How to Find Purpose? Sink into the Questions.

by on January 12, 2013 12 Comments

“But as uncomfortable as the not knowing may be, there is value in the searching … When we sink into the questions, we grow.”

Hello, dear SheLoves readers, and hellllo 2013!

For many of us, welcoming in a new year goes hand-in-hand with taking stock, setting intentions and making plans for the future. We might spend time this month reflecting on where we’ve been and thinking about where we want to go. Perhaps as we said goodbye to 2012, we dug deep and asked ourselves this big picture question:

“What is my purpose?”

Our purpose might be rooted in serving others, creating art, or raising a family. We might have more than one purpose.

In my job as a counsellor, I meet with many people who believe their purpose is tied to a not-yet-cultivated career. They aren’t sure what they want to do with their lives, yet they feel pressure to pick “the right thing”–the right degree, the right job, the right future. It’s not uncommon for me to hear clients say, “I know as a counsellor you’re not supposed to tell me what to do, but Please, Just Tell Me What to Do!”

I feel for these individuals, for I remember what it was like to not know what I wanted to be when I grew up. My interests were varied and I didn’t feel drawn to any one career. Halfway through my bachelor’s degree, I decided to major in English Literature–not because it led to a particular job I wanted, but because I enjoyed it and my professors encouraged me to do so.

Oh why couldn’t I have been like the girl from high school who just always knew she wanted to be a massage therapist?!

When I was in a place of searching, I just wanted an answer: THIS is what you should do with your life and it’s going to be GREAT and you will have NO REGRETS.

I know from experience that being in the questions can be uncomfortable. The not knowing can be painful. It’s common for that old gremlin fear to set up shop in our minds, tossing “what ifs” our way at a fast and furious pace: What if we pick the wrong thing? What if we try and fail? What if we never amount to anything?

But as uncomfortable as the not knowing may be, there is value in the searching. Sometimes we learn by trial and error. We might find our calling (or callings) by process of elimination. When we sink into the questions, we grow. We learn more about who we are, what we value, and what we have to offer.

My road to becoming a counsellor wasn’t a direct one. When I left university with my English degree in hand, I had no idea that in the coming years I would travel and have a number of very different jobs (in the film industry, in the Middle East, running an office, being a mystery shopper, you name it).

I didn’t foresee the tragedy of 9/11, nor did I know that it would provide the final push I needed to leave a job that no longer matched my values. September 11, 2001, showed me that I wanted to be able to go to work with my heart. It taught me that helping others and connecting from an authentic place mattered to me.

For those of us feeling called to discover (or rediscover) our purpose this year, here’s a thought:

Pay attention to what gets your attention.

In our answers to these questions, we’ll likely find clues that nudge us in the direction of our purpose:

  • What did you love to do as a kid?
  • Is there something you’ve always been drawn to or curious about?
  • What are you doing when you feel “in flow,” as if time has disappeared?
  • When are you most happy?
  • What gives your life meaning?
  • What makes you feel like you’ve made a heart connection?

I truly believe there’s a reason we’re drawn to particular things–roles, hobbies and careers. I imagine God has planted these interests in us, like seeds that will grow and flourish, if we nurture them. We are all unique and we all have gifts and strengths. I can’t help but think that, in one way or another, we are meant to use them to bless the world.

 

Photo credit: AleXander Agopian

Stefanie Thomas

Stefanie Thomas

Stefanie is a Registered Clinical Counsellor living in Vancouver, BC. She feels blessed to work in a helping profession and is grateful that her work requires her to show up not in a power suit but with listening ears and a compassionate heart. Stefanie enjoys spending time with family and friends and has never met a kid or baby she doesn’t like. She is a noticer and appreciator of birds (chickadees, herons, eagles) and many a beach rock has come home in her pocket. Stefanie is a lover of music, tv and movies, and she is gifted at absorbing and retaining useless pop culture trivia. She loves walking, fresh air, the smell of dirt, and anything of the salt and vinegar persuasion. She can often be found puttering.
Stefanie Thomas

@STsheloves

counsellor. contributing writer at sheloves magazine. i love going to movies. sometimes i get popcorn. family + friends are my jam.
can we soar with the eagles? on everyday flying, via @shelovesmag: http://t.co/7O5ANQIyfM - 14 days ago
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Filed Under: Brave, inspiration, Our Stories
  • Joy Neal

    Encouraging, useful message. Thank you!

    • Stefanie

      Thank YOU, Joy, for the nice feedback!

  • abby

    This has helped me abundantly and beyond what you can know. I think you were reading my journal (:www.predatory-lies.ocm

    • Stefanie

      Thank you, Abby. So glad you found it helpful!

  • http://www.giraffesandladybugs.blogspot.com/ Grace Elizabeth

    YES! This. Love love love. My calling is His call, which is to do His will. I’m excited, scared and don’t feel ready. But I’m still jumping on this roller coaster. Thanks Stefanie! By the way I LOVE your name!!

    • Stefanie

      Thanks so much, Grace. Enjoy the roller coaster! (P.S. I love your name too :-)

      • http://www.giraffesandladybugs.blogspot.com/ Grace Elizabeth

        I might not enjoy every moment but it IS going to be incredible with God, so I am excited! PS Thank you! ;)

  • http://www.facebook.com/kelly.chripczuk Kelly Hausknecht Chripczuk

    So true, I’m still figuring out what I want to be! The best book I ever read on this is “Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation” by Parker Palmer – I would recommend it to every twenty-something and everyone else still seeking vocation.

    Also reminds me of one of my favorite quotes by the poet Rilke in his book, “Letters to a Young Poet,” : “Try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live with them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now.”
    I have more questions now than answers, but rather than seeing that as discouraging, I try to embrace the possibilities, I have no idea what God has next, but I do know who I am and look forward to seeing the many ways God might use me. Thanks for this writing – this is such a deeply felt search for so many.

    • Stefanie

      Thank you so much, Kelly, for your comment and sharing the book resource and quote. Love that you embrace the possibilities and are open to the many ways God can work through you!

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  • nobodyssister

    “What are you doing when you feel “in flow,” as if time has disappeared?” Probably screwing around on the Internet. What does that mean for my purpose?

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