SheLoves Magazine

Stale Cake? By Choice.

” … I am flavored with a conviction, perhaps unconventional, that never ceases to fuel my appetite for adventure, exploration and contemplation.”

By Ali Valdez

On a recent flight back to Seattle from Tucson, I grabbed the latest Harper’s Bazaar with a striking cover of a clearly air-brushed Madonna alongside her W./E. ingénue for an article about her full-length feature debut. I am a huge fan of Madonna (NOTE: her uncompromising vision, indefatigable work ethic and determination. Not her sexual exploitations or agent provocateur-ism). I found an article about her an irresistible indulgence relative to my usual philosophical and theological ponderings.
In the article, she talks very candidly, as Madonna is wont to do, about how women who get to a certain age–an age where they are less desirable and not conducive to marriage–become, according to a Japanese saying, “stale cake.”

There is no question greater (in my mind) in the Christian church that weighs heavier on the hearts of young Christian women than: when will I meet Mr. Right and get married? Being a single woman in a church of married people of similar age can be pretty oppressive. You cannot help but feel a bit outside the box.

Two points for back story here: 1. I attended a Christian college where I wrote for the newspaper a commentary piece that received a lot of chatter on campus. It was called “Desperately Seeking the Mrs. Degree.” (See? There goes my Madonna kick again.) 2. Just  recently I posted a rant on Facebook about having adult onset acne when I never had any in my teens.

Mirror, Mirror

Approaching the mirror as I washed up after my evening flight, I came face-to-face with my own lightly aging, tired-from-years-of-long-haul-flights-and-dehydration reflection. In case you did not know, dear Reader, I am a never-been married, 40-year old singleton. How could that be, perhaps you inquire? Well, over the decades, I never found myself without a date or a boyfriend, but nonetheless, if I were a cartoon character in Mulan, I would likely be dismissed by the matchmaker as “stale cake.”

Backstory One was a diatribe in how women waste so much time trying to affix themselves at an early age to someone to wed. I had no particular aversion to getting married, but I was not one to obsess about the boys on campus as much as plot my own future. Looking back twenty years later, I have no regrets and cannot say there is any inflection point in any of my relationships where I rue a course of action or my choices to separate from one of my boyfriends. Backstory two was just a hard cruel fact. Adults get zits!

In college, one of my professors told me if I did not marry my college boyfriend, chances are a Christian woman like me would never find a good man. Oh, how I thought this was a bit absurd and histrionic. Looking back, he had a point. It has not been easy finding a proper soulmate for me. Also doesn’t make it easy when you are too busy traveling the world and doing everything you want to do to really look. First place to go? Well, the church. I am not your typical Sunday submit to your husband kind of bird. So now what? Do I weep over my hope chest? No, instead, I will reflect a bit.

Past Relationships

My past relationships have been great. I have done a discerning job not dating jerks. All my guys have been attractive, really intelligent, fun and naturally athletic. What they have not been is 100% devoted to God or on any spiritual path. After several months, even the extraordinary ones made me feel like they were stifling my potential, clouding my focus. Put me on the track if you must, but understand, I am thoroughbred by nature, so please let me ride. My single-pointed concentration and my accumulation of fire were constantly being dampened by the trivialities of shared life.

Even as a youth, I was always rooting for Paul, who acknowledged being unmarried, similar to many spiritual traditions, has its place in the kingdom. He listed advantages to being single. “But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.” (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).

Of course, there are times where I wonder. There are times when I date a man and cannot help but ask, “Could he be the one?” I do not eschew marriage as being an aged convention or ersatz by any means. I admire my friends with wonderful marriages and I have role models who are inspirational and lovely. Many people I have stood alongside, celebrating their unions and God’s blessing by uniting them as one. For me, uniting has always felt like one plus one equals one too many. The idea of dividing my focus just does not suit my design (and I think God agrees with me.)

Maybe the essay I wrote back in college really addressed something deep within me that I did not fully realize until now. I like having 100% of my energy and focus set on goals without distractions. My desire to serve God does not really want companionship. In spite of years of regular church-going, Christian college, bible groups, and church volunteering, God just never has indicated to me it was time, or that a particular individual was the one for me. For many that might draw pity or compassion, maybe heartbreak because they sit from the perspective of a satisfying and fulfilling marriage. Others may secretly be reading this saying, “You go, girl, I wish I was as strong as you” because from their purview, the marriage decision has been more burden than bliss.

