’ll tease you one minute and the next you’ll look out to see him washing your car because you parked under the big tree in the front yard that drops fruit (and houses birds that drop poop). He’s a man of faith. While the rest of us might sleep in on Sunday morning, without fail, Jerry heads off to church. This quality in him always warms my heart.

Four years ago we were all rattled when we heard that Jerry had suffered a heart attack (the doctors say he “died” twice and came back) and was coming to Vancouver for a bypass. My sisters and I went to visit him at the hospital the night before his surgery, and though we were there to offer our support, it was Jerry who held us up that evening with his quick wit and positive energy. We prayed that his operation would go well, and we were back to visit a day or two later. It was scary to see him so pale and quiet, but we were grateful to have him on the mend.

Family

The following year my older sister got married. It was going to be a fairly small wedding, and with the bride and groom both coming from big families, it was a challenge to keep the guest list to a limit. But one thing my sister was sure of – Jerry and Diana had to be at her wedding. They weren’t our blood relatives but this special occasion wouldn’t be the same without them.

I never would have imagined–ten years ago on that first trip to visit John’s aunt and uncle–that I would one day feel as if they were my own family. But the truth is that I do. This year, sitting outside in the shade each morning and chatting over coffee about work, health, family, love, I felt that sense of familiarity and comfort that comes when you’re around people you’ve known your whole life. That comes from being with family.

Desmond Tutu once said, “You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.” No, we don’t choose our biological families, and I was blessed to be born into a great one. But sometimes when we connect with others, something special happens, and somewhere along the way, a new family is created. We can choose the families that we create. And I am very grateful for my Peachland family.

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