Learning to Listen Well to the Low Notes of My Marriage

Not long after my husband Dyami and I got married, he bought a subwoofer. For those of you not conversant in audiophile jargon, a subwoofer is a speaker “dedicated to the reproduction of low-pitched audio frequencies known as bass.” The subwoofer was about the size of a large end table, heavy as all get out, […]

When Sex Isn’t Magical

by Anonymous I carefully string the beads on a wisp of fishing wire. They’re clear blue, about ten of them. Then I thread the letters: T-R-U-E L-O-V-E W-A-I-T-S. More blue beads. I tie it round my wrist, feeling accomplished. This will fix everything. / / / / I came of age in the late nineties. […]

Learning to Ask For Help

“Just because I am quiet, it doesn’t mean I’m OK.” These were the words that I spoke to my husband during one of the most challenging seasons of our lives. It was the winter of 2008. Several months earlier John’s younger brother had died quite suddenly leaving behind his grieving wife, three teenage sons and […]

I Thought My Marriage Was a Huge Mistake (It Wasn’t)

Our shame is the enemy of someone else’s success. I scribbled this sentence on the back of an old Taco Bell receipt and stuck it on our fridge the night of our first counseling session. We had been married less than six months and I felt like I had ruined both our lives when I […]

Sliding Door Moments

Years ago, a concept in a relationship book changed me. It’s called the sliding door moment. According to Dr. John Gottman, a marriage and family expert, sliding door moments happen when we’re in relationship with one another. When something upsets us, or when someone makes us mad, we have the opportunity to open up the […]