My Choice

I love and admire each woman for the decisions they make, just like I admire and respect the decisions I have made for myself. My windows look out onto a world of bold and unlimited potential. I am “stale cake” by choice, loving every flaking bit of me, even the crumbling, dry and flavorless chunks that fall to the floor. Taste me or toss me, it does not matter, because I am flavored with a conviction, perhaps unconventional, that never ceases to fuel my appetite for adventure, exploration, and contemplation.

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My dear SheLoves friends, I’d love to hear from you:

• If you’re single, have you ever felt pressure to be married?
• How do you deal with it?
• Any other thoughts or comments?

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About Ali:

My name is Ali Valdez and I live between Seattle and Houston. I am a Christian yoga instructor, academic and writer, and devote most of my time in servitude to my students, who are yoga teachers or studio owners developing yoga communities in their cities and towns. I have also worked and led Kindergarten and small groups at my church. I love religion, philosophy and man’s inquiry on all things of higher order. I have devoted my life to study and am versed in the metaphysical, philosophical and topics of comparative religion. Practically, I love wellness, nutrition, the gross and subtle energy bodies, healing, alternative medicine, fitness, exercise, and healthful levels on many levels. I have done crazy things like marathons, sky-diving and state-of-the-art spa treatments. I look forward to connecting with you all and sharing whatever insights I may have that serve you in your aspirations. For fun, I travel the world, host retreats globally, read and write on my blog, the Gadabout. I also party with my Bun, a little five-year-old named Mathilde. You can learn more about what I do at sattvayogaonline.com

A Friendship, a Film Project and Fighting for Many Lives

“This is my part. I have a talent and I have a voice and Iʼm not afraid to use it.”

By Katherine Folkers | Twitter: @KatherineSHill
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I was in the shower when my husband burst in with the phone: “Sorry, Katherine, but it’s Annette. I thought youʼd be upset if I didnʼt give you the phone now.”

I’d been waiting all day for this call.

“Hi,” I said. “So?”

“Well youʼre talking to a cancer patient,” she responded.

Crash! My heart and everything with it fell to the floor. After we talked, I stepped back in the shower, unable to face my family. As the water gushed over my head, the weight of the situation hit as heavy droplets swept tears away from my face and down the drain.

Our Friendship

As an actor I’ve always been able to stand my ground, to not be bullied into doing something compromising and yet it’s often been very lonely. Where were all the Christians artists? I often wondered. I so badly wanted to meet another Christian actor who shared the same vision, so we could run together and support each other. I kept praying for that person and at an acting workshop in 2007, I saw this woman who literally shone!

Annette seeemed happy, full of life, exciting to be around and had a real peace about her. I didnʼt talk to her that day, but after the workshop I emailed her and asked if she, by any chance, were a Christian. “Yes,” she responded. We met up and talked for hours, discovering a mutual dream in our hearts and we shared a similar take on life, acting and faith.

After a few years of good friendship, we started a company together. It was a huge feat as we launched EVE Entertainment Inc. Our mandate “Seek First the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” –Matthew 6:33 directed our every decision.

As it turned out, Annette and I worked incredibly well together and it strengthened our friendship.

We saw many young and older actors struggling to figure out how the industry works in Vancouver and how to navigate through the pressure. It was our role to step in and guide them through the process of finding an agent, learning how to behave on set and how to create their own career. As talent consultants, we essentially want to be the “mamas” of the industry. My dream is to encourage, inspire and draw out potential in actors. There isnʼt enough support out there and we want to fill that gap.

But the dream didnʼt stop there. Our next goal was to create a production side of the company and shoot films. Not only did we want to be filmmakers but also educators–bringing people on our set and giving them an opportunity to learn about filmmaking. Through our films we want to tell truthful stories about real people, give a voice to the voiceless and do it in an entertaining and artistic way.

