Being With Myself

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“I will tell you a secret: I actually did not look at myself in a mirror for almost five years.”

By Desiree Adaway | Twitter: @desireeadaway

 I am a raging extrovert.

I can talk in front of large crowds with relative ease. I get energy from meeting new faces and making connections. I am a natural in most social settings. I am always willing to stretch the circle wider and include everyone at the table.

I want to draw people in closer and help them feel loved and acknowledged. I want to be with them in all the ways that really matter. I love to invite new voices to speak, especially those not usually heard. No judgment–just an open heart and mind.

So, why is it so hard sometimes to be with myself?

Why is it so hard to love myself and not judge myself?

Why is it easy to be with others, but so difficult to be with me?

The Truth

It is because I know the truth.

I am not always nice nor is my spirit always peaceful. I am flawed and sometimes I make the same mistakes over and over again. I use bad language and I disappoint the people I love.

I am not always a good mother, sister or friend.

I have wounds that for some reason have not healed fully. After 20-plus years they are still raw and sensitive.

Some days it’s hard to look in the mirror as I brush my teeth or prepare for my day. 

I will tell you a secret: I actually DID NOT look at myself in a mirror for almost five years.

I could not do it; it hurt too much.

Then I realized something important: I am still loved in spite of all my flaws and my dysfunction.

Grace

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.

I am not my pain, my shame, my hurts, my wounds or my insecurities–because of grace.

I know what it is like to not feel important and, because of that, I want to make sure everyone in my circle never feels small or unworthy. I welcome others because I know what lonely feels like deep in my soul. Every time I celebrate others I learn it’s okay to celebrate myself.

When I am with myself I am:

– my most naked

– my most open

– my most vulnerable

– my most beautiful self.

When I am with myself I cannot hide my scars and that is okay.

I wear my scars now. They no longer wear me.

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So, dear SheLoves readers, please share your thoughts:

  • Are you an extrovert or an introvert? Do you believe that impacts the way you view yourself?
  • Do you find it hard to really look at yourself in the mirror? Why or why not?
  • Are you able to comfortably be with yourself?

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About Desiree:

Desiree is a consultant, strategist, coach, speaker, storyteller and explorer.  She uses her superpowers–her voice, sense of adventure and belief in the transformative power of community–to help organizations design programs that create unrestricted revenue, volunteers and advocates.

You can find out more about her at www.desireeadaway.com, or follow her on Twitter at @desireeadaway

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Desiree Adaway
Desiree is a consultant, strategist, coach, speaker, storyteller and explorer. She uses her superpowers–her voice, sense of adventure and belief in the transformative power of community–to help organizations design programs that create unrestricted revenue, volunteers and advocates. You can find out more about her at www.desireeadaway.com, or follow her on Twitter at @desireeadaway
Desiree Adaway
Desiree Adaway

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