SheLoves Magazine

Seeking the Face of Justice: Lessons from Two Former Child Soldiers

By Stephanie Motz Skinner | Twitter: @stephmotz

When we see how much injustice there is in the world, sometimes we forget that a simple act of reaching out and caring can make all the difference.

I can’t say I fully understand justice. Living in Uganda, however, as I hear firsthand the stories of people who have experienced great injustice–people who are now healing–I’m often reminded of what achieving justice looks like. I also learn that in seeking justice I don’t need to become overwhelmed.

God reminds me there’s nothing silent or static about justice. Wherever I search for the word “justice” in the Bible, I come across action. Justice is life-giving, loud and active. He also provides me with many examples on how to seek justice: speak out, reach out and give.

Seeking Justice

I learn that to seek is the desire or attempt to achieve something. I may have the desire, but if I don’t take the leap from desire to action, I’ll never “achieve” justice. Justice isn’t just the feeling in my heart. It’s the ways in which I will choose to respond to that feeling.

I’m reminded that seeking justice is a choice I continually have to make, because seeking justice, though it’s not impossible, isn’t easy. It can be uncomfortable.

It’s not easy

-Personally, I’m not very good at speaking out. I’m shy.
-Being generous is hard when I feel like I don’t have the finances.
-Reaching out requires meeting people and investing my time.

I have to be honest, sometimes I can get lazy, overwhelmed and scared. I can fail to take the leap from desire to action because it means I have to get out of my comfort zone. Therefore, I have to continue to choose to keep my heart and eyes open so I don’t fail to see injustice and take the opportunities to respond.

Lessons from Filder and Susan

Filder and Susan belong to a generation of children who were abducted by the LRA in northern Uganda and forced to live under the captivity of rebel soldiers. Many of them were forced to witness and commit unimaginable atrocities. They were robbed of their childhood and innocence. Boys were forced to become child soldiers and girls were often given away as trophy wives to rebel commanders.

Like many other abducted children, when Filder and Susan returned from captivity, their community rejected them completely. Now they are part of an initiative run by Watoto that trains and disciples this stolen generation and helps them reintegrate into their communities. They have been given the opportunity to regain control of their lives because somebody acted.

We sat at their new home on Suubi Hill, and when I asked them what was the most important thing I as an individual could do to seek justice, their answers were surprisingly simple. They said that if I care, I will stop and listen to those who are hurting around me. To Susan and Filder, former child soldiers, realizing justice begins with an interaction.

“Just talking with someone who has been through something very painful can help him or her,” Susan said. “Don’t pass and go, find out how they are doing. Talk to them, take your time to sit with them.”

Filder added: “Encourage and be faithful to one another, help them, build them up.”

I know justice is not one-dimensional. Choosing to stop, care and listen might not solve all of the world’s problems. But if it reminds one person of her worth–if one person rises up from her circumstances and starts to believe in herself again–then that simple action might just be the beginning of someone’s experience of real justice. It’s easy to think that our simple, individual acts of goodness, kindness, or love are insignificant when we see how much injustice there is in the world, but it’s exactly those simple, individual acts that, when added together, can begin to make real positive difference.

I notice that difference when I see Filder and Susan. These girls have experienced war, loss and rejection, but when you meet them, you see love, joy and a real sense of appreciation shining through them. They are healing, smiling and dreaming. They want to shine that light and share that face of justice with other women in their community. And that’s the other thing I’ve learnt about this face of justice: it doesn’t stop at that one person. It sets off a ripple.

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What are YOUR thoughts?

• What speaks to you in this post?
• When and where do you see the face of justice?
• How would you like to grow in this area?

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About Stephanie:
Stephanie is a humanitarian and portrait photographer for fakeleft.com where she shares stories of hope and dignity. She blogs at fakeleft.com/blog and tweets at @stephmotz

Threads of a Sister’s Story: Building Bridges of Hope

“I am inspired by women like Nikole, who recognize they are called to walk alongside others in the mutual goal of seeking justice in the world, not as a do-gooder, or a savior, but as a sister in Christ.”

By Enuma Okoro | Twitter: @TweetEnuma
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I was raised in four countries on three continents.

I am a cradle Catholic whose first memory of God is laced with multi-ethnic faces and visions of a holy Mary. I come from a family where women’s voices are loudly heard at home and in vocations around the globe. No matter how often the world and even the church may try to convince me otherwise, I cannot separate my understanding of God from my recognition of the strength and beauty of women.

It’s amazing really, the way one woman randomly encountering another woman can tell a small snippet of her story and lay a thread down, soft and silent, one more weave of rope for that hanging bridge of hope we all dangle on.

I met Nikole Lim at a speakers gathering last year. We were signed up to share a room at the conference center. Nikole is a young striking Chinese-American woman with a playful and edgy sense of style. I was not surprised to discover Nikole was a photographer and a humanitarian documentary filmmaker. As the days went on, I wasn’t even surprised to discover that she had started Freely in Hope, her own 501(c) faith-based nonprofit committed to addressing issues of poverty, sexual abuse and educational injustice for women in Kenya.

But I was surprised to find out she was only 23 years old.

And I was surprised to find out how open Nikole was to shifting her life steps in order to dance to the rhythm of God’s heartbeat, the rhythm she heard while listening to some snippet of another woman’s story.

Through a mutual friend, Nikole was introduced to Eunice, and learned about this particular Kenyan woman’s strength and resolution to overcome the violence of rape and poverty.  Humbled by Eunice’s story Nikole felt her own life forever altered and said yes to a daunting but convicting call to build a bridge between her world in California and Eunice’s world in Nairobi.

“Through Eunice’s story, I was liberated from my own selfishness,” says Nikole. “As God was challenging my heart, I felt called to start an organization to provide spiritual, educational and economic empowerment for girls worldwide. I thought that maybe, God was calling me to be a part of something greater—a part of stories that could change not only my life, but the lives of so many other women who are vulnerable to sexual abuse.”

I am inspired by women like Eunice, who in the face of horror, deep pain and mounting obstacles can courageously and gracefully hold onto the seed of knowledge that she, too, is a child of God with power and purpose.

Eunice believed in herself and in God before meeting Nikole.

I am inspired by women like Nikole, who recognize they are called to walk alongside others in the mutual goal of seeking justice in the world, not as a do-gooder, or a savior, but as a sister in Christ.