In 2011, we got to shoot our first film under EVE Entertainment Inc. It was such a big deal to see this dream come to a reality. We started with The 168-hour Film Project and made a short film for their competition. The 168-Hour Film Project is a Christian film festival in LA where a new theme is introduced each year and every team is then given an individual verse to inspire their films. There are 168 hours to shoot and edit the project before turning it in. The process was amazing and we got to work on incredibly talented individuals. Our first film did very well, making it to the top 20 films of the festival with two nominations. It is now being entered into film festivals around the world.

A New Idea

With a great success behind us, we were eager to create another film for the following year. As we started planning for the next project, I initially wanted to write a comedy but then an idea came to my heart to tell a story that isnʼt told enough. I had been talking to a few women from church lately about Human Trafficking and what goes on in Canada and discovered that one of the malls near where I live, is the highest trafficked area in all of Canada. This is my backyard; the place where I’m raising my children. I wondered if anybody else knew about this? Is there enough information out there to help parents teach their children how to avoid the traps? Do girls know what to look out for and more importantly, how to say NO!? I didnʼt see the answers.

To me, film can be an answer. Film is such a wonderful medium to get a message across by simply telling a story.

Then, in the midst of raising money for our next short film, Annette, my best friend and business partner was diagnosed with cancer in late November last year. She is 30 years old, married for only five years and has a one-year-old daughter. With all the dreams she has and the dreams we have together, it doesnʼt seem fair. I know in my heart and my spirit and my soul that God is a Healer. I know she will recover, that she will be stronger, that God will do a miracle here. But … in all honesty I donʼt want her to go through this. And so here I am doing my best to be her great friend and great supporter.

I wanted to stop the film, put everything on pause and wait for her to be well again. Sheʼs my partner-in-crime. How could I do this without her? As I thought about this, however, I realized I couldnʼt NOT make this film. I have to move forward and keep going because even though Iʼm a little scared to do it alone and I do not have the resources, I have God and Heʼs come through before and Heʼll come through again. Plus: There are young girls who could actually be prevented from being trafficked.

I hope to use this short film to create a campaign and bring awareness to the community about human trafficking. I want to teach young girls how to value themselves and stand up for themselves. I want to encourage parents to get educated on this matter and I want people to stop shying away from the subject because itʼs too hard to conceive. I want people to GET TALKING and I want Human Trafficking to be abolished. Many people and organizations around the world are working towards this, but more has to be done. This is my part. I donʼt have money to give, but I have a talent and I have a voice and Iʼm not afraid to use it.

If you would like to find out more about what I am doing with this next film, would like to participate or donate please click here.

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About Katherine:

Wife, mother of two little ones, business owner, entrepreneur, actor/writer/director, filmmaker. I like to keep myself busy taking care of my family and chasing my dreams! I am passionate about encouraging others to follow their dreams and giving a voice to those who have no voice. Always ready for a fight, I love to take on new battles that seek justice while secretly dreaming about being Wonderwoman. Often quiet around those I’m getting to know, you’ll find me blunt and honest, outspoken and goofy with my besties.

My taste in film and music is likened to that of a 60-80 yr old. I’ll be watching psychological thrillers, period films, indie flix and listening to jazz, motown, opera etc.

I love education, constantly learning and sharing what I have learned.

In the mornings you’ll find me grumpy and crawling for my soy, hazelnut latte. At night you’ll find me energized and hammering away on the computer or getting into a good TV show with my hubby, who, might I add, is an incredible supporter of my career and of fighting for women’s issues (which I do on a daily basis).

ShePonders: Christmas

“He, and not the Caesars of this age, is the Light of the World, the Messiah, the Savior.”

By Kelley Johnson-Nikondeha
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Audio: ShePonders: Christmas

Click on the link above for an audio experience of Kelley’s post.

“Jesus is the reason for the season.”

Growing up in the church and a series of other concentric Christian circles over the years, this is an oft-quoted truism during this season. Jesus is the reason for Christmas; the reason we celebrate. He is the reason we carve out this holy time on our annual calendar. Christmas is about Jesus, not about lavish consumption and consumerism.

Absolutely true.

