When The Church Said No

by on March 19, 2013 22 Comments

In November last year, the Church of England voted against allowing women to become bishops. Nicola Hulks, a Church of England ordinand shares how this decision both rocked and strengthened her sense of calling. 

By Nicola Hulks | Twitter: @nicolahwriter

I’m training to be a minister in the Church of England. It wasn’t a longheld dream; faith itself didn’t form part of my life until my early twenties. This vision, this passion for God’s church, crept up on me and suddenly here I am: studying, writing essays, preaching and teaching, preparing to be a leader of God’s people.

God in my life has brought a resounding “Yes.”  A “yes” to my past in all its complexities, a “yes” to my upbringing so far from Sunday mornings in the pews, a “yes” to me as a woman–fully feminine–and a “yes” to my future, to my every potential.

This is probably why it knocked me off my feet  so forcefully when, within eight weeks of beginning my training, the church issued a loud and public “No” to the ministry of women. The college was unusually subdued as we waited for the answer of the vote on whether women could finally become bishops in our church.

People huddled around laptops together and in front of TV screens watching the painful debates, dredging up old ground and uncovering wounds of the past. People asking questions, long answered in our tradition, of  whether we should even be here at all, let alone be allowed into the top jobs.

There was no resolution by the time of our evening prayer service, so we left—hands in pockets, breath forming into clouds of steam in the cold air—and walked to the church together.

We had been praying a vigil for two weeks and the church was covered in signs, translated into many languages, all reading “Your Will Be Done.”

I prayed with intensity, the quiet wondering of the outcome playing in the background of my mind. When the service was over, we returned to the main college building, and the faces of those who had stayed behind said it all.

“The vote fell.”

I heard the words as I turned back round and slammed the door behind me.

I wept.

The aftermath was thick with support; outrage on the one hand and certainty of a re-vote very soon on the other. Both angry voices and the sadness of those despondent in their own callings were present. Even now the debate rages on. Services are planned to reassure us that our ministries are valid, and yet that “No’”rings heavily … its echo still in my ears.

And the biggest, the heaviest question of all is the origins of that echoing “No.” Was God’s will done? Has God’s resounding Yes to me turned to No? What does this mean for me in this place, in this church, this nation? I worry for the future, for my future, that when that “stained glass ceiling” is smashed, the women below it will be hit by the shards.

And yet, slowly God has rebuilt me. Reminded me of Mary whom He called to sit at His feet. Reminded me of Lydia who led one of the first churches in the world. Reminded me of the great women who have come before me, of the great women who are around me. God has called me to speak for all the things we have to offer as women.

It has thrown me on the Bible, to explore the depths of everything it means to be a Christian, everything it means to be a woman today. It has led me to a place of greater assurance and a place of greater love for those who are lost in simply not being sure. It has led me into the stories of my ancestors and into imagining a new future in which men and women play an equal part.

Through all of this, God is making me strong. Even in the “No” from the Church, God is building me up. And when the “Yes” comes, that resounding, unequivocal Yes of my God and my King—oh, then we will celebrate.

___________________

About Nicola:

 Nicola Hulks is a Church of England Ordinand based in Oxford, England. Outside of the day job she spends a truly remarkable amount of time watching American TV dramas and is currently addicted to Nashville. She writes about the trials and tribulations of church life over at http://nicolahulks.blogspot.com

___________________

Image Credit: Sars Richardson

Bethany Olsen

Latest posts by Bethany Olsen (see all)

Bethany Olsen
Filed Under: Church, Empowerment, Faith, Leadership, Love, Our Stories, Women
  • Mae Pirc

    just remember it wasn’t God that said no but the hierarchy of the Church of England

    • http://twitter.com/nicolahwriter Nicola Hulks

      Hi Mae, Absolutely. Thanks for commenting. Nicola x

  • http://www.facebook.com/esse111 Esse Johnson

    Yes I agree with Mae. Nothing is stopping you, and no one can stop you, from doing what God says. “If God is for us, then who can be against us?” Romans 8:30ff. Man does not have the power to close a door which God has opened. I’m getting this word for you, “”I know all the things you do, and I have opened a door for you that no one can close. You have little strength, yet you obeyed my word and did not deny me.” (Rev 3:8) Bless you warrior princess daughter of God!

    http://www.HavenJournal.com You are More!

    • http://twitter.com/nicolahwriter Nicola Hulks

      Thanks so much Esse, that is really encouraging.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kelly.chripczuk Kelly Hausknecht Chripczuk

    Well said. And I don’t know if the men (and women too) will ever really understand what it takes to sit through those conversations, long-ago resolved and now dredged up again and again. I hope and pray that each time the wounds are bared a little more crud comes out, but when baring leads to deeper wounding, ah, that is a sorrow only the one who bore the cross can bare.

    • http://twitter.com/nicolahwriter Nicola Hulks

      Hi Kelly, you’re right. We have one to run to who understands. In some ways I have found increased strength and resolve through it all and it has made me confront some of the damaging concepts that underlie the thinking that keeps women down and really root that out of my own thinking. Thanks so much for commenting. Nicola.

  • http://learningfromsophie.com/ Laura Anne

    The church is in need of so much healing for its disunity and misunderstanding. Women and men are needed in the church – we are different but complimentary when we recognise each others gifts and work together. I pray to God that He’d help others to see that.

