“If all of us acted in unison as I act individually, there would be no wars and no poverty. I have made myself personally responsible for the fate of every human being who has come my way.” -Anais Nin
As a kid, I was told the real power of the crucifixion of Christ was not that it happened, but that there were people to bear witness to the act. People saw and were able to deliver first-hand their testimony.
I testify to change hearts and minds.
I travel the world, because I believe in the power of connection and community. I believe in the beauty of humanity and the gift of mercy. I travel to help strip bare the man-made constraints of culture and language and all the other social barriers we have created to keep us apart.
I travel so I can testify.
To deliver a testimony.
I am a connector. I help connect people, ideas, and organizations. I am a builder of community and the foundation of my building is based on the rock of social justice. As I share my thoughts on social justice and some of my personal beliefs on community, I hope, in turn, you will share your thoughts with me.
I believe God’s love for the world is anactive and engaged love, a love seeking justice and liberty for all. I believe we cannot just be observers to pain and suffering, because I believe in the inherent dignity and value of all humans. So I testify:
If my sister in Angola is not safe, then we are all responsible.
Every child that goes to bed hungry, whether across the world or up the street, is my child.
And my child deserves dignity and honor. My sister deserves to be seen, loved, acknowledged and cared for.
So I bear witness.I bear witness to confirm the right of persons and peoples to determine their own destiny and daily lives; to live in peace and security; and to flourish in freedom. We all have the right to live in a safe and secure place. Freedom is our divine right. We all should be free to move beyond past limitations and become all we were created to be.
I cannot be of service to people whom I am separate from physically or mentally. I can have no degrees of separation–we are one community. We must build and maintain our community together and make our brothers’ and sisters’ problems our problems, and to solve them together.
We must work together to conceive and build the good community, society and world we want and deserve to live in. Robert Ingersoll says we should give to every human being every right that we claim for ourselves. I could not have said it better.
In a real community, no one is invisible or unworthy. Not my child nor my sister. So I bear witness to make sure they are seen and heard.
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How about you:
Do you bear witness to another’s suffering? Do you testify of their struggle?
Do you believe that giving voice to another’s struggle promotes global freedom and community?
What are your thoughts on the pursuit of social justice?
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About Desiree:
Desiree is a consultant, strategist, coach, speaker, storyteller and explorer. She uses her superpowers–her voice, sense of adventure and belief in the transformative power of community–to help organizations design programs that create unrestricted revenue, volunteers and advocates.
“I think the secret of leadership is to believe in and enjoy the people you lead.” What do you think? Please write me your leadership tips & advice below!
“My name is Sarah and my favourite superhero is Batman.”
She spoke steadily into the camera, then glanced sideways at me for affirmation.
I was at the training grounds for young leaders last weekend. The BC Children’s Hospital Foundation lauched Operation Superhero last year, a three-year campaign to raise $5 million for the construction of an Oncology Inpatient Unit at the new hospital site, and they are involving youth aged 8 to 22 to help in the mission.
These Young Superheros serve as fundraisers and spokepersons for the hospital’s campaign, and in the process, become leaders among their peers and in their community.
But first they need superhero training.
The orientation last weekend encouraged and inspired these future leaders, teaching them practical skills like how to be confident, how to strategize their donation proposals and how to handle rejection. These are important social skills that will last them a lifetime.
It’s inspiring to see young people rising up as leaders. Meeting teenagers, hoodie-d and with oversized earphones hugging their jaws, or young ladies with dyed hair and fashionable make-up, I wasn’t quite expecting their calm confidence in talking about why they want to volunteer for BC Children’s Hosptial and what they expect to achieve.
Meeting these young volunteers prompted me to reflect on my own experience in stepping out, and to think about the question, “What is leadership?”
In some ways, I have gone through a similar journey as the Young Superheros: being a newbie, doing something I’ve never done before and running on the fumes of guts and venture–taking that leap of faith.
I did it when I started leading youth groups. The fun part about working with teenagers is that every meeting is an adventure. Akin to canoeing or hiking in the woods, the path taken at a youth meeting is rarely exactly as you planned, and at any given moment, you may need to adjust and take a different path, depending on what the situation dictates.
