SheLoves Magazine

Down We Go: Pursuing Justice

“When we are silent, we stand on the side of the oppressor.”–Gandhi

By Kathy Escobar | Twitter: @kathyescobar

At the heart of justice is the fundamental assumption of human dignity. Each human being bears the image of God and has inherent value. When that dignity is stripped, ignored or oppressed, there is injustice.

As we engage downward mobility and follow Jesus to the kinds of places he tended to go, life begins to magnify issues of justice. Eyes become open, hearts begin to feel and anger begins to stir on behalf of the marginalized, oppressed and victims of injustice. Part of our responsibility as Christ-followers is to pursue justice on behalf of those who are being treated unjustly—to risk our hearts, time, money and position and stand up for the underdog, however we can.

“And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.” - Micah 6:8

Pursuing justice begins with listening and trying to understand each other.

Friends

At The Refuge, my faith community, we facilitated a series of conversations on justice. One of the panels had a mix of people who were marginalized, oppressed, or treated poorly for one reason or another—a single mom, a parent with a disabled child, a Latina, and a friend who is gay.

As each of my friends shared, I was struck by the power of their stories. Even though I know them all personally and have heard their struggles and circumstances, as I listened, I was reminded in a much deeper way what day-to-day life is really like for them. It’s not easy. Every day they experience injustice: shame, struggle, and being treated as “less than” is part of their ordinary experience. And they all live in the United States. We know it’s far worse in other places.

Without listening, understanding and actually knowing each other, we will be unable to move toward restoration together. It’s why we desperately need a mix of diverse people from various walks of life, experiences, theologies, socio-economic backgrounds, political views, colors, shapes and sizes all in the same room, at the same table, engaging each other in our churches, communities, neighborhoods and groups.

Relationship transforms understanding.

And as we understand, we realize we can’t stay silent.

Gandhi said, “When we are silent we, stand on the side of the oppressor.” Silence is not neutral. In fact, silence empowers injustice. Speaking up doesn’t solve every problem, but it is the way to start pursuing justice.

When we allow our brothers and sisters to have their dignity stripped, to be constantly silenced and pushed down, we allow them to be oppressed. When we see discrimination because of race, class, or gender, and do nothing, it means we are actually agreeing with the system that oppresses them.

The downward journey opens our eyes to a world that we will no longer be able to ignore. When it’s our friends who we eat with, share life with, and really know that are being oppressed, we cannot stay silent.

Speaking Up

A few years ago one of my friends was doing her laundry at my house while we had company. Sonia happens to be gay and The Refuge is the first church she’s been part of since coming out. An old friend brought a guy she was dating over for dinner. Sonia was quietly doing her laundry in the other room while we were hanging out in the kitchen. The date happened to hold very conservative views about church and life, somehow making the assumption that we naturally agreed with him since we were Christians. I was trying extra hard to be kind, but my husband was a little worried about the direction the conversation was going, shooting me that pleading look of,“Kathy, please honey, let it go. The night’s almost over.” I was sincerely trying!

However, when my friend’s date started in on homosexuality, the dam broke. I couldn’t bear that Sonia was in the other room and might be overhearing this conversation. I strongly interrupted him, “You are talking about some of my friends and it really bothers me. It’s easy to sit in your seat and be really sure you’re ‘right.’ Things change when it’s your friend, someone you love, someone who loves you, too.” He was a little shocked. And I was thankful I didn’t take the easy way out. I needed for Sonia to know we would never leave her hanging.

After they left, Jose and I had a long conversation with her. She didn’t hear his comment, thankfully, but was grateful we stuck up for her. It was a very tiny way we could stand on her behalf, but a lot of tiny ways add up to a lot of change over time.

When we are truly friends with the marginalized and oppressed, we can’t stay silent.

And we can’t truly be friends until we listen and try to understand each other.

That’s where pursuing justice starts.

God, show us how to be brave pursuers of justice,

to listen and understand our friends

and then use our voice, hearts, time and resources on their behalf. 

_________________________

About Kathy:
Kathy Escobar co-pastors The Refuge, an eclectic faith community in North Denver dedicated to those on the margins of life and faith. She blogs regularly about life and faith at www.kathyescobar.com and recently released her book called, Down We Go–Living out the Wild Ways of Jesus in Action. She lives in Arvada, Colorado with her husband, Jose, and five kids.

ShePonders: Covenant

” (T)he text is quite clear that we are to be covenant to those who are on the edges of society.”

By Kelley Johnson-Nikondeha | Twitter: @kelljnik

Clustered around the front of the building were a myriad of mothers. Some stood together, chatting. One fussed with her child’s wayward cowlick and others were preoccupied with their phones. But one stood out: the mother wearing the black hijab in the Arizona sun, standing all alone as if others had created a force field around her. I stood next to her and was instantly greeted with a smile. It was the first day of school for her son and she was a bit nervous, as well as curious about all the details of drop-off, pick-up, etc. Our first conversation was about school protocol, laced with assurances that her son would make friends and have a good time in class.

I clearly saw that others did not want anything to do with her. She was so foreign, so different, so other. She was clearly from the Middle East somewhere and maybe even Muslim. In my state, not known for tolerance to immigrants, she literally stood on the margins. And I was drawn to her.

