The Rebirth of Phenomenal Me: Learning to Listen to My Body

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“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” —Lao Tzu

Shoes off, bare feet, draw them clean across the rug at the door. Step one foot over the threshold, and the other to meet it.

I am entering sacred space. Where sole meets soul.

I find my place, lay down my mat, and make the trip over to grab some props from the wall.

Perhaps a bottle refill at the studio water filter. Here I pour out of in order to pour in: into this vessel, this being, this body.

Casual steps back to my mat.

As if on instinct, my knees bend and I lower down to rest my sit bones onto the cushion. “Easy pose” it’s called. Or in sanskrit, sukasana. Since most of my days is spent in a chair, and my brain is always busy it is, in fact, one of the most challenging poses.

The teacher’s voice commands the room with a warm welcome, setting the tone for the rest of the practice. And it’s here—here—where I take a moment to collect my breath, palms together at heart center.

Inhale, exhale, repeat.

Suddenly my body is stirring, warming up in one direction and flowing through to the other. Grounded on hands and knees, I move with an awareness connecting the breath. And in a sequence of sun salutations, chaturangas, down dogs, child’s pose, side angles, lunges, warriors, and seated twists, the conscious breathwork has led to a rewarding savasana.

Savasana, or corpse pose, just as the “easy pose” is quite challenging as my body has a natural tendency to fidget about before finally settling in. But thankfully, through consistent practice, I have trained my nervous system to rest. I lay still, and allow my entire body to gradually melt into the mat, vertebrae by vertebrae. The central nervous system has found its time to rest.

I turn over to one side and bring myself back up to easy pose, palms together at heart center and I thank myself for sharing this time, acknowledging the permission I gave myself to come to the mat. For carving out space to commit to this daily practice.

And just like that, class ends. Although, it really is not over. It has only just begun. I have learnt in the past year and a half that when I take time to care for myself, the practice continues when I leave the studio. I have learned what it truly means to breathe. I broke up with chasing too hard after too many things.

I have found my doorway. I am at my healthiest, happiest, and strongest self.

It has taken me years to be strong, stand tall and smile confidently. For the first time, I think I am finally figuring it out. 

I am listening to my body. I am learning to speak to it. My body, this beautiful woman does not betray me. No, she respects me.

Move with the breath. Listen and speak.

Choosing to include yoga as daily practice was about more than romance. For too long, my body was speaking and I was in a place where I finally heard her. She desired movement in ways that less exhausted her, but that supported the breath. She spoke and I listened.

She asked me to hold space for myself; just as I hold space for others. She told me that I am also important and valued. She told me I had to slow down and inhabit quiet in order to be filled with the vibrancy of Life again.

She said, “It takes a long time, but you will become.” The healing takes its own time.

I get to be this person … once.

I get to speak kindly and honestly to her. And I get to connect with the Source that enables me to move with the breath. I get to embrace the rebirth of phenomenal me. 

 

*photo by Emily Mason | Flourish Photography

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Chervelle Camille
Chervelle is a dreamer with the strong desire to see women flourish. She colours her life with the mission statement: “To inspire and bring out beauty from the deepest heart of the soul.” Chervelle is a stylish storyteller who speaks her mind, lives a uniquely creative life, and is convinced she lives in a perpetual state of musical bliss. Chervelle spends her days as a yoga aficionado, freelance wardrobe stylist, writer, and event coordinator. You can find her over at chervellecamille.com, or musing over food, fitness and life on Instagram @chervelle.camille.
Chervelle Camille

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