“I’ve been a witness to countless images that portray the “third world” as a place of despair,” says Nikole. “For too long, images have been used to capitalize on individuals, families and cultures. Worth has been shattered and dignity broken. My goal as a humanitarian photographer and filmmaker is to not exploit, but to leverage stories that empower, restore and transform.”

I am inspired by women who take time to listen to the still small voice of God, to discern how God would use their own unique hands and heart to foster healing in a broken world.

There are so many contexts and cultures that teach women to be passive and quiet recipients of injustice and varied forms of violence. And there are so many untold stories of women like Nikole and Eunice who do not shy away from challenge and conviction, because they believe that central to their life’s meaning and faith is the call to issue in God’s kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. Wherever Jesus went about preaching the kingdom of God and calling onlookers to reconcile themselves to God’s love, he did so hand in hand with changing people’s circumstances to reflect the type of world God envisions for all. The kingdom of God is made manifest wherever creation moves one step closer to physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental healing.

“Our vision is for women worldwide to experience God’s transformative love by living freely in hope.” -Nikole Lim , Founder of  Freely in Hope.

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My dear SheLoves sisters, I’d love to hear:

• What soft threads of another’s sister’s story have been woven into your own story of hope and purpose?
• Is there a friend, a sister’s story, that comes to mind that has particularly shaped how you live your life now?
• Any other thoughts or comments?

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About Enuma

Enuma was born in the United States and raised in Nigeria, Ivory Coast and England. She holds a Master of Divinity degree from Duke University Divinity School where she served as Director for the Center for Theological Writing. She is an author, speaker, spiritual director and continues to lead workshops and retreats on varied topics engaging the literary and visual arts, and spiritual disciplines.

Her spiritual memoir, Reluctant Pilgrim: A Moody Somewhat Self-Indulgent Introvert’s Search for Spiritual Community  (Fresh Air Books, 2010) was a winning finalist in the 2010 USA Best Books Award and received the 2011 National Indie Excellent Book Awards Winning Finalist in “Spirituality and African-American Non-Fiction.” She is co-author with Shane Claiborne and Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove of Common Prayer: Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals

Enuma’s new forthcoming book, “Silence,” will be released in Summer/Fall 2012

She also writes an online column at Patheos called “Cornering God” about women’s ways of knowing and engaging the holy. You can find her online at  www.enumaokoro.com

Photo credit: All images of Eunice, by Nikole Lim

TGIF: The Final Countdown: On exquisite blueberry tarts, epic writer’s block and savouring the moment.

by Tina Francis | Twitter: @teenbug
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Okay.

Epic case of writer’s block.

Hence, the chipmunk rambling below.

I’m reeeeally nervous about being on video.

Be kind.

So my SheLoves peeps, I have 2 simple thoughts *cough* asks *cough* this week:

1. GIVE: If you have been following our journey and not yet given to this incredible cause, we’d love for you to be part of this beautiful story we are all writing together. You can donate: HERE!

If you are thinking, “What is she talking about?” Read the story: HERE

Now, you have no excuse.

You can donate: HERE
($5, $10, $20…. $200 anything! We’re not picky. We’ll take it!)  

2. PRAY: Please keep the girls running the half-marathon in prayer. We would love your words of encouragement! We need you to be our cheerleaders during the final leg of this journey.

Mind over matter. Faith over logic. Love over all else.

Alright my little cupcakes, I love you more than the exquisite blueberry custard-filled tart that I was lusting after on the skytrain,
xoxo,
Teen

To read more TGIFs from Tina: Click here.
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SheLoves Half-Marathon for Living Hope
- How it all got started? Read the story: HERE
- Donate: HERE
- Facebook Event Page: HERE
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My name is Tina. Loved ones call me: Teen.

Words are my chocolate. Music, my caramel. Photography, my bread. Girlfriends, my butter.

Confession: Some girls dream about Manolo Blahniks or their next Hermes bag. Not me. I dream of freshly baked bread, perfectly barbecued meat & steaming bowls of Pho. My dream lover *cue Mariah Carey song* is someone who would read out a menu to me in Barry White’s baritone voice.

I celebrate food, ask for help, interrupt conversations, laugh and cry hard, acknowledge the elephant in most rooms, fight for the underdog and believe in the power of storytelling.

My word for the year is “leap.” If something scares me, I do it.

I was born and raised in Dubai and currently live in the beautiful city of Vancouver, known for some of the best sushi in the world.

TGIF: Why is Beyonce Giving Me Mixed Signals?

On skytrain journalism, sanitary pads and the real face of dignity.

by Tina Francis | Twitter: @teenbug
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I don’t typically brood over words like “dignity” while chomping on a piece of toast on a Thursday morning. I’m usually preoccupied with trying to make decisions like, “Can I get away with not washing my hair today?” or “How long can I sit on Facebook before I’m officially late for work?”

This week, however, was different. I came face-to-face with the stark reality that dignity is:
- A vague concept.
- A scarce commodity.

Allow me to illustrate my point by going over my week.

Monday: I spot this guy on the Skytrain. The repressed journalist in me just HAD to take a picture of his hoodie.

It’s a little hard to read in the picture because I was trying to be discreet. His hoodie says, “Chicks should come in six packs.” The infamous mudflap girl imprinted on each can. Pun intended.

The feminist in me was appalled. For the record: I’m not anti-men. I’m just pro-women.

Tuesday: I read this really great article: “MILFs and Happy Endings” (You should read it too.)

“Was it just me, or was I being bullied, along with everyone else, into having to accept porn’s invasion into everyday life with its coarseness as the new norm?”- Lili Bee

Wednesday: I sat across from this guy…

“My parts are the best,” his T-shirt reads. TMI … but I’ll take your word for it kind sir. On closer inspection, it’s mudflap girl again! Only this time she’s on her knees. I’d like to give her the benefit of the doubt but I’m guessing she’s not changing the tires.

How does a woman living in today’s world define “dignity” when the media tells us we are most appreciated on our knees, half-dressed, preferably in front of an automobile.

Don’t believe me? Take Beyonce’s music video “Run the World” for example. Ms. Knowles is singing about female empowerment on all fours in front of a car. Look at the similarities between the T-shirt and the video.

Car? Check. Mudflap girl? Check. Girl power? I don’t think so. Talk about sending mixed signals.

