SheLoves Magazine

If Anyone Has a Reason Not to Forgive, She Does

The Surprise of a Life-freeing Gift

By Musu Taylor-Lewis | Twitter: @mercycanada

“A living nightmare,” is how she describes her childhood.

As I listened to her, I had to get over my stunned disbelief that this open, friendly, confident-looking young woman with the bright smile had come through a soul-destroying childhood. She made one statement on that day that had me thinking and praying for the life-freeing gift I saw in her.

Her words, simple and clear:

“I want to start by saying that I have forgiven all the people mentioned, and I am not sharing what happened to dishonour them in any way.”

This statement could be unremarkable until you realize  the size of the list of people she cares not to dishonour by telling her story:

• There’s the father who raped her and took photographs of her naked body. Then he let his friends rape her for a price.
• There’s a mother who stayed with that father, until her attempted suicide at age 13 forced the secrets out in the open. Then her mother blamed her for the divorce.
• There were the countless, faceless men who used her body as a playground when she started first stripping, then prostituting.
• There was the pimp who threatened her life any time she said “no,” to anyone or anything.
• There were professionals who stole her hope by telling her she would never function normally  in society.
• There was the man who raped her–interrupting her healing process–even while she was grieving the loss of her beloved grandmother.

Just when I started to wonder if a person could really forgive this much violation, she joyfully shared how she recently offered forgiveness to her mother. She’s grateful her mother received it and apologized. “We are now on our way to rebuilding our relationship,” she told me. Her willingness to forgiveness has put her on the road to reconciliation.

Understanding Forgiveness

I’ve always thought that Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness is one of the hardest things He asks us to do. It goes against our instinct for payback, against my independent spirit that says, “I’m a big girl, I can deal with difficult people myself.” Listening to this beautiful woman tell her story against the backdrop of forgiveness makes me wonder if I just don’t “get it,” the way she does.

She “gets” the helplessness of trying to do things her own way. She “gets” the destruction  that comes with holding on to hurt, anger, resentment and pain. Going her own way led her to mental breakdowns, suicide attempts and entrapment in the sex trade. As I watched her tell her story, I realized that–more that anything–now she also “gets” the relief and release that comes from finally surrendering to God’s way.

Brand-new in her faith since coming to Mercy Ministries, she has fallen in love with her Creator. Her eager-to-follow-Jesus attitude, which lights up her smile in a new way, also makes her willing to go along with anything He asks.

I imagine that when He says, “Forgive,” her question is not, “Why should I?” but rather: “How, Lord?”

When He responds: “As I forgave you,” she might say, “Oh, like that?”

Freedom

The fresh memory of His forgiveness and the overwhelming relief and release she experienced through that, frees her to forgive all the people who made her childhood such a nightmare. That is a life-freeing gift.

Lord, keep the memory of the joy of your forgiveness fresh in my mind, so I no longer feel burdened by your command to forgive but am, instead, freed by it.

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Dear SheLoves friends:

• Is there someone in your life you need to forgive?
• Do you know or remember the sweet taste of Jesus’ forgiveness?
• Any thoughts or comments you’d like to share?

About Musu:

My life is lived out of the calling “to advance Christ-centred work.” I am currently Director of Marketing and Development at Mercy Ministries, working to get the word out about the life-transforming work that takes place here. Prior to my work at Mercy, I directed a Crisis Pregnancy Centre, studied Christianity and Culture at Regent College and co-led women’s programs at my local church. I have four great children and am married to Steven, a gift to me from the Creator.

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Image credit: Someday, by Martina Perhat.

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Wellness Wednesday: On Judgement and Separation

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”  -Mother Theresa

 By Claire De Boer | Twitter: @Britchic19

Ten years ago, I attended a personal development weekend workshop called Clearmind. I’ve never forgotten it: three days of looking deep into my life’s experiences, how they’ve shaped me and the ensuing beliefs I developed about myself.

The prospect of such a weekend was empowering, enriching, terrifying.

My husband, who was at the time the man I had just started dating, dropped me off at a retreat centre deep in the heart of Langley, BC ready to begin my weekend. As I stood in this peaceful oasis, I couldn’t have felt any less at peace. In front of me stood a group of about 30 strangers, all waiting to begin the same workshop. I wanted to run.

Shrinking

I’m not great with strangers. I’m getting better, but at that point I was a wilting wallflower. Standing in a room full of people I didn’t know, I wanted to become a fly on the ceiling. I was ready to call my boyfriend and ask him to turn around.

In my state of fear, shyness and awkwardness, I watched people with greater social skills than I begin to connect around the room. The more they chatted, the more isolated I felt.