From my experience with youth groups, I see leadership this way: leadership is relating to those you lead, understanding them and feeling with them; sharing the mistakes and lessons learned in your own journey; doing your best to live out what you believe to be the best way of doing things; and letting your followers see, discover and decide their own path to go.
I think the secret of leadership is to believe in and enjoy the people you lead. People love to follow and work with someone who believes in them. That belief, in turn, raises and expands the followers’ capabilities, making the followers grow, and thus increasing the fruits of the leader’s leadership.
I once studied the insights of Andy Stanley, senior pastor to three churches and founder of North Point Ministries. In his book, Next Generation Leader, he describes leadership in very practical and applicable terms:
Focus on doing the things you’re good at doing. Don’t try to do everything; instead, delegate the stuff you hate doing and suck at doing. Do your best to invest as much time as possible doing the things that no one else can do as well as you can. Make your team members also focus on their specialties. This spells efficiency for any team.
Be the first to do something that needs to be done. Have the courage to take iniative, to step out before the crowd. Also have the courage to say no to opportunities that do not align with your priorities, and the courage to face the current reality.
Be clear. “Clarity is perceived as leadership.” Communicate clearly the goals and objectives. Be honest when the answer is unknown. In the midst of uncertainty, set a clear vision for the team.
Stanley’s insights are, of course, brilliant and the lessons gleaned from years of leadership experience. If I were to make my humble to-remember list for young leaders, here’s what I would write:
Leverage the strengths of your followers. You may be smarter than your followers in some ways, but they are smarter than you in other ways. Assign tasks and give junior leadership opportunities to your followers that both suit and challenge them. This way, you avoid being overwhelmed with work, and you begin doing what all leaders should do: grow new leaders.
Spend time listening to your followers. Leadership begins with understanding the context of your followers and building trust and connection.
Have co-leaders. Leadership is not a one-man task. At the very least, it’s helpful to have someone answer the door during the group activity or check on the cookies in the oven. Yet much more than that, co-leaders are an essential support and a valuable second point-of-view when debriefing, and discussing and planning the next steps.
Now it’s your turn. What have you learned in your life experience about leadership that you would like to share with future leaders? What key tips and strategies have worked for you? What have you seen other leaders do that you would love to emulate? I’d love it if youwould write me some of your leadership pointers in the comments below!
About Winnie:
The wave of Asian immigration in the 1990s brought Winnie to Canada on a little red-mast junk. To fulfill her family’s dream of running a business in Hong Kong and giving the children a Western education, Winnie’s father commuted home to Canada during Christmas and Chinese New Year, and Winnie herself spent her childhood between the two continents and among many different schools and neighbourhoods. Her growing up experience has become a mosaic of cultures, languages, and perspectives. Winnie blogs at intellectualsashimi.com and tweets @intelSASHIMI
A visit to Cambodia radically impacted her idea of what leadership looks like and where it stems from. By Cynthia Cavanaugh
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Hidden Gem
Yesterday, I was browsing in a Dollar Store when I noticed a new display of books. The Dollar Store doesn’t get books very often; but when it does, I always take time to browse. Where else could I get a hardbound book for only a dollar? One title caught my eye: Intuitive Leadership, by Tim Keel.
I immediately read the table of contents to see where the author was headed. The last chapter specifically captured my attention: “Reckoning with Intuition: Learning to Trust Your Gut.” Of course I had to buy it.
Anything with leadership in the title is intriguing to me. I am passionate about leadership, and in particular, empowering women to be all God has designed them to be.
Women & leadership
As I walked back to my car, it occurred to me that when I think of women and leadership, I think of that last chapter: women trusting their gut–or what we might refer to as intuition–to lead with courage and boldness.
Intuition might be described as someone having direct perception or insight. For me, some of the greatest leadership role models are women who lead this way. They are women who actively combine listening to their intuition and following God’s Spirit, which moves them toward accomplishing beautiful works of kindness, generosity and social justice.
Most women I encounter who lead with intuition are modest about their leadership. Many, in fact, might not even refer to themselves as leaders. When I look at the legacy they are creating, however, I marvel at their impact.