I really don’t want this to sound Anti-Beyonce because I love the girl. She can sing, dance and is a successful business woman. What’s not to love? It just bothers me that the music video for a song about girl power is communicating a conflicting message.

Why aren’t there more T-shirts emblazoned with the faces of Rosa Parks, Madeleine Albright and Margaret Atwood? I’d wear that!

Thursday: As you can imagine I was feeling pretty deflated by this point. The overly sexualized imagery and language surrounding my gender was depressing.

In an effort to cheer myself up I was browsing through the Living Hope website on my lunch break. Readers who have been following SheLoves regularly know that a group of 50 women in Vancouver are running a Half-Marathon on September 25th to raise money for the Living Hope Program that aids women in northern Uganda.

Looking through the photos on the website, I saw a true picture of dignity. I saw women with deep-rooted self-worth, effortless grace, resourceful spirit, fervent courage and untainted joy.

This is the kind of “girl power” that appeals to me. I’m tired of the in-your-face, skin-baring, swearing-like-a-sailor, overly sexual, middle-finger showing, aggressive, violent, catty, condescending “girl power” the media advertises. It’s a cop-out. It’s counterfeit.

True girl power is someone who forgives the unforgivable, loves the unlovable and dares to show up for life even at the risk of getting hurt in the process.

“What should move us to action is human dignity: the inalienable dignity of the oppressed, but also the dignity of each of us. We lose dignity if we tolerate the intolerable.”- Dominique De Menil

The Intolerable: Abducted, gang-raped, infected with AIDS, left for dead, mutilated, forgotten, beaten, disfigured, shunned from society and sold as sex slaves.

“Restoring dignity” is the mandate of the Living Hope program that supports the women of northern Uganda. These women have suffered the intolerableand are rising up from the ashes, daring to rewrite their story.

That to me is real “dignity.”

Real women with real dignity

This is the glee-inducing portion of this post. The Living Hope Training Center provides vocational training and helps the women generate projects with the help of micro-finance loans.

The key to restoring their sense of dignity is training and equipping them with skill sets so they can integrate back into their communities as valued contributing members of society.

Here’s a peek into the Living Hope Training Centre in Gulu:

1. Sewing Workshops

2. Making Honey

3. I was saving the best for last, a brilliant initiative called “MAKAPADS.”

According to UNICEF, approximately 1 in 10 African girls will skip school during menstruation because they fear being ridiculed or stigmatized. Rural schools don’t usually have proper toilet facilities or water and girls can’t afford sanitary pads. Often times they have to resort to unsanitary alternatives like leaves or cloth. This is the crucial juncture where many girls drop out of school.

The Living Hope ladies in Gulu have been part of an initiative that provides affordable sanitary pads, called Makapads made mainly of papyrus reeds and almost entirely of local materials. It is exciting because, not only is this a skills development opportunity, but the ladies also get to be a part of an initiative that is giving a new generation of girls the opportunity to remain in school.

The finished product is pretty impressive if you ask me!

“Our ladies are not a drama of victimization; they are a story of empowerment that transforms formerly abducted little girls into successful businesswomen.”- Marilyn Skinner, Founder of Watoto – Living Hope

Transforming abducted girls into successful business women?!

Hello? I love that.

“All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence.”
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

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I’ve been running to Rachel Platten’s album “Be Here” this week. It’s upbeat without being preachy. The video below is a live recording of her song “Nothing Ever Happens.” Enjoy!

“Nothing ever happens if you stay in your room
Nothing ever happens if you leave the party too soon
Never be a winner if you’re not in the game
Nothing ever happens if you always play it safe
So, make a little space and get out of your own way.”

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So … my global SheLoves sisters:
- Does the portrayal of women in media affect you on a personal level?
- Any stories or anecdotes that you’d like to share in lieu of this post?
- What is your definition of dignity?

Dear SheLoves Half-Marathon Bravehearts,
- Many of you have had milestone runs this past week, how are you feeling about the Half-Marathon now? Is the end in sight?
- How are your fundraising efforts going? I’d love to hear about how you’ve been spreading awareness. Mailouts, phonecalls, meetings over coffee, email, etc?

Share-share!

Love you more than Almond Herb Tarts with Dandelion Pesto, Truffled Fontina & Figs , (<- Recipe)
xoxo,
Teen

To read more TGIFs from Tina: Click here.

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SheLoves Half-Marathon for Living Hope
- How it all got started? Read the story: HERE
- Donate: HERE
- Facebook Event Page: HERE
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About: My name is Tina. Loved ones call me: Teen. I am drawn to all that is fresh, spontaneous and creative.

Confession: Some girls dream about Manolo Blahniks or their next Hermes bag. Not me. I dream of freshly baked bread, perfectly barbecued meat & steaming bowls of Pho. My dream lover *cue Mariah Carey song* is someone who would read out a menu to me in Barry White’s baritone voice. ha.ha. Everything about food makes my toes curl. The only thing that excites me more than eating food is beautiful pictures of food.

I was born and raised in Dubai and currently live in the beautiful city of Vancouver, known for some of the best sushi in the world.

I enjoy taking pictures.

TGIF: What I Learned About World Peace from JFK, Titanic and Miss Congeniality

by Tina Francis | Twitter: @teenbug
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Remember the scene in the movie Miss Congeniality when Sandra Bullock’s character announces, “I’m not gonna parade around in a swimsuit like some airhead bimbo that goes by the name Gracie Lou Freebush and all she wants is world peace?”

In a later scene she finds herself in the Q & A round of the beauty pageant, facing the exact situation she was dreading:

Stan Fields: What is the one most important thing our society needs?
Gracie Hart: That would be harsher punishment for parole violators, Stan.
[crowd is silent]
Gracie Hart: [plastic smile] And world peace!
[crowd cheers ecstatically]

In the final scene of the movie, Sandra Bullock comes clean with her fellow beauty pageant contestants about being an undercover FBI agent.

And then … something unexpected happens. She gets teary-eyed, fans her face with her hands (like they often do in beauty pageants) and says, “The thing is … I really do want world peace.” [crowd erupts in applause]

Heal the World?

I think a lot of us can relate to Gracie Hart’s sentiment. We hear the news, we see the headlines, we are aware that people are hurting in Haiti, Japan and Israel.

It breaks our hearts.