Judging

Then it started: in my weakness, I began to judge. I sought out the leaders, the people who were dressed like they just stepped out of the 80’s, the mean-looking girls, the ones who thought they were better than everyone else.

By the time we all sat down in a circle with the workshop leaders, I had pegged everyone in the room–the ones I could identify with and the ones I wouldn’t get along with. And by summing them up, grouping them into certain personality types without ever having spoken to them, it made me feel less scared, as though I had found my place.

With the workshop underway, people introduced themselves. I continued to judge, put up walls and shrink deeper into my skin. I began to identify with some, but felt threatened or wary of others.

Dividing

The point came where we were asked to find a partner to work with. In my horror, high-school memories of being picked last for the basketball team flashed through my mind.

Then that childhood memory became an adult reality.

We were asked to pick our partners by holding hands with every individual in the room and look deep into their eyes for two minutes each. The intended result was that each of us would find someone we really connected with.

My end result was to be the last person standing. Ouch.

I felt like that 13-year-old-girl standing in the school gym again with no sports team to play on. And in that moment of hurt I felt justified in my judgements, that I had been right all along about these people.

Reality

Ten years later, I know the reality of that situation. Several hours of judgement and making myself invisible had actually separated me from the rest of the group. I had created a dividing line without saying a word.

The weekend progressed and gradually my walls of self-protection crumbled. As each participant exposed their true self—who we really were behind the protective masks—my heart filled with love for every single person in that room. No matter what their story was and whether I agreed with the choices they had made, I couldn’t feel anything but love for them once their true hearts were revealed.

I don’t remember much more about that weekend, only that it completely changed my perspective on judgement. I was projecting my own insecurities onto others, searching for weaknesses in them that were really my own. I judged to feel better about myself, but ultimately felt separated.

I think it’s human nature to judge, even when we’re trying hard not to. In western society we have been raised to compete and compare. But underneath we just want to feel connected to one another. Right in the midst of that need is the tendency to try and define where we fit in.

The Struggle

Now when I judge someone, I often think back to that weekend. I consider how I would feel about this person if their defenses were broken and they stood raw and real in front of me. And if someone is judging me, I try reverse psychology: I ask myself, “What are the fears causing them to judge?” If I ask the question, my defenses weaken immediately.

I judged people without knowing them and all that negative energy came right back at me in equal measure.

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.” Matthew 7:2 (ESV)

I’ve learned the truth in every word.

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So my SheLoves friends, I’d love for you to share your experiences:

• Has judgement taken you on a journey?

• How do you feel when others judge you?

• Have you learned anything about yourself when you have judged in the past?

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Image credits:

Russiablog.org/Beamer2DashaWindow.jpg

coupdegrace88.blogspot.com

I’m Claire and I’m the Wellness Editor here on SheLoves. I love all things writing. I dip my toes in the waters of many writing genres and am currently working on my first women’s fiction novel and a collection of short stories. I’m also the mother of two beautiful children, wife to the lovely James and a treasured daughter of God. I’m a British ex-pat, so when you meet me you might think I sound a little strange. It’s all good.

I blog at clairejdeboer. You’ll also find my story here on Wellness Wednesdays.

Mercy that Makes a Man

“I saw young women experience Christmas for the first time as free women.”

By Alan Koller

I was the guy who was always told, “Nice guys finish last.” I almost got it tattooed on my arm. In Grade 6, I was voted the best boy in the class, in a secret “Girls Only” poll. Three perfect scores. Thank you very much. That should give you a clue into who I was when I was young. What inspired my heart towards Mercy Ministries, however, started in college after two ex-girlfriends’ lives took some difficult turns, following their relationships with me.

Were these situations my fault? No, would be the response by most standards. The message from God, however, was different.

He simple said: “Their hearts were not yours to play with. Their hearts were placed in your hand to honour and respect first and foremost.”

[Insert photo of hand of God cuffing me in the back of the head here.]

Now add the fact that, after college, I spent 14 years bartending in Vancouver’s high-end hotels, seeing the male/female bar scene at its best and its worst. I learned how hard it was to tell who needed help. I wanted to at least try and do something, and cooking at Mercy Ministries, a residential program for young women who deal with life’s controlling issues, has become the way I am serving the cause.

So, what is it like for me to cook at Mercy?

-It is an honour of course.

-It’s fun.

-It’s emotional, definitely.

Each time I walk through the door I have to remember in this home are young women who have been emotionally and physically abused, mostly by men. Many of them have developed eating disorders as a result of the abuse. And there I am as a single guy, walking in the door with lots of food. Interesting, indeed.