This friendship was underway when I encountered Isaiah 49:8 where God says to His servant, “I have kept you and I have given you as a covenant to the people.”

Covenant

Covenant is such a heavy word in the Old Testament, yet to our modern ears it’s a bit cumbersome and cryptic.  Covenant is, basically, a solemn agreement. It is more than a mere contract. Some describe it as a blood oath, since cutting a covenant often involved the spilling of blood (be it bulls split in half or circumcision). Over the years, God has cut many covenants with His people, like Moses, Jacob and David. One covenant resulted in a rainbow!  Then there was the Abrahamic covenant where God promised Abraham a son (even in his old age) and a prolific progeny that would be blessed in order to be a blessing to all the nations.

God makes covenants. He makes promises.  And the essence of the covenant is His very word. “My word is my bond” comes to mind. Covenant is about deep bonding, fidelity and unending commitment.

But what is striking in Isaiah is not that God says we ought to make covenant with others, but that we are to be covenant to them. We are given as covenant … What could that possibly mean?

We can find a bit more context when we realize this phrase is mentioned earlier in Isaiah 42.  And there is a pattern we can see in both passages. God says His people have been kept, that God has taken care of us.  Then there is the declaration that we are given as covenant–to prisoners.  In ancient Palestine it was clear who the prisoners were – they were the outcasts, the poor, those on the margins.  I hear echoes of “blessed to be a blessing to the nations” in those words: “kept to be a covenant to prisoners.”

God is saying something very similar, right?  But what I hear in the move from Genesis to Isaiah is some fine-tuning. He brings it closer. God makes this more intimate by saying that we are the covenant. We embody covenant!

We are cared for by God, so that we can in turn care for others. But the others are not only friends who move in our own social circles; actually the text is quite clear that we are to be covenant to those who are on the edges of society. We are to be the physical manifestation (dare I say “incarnation”) of covenant to those who are most vulnerable, misunderstood and imprisoned.

Walter Brueggemann frames it this way:  “The text does not say, I have given you to make covenant, but to be a covenant, to be the kind of presence in the world that lets folks bond and trust and commit.”  (italics are mine)  This took my breath away!  I am to be a covenantal presence in this world, embodying fidelity and trustworthiness.

“I am called to be the safe place for those who feel at risk in society.”

This school year a lovely friendship has blossomed between Tahany and me. When she is sick, I pick up her son from school. When there are too many grape leaves to roll alone, she teaches me how and we work together for hours, all the while sipping on sage tea from Palestine. My son calls Jamal and Abraham his little brothers and my daughter knows Tahany and the boys to be her family (her own word). We have sat in doctor’s offices together, waited for the kids to be released from school and shared long park days together.  I am leaning into being covenant to her–to be a place where she can feel less marginalized and more embraced, not alone but one who belongs. I believe that God has kept me and given me as covenant to her and her boys.

One Word

“Covenant” is my “one word” for 2012.  God is taking this weighty word from ancient Palestine and making it fresh, real and active today in my modern setting. I want to be that kind of presence in the world–where scared people feel safe, where misunderstood folks get a shot at understanding, where those I usually would walk around become those I stand next to and begin a conversation.

I want to be a safe place–I have been kept by God for such a purpose.  I have been kept–not for my own interests, but for the good of the neighborhood. I have been given as covenant to my community. I embody God’s fidelity, His goodness and tenderness … especially to those who stand at risk.

This word has already changed who I see … as I am now aware of who is at the edge and in need of some covenant goodness.

You are given as a covenant in your community as well, to embody God’s faithful and loving presence in the neighborhood. Who is at risk? Who is standing alone?  Who needs a safe place? Let’s go to them.

____________________________

Image credit: Palestinian girl, by Ekaterina Boym-Medler

__________________________

Dear SheLovers, I’d love to hear:

• What has been your understanding of covenant?
• Who is a safe place for you?
• Who do you see on the edges of the society you live in?

About Kelley:

Kelley Johnson Nikondeha is co-director of Amahoro Africa and international staff member of Community of Faith with her husband Claude. She’s a thinker, connector, advocate, avid reader and mother of two beautiful children. Kelley lives between Arizona and Burundi. She loves handwritten letters, homemade pesto and anything written by Walter Brueggemann.

The Wild Gospel: Finding Life in Deserts

“Embracing the desert places is a sure way to move deeper into the things of God’s Kingdom come.”

By Danielle Strickland | Twitter: @djstrickland

We seem to have an insatiable appetite for the positive. Those of us who follow Jesus, often add “Jesus” as a name for our new “positive” attitude. I’ve seen more than one offer given to be “saved” presented as a means to be happy and wealthy. It’s funny when the Bible doesn’t seem to follow suit. Every single one of the 12 disciples were killed for their faith. Their lives, as a direct result of choosing to follow God led them to difficult circumstances. Granted, they did live adventurous and full lives, but they weren’t exactly poster people for Happiness.

It’s Lent. That’s the 40 days spent preparing our lives and hearts for the events of Easter. It’s a Christian tradition, but of course we borrowed it from the Jews who celebrated Passover by getting rid of everything with yeast in their homes. Yeast represented sin and the idea was to live completely free of it for the days leading up to Passover (the big event that saved the Israelites from their oppression in Egypt.)

