The Gate

“I had no idea, that the gate I would go through to finally enter this world would be the space my brother’s body made…” // For days now, that first line of Marie Howe’s poem “The Gate” has been echoing in my mind. Sometimes, my subconscious swaps out the word “brother” for “mother,” and I […]

Out Of the Garden

What they don’t tell you about faith is how often you will find yourself standing in your kitchen doing something supremely ordinary, while asking the most earth-shattering questions of your life. I thought that if I stopped going to church that I would spare myself the sting of the unanswerable, but instead, I’m standing at […]

Self, 3.0

I’m trying to learn to code. You know, the HTML kind that builds websites. But sometimes when I’m typing, it feels a little bit like Morse code, an “S.O.S.” I’m learning, one character and bracket at a time, to send out into my future. Don’t get lost. — “<br>” : Break. A space, a margin, […]

Am I My Sister’s Keeper?

This is a confession. A few months ago, I ended a friendship. I did it badly. This isn’t really about whether or not the friendship should have ended. It needed to, for a lot of messy and tangled reasons. Maybe this is taboo, but I’ve learned the hard way that some friendships are meant to […]

A Survival Guide for the Rollercoaster of Faith

I’m pushing carrots around my plate with my fork, lost in thought after a long and heavy day, when my husband asks, “Do you want to go to church this Sunday?” I snap out of my dark reverie in surprise. “Why? Do you?” “Yes?” It comes out more question than answer. I don’t respond right away. […]