Last year I got to cook dinner for the staff and girls at the Mercy Christmas party. It was an amazing night. One I will never forget for various reasons; some great and some not so great. Unfortunately at one point I stood next to a young woman, listening to another girl tell her story about what she was thankful for at Christmas. That young woman had to walk away from me, and I watched her starting to wring her hands with so much anxiety, I felt it necessary to return to cleaning up the kitchen. I stood in that kitchen and thought to myself, What happened to that young girl so my presence would cause her that much pain? I wish she knew I would never cause her any pain and if anyone tried to hurt her when I was around, she would be protected.

That night I saw I saw another girl, upon receiving a Christmas stocking, ask: “What is this?”

How is it possible that a Canadian girl would have no idea what a Christmas stocking is? I couldn’t understand it. I grew up with great parents and had a wonderful Christmas every year. To think a world like hers exists doesn’t make me sad, as much as it makes me angry.  I wished I could go back in time and visit each one of these girls and personally ensure those responsible pay and pay dearly for their involvement in causing a need for places like Mercy.

But as usual God showed up again and pointed out some more things I should be noticing at Mercy.

- I saw young women experience Christmas for the first time as free women.

- I saw tears of joy as they opened their gifts.

One of the gifts was cash for each of the girls. They were given strict instruction that the money was to be spent buying gifts for themselves. [Slightly emotional moment.]  One of the girls asked if she could use some of the money to tithe with. [Emotional moment times ten.] Praise God.

- To see young women so afraid of food, eating and enjoying life at a dining room table was incredible.  Oh and these girls can sing, and sing very well. Best Christmas carols I’d heard in a long time.

- To be sitting in the room as one of only three men and have one of the girls say to the three of us: Thank you for what you do, because for many of the girls here, their experience with men has been horrifying, and for the first time we can be around men and feel safe.  “Thank you,” she said, “It means a lot to us.”

[Insert a moment of feeling completely OVERWHELMED here.]

Words truly cannot express what I experienced that night or any of the other days I have been in the Mercy home. I do know this: I will not stop serving at Mercy. There is too much at stake to sit back and do nothing. What God has ultimately shown me is as much as I would like to find the source of the abuse for each one of these women and introduce those abusers to the wrath of God at my hands, God has shown me that Mercy is the answer, instead. Through Mercy God is building an army to defeat this evil.  The soldiers in this army are the young women who walk through the doors of Mercy. They will be able to help countless other women fight and overcome their own battles. They are going to be the ones who lift others out of the darkness.

My job as a man is to make sure they have the tools they need, the encouragement they need, the protection they need and, most importantly, the love they need to know they are not alone in this fight.

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About Alan:

I grew up in a small town in BC and had a great childhood. My culinary side was cultured at a young age; I still remember standing on a chair in the kitchen stirring custard with my mother. Even though I have always had a passion for food and for cooking, I have never cooked professionally or trained. I just watched and learned. I am very blessed to be able to cook now purely for the joy and love of it and I am honoured to use my gifts to help build Mercy Ministries.

A Mercy Christmas: Generosity Up Close

“I’m certainly one of those thanking God this Christmas, because of an up close view of generosity at Mercy.”

By Musu Taylor-Lewis | Twitter: @mercycanada

I love Christmas.

I love the festive decorations everywhere. I love hearing worship songs at the grocery store. I love the anticipation of getting together with family and friends and trying to figure out what they would most appreciate. I love seeing the story of Jesus told and pictured and sang in unexpected places.

This year, I am particularly struck by the spirit of generosity that comes out at Christmas.

It is amazing how much people really want to give. They want to give gifts that delight, they want to give gifts that provide and want to share in a way that relieves the sting of poverty, loneliness and hurt. At Christmas people give to those they personally know and love, but also give to those outside their circles who are in need. They give as individuals, in groups, in secret and openly. They give in expected ways and in creative ways too.

The supporters and friends of Mercy Ministries are a great example of this. Mercy has a tradition of celebrating with the residents before we break for Christmas. In part, because for some of the young women in our home, Christmas can be a time of unhappy memories of neglect and going without. Supporters join in the celebration by providing gifts that are joyously unwrapped by very appreciative young women.

In Canada this year, we started the Mercy-filled Christmas project just after Thanksgiving–a gift registry for our residents that allows anyone to choose a gift to purchase for a girl in the program. We aim to have enough of each item so that each girl receives one. Well, the response was so fast that we quickly filled almost all the items on the list. While we were very careful to choose items that would fit all budgets, the last item to be filled was the least expensive item on our gift registry!

