The Culmination of a Small, Urgent Dream

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Seeking Eve Monday

“This ride feels like … life after numb.”

By Christina Crook

___________________________

Sometime, being like Eve on that very first day, naked before the Lord, means listening to those inner truths. Giving legs to the still small voice.

Some summers ago, I climbed aboard a mountain bike, seeking out the Word that called me out on to the open road.

My eyes are bright with readiness.

I hoist myself upon the metal frame, balancing as I locate the pedals beneath my feet, readying for the open road.

I’ve waited for this ride for days … years. It’s forever been a dream of mine to pedal a basket-adorned bicycle down a long country road and today is the culmination of this small yet urgent dream.

I climb on. Steady myself. The seat is resting at perfect height and my runners rest firmly in place as my hands close in around the black-spackled handlebars.

I check the road. Empty. And I am off.

I’m quickly barreling down Thomas Haynes Drive, past the Ecological Reserve and an indifferent herd of 15 or so cattle.

It’s 11am and the sun is nearly straight overhead, but a gentle breeze is carrying me: cooling my already-flushed cheeks, combing my loosely-tied hair, and peeling the fatigue from my frame, my face, and replacing it with calmness. Joy.

I press on, press up. Shoulder-high corn fields pass me on the right. I can see they’re nearly ready for picking. The Dover Creek Farm disappears behind me, on my left. Cracks, creases and patchwork cement flow beneath my sneakers, pedaling wildly. And I am free.

This ride feels like living. Like life after numb. It’s a remembering.

The perfect embrace of beauty. Of time and place. The unhurried presentness a seven-year-old has mastered after her 2,679 days of breathing in life. She hasn’t had time to numb. She hasn’t yet descended into the torturous loss of perfect love. She hasn’t yet said goodbye to daddy, mommy. She hasn’t yet locked up the first, middle or last parts of her heart to save herself from the confusion and pain of misdealt authority: teachers, politicians and preachers. Her eyes are still fierce with life, clear as an untouched glacial spring.

She is new. She is here. She is now.

____________________________

I bend low. Careening down a steep hill: a corner beckoning below. I near the turn when, suddenly, a large milk-chocolate frame appears.

Sleek. Alert. A deer, waiting for my move. I slow, and as I do my foot grazes the spokes, sending a sharp shriek towards her. The deer (who I decide is a female because she looks so stunning,) is startled, turns and darts from the shoulder to a nearby clearing, just as I pass.

I am well over half-way. My destination: The Junction Café, in the heart of town, which later reminds me of the Whistlestop from the film Fried Green Tomatoes, which I love.

I am coasting now. I close my eyes, just for a moment. I want to feel the ride save from my eyes. As I close them the scents and sounds emerge: the soft whistling of wind streaming past my face, and the smell: a mixture of dried straw, distant manure and the freshness of this morning’s early dew.

I reemerge to a sprinkler throwing a refreshing haze onto my course. It lasts for: one-mississippi, two-mississippi, three … gone. My legs are beginning to tire, heavy as lead, but yesterday’s drive reminds me there are only a few miles of straight road ahead. I sigh with relief and reach for my water bottle.

I breathe in deep. I can feel the greyness fleeing. Colours are becoming more vivid. The greens are a rainbow, now: autumn winter tones, lemonade, ginger, palm—the world is spilling over. I can feel my breath slow. Deeper now, deeper. I am slipping, now, along the road, effortlessly.

And later, I sit in an old coffee shop, pick up these lines and read:

“For man, the vast marvel is to be alive. For man, as for flower and beast and bird, the supreme triumph is to be most vividly, most perfectly alive … We ought to dance with rapture that we should be alive and in the flesh, and part of the living, incarnate cosmos.” – D.H. Lawrence

Yes, indeed.

__________________________

About Christina:

Christina recently listened again to that still small voice. She turned off the Internet in all its forms and chronicled a month off-line with a letter a day. Her “Letters from a Luddite“ project was recently profiled on CBC’s national technology show, Spark. She is a Toronto-based writer, mama to Thomas and Madeleine, and founder of www.SeekingEve.ca.

 

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Idelette McVicker
I like soggy cereal and I would like to go to every spot on the map of the earth to meet our world’s women. I dream of a world where no women or girls are for sale. I dream of a world where women and men are partners in doing the work that brings down a new Heaven on earth. My word last year was “roar” and I learned it’s not about my voice rising as much as it is about our collective voices rising in unison to bring down walls of injustice. This year, my own word is “soar.” I have three children and this place–right here, called shelovesmagazine.com–is my fourth baby. I am African, although my skin colour doesn’t tell you that story. I am also a little bit Chinese, because my heart lives there amongst the tall skyscrapers of Taipei and the mountains of Chiufen. Give me sweet chai and I think I’m in heaven. I live in Vancouver, Canada and I pledged my heart to Scott 11 years ago. I believe in kindness and calling out the song in each other’s hearts. I also believe that Love covers–my gaps, my mistakes and the distances between us. I blog at idelette.com and tweet @idelette.
Idelette McVicker

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  • http://twitter.com/#!/teenbug Tina/ @teenbug

    Reading this was like drinking a glass of water on a hot sweaty day…

    I was with you on this bike ride.

    “A gentle breeze is carrying me: cooling my already-flushed cheeks, combing my loosely-tied hair, and peeling the fatigue from my frame, my face, and replacing it with calmness. Joy.”

    Thank you for the deliciously detailed sensory storytelling…

    xoxo,
    Teen

  • http://tridouble9.tumblr.com/ Leah

    You make me want to take a sip of freshly ground coffee, wipe the dust off my baby blue bike, and enjoy the poetry of the crisp air.

    I would proceed to execute the actions described above if I had a bike…or knew how to ride a bike. Not to mention there is a heavy rain that drapes this city.

    Nonetheless, your post transported me into another world. It was refreshing and exhilarating. Thank you!

    > conclude study break<

    • http://www.tinafrancisphotography.com/ Tina

      Aww.

      “> conclude study break< ”

      That made me smile, Leah. :)

  • Laurie Davis

    Just beautiful, I agree with Tina, I feel like I went alongside of you on this wonderful bike ride! Thank you!

  • http://www.christinacrook.com Christina Crook

    Ladies, I am so glad.

    What is your small, yet urgent dream?

    Love, Christina

    • http://www.shelovesmagazine.com idelette

      Christina, you’ve been making me think … ! So much of life is pushing us to dream bigger and more … I love the idea of having small dreams. Those small inner urges you mentioned. I also love how how your heart positioned it as “urgent,” to give it priority.