An Ocean Loud Enough to Hold My Grief

I had saved my pennies for months. I said no to as many coffees as I could and finally boarded the plane to the Pacific Northwest. To Portland. To my baby sister. She was holding space for me to grieve. I needed space to heal. I needed to feel the oxygen from the trees release […]

My Prayers Today

I am not sure what I believe about prayer. I understand expressing gratitude and joy. I can appreciate setting an intention to align myself with God’s heart before making a decision. I understand asking for help in immediate circumstances, like sending patience to me around 5:30pm on weekdays as I try to make dinner, keep […]

A Living Thing

I’ve had a complicated relationship with prayer for a long time now. Most likely, it started around the time that I realized that ten years of praying for God to heal my mom’s cancer hadn’t come true. I know–that last sentence sounds more like a genie in a bottle, my prayers like desperate scratches at […]

A Wide Believing

“If I could ask anything of us, this ragged band of us looking for a way home, crossing the Jordan River, it would be to believe wider for each other.” —Hilary Yancey, Forgiving God: A Story of Faith, p. 57 I have heard that “thoughts and prayers” are not enough. This is a phrase often shouted by […]

I Am Undone

In my therapy session this week (yes, I talk to a therapist every week and have done so for 25 years), the word that emerged was: undone. Exactly right. The entire session had felt like a chaotic purge of some sort, one story after another came tumbling out, seemingly unconnected. And yet, as she so […]