There’s No Friend Like a Sister
“To me, sisterhood isn’t so much about bloodlines as it is about heartlines. Whether related or not, life is just better when we have sisters by our side.”
By Stefanie Thomas | Twitter: @stefanie_nicole
“There are a lot of women in my family.” I’ve said that before–in one of my previous SheLoves posts. To hone in a little today: there are a lot of sisters in my family.
If my extended family were a movie, it would be Sister Act.
If we were a disco band, we’d be Sister Sledge.
You get the picture. This last example is especially fitting, for on many occasions my sisters and I have been lured onto the dance floor by their 70’s anthem: “We are family … I’ve got all my sisters with me.”
“Sister” is one of my favourite words.
I was born the middle of three girls. When I came along, my older sister was almost three, and my younger sister followed me by two years.
In the Middle
When people hear I’m the middle child, their reaction is commonly tinged with pity. If their mouth doesn’t say it, their eyes do: “You poor, overlooked, had-to-fight-for-attention soul.” When I meet other middle children, they often nod and flash me a knowing look that suggests we’re part of the same hard-done-by club. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised by these reactions. I mean, did you know there’s actually something called Middle Child Syndrome? It’s a syndrome, people!
But I have to say I have a different perspective on what it’s like to be the middle child. Sure, I can imagine it would have been nice to bask in my parents’ undivided attention a little more often than I did. There were times growing up when it felt unfair that my sisters got away with stuff I couldn’t – one because she was The Oldest and one because she was The Baby. But overall, I’ve always felt lucky to be in the middle.
At times when the five-year gap between my sisters made it hard for them to relate to one another, I could identify with both of them. One minute I’d be sitting cross-legged on my older sister’s bed, watching her crimp her hair and put on make-up as she got ready to go to Bumpers teen dance club. We’d listen to music (she and her Cool New Wave friends made Cool New Wave mixed tapes, which, in typical kid sister fashion, I coveted) and she’d tell me which cute boys she was hoping to see that night. The next minute I’d be making up dance routines in the living room with my younger sister, or reading Archie comics together while waiting for “Charles in Charge” to start.
As a kid, I didn’t give much thought to whether or not I wanted to spend time with my sisters. We shared the same parents, houses, schools and vacations, so it was pretty much a given that we’d be together a lot. But as we grew up, our relationships grew up too. Thankfully, the days of fighting over who got to sit in the front seat or wear the shared long peach blouse from Dalmys came to an end. I started to want to hang out with my sisters. As we grew up, my sisters became my friends.
Shared Story
There is nothing quite like sharing a history with someone. And no one has shared more of my life experiences than my sisters. We’ve developed a kind of memory short-hand. No one else would remember the sound our roller skates made whirring over the low-pile family room carpet as we zipped around listening to Supertramp. Few others would link the sweet summer smell of Osoyoos with memories of waterfights and crib games at the annual Father-Daughter weekend at Walt Scott’s cabin on the lake. Only my sisters and I would know what it was like to be a kid in our house on Christmas morning the year our soundtrack wasn’t Nat King Cole but Stevie Wonder’s Songs in the Key of Life.
My sisters and I have been blessed with a great family, and over the years we’ve shared many joyful times. We have fun together. In addition to being smart and beautiful (inside and out), my sisters are hilariously funny. The giggle fits that can ignite when the three of us get together are of epic proportions.
Together
And when life has been hard, we’ve faced it together. After a hospital visit to see our dear Grandma Dot one night, when we knew that she likely didn’t have much time left, none of us wanted to go home alone. We decided to have a sleepover, dragging mattresses for the three of us onto the living room floor so that not even a wall would separate us. When the phone rang at 5am and we were told that Grandma had taken her last breath, it was a comfort to be together in our sorrow.
When the news that our parents were splitting up sent us reeling, we banded together and became a support group of three. I still clearly recall having coffee together in White Rock on one of those rocky, tearful mornings when it felt like our world had been tipped upside down and would never be righted. My younger sister said with gravity and conviction: “No matter what, we will always have each other.”
It makes me cry to write these words now. Yes, that was a rough time, but I’m glad to report that my family did eventually right itself and saw the addition of great step-parents and step-siblings. My tears are more inspired by the sentiment behind my sister’s words. It is profoundly moving to know that as we travel on the bumpy road of life, with its glorious highs and its heartbreaking lows, my sisters and I have each other.
Heartlines
I recognize that not everyone has a sister, and that not all sisters are close. Sometimes the connection we share with our friends makes them feel even closer than family, like sisters we got to hand-pick for ourselves. To me, sisterhood isn’t so much about bloodlines as it is about heartlines. Whether related or not, life is just better when we have sisters by our side.
Back in my English Literature days at university, I wrote a paper on Christina Rossetti’s narrative poem Goblin Market. She ended that piece with these words, which, over 150 years later, still pack a punch:
“For there is no friend like a sister
In calm or stormy weather;
To cheer one on the tedious way,
To fetch one if one goes astray,
To lift one if one totters down,
To strengthen whilst one stands.”
There really is no friend like a sister. When God gave me sisters, he blessed me with built-in best friends.
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About Stefanie:
Stefanie is a Registered Clinical Counsellor living in Vancouver, BC. She feels blessed to work in a helping profession and is grateful that her work requires her to show up not in a power suit but with listening ears and a compassionate heart. Stefanie enjoys spending time with family and friends and has never met a kid or baby she doesn’t like. She is a noticer and appreciator of birds (chickadees, herons, eagles) and many a beach rock has come home in her pocket. Stefanie is a lover of music, tv and movies, and she is gifted at absorbing and retaining useless pop culture trivia. She loves walking, fresh air, the smell of dirt, and anything of the salt and vinegar persuasion. She can often be found puttering.