Serving in Cambodia
On a trip to Cambodia a few years ago, I met some of these intuitive, modest leaders. They became my heroes.
I watched in wonder as Marie Ens–a Canadian woman in her late 70s–nurtures and leads the staff at Place of Rescuein Phnom Penh, a safe haven for families living with AIDS, orphan children, orphan grannies and young, unmarried pregnant women. Since my visit, she has continued to give care and create opportunities for hundreds of people who may otherwise have no hope.
Loving the Enemy
I observed another woman boldly visiting former members of the Khmer Rouge in prison. These were people responsible for slaughtering hundreds of thousands (some say even millions) of Cambodians in cold blood.
I also listened to the story of Ling, a survivor of that genocide, who returned to Cambodia to help her own people after living comfortably and safe in North America for several years. Ling’s passion is to help children in rural villages get an education, while providing their families with clean water and developing a trade to end the cycle of poverty.
I was also deeply impacted by Sherry Lile and Debbie Tetsch from White Lotus, a ministry to Cambodian women who want to escape abuse or are at risk of exploitation.
These women lead from their gut as they serve tirelessly on the frontlines, rescuing women from sex trafficking and offering an alternative to abuse. I witnessed their love firsthand as they provide safe housing for young girls, restore dignity and give girls fresh purpose.
Leading with Light
These experiences radically changed my view of what effective leadership looks like. My heart was wrenched into pieces as I witnessed the devastation of a country ruined by evil and hopeless poverty. In the darkness, however, I saw light–the light of Jesus moving through women who trusted their intuition to lead with boldness and leave an imprint.
What I saw motivated me to listen closer to what my heart is telling me when I encounter the needs of those around me. All the women I have described didn’t necessarily plan to do what they found themselves doing. It happened, not by accident, but by “intuition” and by responding to what their hearts were revealing. They were ordinary women who believed they could make a difference one step at a time. That’s intuitive leadership.
Serving Close to Home
A few years back, my own gut led me to be involved with a group of women you might not ordinarily find showing up on your doorstep or at your church. I have a friend whose passion is to extend love to these broken women. Most had been battered by life, caught in cycles of addiction and abusive relationships, with a few ending up on the streets. I was invited to lead them in a simple Bible study.
The women were hungry for truth, yet fearful of walking into church and the judgement they might face. My gut told me I needed to be real as a leader. I sensed I needed to be honest and tell them of my own recent brokenness, the pain in my marriage and how Jesus met me in recovery.
Trusting my gut led me to a place of shared storytelling with these amazing women. Behind their scars I saw women just like me who wanted to live life with purpose and beauty. I am so thankful God’s Spirit moved me to listen to my gut and lead intuitively. We had an incredible six weeks together.
Practice
We don’t have to go very far to practice intuitive leadership. There are endless opportunities that are ready for you and I to act upon. As you walk through the next few days, what can you see? What is your intuitive insight revealing to you about your own leadership and your ability to influence? I dare you, as I dare myself, to trust our God-given intuition and be the kind of leaders who will change our world.
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Questions:
Have you ever been inspired by an intuitive leader? How?
How is your gut telling you to lead today?
About Cynthia: My passion is to lead others in experiencing the power of God’s Word so they may live intentionally with freedom and purpose. As founder and director of Women Emerge, my desire is for women to have a global influence and be equipped as leaders to fulfill their God-given mission. I currently work for NightShift Street Ministries as Leadership Development Director. My husband Kevin and I have three wonderful sons, three amazing daughters-in-love and my joy–two adorable grandsons.
There’s a funny rumor going around that it is summer. For those of us living in the Lower Mainland of British Columbia, it is easy to understand why this seems like a cruel joke. After just getting back from Ottawa, I can tell you: I appreciate it!
Why would anyone go to Ottawa the first week of July, with that gosh dang horrible humidity? To hang out with 2,000 other women from 92 different countries is why! I was at the International Women’s World conference . I will warn you now this article is saturated with hyperlinks. I would encourage you to have a look at all of them–there’s a wealth of knowledge in them.