Within a day we had all twelve cash gifts and iPod shuffles snapped up and provided for by individual supporters who wanted to remain anonymous. Then there were those who decided to get creative in order to give. One supporter put the challenge out to readers of her blog in order to raise money for gift cards. She raised three times as much as she asked for in less than a week! Another supporter put together a fundraiser at her church to collect the money for music CDs and pyjamas. Members of her church in Calgary collected twice as much as they had aimed for and will be able to sponsor a few days of Mercy in addition to giving the gift of warmth and music.

There is more.

Even before we started the Mercy-filled Christmas project, we got a call from a women’s ministry pastor in our area wanting to know how many study bibles they could send over for Christmas this year. And then there’s the December bride who has asked her guests to give A Day of Mercy or Half-a-Day of Mercy in lieu of wedding gifts. I could go on about the families who will host residents from out of town and unsafe homes, and the always generous supporter who is providing and preparing the whole Christmas dinner, but I’m sure by now you have the idea.

To paraphrase 2 Corinthians 2:12, generosity like this not only meets the need of people, but also causes many people to thank God. I’m certainly one of those thanking God this Christmas, because of an up close view of generosity at Mercy.

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About Musu:

My life is lived out of the calling “to advance Christ-centred work.” I am currently Director of Marketing and Development at Mercy Ministries, working to get the word out about the life-transforming work that takes place here. Prior to my work at Mercy, I directed a Crisis Pregnancy Centre, studied Christianity and Culture at Regent College and co-led women’s programs at my local church. I have four great children and am married to Steven, a gift to me from the Creator.

Putting the Fun in Mercy

By Musu Taylor-Lewis | Twitter: @mercycanada

Young women arrive at Mercy Ministries ready to do the hard work necessary to make changes in their lives. They come willing to spend about six months of their lives, so they can concentrate on healing.

The thing is, concentrating on healing takes a lot of energy.

It is emotionally draining to talk about your problems when you’ve spent years drinking (for example), trying not to think about them. It is mentally challenging to replace the negative voices in your head with the truth you’ve learned from scripture, and it may take physical strength to get up at 7am in the morning to prepare for the day or stop yourself from heading to the bathroom after a meal. Every once in a while, in order to keep concentrating so hard, we need respite  from the hard work of healing to restore some of that energy.

Two weeks ago, staff at Mercy Canada surprised the girls with a Mexican fiesta. Staff took over kitchen duties for an afternoon, prepared a Mexican-themed meal, decorated the dining room and had a piñata ready for some fun playtime after the meal.

The girls’ faces said it all. The joyful surprise and relief had one girl moved to tears.

Rest, recreation and free time are all part of the Mercy program, but I realized as I watched all of us relax and have fun, that respite came from the unexpected break in routine. Sleep is scheduled, so there’s enough energy to get the most out of the program. Free time at Mercy can be used to reflect and catch up on assignments. Even recreation is planned so it doesn’t interfere with the work that needs to be done. But the dictionary definition of “respite” is:

a temporary relief from something trying or difficult.

The brief interruption from the work of healing, in the fun of a Mexican fiesta, provided relief from the work of concentrating so hard, provided a moment of lightness for staff and an opportunity for  the girls to simply be  joyful and childlike without trying, or working at it.

It all reminded me of advice from Ecclesiastes 8:15

“So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the sun.”

God’s program of healing and wholeness is always perfectly balanced, and so in seasons of concentrated work He recommends spontaneous, healthy doses of fun!

About Musu:

My life is lived out of the calling “to advance Christ-centred work.” I am currently Director of Marketing and Development at Mercy Ministries, working to get the word out about the life-transforming work that takes place here. Prior to my work at Mercy, I directed a Crisis Pregnancy Centre, studied Christianity and Culture at Regent College and co-led women’s programs at my local church. I have four great children and am married to Steven, a gift to me from the Creator.

This is Rebecca.

Of Love, Marriage and Mercy.

By Musu Taylor-Lewis | Twitter: @mercycanada

Friends, who is this coming up from the wilderness leaning on her beloved? -Solomon 8:5

WHO IS THIS?

This is Rebecca.

As a child: Sexually and physically abused, coerced into having an abortion, embraced promiscuity, heavy drinking and dropped out of school.

This is Rebecca.

As a teen: Brutally raped, she attempted suicide, placed a child for adoption, abused prescription drugs, resorted to self harm and turned her heart away from God.

This is Rebecca.

As a young woman: An unfaithful wife, pushed her husband away, couldn’t care for her children, developed an eating disorder and dismissed from work.

COMING UP FROM THE WILDERNESS.

This is the Rebecca who arrived at Mercy Ministries last September to seek healing. Angry, defiant, weak, defensive, numb and afraid to love.

Her husband Darryl had loved her through her rage, her inability to believe she could be loved, and her obsession with an eating disorder so severe that her heart was giving out.