Forty days

To kick off Lent, we often use the scripture where Jesus is tempted in the desert (wilderness), most likely because he spent 40 days and nights there. But maybe also for a few other reasons: it mirrors the 40 years the Israelites spent in the desert (Jesus did a fast forward version of the event in 40 days), and it was a time of testing (which is of course what the Israelites were supposed to be doing crossing the desert in 40 days–which turned into 40 long and mostly stupid years).

Jesus embraced the experience as a means of living a truly surrendered life, but the Israelites resisted it–they hated the desert, they hated to be “emptied” of themselves. Someone once said it took about a year to get Israel out of Egypt, but 40 years to get Egypt out of Israel.

We don’t have the time in this article to explore it in great detail, but Israel resisted the desert experience so much that they spent most of their lives walking around in circles, complaining and setting up towns that they named things like, “Bitter,” “Fat,” “Grumble” and–well, you get the idea.

Emptying

They wasted a whole generation resisting the process of “emptying.” (In Hebrew this is a reference to the “nothing” of creation–what God hovers over to create.) It’s what Philippians 2 explains about what Jesus did–he “emptied” himself of himself. And embraced the calling to save the world. The process of emptying–of getting to the place where the spirit can actually create something new–is a difficult one to understand and embrace. But it’s all through the scripture as a part of our faith journey. Embracing the desert places is a sure way to move deeper into the things of God’s Kingdom come.

It’s incredibly important for us to realize that the Spirit led Him there immediately after Jesus was baptized–which is, to be honest, a bit weird. Jesus had just embraced His divine calling to be the Messiah. He had immersed himself (literally by his baptism in the Jordan river) in the human condition in order to fight a way through the muck and the mire of our paralyzing sin, in order to make a new way to live and model a life lived fully.

Plus: it was a bit of a rock-star moment … The heavens parted, a dove settled on him and a voice from heaven affirmed his acceptance by the Father. That’s gotta be a good day! Maybe the best day–can you think of a day like that? When everything goes right? Seriously, a top-of-the-mountain moment … when you know deep inside yourself that you’ve heard the Father’s blessing. Even God is proud of you.

Then the scriptures do something strange. After an event like that, if you were interested in changing the world, you’d most likely stage a press conference–or head straight to Jerusalem to announce to the world powers that there’s a new King in town. Or something dramatic and public. Maybe you’d at least head home and tell your mom you told her so! You’ve made it now! The exact opposite of that happens. The scripturse says that immediately after Jesus was baptized, the Spirit led him into the wilderness.

Spirit-led into the Desert

The Spirit led him. Wow. I’m not sure about you–but I have a tendency to believe that everything that happens to me that is hard and horrible is from hell. The trouble is that I’ve most likely designated “hard” and “horrible” as anything that is difficult and tempting. You see, if we are honest, all the things we would do to “tell the good news” and to shout it aloud are all connected to what the devil brings to Jesus to do:

- Turn stones into bread. AKA: Use your gifts for yourself.

- Throw yourself from the highest point in the temple. AKA: Do something spectacular. Always aim for a big production. Public display. Power.

- Become King of the World now. AKA: Skip the pain. Compromise the process. Any means necessary for the same outcome.

What is striking about the temptations themselves is how little they veer from actually changing Jesus’ destination. The devil never once questions whether Jesus is truly the Messiah–whether He is coming to establish His kingdom –whether He is going to change the world. He only tempts Jesus in the WAY to do those things.

Jesus resists because He knows that the WAY He brings the Kingdom is as important as the Kingdom outcome itself. As Melissa Etheridge sang, and I just found out is actually a quote by a saintly dead guy: “All the way to heaven, is heaven.”

Smallness

What is remarkable about Jesus, is how much He embraced smallness in His life. Small towns, small people, small followers–always resisting the big and glorious things of the world. Resisting power and money and fame. He embraced the WAY of the Kingdom of God and showed us the Kingdom in living colour–and daily. Not under the applause of humanity but under the loving voice of our Father, proud as punch of who we are.

The thing the devil wants to get us to do, is follow Jesus but in a worldly way. Be a Christian–but live like everyone else. Be a follower of Jesus, but you don’t need to actually give your money away–keep it. Be a follower of Jesus but, well, you get the idea. What the devil tries to do is to get us to keep ourselves full of ourselves. And this is problematic. We can spend a whole lifetime wandering around in a wilderness, pathetically unhappy in our faith, questioning God and making up little places to settle in called “fat,” and “bitter” and “worldly” and miss the incredibly deeper experience of the emptying. Allowing the Holy Spirit to hover over our lives and start creating a new thing–in a new way.

Imagine what He has in mind.

I don’t know about you, but I’d like to embrace the desert in order that we might move on to the Promised Land. I’ve a feeling there is a lot there to do! Here’s praying for a forty-day Lent and a lifetime of God’s Kingdom come.

__________________________________

About Danielle
Danielle serves Jesus as the Corps Officer of Crossroads Community in Edmonton, Canada. Her passion is social justice, including establishing human trafficking response teams in local situations and giving leadership to the global team for the Stop The Traffik campaign. Danielle speaks and teaches around the world and has written several books: Just Imagine: the social justice agenda, Challenging Evil and The Liberating Truth: How Jesus Empowers Women. Danielle is married and has two sons.