But here’s the problem: the enormity of the injustice in the world is overwhelming.  It’s too big. It’s intangible. It’s monstrous nebulous form is hard to wrap our minds around.

Titanic Analogy

If the world and its endless problems are the sinking Titanic, then we are the panicking passengers on board the ship (of life) trying to find a piece of driftwood (i.e. job, SUV, iPhone, etc.) to hold on for dear life. We don’t make eye contact (or heart contact) with anybody because (God forbid!) we might have to share our tiny piece of driftwood. And let’s face it, that never works out in the end. R.I.P. Jack.

Here’s a couple reasons why wanting to change the world sounds cheesy and naive:
a. We don’t know how to help.
b. We have no time to help.
c. We have no money to help.
d. And there’s always some yahoo screwing over the system … so why bother?

Ergo, we fall into the trap of doing absolutely nothing.

The JFK Paradigm Shift

I love this quote by JFK! Let’s break it down … shall we?

Peace is a:
- Daily
- Weekly
- Monthly Process

Peace is:
- Gradually changing opinions,
- Slowly eroding old barriers,
- Quietly building new structures.

So the “Top Secret Formula” for World Peace is really quite simple:
Little Acts of Peace + Everyone + Every day
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An Update on our “Little Act of Peace”

So for the benefit of those who missed last week’s TGIF post, here is the back story. Last week I asked our Vancouver SheLoves readers if they would join me in running a half-marathon in September in order to raise funds for the Living Hope program in Uganda.

The Living Hope program helps restore dignity to the lives of women whose faces have been mutilated by the LRA rebel soldiers who terrorize northern Uganda. Women have had their lips, ears, noses and even genital parts severed from their bodies.

Original goal: 20 Women + Half-Marathon= $20,000 for Living Hope

The amazing news is that under seven days we had 50 women sign up for the race! *doing my happy dance* It’s beyond my wildest expectations.

My original plan was to raise money for reconstructive facial surgeries for the women. In my emails back and forth with the organization, I have now learned that they are in the midst of processing over 150 surgeries.

Translation:
- 150 surgeries have already been paid for!
- 150 women get a second chance at life!
- 150 women will be rewriting their story!

You’ll have to pardon my excessive use of exclamation marks. But this is crazy exciting!!!!

Here’s where we come in…

So the immediate need for funds right now is not for reconstructive surgery. It is to provide trauma counseling, medical care and vocational training to the ladies who have undergone surgery. The surgery is one small but significant step towards restoring dignity to the mutilated women. It’s the beginning of their journey. Many of the women are HIV+ and ostracized in their own communities. They are treated like modern-day lepers.

The crucial key to restoring their sense of self-worth is training them with skill sets so that they can integrate back into their communities as contributing members of society. The funds raised through the half-marathon will be used to support ladies who have been through reconstructive surgery or undergoing surgery soon.

I love that we…
- Get to be a part of their new story …
- Get to beat our big drums and tell the world their story …
- Get to be inspired by their stories of courage and resilience …

But most of all, I love that….
Love heals all.
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Here are 5 things that made me smile this week!

Spoken word + Beet Cake + Obvious vs. Amazing + J.Crew + Ellie Goulding= TGIF

1. Spoken Word: I was watching leadership videos on Vimeo (yes, I’m a super-nerd) when I came upon the regal and radiant word-maestro Amena Brown. All my fellow half-marathon sisters, listen to this gem on full volume before you head out for a run. It will make you misty-eyed and get your heart rate up.

2. Beet Cake: Some people meditate to the sound of ocean waves crashing. I, on the otherhand, like to take deep cleansing breaths while watching cinematic HD videos of cake being crafted. “Om” Nom Nom Nom. Tip: Watch the video in full screen to experience its full glory. Make sure you catch the time-lapse sequence of semi-sweet chocolate squares melting at 0:42 mark in the video.

3. Obvious to you. Amazing to others- Derek Sivers, best known for being the founder and former president of CD Baby is the next author being positioned by Seth Godin’s publishing venture “The Domino Project.” For the launch of his new book “Anything You Want,” Derek is creating ten animated videos to accompany the chapters in the book. I found this nugget particularly enlightening. All creatives need to be reminded of this simple truth.

4. J. Crew goes to Italy: I’m sure that President and Creative Director of J.Crew, Jenna Lyons paid her dues to get to the top. But … can you imagine being paid to look for print inspiration in the rich archives of Italy?

*sospiro* (that’s “sigh” in Italian according to Google Translate.)

5. Ellie Goulding: I’m a huge fan of English sing-songwriter Ellie Goulding’s album “Bright Lights.” Fun Fact: Ellie was the only live performer at Prince William and Kate Middleton’s wedding reception. She sang her rendition of the Elton John classic “Your Song” for the couple’s first dance. Enjoy!

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So … my global SheLoves sisters:
- Have you had a “why-bother-it’s-all-so-overwhelming” moment?
- How do you overcome it?
I’d love to hear your thoughts, fears and inspirations!

Dear half-marathon Bravehearts,
- Does life look different since you’ve said “Yes”?
- What is your family’s reaction?
- Some of you have started training already! How was Week 1?
Share-share please.

For those of you who would still like to join the half-marathon: Click here
For those who would like to donate to our cause we will have information coming soon!

Love you more than perfectly popped sweet-and-salty Kettle Corn,(<- Recipe)
xoxo,
Teen

To read more TGIFs from Tina: Click here.

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About: My name is Tina. Loved ones call me: Teen. I am drawn to all that is fresh, spontaneous and creative.

Confession: Some girls dream about Manolo Blahniks or their next Hermes bag. Not me. I dream of freshly baked bread, perfectly barbecued meat & steaming bowls of Pho. My dream lover *cue Mariah Carey song* is someone who would read out a menu to me in Barry White’s baritone voice. ha.ha. Everything about food makes my toes curl. The only thing that excites me more than eating food is beautiful pictures of food.

I was born and raised in Dubai and currently live in the beautiful city of Vancouver, known for some of the best sushi in the world.

I enjoy taking pictures.

TGIF: The Risky Business of Changing the World

On writing a better story, sisterhood and chipmunks on Red Bull.

by Tina Francis | Twitter: @teenbug
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So, last week I did something crazy.

Not “Supersize-my-fries-and-throw-some-gravy-over-it” crazy.

But something that “scares-the-brown-out-of-me” crazy. 