Together and apart God arranged for their healing.

In the safe haven of Mercy, Rebecca revealed the sexual and physical abuse she had endured through her childhood for the first time, and found a place where she could let go of her shame and her guilt.

For Darryl, God provided a church community to surround him, love him and help him care for their young boys.

Together and apart they begin to a journey of faith and trust in the One who brings transformation.

Rebecca returned home from Mercy, with a new perspective, to a new community and a family united in gratitude to God.

This month, Rebecca and Darryl renewed their marriage vows in a simple ceremony, rich with meaning, and overflowing in love.

Together and apart they commit to live together in a marriage renewed by the love of The Father.

LEANING ON HER BELOVED

This is Rebecca today …

Bringing her abuser to justice, protecting others from abuse, encouraging others in pain, telling her story without shame.

This is Rebecca today …

Caring for her children, holding on to her healing, a part of community and worshipping her God again.

This is Rebecca today … 

Excited about life, grateful, healthy, hopeful and open to loving and receiving love

Friends, this is Rebecca coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved Darryl, together leaning on their beloved Christ.

You can see more photos of their Wedding Vow Renewal here. Thank you, Rachel Ray. 

About Musu:

My life is lived out of the calling “to advance Christ-centred work.” I am currently Director of Marketing and Development at Mercy Ministries, working to get the word out about the life-transforming work that takes place here. Prior to my work at Mercy, I directed a Crisis Pregnancy Centre, studied Christianity and Culture at Regent College and co-led women’s programs at my local church. I have four great children and am married to Steven, a gift to me from the Creator.

Image credit: Rebecca and Darryl, by Rachel Ray.

Pain and Prejudice: Understanding Self Harm

“Like many others, I jumped to very wrong conclusions before I began to try to understand why anybody would deliberately and regularly cut, bruise, burn or punch themselves.”

By Musu Taylor-Lewis | Twitter: @mercycanada

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I must admit, self harm is one of those issues I’ve long found very difficult to understand.

I personally avoid physical pain as much as I possibly can, so much so that as a young girl, I wouldn’t play soccer because I was afraid of being hit by the ball flying straight at me at high speed.

So when I realized young women I knew were engaging in self-harming behaviour, my first reaction was shock and, like many others, I jumped to very wrong conclusions before I began to try to understand why anybody would deliberately and regularly cut, bruise, burn or punch themselves.

Some of the wrong conclusions I jumped to were:

1. Cutting is an attempt at suicide or will always lead to an attempt at suicide

The truth is that many people who harm themselves are not trying to kill themselves, but rather are so emotionally numb from pain that they physically hurt themselves just so that they can feel something, anything, so they can feel alive.

2. Self harm is a warped form of seeking attention.

Most people who self harm go to great lengths to hide their behaviour and don’t want anyone to know what they are doing. Long-sleeved shirts will often cover the arms of a young woman who is cutting, constant stories are made up to explain bruising or loss of hair. Self harm, in fact ,often starts with and  leads to such an intense sense of shame that hiding the problem, rather than reaching for help,  becomes part of the self-destructive behaviour.Self harm is new problem

3. Self harm is a new problem.

The form and methods of self harm may change, but self harm has been one way humans have tried to cope with the pain that sin brings for centuries. Many cultures have acceptable forms of self harm intended to bring healing to pained souls. Even in the history of the church, some false teaching required devout God0-seekers to whip themselves, in order to rid themselves of sin.

4. Self harm is something only irresponsible people do.

Many people who harm themselves do so because they are hyper-responsible, perfectionists, who punish themselves every time they feel they have failed to live up to the impossible standards they set for themselves.

Understanding the problem does not condone the behaviour, but I found that once I started to understand why people would resort to self harm, I could begin to see where our great and good God has already provided real solutions for dealing with the pain that comes from living in a broken world.

In her book Cut: Mercy for Self Harm, Mercy Ministries’ founder Nancy Alcorn leads her readers through six ways to access the relief that God has provided for pain. Though it would be impossible to go into each one at length, here is a quick scan of what she says:

• Choose Love

Accepting Jesus into our lives, accepting his love and the sacrifice He has already made to make up for each and every possible sin is the first step to breaking free from self harm

• Verbalize your Pain

Psalm 32:3 describes the effects of silence this way “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.”  Silence prolongs the pain and emphasizes shame. Nancy Alcorn put it this way “Don’t hesitate. Quickly expose your pain and receive the freedom the Lord is so excited to give you. He is a very safe place to take your pain, guilt and shame.”

• Give up control

By giving up control to God and beginning to trust Him enough to use the tools He provides, like prayer and worship, we move away from pain and embrace love more fully.