And yet … it rings incomplete for me. Jesus is the reason for what? Is He the reason for gift-giving, cookie-baking, stocking-hanging, tree-lighting and hall-decking? Is He the reason for family gatherings; the reason we give to the poor at home and abroad? While the commemoration of His advent provokes celebration and charity, I still feel the message of Christmas is a bit muddled.

What is the Christmas story really about? What did Matthew and Luke intend as they wrote down their distinctive birth narratives we now blend together seamlessly into Christmas pageants? Why did the wise men bring gifts?  Why did the angels fill the celestial amphitheatre with song? Why did the shepherds run to see the baby?  What did the words of Elizabeth, Simeon and Anna mean to the first hearers in the ancient world? What is the rhyme and reason behind these cherished stories we read our children during the 12 days of Christmas?

Poetic Genealogies

Matthew begins with a long genealogy that travels from Abraham through David and Solomon, arriving at Jesus. The lineage demonstrates that Jesus is the new Messiah, arriving on the scene at the appropriate time. Luke’s genealogy begins with Jesus tracing His line back through Nathan, David, Boaz and finally to Adam in the garden. We learn from Luke that Jesus is the new Adam. In the poetry of genealogy we learn that Jesus is Messiah, that He is our new beginning. But we discover something else as well. In the ancient world, genealogies were spun to showcase the lineage of Caesar, to make manifest that he is the Son of God descended from Heaven. Both Matthew and Luke use the rhetoric of the day to say something different–there is a new ruler and here are His credentials. These were both counter-genealogies announcing the bone fides of Jesus. He is the true Messiah, He is the true beginning of a new era … not Caesar.

Divine Conception

Next, both Matthew and Luke tell the story of the divine conception of Jesus. The Angel Gabriel had several conversations with Joseph, according to Matthew, about the nature of his wife’s pregnancy.  As Luke tells it, Gabriel spoke to Mary directly about the goodness she was gestating within.  We are told that she received these words with an open heart and, I imagine, an awareness that her life had just been set on an irreversible trajectory.

While these stories of God-breathed conception sound novel to our ears, we must re-frame our understanding. Such tales were commonplace in the days of the ancient Mediterranean. You would hear stories like this all the time–about the birth of Caesar. Everyone knew He descended from the gods and was genetically inclined to rule the empire. Now we are told there is Another on the scene … another divine Son with the capacity and mandate to reign. We learn that the birth stories have less to do with the biology of the mother and more to do with the destiny of the child–destined to rule.  Matthew and Luke tell us that Caesar has a challenger for the throne.  Jesus, the true child of God, is destined to rule the Kingdom.

Heavy Titles

Scattered within these birth narratives are many heavy titles. ”King of the Jews” was a title ascribed to Herod the Great, but applied to Jesus. ”Son of God,” “Lord,” “Savior of the world”–all used to speak exclusively of Caesar, the one who descends from the gods and saves the world. He brings the Pax Romana through victory, employing violence to suppress rivals. Included in his peace is an economic policy that rewards the elites and exploits the poor, but keeps the roads open and commerce flowing. When Matthew and Luke call Jesus the Son of God, Messiah, Savior, Lord … they are dancing on the edge of treason. But they are naming a new reality–the light of the world has come, and it is not the emperor seated in Rome, but the babe in the stable. The gospel writers are, in effect, advertizing a better Son of God. Jesus will bring peace through justice and His peace will come through non-violent means. His Kingdom will bring about prosperity for all–even those at the margins and on the underbelly of the economy–and it will have no end.

Once we read these poetic genealogies, divine conception stories loaded with heavy titles we should all be chanting:

Jesus, not Caesar! Jesus, not Caesar! Jesus, not Caesar!

What the stories of Christmas say, then and now, is that peace cannot come through Caesar. The gospel writers wanted us all to see that there is another way to govern the world–peace through justice, not violence. There is another way to administer the Kingdom–through justice, love and goodness. We have been entrusted with very subversive stories that invite us to see differently, believe differently and act differently. The way the world operates now is not the only way it can ever be. Jesus comes as a new kind of President, a different kind of Prime Minister, a better General Secretary of the United Nations and more skilled Managing Director of the International Monetary Fund … with another Way to bring about a lasting peace and an equitable economy for all.