Let’s backtrack … shall we?

Early January, I read Donald Miller’s book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. The book wrestles with the question, “What makes a good story? More specifically: “What makes our lives a good story?” I started to reassess my life through the lens of a good story. When I found out that Miller was hosting a conference in Portland, I just knew that I had to be there.

In one sentence, my big juicy decadent takeaway from the Storyline Conference: I can write the story I want to live.

Let that sink in for a second. I know it doesn’t sound like much at first but it’s earth shattering. Read it again. I, as in me, myself, Tina can write the story I want to live? The key word being “I.”

Donald Miller says,“Good stories don’t happen by accident. They are planned.”

He also talks about how every great story has an “inciting incident.” An “inciting incident” is something that triggers or forces the character to step out into the uncomfortable. Sometimes it’s losing a loved one, a break-up, getting fired, etc. Or it could be self-imposed: signing up for a triathlon, taking diving lessons or teaching English in China. The common thread in all of the above is that it involves stepping out into the uncomfortable. The uncomfortable provides a premise for change, growth and transformation.

An inciting incident is what makes a story come alive. 

I’m totally guilty of sitting in the passenger seat of life thinking that one day I would magically fall into my story. Or, that my story/destiny would eventually find me. After all, 14-year-old girls get discovered in the shopping mall and become supermodels, right? Wrong. Supermodels are the exception, not the rule.

Here’s the good news for us vertically challenged humans: If life feels boring, meaningless, or predictable, we can write an inciting incident into our story! This would force us to step out into the uncomfortable and who knows what could happen next?

We don’t have to live vicariously through Lisa Ling, Susan Boyle or the “‘Real’ Housewives of Orange County.” We can climb Kilimanjaro, make that YouTube video, intern in Afghanistan or grow our own herb garden.

Ask yourself: “What would my character do next?” And then: DO IT.

Inciting Incident

It was at a Women’s conference last year where I first learned about the LRA rebel soldiers who terrorize northern Uganda. Women have had their lips, ears, noses and even genital parts severed from their bodies. Many of these women are HIV+, marginalized and ostracized from their own community and family because the scars are a constant reminder of their past.

My chest heaved as I tried to cry quietly. Sometimes you encounter a story that so deeply resonates with your purpose that every cell in your body is charged. I was so angry, that I was actually shaking. I kept looking over at my sister who was also crying, my eyes screaming, “Is this for real?!”

At the Storyline Conference, Donald Miller said: “Pay attention to what angers you, most likely it is brushing up against a core value.”

Even as I type this, I’m crying because my mind can’t process the sheer violence and injustice of having your body mutilated for no fault of your own.

Living Hope is a program that helps women who have been disfigured to undergo reconstructive surgery. These surgeries start at $2,500. The women are also trained with vocational skills and assisted in generating projects using micro-finance loans.

I heard story after story of amazing recoveries. Brave Ugandan women who dared to write a new story for their lives. I just knew in my gut I had to be part of the solution.

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Back to my moment of total-crazy …

So … I signed up for a half-marathon to raise money for Living Hope. Eeeeeek.

My plan: Run half-marathon + Raise $2,500 = one woman’s reconstructive surgery

Those who know me well, know that running is way out of my comfort zone. I have barely mastered walking without bumping into things. I come from the school of thought that the only sane reason adults should be running, is if they are being chased. Read about my ridiculous first attempt at running a 10K here.

I called my gf Idelette to tell her about signing up for the half-marathon and my big scary goal. She piped up, “I think it’s a fabulous idea! We should ask our SheLoves family if they would like to join you on the half-marathon.” I squealed with delight, “Yes, yes, please run with me. I’ll die out there on my own. Plus it will help meet the $2,500 target.”

She giggled and said: “If it’s okay with you, I was thinking we could get twenty women to sign up and we could raise $20,000 instead?”

My tonsils, pancreas and kidneys dropped into a mushy pile on the floor. I was chattering like a chipmunk who chugged a case of Red Bull. “$20,000? Seriously? What the freezies!!! Can we do that? Who would give us THAT much money? How are we going to find twenty girls to run a half-marathon with us? This is insane but … YES. Let’s do it!”

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OUR GOAL GOT BIGGER!
50 women in Vancouver + Half-Marathon= Raising $50,000 for Our Sisters in Uganda

Donate Online: HERE

Facebook Event Page: HERE
(You can mark yourself as a “Maybe” if you don’t want to run but want to be part of the conversation)
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Here is an Adele song that plays in my head every time I think I about the half-marathon.

“There’s a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch,
And it’s bringing me out the dark”
- Adele
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I found this great image that summarizes exactly what I’ve been feeling lately. The inciting incident is the overlap of comfort zone and things that make life worthwhile.

So … my global SheLoves sisters:
- Is this an inciting incident in your life that you need to say yes to?
- Do you remember the last time your anger brushed up against a core value?

Dear Vancouver Bravehearts,
The half-marathon is in September. We have plenty of time to train! It is going to be life-changing …
- Would you say YES to running or walking the half-marathon with me?
- If you can’t run or walk, would you please help spread the word?
- Why does this cause speak to you?

If your heart is beating fast and you have butterflies in your stomach, leave me a comment saying “Yes” and I will send you more information about registering for the half-marathon!

Love you more than Banana and Nutella Cream Cheese Cake,(<- Recipe)
xoxo,
Teen

To read more TGIFs from Tina: Click here.

______________________________________________________

About: My name is Tina. Loved ones call me: Teen. I am drawn to all that is fresh, spontaneous and creative.

Confession: Some girls dream about Manolo Blahniks or their next Hermes bag. Not me. I dream of freshly baked bread, perfectly barbecued meat & steaming bowls of Pho. My dream lover *cue Mariah Carey song* is someone who would read out a menu to me in Barry White’s baritone voice. ha.ha. Everything about food makes my toes curl. The only thing that excites me more than eating food is beautiful pictures of food.

I was born and raised in Dubai and currently live in the beautiful city of Vancouver, known for some of the best sushi in the world.

I enjoy taking pictures.

Bits I DON’T like: Hype & Misinformation around Human Trafficking

Former prostitute speaks her heart out on why men shouldn’t buy women OR girls. Period.

