“I looked to physical rest to give me strength when God wanted me to put my hope in Him instead.“
“Why do you keep thinking you don’t have enough energy?” my husband asked me one night. “You made it through today. You made it through this year of being a new mom. Why do you insist that you’re in deficit?”
He had me pegged. Why, indeed.
I really didn’t think I could cope with the demands of being a mom. And yet, somehow I had made it through one whole year. Interestingly, when it came to our finances, I never worried about not having enough. I trusted God would provide all that we needed. But somehow, when it came to having enough energy to face my daily tasks, I doubted God’s provision.
My husband’s question reminded me of an experience I’d had a few years back, when I was recovering from burnout. I’d been wrestling with insomnia. It felt too cruel. I was perpetually exhausted but I would just lie awake in bed. How was I supposed to get better if I couldn’t sleep?! I pointed my finger at God. I felt like my pleas for a good night’s rest fell on deaf ears.
“Trust me,” God seemed to say. “Trust ME for the energy you need.”
It suddenly made sense. I’d made sleep my idol. I looked to physical rest to give me strength when God wanted me to put my hope in Him instead.
I’d been operating out of a poverty mentality. Afraid that I would run dry, I became a miser, hoarding my energy and limiting my commitments like a cheapskate. My Creator was inviting me to see things differently. God was asking me to adopt a mentality of abundance. To believe God is more than enough. To dare to give generously and lavishly because God’s resources are never ending.
After that conversation with my husband, my heart cried out, “Lord, I want to believe. Help my unbelief!”
I decided to practice gratitude first thing every morning. Being grateful was one way I could declare that what God had given me, was enough–to live by faith rather than fear.
When my eyes first open these mornings, even if I have been up several times caring for our child in the middle of the night, I silently whisper, “God, thank you for the rest I was able to get last night. I believe it’s enough and that you will sustain me through today.” And when my head hits the pillow at the end of the day, I am grateful again. For as I review how the day unfolded, each moment becomes a testament to how God truly was, is and will be enough.
Photo credit: Nathan O’Nions