Wellness Wednesday: Making Big Things Happen

By Amelia Englemark | Twitter: @AmyEnglemark

“In the blink of an eye, my day, week or month is over and I’m sometimes left wondering, What was I working towards? Did I make any progress?”

Before I had kids, I was more spontaneous and spent much less time planning out what would happen in my future. I had goals and ideas of what I wanted to include in my life, but all in all, it was pretty laid back. Planning ahead felt regimented and less fun.

Now that I’m a mother, I actually see and experience the advantages of planning ahead. When I’m planning my day or week, I make certain things a priority. Instead of simply wanting to see people, go places, get work done, I now take a more proactive stance and make sure those things happen. Why?  Time can easily pass me by. In the blink of an eye my day, week or month is over and I’m sometimes left wondering, “What was I working towards?” “Did I make any progress?”

Setting priorities

Over time I am developing a system that allows me to identify and focus on my priorities:

Relationships – taking time to nurture family relationships and friendships.

Proactive work – focusing on staying in touch with the important contacts I have made, instead of dealing with daily emails or continually checking Facebook.

High impact goals – creating goals that will pay a big profit later, such as laying off large amounts of sugar in my diet, which will ultimately lead to long-term health and increased confidence.

Learning - reading the latest journal in my field for half an hour before bed instead of watching the most recent episode of a TV series I’m following.

Renewal – spending more time taking my kids out to ride the BMX track or going for a fun date with my husband.

In order to create a great future for myself, I need to take charge of my life. That means knowing myself and becoming fully involved in activities (or rest) that will enable me to blossom. When I make time to do the important things, I feel refreshed and much more able to tackle the items on my list that require more energy. When a crisis or unexpected event comes up, I am more prepared to handle it if I’ve made time for what matters.

When you take the time to think about it, you’ll know exactly what you need to dedicate more time to.

Working in tandem

In saying all of this, I know deep down that it’s not by my strength or my power that things are accomplished. Yes, I put forth the effort; I take the time to focus on my objective and push forward, but I am working in partnership with a special Someone, if you know what I mean—nudge-nudge, wink-wink. A Greater Force makes “light bulbs” turn on at just the right time.

Just when I wonder, “How will I ever be able to complete this task?”  I am given the energy I need.  Sometimes I really want to reach a certain goal but I don’t know what the next step is—then the light bulb goes on as an idea is dropped into my hands.

Stepping away from comfort

My path to being more organized and having more life balance has been interesting. This is not to say I have arrived at any particular destination. It’s more so felt like the path less travelled, because it hasn’t come naturally. With a little effort and forethought, I can now determine what my priorities are and make sure that what I’m focusing on is what is valuable to me. In order to accomplish goals that will fast forward my progress, I have had to assert myself more than I used to.

“Let others lead small lives, but not you. Let others leave their future in someone else’s hands, but not you.” – Jim Rohn

Five-minute challenge

I challenge you to take five minutes to sit down with a journal or daily planner and answer the following questions—hopefully they will bring you clarity and motivation. Put your answers somewhere where you will see them and be reminded of what you are capable of.

1. What is YOUR proactive work? If you don’t know, how will you find out? How will you get to know yourself and perhaps try walking down a new avenue?

2. How would it make you feel to do the creative, proactive work in your life that will change the world? This is possible you know!

3. How would you feel if you started to put first things first? Would you feel more in control? At peace? Energized?

4. What would happen if you focused on getting the right things done, instead of just getting things done? What type of extraordinary life could you create?

______________________

About Amy:

I am thankful for passion in my career and relationships and want others to enjoy the same. I am a Certified Professional Career and Life Coach and I empower executives and entrepreneurs to find and pursue their career passion. You can get to know me at www.amyenglemark.com.

I love hiking, mountain biking, travelling and any sort of adventure. I like to jump from the highest rock into the deepest water. I like to shout for joy.

Down We Go: Practicing Equality

“The beautiful, wild body of Christ is supposed to be the one place where the playing field is leveled and all are equal.”

By Kathy Escobar | Twitter: @kathyescobar

“There is no more beautiful art than to see a person, a man, a woman, a child, crafted in God’s image and living as fully into that image of God that only they can fill. It not only makes them more beautiful, it makes God more beautiful.” -  Christa Romig-Leavitt

Part of a life centered on downward mobility means becoming people who practice equality in the relationships and systems we are in. Equality and power are intimately entwined. Like diffusion of power, equality means that everyone has an important voice that needs to be heard; it’s ensuring that everyone is welcome at the table.

Many of you reading haven’t felt equal in the systems you have been in.

- Your gifts have been undervalued.

- Your gender has been a barrier.

- You have not been treated equally.

It hurts.

And sometimes dreaming about really practicing equality feels scary.

It is, indeed, risky. But like so many of the ways of Jesus, we must try. Changing the world won’t come by staying stuck and unempowered.  It will come through brave men and women stepping up and into this important Kingdom principle: practicing equality.

Jesus broke down barriers of inequality. Now we need to play our part in it as well.