I think award-winning throat singer Tanya Tagaq said it best in the opening ceremony: “I was wondering if I was nervous or if I was exhilarated because I feel so safe. I am safe here with you guys right now” (WATCH THIS: Her singing at the end is nothing short of otherworldly beauty; in video at 1:50min)
Safe.
Here, with you women. Safe, because of who is not here.
Men.
Not a judgement, a truth. A lived reality. Listen to the story she tells in the video. Safe was not something I felt often, and it became the common theme of the conference.
I have taught my son it’s about perspective. When he and his friends are at a bus stop and there is a girl walking toward them–even if he knows he would not harm her, nor would his friends–she does not. She is taught from birth that groups of men are dangerous. So my son and his friends create a safe world by moving back from where she has to walk. Always look at her perspective, I tell him.
May my son be a man who lives life profoundly aware of the space he takes up in the world and what he can do to make women feel safer in it.
A friend and ally Erin Graham submitted a panel discussion that was accepted (Title: From Harm Reduction To Liberation: Feminist Alternatives) so I was a part of that amazing panel, as well as being a part again ( I was a part of the first Fleshmapping in 2008) for three days of the amazing dialogue that happened around the table with global women leaders like Sigma Huda, Lee Lakeman, the feisty and funny Youngsook Cho from Korea. There was wise and passionately anti-militarization Suzuyo Takazato from Okinawa, Teresa Ulloa Ziaurriz from Mexico and Clorinde Zéphir from Haiti. The list is a veritable who’s who of global feminists who have made lasting impacts and contributions to women’s equality and naming and challenging patriarchy.
What did I learn?
This struggle is a global struggle with solutions that look different from region to region but also looks similar globally.
Somehow, some way, men actually have to be held accountable for their actions.
Women are beautifully resilient. No matter what our circumstances, we can truly bring out the best in each other.
What killed me to learn (although it wasn’t a totally new analysis) was that the church/religion is patriarchy’s greatest weapon and is used globally to oppress, marginalize and undermine women’s equality. This was sad for me to hear. In fact, it is my biggest struggle right now.
How do I undo my love for God, for Jesus, from the tyranny of patriarchy?
I am made in God’s image, so why would men use the God who made me, to oppress, saying women are less than them? A brilliant woman from Africa also said about the Church (church, Christians, Catholics, Missionaries, etc are all all referred to as the big “C” Church): We do not want your stuff (meaning the things westerners take to Africa to give out). We want you to come here, empower US, listen to US and OUR ways of doing things. Stand beside US and CHANGE things.
Isn’t that what God wants us to do? Fight powers and principalities? Shouldn’t we just stop doing business with warlords, er, diamond sellers until they are produced ethically? I say this as an Apple user; shouldn’t we not buy new electronic gadgets until the minerals needed for them can be mined safely?
I know, I know, I’m simple, seems to make sense though.
Of course it’s that whole Western world standard of living and comfort thing, not rocking the boat and Capitalism being the ultimate destroyer of not only our earth but of human rights and our responsibilities to one another thing.
My God, what has happened to your message of love? To love our neighbours as ourselves?
Some of my dear friends–allies and women I have learned many wise things from–would say until we abolish religion we will never have freedom. The big “we.” Humanity “we.”
I agree.
BUT we must keep faith.
Keep relationship with Creator. I often ponder how do we mere mortals tell the story of a God so loving, so compassionate, so kind? How do we explain that it is not God that does these atrocities but rather man (man as in humanity here, not just men), we all have free will, we demand it. How someone uses that though can have dire lifelong or life taking consequences for another, but that is not God.
I’ve said to God, “Uh, I’m not one to tell you what to do, but I am fairly sure we are some of the worst PR people you could have created”. But then, I hear beautiful stories that come out of the rubble DEMANDING to be heard, and I hear Jesus. In the words of Arundhati Roy:
“Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day I can hear her breathing.”
I think women will lead change, for we look at the world very differently. Women have suffered since the beginning of time under patriarchy and you cannot tell me that was God’s divine plan. Women (or at least this one, and most feminists I know) do not want to rule, do not want to switch places with our oppressors. We want equality.
Simply put: we want to feel safe with men in the room.