    • http://twitter.com/nicolahwriter Nicola Hulks

      I’m so with you on that!

      • Chris Baker

        How is it that even after all that has passed in this matter, you still mis-understand the last Synod vote? That there will be female bishops is an absolute given. ( and only 2000 years overdue !). All but one of the diocesans have approved it . The clergy have overwhelmingly endorsed it. Even the laity, the ‘villains ‘ in the piece, so to speak, are in favour. It is not WHETHER we shall have bishops from the distaff, but HOW it is to be accomplished with pastoral integrity towards those who do not agree.
        So for goodness sake abandon the sense of rejection and hard as it may be, have just a little more patience. We’re nearly there, and praise be to God for that.

        Chris Baker – Durham UK

        • http://www.idelette.com idelette

          Hi Chris, Nicola is entitled to share her experience and story and we invite comments and feedback in that spirit. Not to patronize or scold, please, because that simply perpetuates the gender gap. Women have a hard time speaking up when they are told they misunderstood the decision, that feeling rejection is wrong or are simply impatient. Please consider the spirit in which you respond. This is a safe place for women’s voices to be cultivated, not cut down. Please honor it as such. We certainly look forward to the day when women will be welcome in all places of leadership and ministry in the Church.

  • fiona lynne

    I meant to comment here when I first read this and then time slipped away. You wrote so exactly how I felt when I heard of the “No” this time. I grew up in the Anglican church, to Baptist parents who never quite (still don’t quite) fit there but hang on because of their belief in being part of the local church. I grew up learning to love the liturgy and the parish approach and the odd but homely community there. But I also saw my mum being denied the chances she deserved to lead, saw them give her roles because there was no one else, but never acknowledge her, never thank her. Now there is a new vicar who has welcomed her contribution with open arms and I have seen her just blossom in the last years. Oh that the same could happen for women all over the UK. The church is stronger when we allow women to lead at all levels of the church and I still hope with you for the day I get to celebrate our first female bishop.

    • http://twitter.com/nicolahwriter Nicola Hulks

      Thanks Fiona. that is such a touching story. I’m so glad you Mum is getting the chance to really flourish now. I share the sense of frustration you describe about the wasted talents across the church – one day!

  • http://www.idelette.com idelette

    Nicola, thank you so so much for sharing this part of your story. I was holding my breath through that part about holding a vigil … waiting for the answer.

    I love how you have processed the news. I am reading Ed Silvoso’s “Women: God’s Secret Weapon” at the moment and it so affirms women in ministry, reminding us of the call and the importance of us working alongside each other to reveal God’s full image on the earth.

    Thank you for sharing this so honestly, vulnerably and courageously. We’ll keep on going on. Eshet chayil, friend!

    • http://twitter.com/nicolahwriter Nicola Hulks

      Thanks so much Idelette, and for the opportunity to post here :)

  • Steven

    Nicola, the Church has not said ‘no’ to the ministry of women – there are other ministries too, not just ordained ones. (I notice that you never mentioned the word ‘priest’ or ‘priesthood’ (or deacon) in your article.) And the Church did not say ‘no’ to women bishops, it said ‘no’ to the legislative package being presented. There is a big difference. We all know that there will be women bishops before long, the question is ‘how’ we shall have them.

    God bless you in your studies and in everything you seek to do in his name. May God’s will be done in everything.

    • http://twitter.com/nicolahwriter Nicola Hulks

      Hi Steven,
      Thanks for commenting. I didn’t use the term priest or deacon as this forum is a more general one so I was aiming to use less ‘church speak’. I also understand that it was the package being rejected but I think it is important that how this felt for some women in ministry and in training is acknowledged and that is what I aimed to air in this article.
      Many thanks for your good wishes.
      Nicola

  • Jane

    So sad – I could have told the same story 35 years ago when Synod that the principle of women priests was OK but the time wasn’t right! After 33 years in ordained ministry I can attest to the positive changes that have taken place but it feels disappointing that we are still going over old ground and women are still being hurt.

    • http://twitter.com/nicolahwriter Nicola Hulks

      Thanks Jane. Yes, I think that is what I most wanted to air, that the emotions are real and it is important that they are acknowledged. There are certainly so many positive changes and hopefully I’ll see many more during my ministry!

  • johnny

    Nicola, when you “celebrate” the consecration of women what place will there be in your heart for those women who disagree with you (or at least with the legislative package)? I say as gently as possible- how would you feel if they had been celebrating in November- which they went out of their way to say that they were not?

    • http://twitter.com/nicolahwriter Nicola Hulks

      Hi Johnny,
      Yes, I see what you are saying and I agree that sensitivity and dialogue with those of differing views is absolutely essential. However for me the issue is one of justice and one of the fulfilling of the Kingdom of God so I do feel it is appropriate to celebrate. It would be a huge landmark for women and their minitries in the church and equality generally. So where I am at currently is celebration, yes, but the manner in which this is done should be respectful of the range of reactions in different people and be appropriate to the situation.
      Thanks for commenting
      Nicola

  • http://www.facebook.com/christopher.s.matthew Christopher Stephen Matthew

    Thank you for sharing.
    I pray too that the church will respond to the needs of those to whom it ministers with the inclusive love of Christ. I do not doubt the acting of the Spirit in the 2012 vote, and I stand with you in waiting. Thy will be done O Lord.

    • http://twitter.com/nicolahwriter Nicola Hulks

      Thank you Chris.