Sweaty, Exhausting Peace

I stare at the black metal bar above me. It looks a mile away. I need to jump to reach it. Just the thought of stretching my arms above my head makes my shoulders ache. They’re still sore from two days ago. I steal a glance at the clock, and watch the seconds tick methodically […]

My Current Shape Is Worthy

[Trigger warning: Mention of disordered eating and controlling behavior.] By Fritha Washington I’ve always had a fractured, troublesome relationship with food. My mum was anorexic and my dad loves to eat–I grew up in a home where food was simultaneously worshiped and reviled. My slimmer sister stopped having periods and this was viewed as an […]

The Pulse of Water

On days when the wind arrives heavy with smells from the North and the Gingko trees start bleeding gold you can stand at the edge of the lake and watch it quietly lap at the shore Sometimes when you close your eyes you can even feel the pulse of the water and all its tender […]

The Gate

“I had no idea, that the gate I would go through to finally enter this world would be the space my brother’s body made…” // For days now, that first line of Marie Howe’s poem “The Gate” has been echoing in my mind. Sometimes, my subconscious swaps out the word “brother” for “mother,” and I […]

I Am Not Yet Done Becoming

I’ve always been one to relish the flipping of the calendar page at the start of each new year. I like beginnings and clean edges and wide open spaces. I like the opportunity to begin again. This year has been no different. Except that it has. I’m coming off a year that, if I’m completely […]