Jesus is the reason for the season … a reason that upends the status quo of the world as we know it. He is the beginning of deep transformation the world over and the savior for all who suffer under current empires and economies. He offers another way forward, a rationale that confronts all we have come to know and believe about the way the world works.

- Jesus is the reason to rethink the status quo of our empires and economies.

- Jesus is the reason to imagine peace and prosperity without war.

- Jesus is the reason to live differently in this season and every other season–

Because He, and not the Caesars of this age, is the Light of the World, the Messiah, the Savior. This is why we sing: Glory to God in the Highest!

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About Kelley:

Kelley Johnson Nikondeha is co-director of Amahoro Africa and international staff member of Community of Faith with her husband Claude. She’s a thinker, connector, advocate, avid reader and mother of two beautiful children. Kelley lives between Arizona and Burundi. She loves handwritten letters, homemade pesto and anything written by Walter Brueggemann.

Image credit: Merry Christmas, by The Meadowbrook blog

My Christmas Miracle: On Friendship, Faith and Fertility

By Daniela Schwartz | Twitter: @dannyschwartz

Every Christmas I believe for a miracle. Sometimes it’s silly like the year we got an espresso machine. The miracle was the guy working at Starbucks offering me his staff discount, because we could not have afforded it otherwise. It has brought years of joy.

Another year it was a Wii when they were a hot item. Two years ago Disneyland. (That was truly magical). I try to create memories for my family–each Christmas a special memory, so that as time passes, it will not be forgotten.

Last year’s miracle changed my family forever. We welcomed Oliver. The biggest Christmas miracle ever.

My story:

A women’s cycle is on average 28 day. Here’s my CliffsNotes version:

Day One: Your period.

Day 7-14: Sanity Days. No PMS, cramping, bloating or irrational demands.

Day 14: Ovulation

Day 15 – 28: Varying degrees of craziness, moodiness, overheating, overeating and slow gradual transformation to your fat clothes. A.k.a. comfy pants and your husband’s old T-shirt with the grease stain from last month’s chips ‘n dip.

This is the natural course of a woman. OK, I am speaking for myself. Then there comes a time, where you decide to do something productive with these cycles, liiiike … for example, make a baby. When Ryan and I were first married we decided to try for Owen and two weeks later, the bun was in the oven.

Two years after Owen, we decided to add one more child to the mix. I decided I would get pregnant in August, so the baby could be born in the spring, I’d then have time to de-fat for summer and BAM I’d be lounging on the beach, my babe napping beside me–Ryan and Owen chasing each other around in the distance.

August passed. Negative. Oh, well, late spring is good too. Negative. Summer? Negative. Fall? Winter? Negative.

Two years passed.

Here ‘s what the cycle of a women with infertility looks like:

Day 25: Obsessing over every twinge your body makes. Am I nauseous? I feel sick, yes I am going to throw up! Oh joy, could this be it? My boobs? Definitely sore. And tired? Yes, exhausted. Thank God for those early response tests. Negative. OK, it’s too early.

Day 26: Negative. Still too early. Definitely feeling something, though.

Day 26 evening: Negative. Darn it. I should have waited til the morning; that’s when there’s the most hormones.

Day 27: Racing back to the house with pregnancy test still holding first morning urine. Negative. It’s OK. Tomorrow it will show up.

Day 28: I’m holding the pregnancy test up to the light. Maybe the line is so faint I can’t see it? (I did that a lot.)

Day 1: Oh.

Day 15: Cleansing breath. Maybe …

I was so glad the day I found pregnancy tests could be purchased in bulk online, since store-bought ones were costing a fortune. I literally ordered a hundred at a time. I think I felt that if I took enough tests, I could somehow stop my period from coming.

At year three we sought help at a fertility clinic. Tests, tests and more tests. Only to discover that Ryan and I had unexplained infertility. Factoring our age and the time we had gone without conceiving without medical intervention, our chances were five percent. Awesome. We began to discuss treatments and decided to try IUI’s and drugs. Night sweats, hormone-induced rages, awkward fertility treatment with a nurse (shouldn’t Ryan be here?) produced a Negative.