Equality crosses more than just gender.  Gender is sometimes the most obvious piece of equality to focus on, but gender equality dovetails into other divides such socio-economics, race, education and life circumstances. The beautiful, wild body of Christ is supposed to be the one place where the playing field is leveled and all are equal. The Apostle Paul reminds us, “There is no longer Jew or gentile, slave or free, male and female. All are one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:28)

Many of us have heard this passage many times.

But many of us have not seen this passage practiced much.

So many things separate us and keep us from living out our full dignity as a child of God.

Equality means freedom from labels, distinctions, assumptions and preferences that look exactly like us. It begins with seeing the other as God sees them, as human beings created with a distinct and unique image. When one is put underneath another in a consistent up-down position, it means that one party’s power is always diminished. Equality is mutual submission, the kind that often gets overlooked: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”  (Ephesians 5:21)

For me, women being regarded as less than men damages the foundation of the value of human beings in a way that affects not only women but also the under-represented, voiceless, powerless and marginalized. If the two primary groups in humanity—men and women—aren’t treated equally, then it is a much greater stretch to expect other forms of equality.  In living out Jesus’ ways and creating equality-infused communities and little pockets of love, some critical questions need to be asked:

• Where am I experiencing inequality in relationships, organizations and systems?
• How can I begin to see myself as equal and others as equal?
• How do power and equality mix together?
• How can we work to make equality normal?

The best way to make equality normal is to just do it instead of talk about it. We have practiced making equality normal at The Refuge from the beginning.  We don’t talk much about women in leadership or why we have an open floor where anyone can share or elevate certain roles or titles above another.  We try to just practice it with actions not words.

However, practicing gender equality, like every other Kingdom principle, is not an easy task. There’s sometimes resistance to it.  We’ve had people leave our community because of our inclusion of homosexuals and our openness to a wide range of theological ideas. To them, this kind of radical equality is too scary. To us, it embodies the kind of healing space Jesus created.

“There are a lot of forces working against equality because of our natural human propensity to divide, judge, and power-up on each other.”

It will take brave men and women who are willing to go against the grain of the systems and cultures they live in to take a stand on behalf of a better way.

- It means we will have to make room for others at our tables.

- It means we will have to sit at tables we’re not used to sitting at.

- It means we will have to push through criticism and people throwing Bible-verses at us that tell us that we are in sin by seeing ourselves or others as equally qualified to lead.

- It means we will have to be brave.

- It means we will have to be humble.

- It means we will have to work to make equality normal.

God, help us be brave, humble, and willing to practice equality.

___________________________

My dear SheLoves friends, I’d love to hear your thoughts on practicing equality:

1. How are you practicing equality?
2. What are you learning?

___________________________________

About Kathy:
Kathy Escobar co-pastors The Refuge, an eclectic faith community in North Denver dedicated to those on the margins of life and faith. She blogs regularly about life and faith at www.kathyescobar.com and recently released her book called, Down We Go–Living out the Wild Ways of Jesus in Action. She lives in Arvada, Colorado with her husband, Jose, and five kids.

When Loving My Neighbour Is Not My First Response

“I suppose the best lesson I learned at The Justice Conference is that the ‘social justice’ work that needs to be done is not in everyone else, but in me.”

By Ashley Mandanici | Twitter: @ashleymandanici

My first day back at work after The Justice Conference in Portland, I drove into the parking lot of the church where I work to a rather familiar sight: a man from the temple across the street was wandering around the church parking lot. For some reason I never really questioned it before. I suppose I figured: “Who doesn’t love wandering around parking lots at 08:30am?”

As I got out of my car, he made a loud bark at me. I attempted to ignore it. Then he went on muttering to himself.

I went inside and finally decided to ask a couple of my co-workers in the foyer: “What’s the guy in the orange turban doing?”

Home is Where the Heart is and A Little Boy Belongs

RELATE WITH HELEN

“We are to him, along with many others, a shelter, a dwelling place, a refuge.”

By Helen Burns | Twitter: @helenburns

Several weeks ago I was visiting my daughter Danica, who along with her family, lives really close to the neighbourhood I grew up in. After leaving her place, I had an irresistible urge to take a little drive to the places where all my earliest childhood memories were formed.

It began with a drive past Killarney High School where I spent five years of my life … the place where I sang in the choir, was class president and cheerleader, and met John when I was in Grade Ten. I smiled as I passed the spot where I remember one of our first kisses and noted the spot where he always parked the pick-up truck he drove to school.

Memory Lane

Then I drove down Killarney Street to 43^rd Avenue, where I lived from Grade seven to 12. I saw they had painted our home from pale green to bright yellow. As I headed west down 41^st Avenue to 5634 Sherbrooke Street–I think I will remember my first address and phone number for as long as I live–I noticed the bus stop I used to take to the shops or church, was still in the exact same spot.

Soon I came upon Sir Alexander MacKenzie Elementary School, which still looked the same as it did when I was so young. The entrances were still clearly marked “BOYS” and “GIRLS,” which surprised me. I would imagine that either gender may use those entrances today, but in my elementary school days I was only allowed to play in the girls’ playground and use the girls’ entrance.

Then I stopped by the church where I grew up, where the songs and sermons were all in German. I most vividly remember Christmas pageants, my Sunday School teachers, memory verses and 25 cents in my hand for the offering.

