“No one would know if I let God’s ‘Ask’ sit dormant for a week. Or a year. Or my whole life.”
By Megan Gahan | Twitter: @MeganAGahan
To say I am a bit of a chicken is like saying deep fried Oreos are a bit of an indulgence.
A gross understatement.
Allow me to elaborate.
In fourth grade, we watched The Wizard of Oz. My wide hazel eyes stayed affixed exactly two inches above the glowing screen, so as not to be subjected to the Wicked Witch of the West’s cackling green-faced snarl.
Twenty-one years later, I still don’t watch scary movies (although I can handle The Wizard of Oz now, thank you very much).
In high school, I heard a boy was planning to ask me out during my study period. Petrified of the “I-don’t-like-you-that-way” conversation, I spent the hour power walking the halls with a friend, while the aforementioned young man diligently trailed behind us, waiting for an opening. Eventually, I had a stroke of genius: I hid in the girls’ washroom.
At Disneyland a few years ago, I vehemently refused to go on the Tower of Terror. Not because of the 130-foot drop. Because of the creepily told, haunted backstory. But after seeing a parade of four-year-olds exit exuberantly, I felt a little pathetic. So I went in.
Big Mistake. I was practically vibrating in fear as I listened to the pale, monotone bellman monologue the harrowing tale.
I suppose it goes without saying that I’ve never been cliff jumping.
But in spite of my outwardly cowardly tendencies, I know I have taken risks that would make Evel Knievel run for cover.
I have leapt off more spiritual cliffs than I can count. Head first. Arms flailing. But the freefall is nothing compared to what happens right before. I’m referring, of course, to the most terrifying syllable in my spiritual walk:
Yes.
The Yes to God’s whisper.
The Yes to His nudge.
The Yes to God’s bellow (when the first two haven’t gotten my attention).
Now, my Yes is not bold. Or powerful. I have yet to bellow “To Infinity and Beyond!” in response to God’s ask.
To be honest, my Yes is typically uttered rather reluctantly, mind racing, palms sweating.
It’s so much harder than it seems in those stillest of moments. No one would know if I let God’s “Ask” sit dormant for a week. Or a year. Or my whole life.
And I’ve certainly done that. More times than I can count.
But I’m getting better. I’ve been trying to squeak out the “Yes” more often.
It’s in those Yes moments that I know I have courage worthy of at least a thousand or so dives off the high diving board.
Here are a few of my Yes moments from 2012:
- I said Yes to being completely vulnerable and sharing my story, so that I could reach out to others struggling with the same issues.
- I said Yes to releasing a job that was a part of my heart, my life, my soul, because I knew the timing wasn’t right.
- I said Yes to getting my mothering advice from my Father God, rather than the Facebook wall.
- I said Yes to starting to write again and, even more petrifying, Yes to allowing others to read it.
I’ve been known to jump at bumps in the night.
But I still have my moments of courage.
And, I believe, so do you.
______________________________
Dear SheLoves friends, I’d love to know:
- What were your biggest Yes moments of 2012?
- What are you holding back from saying “Yes” to right now?
My name is Megan, but I prefer Meg or Megs. I love thick books, scalding soaks in the tub and breaking out into song. I don’t share desserts. Ever. After working in fitness for the past ten years, I am currently fumbling through my first year of motherhood with the sweetest little boy ever. Discussing body image, Jesus and proper push-up techniques gets me excited. I blog about whatever tickles my fancy here.
Image credit: D. Sharon Pruitt
@meganagahan
Latest posts by Megan Gahan (see all)
- I Belong Here - May 1, 2013
- Building a Nest at the Altar - April 3, 2013
- Strength Will Rise As You Wait, My Daughter - March 6, 2013
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