My twin sister became pregnant. My best friend became pregnant. I went for another IUI. Negative.

There was I moment with I was standing with my sister and friend in my kitchen one day, trying not to stare at their swollen bellies and I felt my uterus physically RECOIL. It took my breath away and I wanted to lay down and go to sleep forever.

Let’s pause here for a moment. Please don’t think that for one moment I wasn’t grateful for my Owen. I treasure that boy. This was something I was dealing with on the sidelines of being his mom.

We stopped our fertility treatments. We went back once to explore in vitro,  but because we had Owen already,  we decided we would use the money to adopt eventually. At that visit we discovered that due to time and increasing age, our chances were now 1.7 percent.

It had been 3.5 years. Every time I sat in church, I cried. Every time someone near to me conceived, I’d smile, shut down my heart so I could get through the next five minutes without screaming, WHY???? WHY???? And then say, I’m so happy for you. (If you are one those friends, I’m sorry.)

What changed?

We had been back to church for about a year, mostly to have Owen there. I had a wall around me, because I felt so fragile and broken in my disappointment and hurt. One month, my very close girlfriend told me she was expecting. For some reason I got it in my head, This is it. This is God’s timing for me. We were meant to have babies together and to boot, it’s Christmas! God knows how much I love Christmas. It is His perfect timing. I had been praying for this. I was smug in my confidence of knowing God’s will for my life.

Day 1: I felt the color leave my face. Ryan must have taken Owen to school that day. I was home by myself getting ready for work  and listening to music. Numb. “A Bridge Over Trouble Water” came on. It was being sung by a Christian singer. These words stopped me:

“Your time has come to shine

All your dreams are on their way.”

God speaks to us in so many different ways. In that moment I knew God knew my heart. There were a lot of tears that day. I gave my burden to Him (although for the next year and half, I tried to take it back a few times.)

I turned my heart back to God that day.  I took my eyes off what I didn’t have and put them on Him.

I went on birth control eventually to help my hormones. They were a mess from the fertility treatments and it felt good to close the door, to know that I did not have to have Day 1 that month. When a close friend (let’s call her Linda) approached me one day and asked if I would go off the pill and try again, I looked at her like she was insane. If she knew what she was asking me, she would not be asking me this. I was doing well, and I did not want to reopen that door.  She committed to praying for me for three months. I loved and trusted her, so I committed to having unprotected whoopy with my husband for three months.

Negative.

Negative.

Negative.

I did not hop back on the pill once the three months had passed. Partly cause I did not get to my doctor’s; partly because I knew Linda was still believing. At month four my hormones were raging and I told her I was done. I was turning into a hormonal lunatic. She was disappointed, but understood.

Day 29. No Day 1? Weird. I went to Walmart and bought the cheapest test possible. Peed on it and walked straight to the trash to chuck it. Hold the phone. What’s that? I took a picture and sent it to my friend.

“Is that two lines?”

I called Ryan and he said: “Why did you buy the cheapest test?” (To date, Ryan has NO idea just how many tests I took over the years and how much it cost.)

Please don’t be an illusion, I prayed. Please don’t let this be a mental break down. I drove straight from Walmart to my girlfriend’s. I needed an extra set of eyes. I went straight to her toilet. Instantly there were two bright pink lines. I flew out of the bathroom: *JOY*  “It’s positive! It’s positive!!!” My friend, her friend who I had never met and I started jumping up and down, hugging and shouting like lunatics.

I called my husband. Speechless.

Then I called Linda.

Me: “You don’t have to pray for me to get pregnant anymore.”

Linda: “Why?”

Me (giant lump in my throat):  “’Cause I’m pregnant.”

Linda cried for two days.

December 18th, 2010.

I’m in labour, and Oh-Martha-Something-Stewart it hurts. We are driving to the hospital and it starts to snow. In between the waves of contractions I know this is a gift from God. He knows how much I love the snow. This is God’s perfect timing. I soak in the sereneness of the star-kissed night, soft white flakes covering the earth in a blanket of white brilliance.

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One week before Christmas we welcomed Oliver. When I saw him, he took my breath away. When I saw his big brother holding him, it stopped my heart.