• Forgive Others, Yourself and God

Forgiving is difficult but very necessary step. Forgiveness is not the same as saying what that whatever caused the pain is okay, but it does release the pain and begins to allow us to let go and move forward, away from unproductive coping mechanisms

• Believe the Truth

Nancy Alcorn explains this well: … it means simply to replace ungodly thought (lies) with godly truth. For example when you think you’re worthless, immediately replace that thought with truth from the Word of God, which says you are valuable and important to Him

• Resist the Devil

James 4:7 reads “Submit yourselves then to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you.” This brings us all full circle, by choosing Love and surrendering control to God (submitting) we begin to resist the temptations and lies that that “The Father of lies” tries to get us to believe. By resisting his temptation to self harm through submission to God there is more and more freedom

I must admit, as I read these steps for breaking free of self harm, I am struck by how applicable these principles are for dealing with my own painful issues. Though I do not have to escape self harm, I do need to escape, from my own ineffective ways of dealing with pain, things like withdrawal, self pity, passive revenge and cultivating contempt. I find that our very great and good God has already provided real solutions for me to deal with the pain that comes from living in a broken world.

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We’d love to hear from you:

• What preconceived ideas have you had around self harm?
• What books have you found helpful on the subject?
• Any other thoughts or suggestions?

About Musu:

My life is lived out of the calling “to advance Christ-centred work.” I am currently Director of Marketing and Development at Mercy Ministries, working to get the word out about the life-transforming work that takes place here. Prior to my work at Mercy, I directed a Crisis Pregnancy Centre, studied Christianity and Culture at Regent College and co-led women’s programs at my local church. I have four great children and am married to Steven, a gift to me from the Creator.

ShePonders: Mercy

“Mercy is womblike and walking … We are invited to make mercy move, somehow.”

By Kelley Johnson-Nikondeha

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<<<ShePonders Mercy>>>

Click on the link above to Listen to Kelley’s beautiful voice, reading this month’s ShePonders: Mercy

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I rolled out my mat and sat cross-legged, waiting for morning practice to begin. I began my slow breathing, trying to travel to a very zen place. Still I could not help but notice the woman who rolled her mat in front of me on the hardwood floor–slim until she turned to the side, revealing her baby bump. I continued to notice her throughout the practice, not very yoga-like, I confess. But I was rather amazed at her ability to balance, move with such range of motion and exhibit such flexibility while being soundly (and roundly) pregnant.

We were invited to set our intention for the morning, and mine was to meditate on mercy. Why mercy? In recent days my husband and I had begun to feel the heaviness of children dying across the Horn of Africa for lack of food and water. It was not just the images broadcast on the nightly news, it was this deep internal pull towards these mothers, these fathers, these children. Each meal I offered my daughter made me think of the women who wanted to do the same for their children, but could not amid a famine-stricken landscape. I carried this gravity within, thinking of the small graves in northern Kenya, Ethiopia and scattered throughout Somalia for the little ones who wilted away too soon.

I was taught that mercy was when we did not get what we rightly deserved. An example would be speeding along in my car, over the posted speed limit, and getting pulled over by a policewoman. But, in conversation, she allows me to drive away with a warning, not a costly ticket. She showed mercy. Or arriving late to an appointment and being told by the waiting party that it is alright, no worries, let’s just continue with the scheduled meeting now that you are here. No shame … just some welcomed mercy. But certainly this understanding of mercy does not apply to the famine in Africa–what could these families have done to deserve drought? They do not ask for my mercy, as in my forgiveness for an offense they committed. Mercy does not fit here.

Another connotation of mercy I encountered in the church was the juxtaposition of justice and mercy. Justice is confronting systems that create inequality; it is a long-term approach to setting things right in the world. Mercy is more like emergency relief efforts, more immediate in nature and short-term in duration. I was taught both are part of a life of faith; like needing both your left and right hand.

Text

So off my mat and back at my desk, I pulled out my Bible and turned to the classic text–Micah 6:8. Let’s clarify the setting first. Israel has been behaving badly, and the prophet has just called them out. Their response? What does the Lord want from us?  Burnt offerings, thousands of rams or ten thousand cows or our first-born children–because we would even sacrifice our children to make this right. But that is not what the Lord wants. Micah declares, “He has showed you, O adam, what is good and what the Lord requires of you, that you shall do justice and love mercy and be ready to walk after the Lord your God.”