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About Trisha Trisha Baptie is Executive Director of Honour Consulting and founding member of EVE (formerly Exploited Voices now Educating). In 2008 she won BC’s Courage to Come Back Award for her bravery in transitioning to a healthier lifestyle, for giving the murdered women of Vancouver a voice through her trial coverage of Vancouver’s serial killer and for her ongoing activism. Follow Trisha’s tweets at @trisha_baptie or friend her on facebook. She recently founded EVE (formerly Exploited Voices Now Educating.)
by Tina Francis | Twitter: @teenbug
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I love Divas.
I’m talking about Aretha, Whitney, Mariah and Celine. Not ladies that need an attitude adjustment.
The year was 1992. Disney’s Aladdin was a top grossing film, Jay Leno made his debut as the host of The Tonight Show and skorts were cool. It was also the year of Whitney Houston. Little girls all over the world sang into combs in front of mirrors to: “I will always love you.” It was the love anthem of the decade.
Right before the final buildup and chorus of the song, there’s a drumbeat, an ever-so-tiny silent pause just before Ms. Houston catapults off into auditory nirvana. She doesn’t sing the note, she slays that note.
You can scroll to 3:08 on the video below to see what I mean.
And *tiny pause* aaaaaah-i-aaaaaah will always love you …
Hitting *that* note is crucial and the crowning glory of the song because:
a. That note is crazy-high
b. Whitney’s voice is crazy-powerful, and
c. Love is straight-up-crazy.
I’ll have butterscotch on the rocks with a twist of courage, please.
I used to meet a group of women every Monday night to sing. It was basically American Idol without the hair extensions and sponsors. There was a stage, a mic, karaoke track, wine sometimes and a captive audience. Each girl prepared a song and at the end of the song the teacher and the girls would give feedback.
One rainy Monday night, I sang one of my favourite Etta James songs, “At Last.” Definitely a Diva Song. I looked up at the room after I was done. The girls clapped politely, but let’s just say there were no lacy undergarments thrown on stage.
The teacher spoke up hesitantly. “Tina, that was nice but the thing is … your voice is always nice. On the chorus Etta really goes for it, but I feel like you held back …”
“Well the key is a little high for me,” I answered.
She got up from her chair, sat in front of the keyboard and played the highest note in the song. “That’s only a B! You’ve done that before.”
I paused for a second before replying, “I may be able to do it but I have to get REALLY loud.”
To which all the girls in the class chimed in: “So, get REALLY LOUD!”
I shot back, “But what if I don’t hit the note?”
My teacher looked at me and said, “Okay. So what if you hit a wrong note? At least you went for it. At least you tried.”
Now I was really sweating. The idea of singing a wrong note loudly was making the room spin.
She continued: “Tina, you sound pretty but people don’t remember pretty. People remember raw and authentic. You’re giving up without trying.”
“Courage is being scared to death… and saddling up anyway.”
- John Wayne
13.2 seconds
Tuesday was a big day for Canadians. By “big day” I mean big-hockey-day. For the record, just about anytime Canadians say big day, good day, bad day or historic day, they are talking about hockey. The Vancouver Canucks were playing the San Jose Sharks.
As an Indian girl who grew up in Dubai, I’m not exactly what you would call a hockey buff. I do know the black puck needs to end up in the net thingee. I also knew it was not a good sign that San Jose had a 2-1 lead with 30 seconds to the end of the game. We were in big trouble.
Then out of nowhere Ryan Kesler scored with 13.2 seconds left in the game! This led to a tie and a forced double overtime which ultimately led to victory for the Canucks.
Even with only 13.2 seconds to spare, the team believed that they could turn things around.
“Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting.” - Christopher Morley
Hmmm …
How many times have I quit prematurely? Has quitting early robbed me of experiencing success? Why do I quit when there’s 13.2 seconds still left in the game?
The Secret to Unleashing Your Inner Diva
1. It ain’t over till the buxom bombshell sings.- Don’t be afraid to reach for that high note. Sometimes life’s gonna need you to get really loud. In the words of the girls in my singing class, “So, get REALLY LOUD!” You can’t be afraid of your own voice. Give yourself permission to get loud (dream big), hit all the wrong notes (fail) and bounce back laughing at yourself. Learn to love your voice, embrace your story and appreciate your unique journey. Bring your A-game, be full-throttle, all-out, 100%, all or nothing and unleash the purring lioness within.