“Your time has come to shine

All your dreams are on their way.”

When God told me He knew my dreams, He did not answer MY dreams right away. He worked in my life, fixing things that needed fixing; healing where healing was needed. When I gave Him back my life, God transformed it and then He topped it off with Oliver.

He never forgot.

Linda and Oliver just recently.

For those of you who have a friend walking through infertility, here are four things never to say to her. EVER:

1. Stop trying so hard.
2. Stop thinking about it so much.
3. When you stop trying, it will happen. It happened to my friend.
4. If you decide to adopt, you’ll get pregnant. That happened to so and so.

[Insert applause from infertile women.)

Here's what you can say to her:

I am sorry you are here. It sucks. Big time.  You are doing everything right. Have faith and if you don’t right now, I have enough for you.

[Insert tears and hugs.]

“God answers in three ways: He says yes and gives you what you want, He says no and gives you something better and He says wait and gives you the best.”

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My dear SheLoves sisters, I’d love to hear your thoughts:

• Do you have a Christmas miracle?
• How has God met you in a special way at Christmas?
• Do you have an experience with infertility?
• Or a friend who has believed for you when you stopped having faith?

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About Daniela:
Daniela is stepping into the role of stay-at-home mom. She loves Jesus, her husband and kids and jumps feet first into opportunities to serve in her community. Daniela lives by this statement, “Preach the gospel always, use words when necessary.” She loves to live life big and laughs a lot. She blogs with her twin sister Trinity at Lime in the coconuts.

Samson, Delilah and Why Dating Scares Me

“I figure the only way we can keep from losing it completely—pulling a “Samson” and shaving all our hair off—is by holding onto our purpose.”

By Ashley Mandanici | Twitter: @ashleymandanici

My friend is dating this guy, and she is just not that into him.

Don’t get me wrong; he seems nice enough. Educated, talented, good-looking.

But she is just not that into him.

I keep asking her why she’s still dating him. Meanwhile, I see a flashback to a few months ago, when she was asking me the same question about a guy I was dating.

We both expressed similar feelings about dating, primarily, that it tends to feel awkward and unnatural. To put it into perspective, I feel more comfortable on job interviews than I do on most dates.

Singleness and the 20-something

Both my friend and I are in our mid-twenties. We are both rational enough to understand we should not panic about being single; however, we realize there are certain variables nagging at us. These variables include, but are not limited to:

1. Boredom

Because your mom isn’t always a suitable Friday night date solution.

2. Age

The other day I checked Facebook to find a kid I taught in Kids Church is engaged! Engaged to be married, not just engaged in the new Twilight saga. I felt old.

3. Sexy time

I’ve never had sexy time, but I’ve heard good things.

4. Social pressure

This point is my personal favourite, as it tends to accompany the best conversation topics in social environments. Example:

“Ashley, why aren’t you married yet?”

“Well, Random Guest at Friend’s Wedding, I’ve been so busy beating off all the eligible bachelors who keep throwing themselves at me that I just can’t seem to find the time.”

Conversations

After a three-hour-long conversation with my friend in which we beat this topic into the ground, I hung up the phone more confused than when WE started.

Clarity from a godly source

With all of this dating and relationship confusion, I figured I would go to the Bible for some clarity.

In His infinite wisdom, God brought me to the book of Judges, Chapter 16—the story of Samson and Delilah.

There are a lot of peculiar relationships in the Bible, but Samson and Delilah’s has to be one of the top ten weirdest.

To make sure we’re all on the same page, Auntie Ashley is going to give her condensed, children’s church version of the story.

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Story Time with Auntie Ashley

My brilliant friend, Katelyn, is helping me with the illustrations. It seems only right that we have teamed up, as I remember Katelyn putting together many brilliant caricatures documenting my high school teenage heartbreaks.

So, criss-cross-apple-sauce everyone (that’s pre-schooler for “sit down and stop talking”), while Auntie Ashley tells you the magical tale of Samson and Delilah.

Samson was born with a clear purpose from God: to save the Israelites from the Philistines. Samson was amazingly strong… so long as he didn’t cut his hair. (He was also banned from eating grapes or raisins, or touching dead bodies—but that’s not important to the story.)