It is like He gently summons them back to the garden of Genesis. O, adam, ones created from the soil, you know what is good. (Remember all the goodness found in that garden, in the creation story?) From the beginning it has been the same–justice, mercy and walking with me in the cool of the garden. I feel such a difference in temperature–the Israelites are talking of the fires of offerings and heat of sacrifice and God speaks of cool soil and breezy evening strolls. But I digress…

Connectedness

In this text “mercy” is the translation for the Hebrew word hesed, a very heavy word. This type of mercy speaks of “relationships of abiding solidarity,” according to one scholar. Another describes it as the “mutual liability of those belonging together.” Here, mercy is connectedness and the actions that come from being bound together in life.  This word is often translated as “loving-kindness,” since we show this kind of heart towards those we are connected to in one way or another. Since we have been shaped in the garden, we have been expected to live in connection with all of creation, to honor these relationships we have to one another.

Africans would whisper their word ubuntu here–and they would be right.

But next comes the unexpected part, for me at least. “ …and be ready to walk after the Lord your God.” I have heard about walking humbly all these years, so this change of cadence and phrase caught my attention. (Did I mention I was reading from the Aramaic translation? Aramaic is the language Jesus spoke, and in this season I have loved reading from this translation.) So do justice and mercy–and possess a readiness to walk after Me.

Moving

I can read and think a lot about justice; I can feel mercy coursing through my veins–and that is all well and good. But will I get up and be ready to walk it out?  Will I take justice and mercy (since they really move together) out for a power walk in my neighborhood? I read this now and sense that we are invited to make mercy move, somehow.

Another common word for mercy in the Bible is “compassion.” And this word echoes from hesed, so we are now unpacking another layer of meaning in this word. (As I said, it is a very heavy word!) Compassion is “mother love.” It is womblike– nourishing, life-giving, an embracing of sorts. When we hear of the Good Samaritan having compassion for the man on the roadside, it is this womblike action the gospel is describing. Imagine compassion swelling with growth from the inside, how it starts small but is nurtured until it blooms in the belly and then is birthed into the world.

This is compassion, a twin sister of mercy.

So my imagination held these words: mercy as solidarity, compassion as womblike and a readiness to walk. And what emerged was a new picture of mercy. Mercy is not helping hands, a single glistening tear gliding down the cheek, a tenderness of heart. Mercy is a pregnant woman; gestating goodness, walking into the world with her trainers on, ready to meet the opportunities of that day. She is cultivating life within, she is deeply alert to her connection to this life inside and also the life outside of her. She is glowing with strength and promise. And with all this happening right under her nose, she continues to move out into the world. She brings Good Samaritan neighborliness, she carries the wombed awareness Jesus had as he wept over the city and as he fed the hungry crowds.

Mercy is womblike and walking.

This is the mercy I want to embody–pregnant with goodness and a readiness to walk with a deep sense of my connection to God’s world. In this spirit I work to reach the mothers and children in Africa with food alongside my husband Claude and our friends. Mercy is walking.

So, the next time you see a pregnant woman out for a walk in the park, taking her dogs for a run or practicing yoga on the mat in front of you–remember, you are looking at picture of mercy.

So, my SheLoves sisters, I’d love to hear your thoughts:

• What moves you today as you think about “mercy?”
• Has the Spirit added anything to your understanding of “mercy?”
• Any other thoughts?

_______________________________________________

About Kelley:

Kelley Johnson Nikondeha is co-director of Amahoro Africa and international staff member of Community of Faith with her husband Claude. She’s a thinker, connector, advocate, avid reader and mother of two beautiful children. Kelley lives between Arizona and Burundi. She loves handwritten letters, homemade pesto and anything written by Walter Brueggemann.

Celebrating One Year of the Mercy home, Celebrating Ages of Mercy

By Musu Taylor-Lewis | Twitter: @mercycanada

The excitement is building at Mercy Ministries as we gear up to celebrate one year since the home for troubled young women was opened in Canada. The memories of the past year make up a collage of images:

The frenzied activity to get the home open …

A young woman’s timid first step to come into the home for help …

A first-time commitment to follow Jesus …

The first graduations …

A father moved to tears at the sight of his daughter …

I find so many moments of gratitude in the past year that make the theme of “Giving Thanks” most appropriate for this milestone. The theme comes from Psalm 107 which repeatedly reminds me to “give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind” and there has indeed been so much to give thanks for.

Source of Mercy

As I read the psalm I also find some important reminders for all of us who are involved in various ways with Mercy Ministries.

1.     God is not surprised, or caught off guard by depression, eating disorders, self-harm or addiction. He has been healing men and women from these troubles for thousands of years.  This truth can be easy to forget, when we see these ways of dealing with difficulty as modern extremes … yet, check out verses 18 – 20 on eating disorders written thousands of years ago.

They loathed all food

and drew near the gates of death.

Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,

and he saved them from their distress.

He sent out his word and healed them;

he rescued them from the grave.