As I drove through my personal memory lane I realized how much these places still felt like “home” to me … they all gave me a sense of belonging and filled me with a sense of identity.

Home is forever the place that represents our most intimate social environment. It may change with the seasons, but it is always “home.” It is where we began the vital process of socializing as young children and it hopefully prepares us to not only survive, but thrive in the world outside its doors.

The dictionary defines “home” as:

 A shelter – the place in which one’s domestic affections are centered.

A dwelling place – the place or region where something is native or most common.

A refuge - a heavenly home, a person’s native place or own country.

Every person carries a deep longing in their hearts and an image in their minds of the ideal place–a place to call and feel at home, the place where we have a true sense of belonging and identity.

While home should always feel safe, peaceful and secure, sadly for many it represents the opposite.

So, how can we play a part in creating “home,” shelter and safety for all? I believe it begins in the security and strength of healthy relationships. You can find home in your friends and family where you experience the strength and beauty of togetherness. Friends and families are designed to transcend building structures and embody HOME in the truest sense. It takes hands, bricks and mortar to build a house, but only hearts can build a home. Yes: Home is where the heart is.

“I’m here!”

One of my most delicious pictures of “home” was etched on my heart recently as my youngest grandson, Jack, came bounding through the doors of our house. He announced his arrival at the top of his lungs, declaring: “I’m here!”

He had the biggest smile on his face and knew everyone would come running to see him and be ecstatic that he had arrived. I know Jack loves coming to our house, but much more importantly, he knows he is completely adored and celebrated, because he is “home.” We are to him, along with many others, a shelter, a dwelling place, a refuge.

We can through our love connect his heart to his truest home–to the One who is perfect in every way and is even now preparing a home for all of us. His name is God, who is our Father. Jesus, who is our friend and Holy Spirit, who is our Comforter.

Home also prepares us for eternity …

Home – that blessed word, which opens to the human heart the most perfect glimpse of Heaven, and helps to carry it thither, as on an angel’s wings. - Lydia M. Child 

Ephesisans 2:19-22 says: ” … that’s plain enough, isn’t it? You’re no longer wandering exiles. This kingdom of faith is now your home country. You’re no longer strangers or outsiders. You belong here, with as much right to the name Christian as anyone. God is building a home. He’s using us all—irrespective of how we got here—in what he is building. He used the apostles and prophets for the foundation. Now he’s using you, fitting you in brick by brick, stone by stone, with Christ Jesus as the cornerstone that holds all the parts together. We see it taking shape day after day—a holy temple built by God, all of us built into it, a temple in which God is quite at home.”  The Message

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My dear SheLoves friends, I’d love to hear:

• Where or what is “home” for you?
• What does “home” represent to you?
• Do you have a clear memory of a time when you knew you were “home”?

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About Helen:

Helen Burns and her husband, John, speak around the world on the topic of relationships. They host the popular TV show “Relate with John and Helen.”

Wellness Wednesday: My Journey with Weight Control

By Claire De Boer | Twitter: @Britchic19

“It’s not okay that women live bound by the chains of what society expects from our bodies.”

 42,720. The approximate number of times I have weighed myself in my life.

68,352. The approximate number of minutes I have spent counting calories.

That’s 1140 hours—47.5 days— of non-stop calorie counting and more than two weeks of standing on the scale day and night.

Those are some big numbers. It’s hard for me to share them with you. I am embarrassed to have wasted so much of my time on such a fruitless pursuit.

But I need to talk about this subject, because as women we so often refer to this unnatural relationship with our bodies as though it’s normal. To me, it’s a form of an eating disorder. Not in the same way that anorexia or bulimia are eating disorders, but in the sense that so many women like myself grapple with this “disordered” way of eating on a daily basis. I’m talking about it because it’s not okay that women live bound by the chains of what society expects from our bodies.

I can’t count the number of times I have sat around a table with girlfriends, a delicious selection of mouthwatering finger foods under our noses, and listened as most of us have justified our decision to eat or not eat the food.

“I went for a run today.”

“I didn’t eat dinner, so I can indulge.”

“I’ve been good all week, so I deserve a night off.”

“I shouldn’t … I really need to lose a few pounds.”

Whatever the response, so many of us are sitting around that table justifying our decision to eat or not eat. I have never heard the same conversation around a table of men.

The journey

I have been dieting since the age of 12. I remember the day I went to my mother and told her I thought I was fat. She thought she was helping me when she put me on a calorie-controlled diet.

I can’t remember if I actually lost any weight on that first diet, but I do remember learning a lot about the energy values of basic food items, and experiencing the joy of watching the scale move in a downward direction. It was addictive. If I lost any weight then, it didn’t matter—I had begun the agonizing journey of feast or famine.

I am now 38. I would estimate that I have begun a diet at least six times a year since that first time. This means I’ve been on a diet over 156 times. I’ve probably lost three times my current body weight in my lifetime, yet I’ve never been more than 20 pounds overweight. I’ve been losing and gaining the same weight over and over again all this time.

What a waste of time and energy.

