Love That Doesn’t Cost Is Just A Feeling


Helen Burns -Love that Costs3

I still remember the moment I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to my heart, “Send her flowers.” It seemed so ridiculous to me at the time that I dismissed it only to hear that still, small and insistent whisper again, “Send her flowers.”

It seemed unfair that I should be the one to send her flowers after the things she had said about me that were so hurtful and also untrue. I had struggled with too many sleepless nights as the things she said about me swirled in my head. Everything in me wanted to defend myself. I wanted tell others that she was a liar and a gossip and yet the Holy Spirit kept prompting me to keep my heart right and my mouth shut. That was really hard work, but as I submitted to the promptings of the Spirit rather than my wounded emotions, I allowed God to go to work. God produced an outcome that I could never have anticipated.

I finally did send her a big bouquet of flowers and attached a note that spoke love and encouragement to her. As I did, I felt an unexpected joy flood my heart accompanied by the most glorious freedom.

In The Message, Luke 6:32-35 sounds like this:

“If you only love the lovable, do you expect a pat on the back? Run-of-the-mill sinners do that. If you only help those who help you, do you expect a medal? Garden-variety sinners do that. If you only give for what you hope to get out of it, do you think that’s charity? The stingiest of pawnbrokers does that. I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You’ll never – I promise – regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we’re at our worst.”

A beautiful miracle was waiting for me on the other side of my obedience to do what God was asking of me. That simple act opened a door of forgiveness and ushered in a friendship that is still a part of my life many years later.

Love that doesn’t cost is just a feeling.

The truest and purest love is found in Jesus and it is in him alone that I discover the capacity to extend love and forgiveness. When I truly know how completely loved and forgiven I am, how can I ever withhold it from others, even when it feels costly and undeserved? There is such liberty and freedom in knowing that I have freely received so I can also freely give it to others.

“This is my commandment, that you love and unselfishly seek the best for one another, just as I have loved you.  No one has greater love [nor stronger commitment] than to lay down his own life for his friends. You are my friends if you keep on doing what I command you.”  (John 15:10-14, Amplified Bible)

If great relationships were easy, everyone would have them. Sadly I have discovered that so few really do. Great marriages, families and friendships are a rare treasure, because they are extremely costly. I know that the only way I can love people when it gets hard is if I first envelop myself in the love of God and remain there until God’s love permeates the parts of my heart that are hurt and hardened towards others. As I choose to abide in God, God’s supernatural love makes the impossible possible. My heart softens, walls of self-protection come down, judgment is silenced, and fear is erased.

Yes, love will cost you, but choosing not to love will cost you so much more. I wonder if there are people in your world today that you need to allow God’s love to have preeminence? I wonder if you too are sensing the whispers and promptings of the Holy Spirit inviting you to open up a door that could lead to healing and restoration? Remember, love that doesn’t cost is just a feeling.

Helen Burns

Helen Burns

Helen Burns and her husband, John, speak around the world on the topic of relationships. They host the popular TV show “Relate with John and Helen.”
Helen Burns
Helen Burns

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  1. Megan Gahan says:

    I read this two days ago, and I’m still thinking about it. Your graciousness and attention to the Holy Spirit is ministering to me in such a deep way. Sending you so much love Helen <3 Thank you for this

  2. Jodell Halliger says:

    Thank you Helen, this is something I have struggled with recently. Reminders just like Gods word is good for the soul….

  3. pastordt says:

    Oh, yes. So true. And so hard, sometimes! I recently had a very similar experience, feeling prompted to do something out of the ordinary for a person with whom I have struggled at times. It turned out to be a joyful thing for me to do — what a surprise! Thanks so much for these wise words, Helen. You are a gift for us all.

  4. I love how you responded in the opposite spirit and the beautiful fruit of your obedience.

  5. sandyhay says:

    That annoying prompting from God. I know better now not to ignore it but that still doesn’t make it any easier on the front end. But afterwards 🙂

  6. I love the truth that there’s a miracle waiting for us on the other side of obedience.
    Helen, you always encourage me to be more.


  1. […] Love That Doesn’t Cost Is Just A Feeling. Yes, love will always cost us — but not loving people costs us even more. Which is why it is so important for us to remember that love that doesn’t cost anything is just a feeling. […]

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