By Trisha Baptie | Twitter: @trisha_baptie

I can see one of the great things about having my own little space in cyberworld is I get to talk about what I want at all times and right now what I want to talk about is Demi Moore and Aston Kutcher’s new campaign called Real Men. They have what I suppose are clever PSA vid’s, a call for men to take pictures of themselves holding a sign that says “Real Men Don’t Buy Girls” and apparently everyone in Hollywood is tripping over themselves to join the campaign. Many are applauding this campaign, saying how amazing this power couple is for taking up such a worthy cause.

I. am. not. clapping.

It’s a common sight these days: anyone who can retain a few facts, have a  story or two to throw in the mix, say a combination of “What about the kids?”, ”27 million human trafficking victims” or other platitudes. Add a few  graphic verbs like “chained,” “shackled,” “forced,” etc …  and suddenly you are an abolitionist.

Too many people talk to academics or other specialists who learned what they learned from a textbook or some other reading materials and are so far removed from the people they claim to be fighting for, they do not understand the complexities, the intricacies and the subtle discourses that can make or break an argument or entrench some very wrong analysis.

Language Matters

They also have no idea how and rarely talk to us. You know? Us. The very group they are passionate about. I find people using words about my life I am not comfortable with, like pimp … I called him my boyfriend. My lover. Yes, he is a pimp–in the traditional sense–but to NOT understand the complexities behind the relationships that women find themselves in, can mean just by your vernacular you alienate us.

Words like “victim.” I was doing the absolute best I could with the resources (or lack thereof) I had. I am no victim; I am a survivor. Words like “save” and “rescue.” The word should be empowerment and the phrase should sound something like: “We should end all forms of systemic oppression that work against women and children’s equality, safety, financial security, mental, physical and spiritual health, and stop commodifying the female body.” Not “Girls need to be rescued.” What we have to do is identify, and dismantle some very large systems, like patriarchy, to end it.

Exploitation at any age

To committed abolitionists (and men who do or want to buy sex) what that aforementioned sign says is: “Men do buy Women”  or “Men can buy women” as if the age on their ID card makes all the difference.

In the words of my wise friend Mikael Bingham: “It’s so easy to say trafficking is bad and child prostitution is bad but adult consensual prostitution doesn’t have anything to do with those things and really isn’t that big a deal.’ It’s the most self-preserving, non-controversial thing you can possibly say with regards to prostitution and trafficking. There are no risks in this statement, no courage, no boldness, no analysis, no wisdom. Just a bandwagon to jump on–one that’s crowded enough as it is and that’s rolling backwards down a steep hill.”

I often hear (usually from others who also have no involvement directly with the sex trade) I am too intense about this, but I’m pretty intense about my friends I have buried, and will bury, as we try to be nice/polite/ palatable about a subject that has no room for niceties. I hear (lots): “Trisha you are far too critical; be happy, they are at least bringing awareness to it now. People are talking.”

I am critical  because they are talking, saying and buying into a lot of the straw man arguments associated with this struggle, that in the end just makes everyone’s job harder.

The market?

Another dear friend, ally, and EVE admin volunteer Jess Martin said on my Facebook wall (you should friend me, seriously we have some cool convos on that wall): “It will be very difficult for any of us (rookies or veterans) to do anything helpful in the human-trafficking/prostitution arena if we’re not able to acknowledge that child exploitation, child-trafficking, trafficking of people over 18, and adult prostitution are all interlinking parts of a well-oiled system that cannot be compartmentalized. Johns use us all interchangeably … (S)omeone recently brought the following point to my attention: there is no specific market for trafficked women, just a market for women’s bodies. While there may be a more specific market for children, the lack of choice that contributes to prostitution doesn’t arrive as a special gift on your 18th birthday. Desperation also occurs in childhood.”

Which is why we cannot draw a line in this struggle and also why we must keep coming back to the same point: There is NO reason for men to pay for sex. There is no law that guarantees it. There’s no human right that protects it. None.

One woman, all women

Whether with a child, and adult, online, in person, via phone or however–the purchasing of one woman’s body degrades ALL women.

Let us throw this whole conversation on its head as the abolitionist movement does and ask: “Do we see men being able to pay for sex as a sign of an egalitarian society?”

Learn from the Grassroots

MANY beautiful people are talking, doing  and making a difference, so if you want to get involved in the glorious revolution, be willing to talk to grassroots & front line groups more, and not only listen but take your lead from them. I think it is just as vital for us all to have the same starting points like this simple but powerful sentence that can unify us all: “Prostitution is violence against women & children and a direct impediment to our equality. Prostitution is the end realization of many diverse and intertwined oppressive systems and issues women and children live under today.” If we can all agree on that (or something to that effect) we are well on our way. However some are not willing to draw hard lines, some people don’t want to interfere with adult prostitutes, yet don’t realize many sold adults were sold children. Or people want to make some distinction between human trafficking and prostitution. It’s simple: trafficking is the movement, prostitution the end result.

Abolition is about boldness. About speaking truth, and not being willing to back down for one second on any of the large and systemic issues. One cannot flinch in this debate. People’s lives, my life, my friend’s lives, our global sisters’ lives are on the line.

The sign needs to say: “Men don’t buy sex.” Now that’s a statement to get behind.

About Trisha
Trisha Baptie is Executive Director of Honour Consulting and founding member of EVE (formerly Exploited Voices now Educating). In 2008 she won BC’s Courage to Come Back Award for her bravery in transitioning to a healthier lifestyle, for giving the murdered women of Vancouver a voice through her trial coverage of Vancouver’s serial killer and for her ongoing activism. Follow Trisha’s tweets at @trisha_baptie or friend her on facebook. She recently founded EVE (formerly Exploited Voices Now Educating.)

Even through a tight, painful jaw, Kamal Dhillon is a woman who speaks peace

Editor’s note: We are giving away a copy of Kamal’s book Black & Blue Sari this week as part of International Women’s Day. Please leave a comment, encouraging Kamal or telling us about a woman in your world who inspires change in her community. We will announce the randomly-selected winner on Friday morning.

By Idelette McVicker | Twitter: @idelette

The gentleness in Kamal Dhillon’s dark eyes still surprises me every time we meet. Considering the horrific abuses she’s lived through, you’d expect hate.

Her story is almost too hard to hear. Her words fall on your heart like the very fists that broke her jaw. She names words that no woman should know from experience: “extreme abuse … torture, burning … choking, tying, stripping me, starving me, hanging me …

The violence started on the very first night of their honeymoon when he raped her. It continued for the next 13 years, gaining intensity and extremity, until the day she knew she had to leave. “He planned my funeral with our children,” she remembers. “He told them he was going to get them a new mommy.”