2.     All our  programs, counseling and care are channels of God’s grace through which He chooses to do what He has done for thousands of years. The psalm repeats over and over again that the Lord delivers, saves, rescues and satisfies. Mercy Ministries’ mission is only to provide an opportunity for young women to experience His unconditional love and life-transforming power.

3.     Healing and rescue starts with a choice to reach out to the One who can rescue. “They cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress” is repeated throughout the psalm. Without the desire for rescue and the willingness to reach out there can be no real change, only a deepening of troubles. That is why every girl at Mercy Ministries makes the personal choice to come into the home and do the hard work of facing her issues and turning her life over to the great healer.

Giving Thanks

The repeated invitation in psalm 107 to those who have experienced or seen God’s rescue, is to “sacrifice thank offerings and tell of His works with songs of joy.” That is why it is so important for us to keep telling the stories of Mercy.

Stories of young women like the one, who before coming to Mercy Ministries described herself as: “in a constant battle, searching for my identity and trying to fill the gaping hole in my heart, I struggled with food, stealing, most drugs, all eating disorders, rape, overdose, suicidal attempt and constant desire.”

She’s experienced rescue during her time at Mercy and now tells what God has done: “God turned my fear into faith, my hate into love, my lies into truth, my mourning to dancing … “ She understands the power of God’s mercy.

On August 28^th, 2011  supporters, graduates, volunteers and staff of Mercy Ministries will gather together to share stories and give thanks for a year  in which God has once again  pulled young women out of distressing situations into a relationship of healing with Him. As we celebrate, we will be joining the crowds over the centuries who have accepted His invitation the give thanks.

Celebrating another milestone in the 28-year history of Mercy Ministries is awesome enough, but being part of ages of God’s Mercy is awe-inspiring.

About Musu:

My life is lived out of the calling “to advance Christ-centred work.” I am currently Director of Marketing and Development at Mercy Ministries, working to get the word out about the life-transforming work that takes place here. Prior to my work at Mercy, I directed a Crisis Pregnancy Centre, studied Christianity and Culture at Regent College and co-led women’s programs at my local church. I have four great children and am married to Steven, a gift to me from the Creator.

Experiencing Mercy: Many faces to one word

A glimpse of Mercy from the inside out.

By Musu Taylor-Lewis | Twitter: @mercycanada

When Miriam Webster’s Dictionary defines the word “mercy,” it really could have been written to describe Mercy Ministries. These words define everything this residential program for girls struggling with life-controlling issues stands for and could easily be the backdrop for a vision statement. Yet, on a page, in black and white, they are cold descriptions that don’t do justice to exactly what “mercy” really is.

Mer.cy (noun)

1.

a.     Compassion or forbearance shown especially to an offender or to one subject to one’s power; also lenient or compassionate treatment

2.

a.     A blessing that is an act of divine favour or compassion

b.     A fortunate circumstance

3.

a.     Compassionate treatment of those in distress

Origins

Take the very first definition–”Compassion or forbearance shown especially to an offender.” This reminds me of the origins of Mercy Ministries. While Founder Nancy Alcorn was working in a women’s corrections facility in Tennessee, she found herself filled with a yearning to see young women in her charge move beyond behaviour modification and out of the cycles that saw them coming back into the correction system over and over again.

Compassion

Nancy Alcorn had the kind of compassion for the offender that made her discontent with a system that kept them from breaking free of destructive patterns. After working in child protection services and seeing firsthand the roots of abuse and neglect that led many of her charges to the corrections system, she moved to provide an alternative. To make a long journey short, Mercy Ministries was born out of compassion, especially for offenders!

Mercy is a Verb

Over and over again I am finding that, experienced through Mercy Ministries, mercy goes from being a noun to a verb, from concept to an action word. It turns wooden words into beautiful faces, delicate stories and the triumph of compassion over judgement.

Going back to the basics of what “mercy” means, seems like a great place to start in writing about Mercy Ministries for SheLoves magazine. It helps me set the stage for sharing stories of Mercy. Stories, I hope, that will bring alive the textbook definitions of mercy, putting faces and give voice to young women who are truly experiencing mercy through Mercy Ministries.

I trust you will enjoy reading the insights, inspiration and motivation that comes from experiencing a view from the inside of Mercy.

About Musu:

My life is lived out of the calling “to advance Christ-centred work.” I am currently Director of Marketing and Development at Mercy Ministries, working to get the word out about the life-transforming work that takes place here. Prior to my work at Mercy, I directed a Crisis Pregnancy Centre, studied Christianity and Culture at Regent College and co-led women’s programs at my local church. I have four great children and am married to Steven, a gift to me from the Creator.