Out of balance

And somehow I seem unable to break the cycle—after all, I have lived with it for 26 years. When it began, it was about the extra pounds; I used food to get through my parents’ destructive divorce. Food became something I relied on for comfort. Then it became an obsession, a way of controlling my life. Now it’s a state of mind that is so deeply ingrained, I struggle with it every day.

It’s also about control. Letting go means losing control. When I have control over my food intake, I somehow have control over my life. Perhaps that’s why this battle with my body has gone on for so long.

Where do I go from here?

This is not what I want for my future.

This is not what I want for my daughter’s future.

The thought that I may pass on such a negative cycle to my daughter scares me. I try to teach her about making healthy choices, to focus on how beautiful she is from the inside out. I want to protect her from a world that objectifies women and expects us to look a certain way. I know the best I can do is to let her know she is worth so much more.

And I have to let go, both for her sake and for mine. I want to walk the path that God purposed for my life without being held back by the chains of a negative body image. One day I will stand before my Father and he will ask me to account for my life. I don’t want to tell Him I spent every day obsessing about my calorie intake.

I want to tell Him that I loved well and that I made a difference in the lives of others.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?” Matthew 6:25

By faith and through prayer, I am standing for a future where my relationship with food and with my body is the one that God intended for me.

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Dear SheLoves friends, I’d love to hear your thoughts:

• Do you struggle with the same issue?
• Do you think it’s becoming easier or harder for us as women to be happy with their bodies?
• What holds you back from stepping into your true light?
• What has helped you in finding your balance?

Born and raised in the UK, Claire De Boer is a writer, woman of God, mother and wife. She is currently working on her first women’s fiction novel and a collection of short stories. Claire is a graduate of The Writer’s Studio at Simon Fraser University. She blogs at clairejdeboer and tweets @britchic19.

ShePonders: Fasting

On Lent, fasting and what God requires of us.

“We are not able to substitute a forty-day fast for daily habits of justice.”

By Kelley Johnson-Nikondeha | Twitter: @keljnik

On the eve of Ash Wednesday, many of the faithful turn their thoughts to fasting. “What should I fast for the forty days of Lent?”  However, I imagine other questions circulating like: “What is the purpose of fasting? Does fasting even work?”

God seems to speak right into this very line of questioning in Isaiah 58. I’d like to imagine that He said these words right before a holy day or amid the preparations for a religious festival on the Jewish calendar. Right in the thick of the ritual fast, right as the people were questioning the efficacy of fasting … He spoke.

The people ask God why He does not give them His divine attention as they are fasting and sacrificing so much. And the response: “You call this a fast?  You might be denying yourself some little things but you continue to indulge in injustice by paying low wages, exploiting your workers, quarreling and getting into fist fights.”

God then outlined the kind of fast that would get His attention:

“ … to break the chains of injustice, get rid of exploitation in the workplace, free the oppressed, cancel debts.” (The Message)

He continued saying that when we share our food, our home, our clothes and our time with our neighbors, then we will have His attention.

When we participate in the work of justice–it is a holy and God-ordained enterprise. When we are advocating for land rights, refusing to purchase goods made with slave labor, securing identity cards for women at the margins and demanding better education in the ghetto, we work in tandem with God. When we engage in such work, we already have His proximity, His presence and His undivided attention. When we pay fair wages to our employees, create safe work environments, help a single mother with childcare or invite a famished friend to our table–we already have God’s attention.

God does not require a ritual fast, He asks for us to be good neighbors. We are not able to substitute a forty-day fast for daily habits of justice. So fasting does not work as a gimmick to garner God’s attention. We know that He is near to the broken-hearted and so when we draw near to them as well, we are all closer to Him as we move toward justice, abundance and goodness in the neighborhood.

But God is not done with His admonition. He tells the dissatisfied fasters that if they begin to feed the hungry and tend to the afflicted, amazing things will begin to happen around them! God promises to guide them, nourish and strengthen them. And then there is this:

“You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundation from out of your past. You’ll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild, renovate, make the community livable again.” (The Message)

The image here is of a rundown neighborhood– a ghetto or slum. This broken-down place has been abandoned over the years, all those who could moved out to the suburbs where there were better schools and safer streets. Nothing works right in the ‘hood, just a tangle of people trying to get by on the crumbs of society. Sometimes they resort to violence and other vices–it is a hard place and nowhere you want to live. We drive a few extra miles in our air-conditioned cars to avoid this very place.

But when we care about neighbors and neighborhoods, we are drawn to these trouble spots.  We sit on the stoop and listen to the elderly speak, we watch the kids cut across the dilapidated playground and we see the women at the bus stop returning from the day shift.  And then we start to imagine something better for these neighbors.

We become known as “the fixers” who can come in and set things right and get things done!  We know how to take the old and repurpose it, to refurbish the run-down homes and renovate (dare we say innovate) schools.  We become those who carry God’s potential for newness into the neighborhood, transforming it into a livable community. Lives and landscapes transformed by neighborliness … this is what God had in mind all along.

And as neighborhoods are turned around, we are given new names:

“You shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to live in.”

God beckons us to be good neighbors, the kind of neighbors who little by little, one kindness at a time, reimagine and renovate entire neighborhoods. 

“Good neighbors, not good fasters.  This is what gets God’s attention.”