“The difference between try and triumph is a little umph.” - Author Unknown
Sweetpea, the world needs your umph! Heck! It needs my umph, our collective umph!
2. It ain’t over till it’s over. In other words, don’t get off the dancefloor of life until the DJ stops playing.13.2 seconds matter. Make every last nano-second count. Don’t give up before the buzzer rings. André A. Jackson said “Difficult things take a long time, impossible things a little longer.” You might need to write five terrible books before you write the Pulitzer Prize winner. You may have to walk for six months before you can run two miles.
When the world says, “Give up,” Hope whispers, “Try it one more time.”
- Author Unknown
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And, oh hey! Don’t stop believing, y’all …
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So … my delicious SheLoves ladies:
- When was the last time you felt like a Diva?
- Can you think of one distinct moment in time when you quit too early?
- Or think of one glorious defining moment when you stuck it out and tasted success?
About: My name is Tina. Loved ones call me: Teen. I am drawn to all that is fresh, spontaneous and creative.
Confession: Some girls dream about Manolo Blahniks or their next Hermes bag. Not me. I dream of freshly baked bread, perfectly barbecued meat & steaming bowls of Pho. My dream lover *cue Mariah Carey song* is someone who would read out a menu to me in Barry White’s baritone voice. ha.ha. Everything about food makes my toes curl. The only thing that excites me more than eating food is beautiful pictures of food.
I was born and raised in Dubai and currently live in the beautiful city of Vancouver, known for some of the best sushi in the world.
On Ani DiFranco, Kelly Ripa’s arms and being a leader without selling my soul.
by Tina Francis | Twitter: @teenbug
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I’ve never been able to keep a journal. On the rare occasion that I do write in my journal, I make sure that my handwriting is unreadable. I do the “doctor’s prescription pad scribble” so no one can decode it. Except gifted pharmacists and the FBI, of course.
There is always an underlying fear that if I die unexpectedly, the contents of my journal might get published on WikiLeaks. I worry that my unedited, putrid thoughts would bring shame and dishonor to my family. So, my journal is like a stack of Sunday pancakes: light, syrupy and fluffy.
Unlike Anne Franks’ poignant memoir my diary talks about: the almond croissant on Granville Island I’ve been fantasizing about, Kelly Ripa’s arms and the McDonald’s receipt I destroyed, lest I disappoint my vegetarian sister, Jillian Michaels, Jamie Oliver and the entire cast and crew of Food Inc.
I never write about feeling: angry, jealous, stuck, unlovable, fragile, trapped and insecure. It’s hard to put pen to paper and admit my “not-so-nice” feelings because I don’t want to face the green-eyed monster staring back at me in black and white.
The Trigger
Earlier this week, I got an email from a friend that triggered some of those not-so-nice feelings. To protect the content of the email and the people involved, let’s call my friend “X” and the person whom I’ve had some not-so-nice feelings for “Y.”
Loosely translated, the email from my friend X said, “I know Y pushed you in the playground a couple of years ago, but she invited me to her awesome princess-themed birthday party with DQ ice cream cake? What would you like me to say? I don’t mind saying no because I love you.”
Hmmm ….
The Backstory
A couple of years ago, I was introduced to Y by a common friend over email. We were both in our mid-twenties, passionate about writing, design, art, music and empowering women.
Y is the kind of girl who has read every bestselling book that matters, seen every award-winning play, hung-out backstage with musicians, driven across the country for political campaigns, written reviews for film festivals, interviewed the who’s-who of media and started writing her own book.
In short, she was a fabulous culture-vulture, networking guru and world changer. She would be brilliant on “The Apprentice.”
After we communicated online for a couple of months, we finally set a date to meet in person. I was so excited to meet this girl. She felt like a kindred spirit. I’d imagined how our conversation would unfold over coffee. She’d tell me about the book she was working on, I’d suggest we buy tickets to see Ani Difranco at the folk festival or we’d both hop in a car and take a spontaneous roadtrip to eat chocolate crepes in Seattle.