“I only had one option left: die or leave.”

Black and blue

In 2009 Kamal published her story in the book, Black and Blue Sari. Since then she’s become an advocate in the community, speaking at functions, events and schools to help raise awareness around the many forms of abuse.

Hands go up after her talks—many of them boys—who tell her, I wish I had known this before, then maybe my friend would still be alive. Another man came up to her after a talk and said: “My mother was black and blue all her life.”

She receives emails and letters from people who encourage her to continue with the message. A woman emailed her last week and said: “I am a victim of domestic violence too … Please keep up with your story it needs to be told and women like me needs encouragement.”

Sad reminder

Not everyone survives the violence. I have a picture on my desk—a photograph taken with a friend, Rose Kumar, and a Surrey elementary school teacher Manjit Panghali. I stood in a strawberry field with these two girls one whole Saturday afternoon, directing a fashion shoot for Women Today magazine as they played with their saris in the wind, giggled and had fun posing. It shocked me to read in the newspaper a few years later, in 2006, that Manjit’s burnt remains had been found.

Manjit did not survive the violence against her and the baby in her belly.

Last month, Manjit’s husband was found guilty on one count of second-degree murder and one count of interference with a dead body.

“Violence by an intimate partner is one of the most common forms of violence against women,” says the World Health Organization.

In the United States, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that nearly 5.3 million incidents of interpersonal violence occur each year among United States women ages 18 and older, resulting in nearly 2 million injuries and 1,300 deaths nationwide every year.

• Women are much more likely than men to be killed by an intimate partner. In 2000, intimate partner homicides accounted for 33.5 percent of the murders of women and less than four percent of the murders of men (Bureau of Justice Statistics 2003).
• For 30% of women who experience abuse, the first incident occurs during pregnancy (U.S. Department of Justice 1997).
• Nearly one-third of American women (31 percent) report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives (The Commonwealth Fund Survey of the Health of Adolescent Girls, 1997).

Keep speaking

After another large South Asian community event, a Punjabi man approached Kamal Dhillon afterwards and said to her: “Daughter, don’t ever stop speaking. We want to hear it; our sons need to hear it.”

Her jaw hurts, her body’s in pain and she’s just had more eye surgery, but Kamal will keep speaking. “I am an overcomer,” she smiles. She knows her story is meant to strengthen others. “I was silenced, I was an invisible woman. I didn’t matter to anybody. People walked past me and didn’t acknowledge me. To my in-laws I was poison … My size? Even to me I wasn’t there. Day came. Night came. I felt somewhere in-between. I would crawl into a fetal position and I hoped I could live to see tomorrow.”

It’s been a long journey of forgiveness, re-learning and healing. “God stretches His arms out and says to me: ‘You the rejected one, the broken one, I choose you.’”

Then she smiles again: “And you know who tells me I’m beautiful? My kids.”

For more information about Kamal’s book and speaking availability, please visit www.blackandbluesari.com

You more resources on abuse, check out these sites:

• Shelternet ( a list of shelters across Canada in a variety of languages)
• The Rave Project
• PASCH (Peace and Safety in the Christian Home)

About Idelette:
Idelette is founding editor of shelovesmagazine.com. She’s a bit intense, granted, but she’s getting to be really okay with it. She was born and raised in South Africa which shaped her longing for justice and freedom for everyone and a deep, deep love for Africa. She also worked in Taipei as journalist and discovered that Heaven might look like lingering over oohlong tea in the mountains of Chiufen. She moved to Vancouver, Canada a month before the millennium turned. (Her Land of Milk and Maple Syrup.) She is married to Scott, has three young children and loves Sisterhood. She blogs at idelette.com and tweets @idelette.

When Voices Rise: Wisdom from a Sisterhood in the Downtown Eastside and beyond

By Idelette McVicker | Twitter: @idelette

On Sunday, February 13, hundreds of thousands of women across Italy gathered to demand the resignation of prime minister Sylvio Berlusconi. Their voices rose together: “We are asking for all women to defend the value of our dignity, and we are asking men: If not now, when?”

This past week I listened to the voice of an unnamed woman calling in to Anderson Cooper on CNN about the uprising in Libya. She did so at the great risk of losing her life, but she did it anyway, saying: “Either we get freedom, or we die trying to get it.”

Two weeks ago, similar brave beautiful voices rose up from the streets of the Downtown Eastside in Vancouver. Women and men took to the streets for the 20th annual Women’s Memorial March, a march to commemorate thousands of missing and murdered women in Canada.

Trisha Baptie, abolitionist, activist and founder of EVE (formerly Exploited Voices Educating) wrote this as her facebook status that day:

“Will remember today. Will miss you today. Will mourn and weep today. Will rage today. Will find solace in solidarity today. Will loudly and proudly sing the Woman’s Warrior song today. Will be grateful, thankful and breathe deep for I am alive today. Mostly I will find another year’s worth of strength to keep putting one step in front of the other as we stand up and say: “Our women are not for sale.”

In Vancouver, February 14 is now a day for remembering, a day of rallying and a day of solidarity.

To commemorate the day, Trisha also pointed me to a short film called Survival, Strength, Sisterhood: Power of Women in the Downtown Eastside, created by Alejandro Zuluaga and Harsha Walia. It documents the 20-year history of the Women’s Memorial March and says: “By focusing on the voices of women who live, love, and work in the Downtown Eastside this film debunks the sensationalism surrounding a neighbourhood deeply misunderstood, and celebrates the complex and diverse realities of women organizing for justice.”

Yep, it’s a 32 minutes, but worth every minute.
[WARNING: Some coarse language.]

Survival, Strength, Sisterhood: Power of Women in the Downtown Eastside from Alejandro Zuluaga on Vimeo.

After watching the film and taking notes, I noticed some thoughts surfacing. Here’s what I heard, learned and sparked off these beautiful women:

1. Gut-felt honesty. “This is probably one of the most honest places in the world.” No need to impress. No need to win favour. No need to live up to any expectations. In the Downtown Eastside it’s okay to be myself–to come as I am, and bring only myself. Make-up, no make-up, fancy clothes, no fancy clothes, addicted, not addicted, money or no money. // It’s a place of seventy-times seven chances.