One thing that is clear in God’s comment on fasting is that He does not desire religious rituals in place of justice. He does not want fasting on holy days– but rather justice every day.  He does not want us to bring our offering to the temple if we have some unresolved matter with a friend. God wants us to be good neighbors–so justice and reconciliation always come before rituals, even before the spiritual practices of fasting and almsgiving.

I embrace the practice of fasting as a valuable spiritual discipline. I will be fasting for Lent. But I believe that fasting is about soul-shaping, not a means to get God’s attention and never a substitute for daily rhythms of neighborliness.

I want to have a new name – something along the lines of “the restorer of streets to live in.” In order to be that woman, the practice of fasting just might help me shave off some rough edges and reorient my heart. Fasting is a tool in my hand, not a gimmick or magic trick. For me, the practice of fasting will help shape me into a woman worthy of a name change!

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My dear SheLoves friends, I’d love to hear:

• What has been your experience with fasting?
• Are you planning on a fast for Lent?
• Any other thoughts or comments?

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AUDIO DOWNLOAD

Audio: ShePonders: Fasting

Click on the link above for an audio experience of Kelley’s post.

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For further reading:

• For a good introduction to the idea and practice of fasting during Lent, check out this article by my friend and former instructor, Mark Roberts: Do you have to give up something for Lent?
• Also, here’s my post from Ash Wednesday last year: I am Pleased: Thoughts on Lent, Fasting and Eschewing Religion.

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About Kelley:

Kelley Johnson Nikondeha is co-director of Amahoro Africa and international staff member of Community of Faith with her husband Claude. She’s a thinker, connector, advocate, avid reader and mother of two beautiful children. Kelley lives between Arizona and Burundi. She loves handwritten letters, homemade pesto and anything written by Walter Brueggemann.

Wellness Wednesday: Why Hide? My Journey of Hope, Faith and Overcoming

By Kerstin Knaack | Twitter: @KerstinKnaack

” If I don’t share my life and the difficult journey I have made, it will be harder for God to work through me.”

I am ten weeks pregnant. It takes courage for me to tell you that.

Why? This is my fourth pregnancy–my first three babies are in heaven.

I am from Germany. There, we don’t usually tell people we are pregnant until the fourth month of pregnancy. But several weeks ago, I went to Brazil and found out the women there announce their pregnancies as soon as they have a positive test in their hands. I asked why they do this, considering most miscarriages occur within the first three months. They said that in their culture, they celebrate and mourn together. If something happens to the baby, they come to the mother’s side, offering everything from a big hug to cooking for her or massaging her feet. Whatever she needs, they journey with her.

Loss

My first miscarriage was in 2009 in the eighth week; the second was in 2011 in the 33rd week and the third was at the end of 2011 in the 12th week. All these losses were difficult, but to give birth to a dead baby in the ninth month of pregnancy was definitely the most painful.

After the third miscarriage, I wasn’t able to pray or worship. My heart ached, but I had good friends who carried me through. When I was far from God, they spoke life and truth over me. My church gathered around and carried me. When I couldn’t pray, they prayed for me; when I couldn’t worship, they worshiped for me.

I knew that death doesn’t come from God — He is love and nothing bad comes from him—but He did allow this to happen.

Restoration

After several weeks, I reached a place where I was able to think about my situation in a different way. If God allowed this to happen, there must be something good within these situations. This was a turning point for me—I wanted to turn bad into good. It was a decision, not a feeling. I chose to no longer accept being bound by lies.

So many good things happened as a result of my miscarriages:

- my marriage to my husband Rainer became stronger and we decided to give 100 percent of our lives to God, stepping into His purpose for us

- the opportunity developed to do an internship at Relate Church, Canada, with Pastors John and Helen Burns

- my father returned to my life after 28 years of rejection

- friends put their lives into Jesus’ hands.

Overcoming

From now on, I will no longer hide. I have discovered that it is healthy for me to talk about how I feel and which thoughts and emotions have kept me away from God. If I don’t share my life and the difficult journey I have made, it will be harder for God to work through me. I want Him to use me to help other women and to fulfill His plan.

That’s why I am openly telling people that I am pregnant for the fourth time.

Is it easy for me to enjoy my pregnancy? Definitely not. Every day I am reminded of the past, the positive pregnancy tests; pictures of my big belly; the ultrasounds; the decorated nursery; the movements in my belly; memories of the day I was told our daughter had passed away; the pain of giving birth to a dead baby and the joy of having her in our arms;  Rainer’s love letter to our new daughter; the invoice from the funeral parlor.

Stepping Forward in Faith

How do I deal with these images and the daily fear of possibly having the same pain again? There is no magic solution–it’s a journey every day. I think back to those Brazilian women, who understand what sisterhood means and I know that if I fall, my sisterhood will carry me. And I talk about it. If I am overwhelmed by fear, I ask my husband or a friend to help me.

The opposite of fear is faith. God holds my life in His hands. I trust Him.

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 About Kerstin

Kerstin Knaack was born and raised in the city of Kirchheim, Germany. She and her husband Rainer are currently involved in an internship at Relate Church in Surrey, BC, where they are learning to be leaders and teachers in the area of  marriage, family and sexuality.  Their long-term vision is to teach on these topics and to raise a large family of their own.