Without getting into the details I will say, the meeting didn’t go according to plan. I’d been hurt, disillusioned and felt manipulated when I met Y several years ago and suddenly these feelings surfaced again.
Like most things in life, when I fail to grasp the underlying lesson the first time round, it re-emerges, forcing me to do a post mortem to determine the root cause of my “not-so-nice” feelings.
On digging deeper … I realized that there was a whole other level for my disgruntled state.
“Be Humble.”
Every family has one touchstone value or principle tattooed on their hearts. For some families it is: Cleanliness is next to Godliness, Practice makes perfect or Love your neighbour. For my family it was “Be humble.” If I won a singing competition in elementary school, my mom and dad would say: “Congratulations!” And in the same breath: “Now don’t be proud.” Every night before we went to bed my mom would say this prayer with my sister and I: “Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like unto thine.” I was programmed from a young age to never “toot my own horn.”
Y was the total opposite of me. She grabbed life by its cojones. She was bold, happy to list off her strengths and had her elevator pitch ready for life’s serendipitous moments.
Don’t get me wrong. There’s a lot I admire about Y but I still had a bitter aftertaste of a rather bizarre first encounter with her, which resulted in the following inner monologue with God:
Do I need to be like “Y” to be heard God?
Is this who I need to become to get my foot in the door, to change the world, to connect … to play big?
I don’t want influence or success on those terms.
I cant create art that way…
I can’t be her. Is that what you want?
I’d rather be a nobody …
*tears and more tears* (3x)
Epiphany
The real cause for my unrest had nothing to do with Y, but stemmed from the fact that I don’t fit the Donald Trump Definition of Leader. How was I going to change the world without being aggressive? How could I be heard without selling my soul?
The“Playing Big” course is helping me realize that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to leadership. I’m realizing that authenticity is more important than fitting the mold.
Leadership is about sharing your war stories, nurturing the potential in others and being authentic.
Eat the cake.
Oh and if you are wondering what I told my friend X regarding Y. Here’s an excerpt from my email:
“People do change and it’s possible what I experienced was a younger version of her. An aggressive version of her…
In my experience, the world is getting smaller and there’s no running from it. If I ask you to avoid Y today, there is a good chance by some crazy twist of fate I’m going to end up marrying her brother and have her as a sister-in-law for the rest of my life.
So yes, go to the party. Eat the ice cream cake.”
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I love Ani DiFranco. I discovered her music back in 1999 when I was a freshman in university and have been smitten ever since. She is a songwriter, poet, musician and activist. Her music touches on social issues like racism, sexual abuse, homophobia, poverty, and war. Love this girl.
In lieu of the concert, Y and I never got to see, here’s a video of one of my favourite Ani songs. Listen to the words. C’est génial!
“Squint your eyes and look closer
I’m not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some…”
- Ani DiFranco
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So … my beautiful SheLoves ladies:
- When was the last time you encountered some not-so-nice feelings?
- Any luck identifying the root cause?
Alternatively:
- How does the word “leader” make you feel? Excited or nauseous?
- What’s your definition of leadership?
About: My name is Tina. Loved ones call me: Teen. I am drawn to all that is fresh, spontaneous and creative.
Confession: Some girls dream about Manolo Blahniks or their next Hermes bag. Not me. I dream of freshly baked bread, perfectly barbecued meat & steaming bowls of Pho. My dream lover *cue Mariah Carey song* is someone who would read out a menu to me in Barry White’s baritone voice. ha.ha. Everything about food makes my toes curl. The only thing that excites me more than eating food is beautiful pictures of food.
I was born and raised in Dubai and currently live in the beautiful city of Vancouver, known for some of the best sushi in the world.
As a kid, I was told the real power of the crucifixion of Christ was not that it happened, but that there were people to bear witness to the act. People saw and were able to deliver first-hand their testimony.
Desiree is a consultant, strategist, coach, speaker, storyteller and explorer. She uses her superpowers–her voice, sense of adventure and belief in the transformative power of community–to help organizations design programs that create unrestricted revenue, volunteers and advocates.