2. Invisible. Since the 1970s over 3,000 women and girls have gone missing or have been murdered in Canada. This past year alone approximately ten women were murdered in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside and 32 are still missing. The comment that struck me is this: “It’s very surreal that this is a place where women can go missing and nobody pays attention.” // It’s time to listen, hear and truly see.

3. Everyone belongs. The Downtown Eastside is said to be the poorest off-reserve postal code in Canada and approximately 16,000 people reside in these two square miles. What is not always known is the sense of deep community that spans these streets and lives. Like one contributor said: “To me it is the family-oriented district to the lonely and the homeless.” // Kinda sounds like the Kingdom of God, doesn’t it?

4. Wise. Every time I go somewhere and think I might have something to give, whether it’s across two bridges to the Downtown Eastside or across the world in Africa, I am humbled by how little I really know and how much I still need to learn. One voice expressed it like this: “Those of us who come to support this space with the best intentions, soon realize: we are the ones being taught.” // Good intentions may compel me to cross the street. Humility is the only place from which I get to enter.

6. Story. Whether it’s abuse, addiction, residential schools, marginalization, poverty or any other injustice, one voice reminded me: “Everyone’s got a story.” Story helps me gain understanding, insight and hopefully compassion. // I want: More “us”, less “them.”

7. Caring. These women know suffering, but they care about so much more than their own suffering. I loved her voice who said: “Women all around the world are suffering. It has to stop.” // Yes, yes and another yes.

8. Deeply committed. After the murder of a woman on the streets, these first women gathered and raised their voices. They did not find a welcoming space, but they persisted in spite of it. In fact: “The first women marching had objects thrown at them from passing cars.” Their deep commitment outlasted the negativity and gathered support. Last year, over 5,000 people marched through the streets of the Downtown Eastside–people who believe that women should be treated with dignity and respected–including me and my young family. // I honor that.

I also want to join my voice with the narrator in the film to honor the women who started marching and who still march:

“With every heartbeat you carry dignity.

With every breath we see your humanity.

With every step we join you, so you may walk free of violence and injustice.”

I believe in this kind of world: where women are visible and voices rise together for change.

About Idelette:
Idelette is founding editor of shelovesmagazine.com. She’s a bit intense, granted, but she’s getting to be really okay with it. She was born and raised in South Africa which shaped her longing for justice and freedom for everyone and a deep, deep love for Africa. She also worked in Taipei as journalist and discovered that Heaven might look like lingering over oohlong tea in the mountains of Chiufen. She moved to Vancouver, Canada a month before the millennium turned. (Her Land of Milk and Maple Syrup.) She is married to Scott, has three young children and loves Sisterhood. She blogs at idelette.com and tweets @idelette.

Being the Change: A Story behind Homelessness

By Idelette McVicker

Today is World Homeless Day. I spent the afternoon at The Front Room, the only homeless shelter in Surrey, BC. Volunteers from Relate Church served a yummy turkey dinner, complete with milk and pumpkin pie, while I shook hands and learned that even the most intimidating streets have names.

As I took the turn on 106 Avenue and then 135A Street, I was reminded of when, several years ago, I took that left turn for the very first time. It’s a street like any other streets and yet, sometimes this street glares at you and wants to scare you right back to the other side of the city.

Sometimes this street wears leathers, big rings and tattoos. This street wears dirty hoodies and doesn’t always brush its teeth. (If it has teeth.) This street deals drugs and turns tricks.

But this street also feeds the least of these. On this street, the most desperate can find a shower and a clean bed. On this street, people are hungry—not just for food, but for a friendly face. A kind encounter. Acceptance.

Love is as Love does

Yes, Love gives money. Love definitely serves turkey dinners and pumpkin pie. But Love could also be as simple as shaking a hand and asking a name. Meeting Scott, Tina, Harold, Karen, Liz, Bill, Lynnette … Strong, resilient, beautiful people. Love could be as simple as being interested in a story.

Today, in the line-up, coiling around in the parking lot at the Front Room, I caught snippets of really hard stories: Cervical cancer. A four-year-old with HIV. Hunger.

Today I appreciated, again, the home I was born into. I appreciated again the story I was raised in and never having to go without a roof over my head. Even on the night, many years ago, when I escaped from an angry boyfriend and drove through the city of Taipei with every piece of belonging on the back of my scooter, I could find a hostel in that still strange city. I slept in a bunkbed, sharing a room with men I didn’t know. I felt extremely vulnerable, but Heaven kept me safe.

Even that is nothing like Liz’s story.

Liz, a beautiful redhead with a warm smile, grew up in Whalley. At the age of 11, she was working summers, picking berries to make enough money to pay for her own school supplies and school clothes.

At 14, she had a full-time job.

“We were poor. We didn’t eat,” she explains. “I learned very quickly that when you worked, you could eat.” She also raised her four siblings. “My mother got lost in depression and just stayed there. I became my own moral compass.”

Kindness Lingers

“When I was in Grade one, I followed my teacher home and told her she could adopt me,” says Liz. Her face lights up. At age 51, she still remembers the names of some special teachers. She still remembers their kindness. One teacher gave her two big boxes of beautiful clothing; another gave her milk and cookies and let her play on the piano. But Liz had to go home to her depressed mother and abusive father.

She’s spent her life paying the price for that story. She developed severe anxiety and spent most of her 20s and early 30s “shaking.” She overcame that, with a lot of work, but life is still hard. She’s been couch-surfing for the past seven months. She has all kinds of health issues and can’t work, but she hopes to get into Peterson Place, a new low-income housing building in Surrey, before Christmas. It’s currently being remodeled which is hard for her to understand: “I don’t care if it’s 80s pink,” Liz says. “It’s a roof over my head and I don’t sleep on a sidewalk.”

When we say goodbye, we hug. I heard some of Liz’s story today and now that Surrey street has a head of soft, wavy red hair, a warm smile and a name.

About Idelette:
Idelette McVicker is founding editor of shelovesmagazine.com and co-author of Discovering God’s Heart for Suffering Women. She was born and raised in South Africa which shaped her longing for justice and freedom for everyone. She’s worked in Taipei as a journalist and moved to Vancouver, Canada a month before the millennium turned. She is married to Scott and has three young children. She blogs at idelette.com and tweets @idelette.