Samson had lousy taste in women and fell in love with a woman named Delilah.

The Philistines convinced Delilah to find the source of Samson’s strength. Delilah nagged Samson into submission, and he finally told her the source of his power.

Delilah cut Samson's hair—his source of power—and then sold him out to the Philistines

The Philistines overtook him, jabbed his eyes out, and tied him to two pillars in their temple.

In one last moment of strength and repentance to God, Samson pulled down the pillars of the temple and killed a whole crowd of Philistines and himself.

The end.

If I were telling this story to a group of pre-schoolers in Kids Church, this would be the point they might look at me with horror in their eyes.

Samson’s story and mine

I realized something as I thought more about this story. This story is not about Delilah. This story is not even about Samson. This story is about God’s purpose for Samson.

No, nix that, this story is about God’s purpose.

The greatest tragedy in the story of Samson’s life is how quickly he abandoned himself to his own desires and entirely forgot his God-given purpose. Just a little bit of nagging from Delilah, and his vision was removed, figuratively and literally.

I started thinking about my friend and I, and how this lesson applied to us. What does Samson and Delilah have to do with the fact that the very thought of dating made us both seasick?

I discovered that the common denominator is this: nagging. The three of us (Samson, my friend and I) have had things nagging at us!

For Samson, it was Delilah; for my friend and I, it is a collection of lists. Lists of all the things we should have accomplished by our age, lists of all the men we should have dated and how far we should have gone with them. Dating is not necessarily our problem; the issue is the purpose of why we are dating.

I figure the only way we can keep from losing it completely—pulling a “Samson” and shaving all our hair off—is by holding onto our purpose.

In my last article I shared my “one sentence,” my purpose statement if you will. Now, I’m very glad I have said purpose statement.

But Samson knew his purpose too—and look how he wound up!

It is not enough to know my purpose; I need to hold onto it when the rest of the world is nagging at me to do something else. Because, let’s face it, it is not really my purpose, it’s God’s. And He’s going to get the job done whether I cooperate or not.

About Ashley:

My name is Ashley and I am the Children’s Ministry Coordinator at Relate Church in Surrey, B.C. My mission is to develop the God-given potential in every child who crosses my path *Insert Whitney Houston’s “Greatest Love of All” here*. I love all things jazzy, particularly music, and I tend to break into song throughout the day for no apparent reason. I blog here and tweet @AshleyMandanici

About Katelyn:

Katelyn Szekeres is the writer of the blog, oddbutnice.com where she details her neurotic childhood, marriage and sometimes-evil cat, Gizmo. When she’s not doing that, she works as a Mental Health Worker, makes weird crafts, takes lots of photos and plans where she will be traveling next!

Photo credit: Cali4beach

A Few of our Favourite Things

Christmas PJs, funky ornaments + family traditions

By Angela Doell | Twitter: @adoell

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Our family Christmas tree goes up each year on November 11th. I realize it’s crazy early–a full six weeks before Christmas–but it’s how we roll. My kids would be horrified if I tried to change the plan. It’s a tradition, part of our established family code of conduct. Christmas wouldn’t be the same without that tree leading the way.

In recent years Rod and I have become more intentional about creating and preserving family culture. Traditions build security and trust and give us identity. Christmas is probably our favourite season for memory-making, so it’s probably good that we start early.

My parents are brilliant in creating traditions–and they come by that honestly. My Granny, who passed into eternity three years ago, was the queen of holiday customs. Each Christmas Eve we’d gather to eat turkey at her house and sing every single carol in the book before any gifts were ripped open. She reigned over the holiday craziness with grace, charm and a whistle that she wasn’t afraid to use–and we loved it.

There are things we do every year (fun,meaningful, memorable or silly) that make our celebration sweet. I thought I’d share some of our faves in hopes of soliciting yours. (We’re always up for fresh ideas and would love to borrow yours!)

Christmas Pajamas: My mom buys the kids and grandkids a cozy new pair of pajamas every Christmas. We open them together one evening before Christmas, and we all change into them. It’s the ultimate photo op.

Ornament Collection: Rod and I take the kids out on an adventure to choose a new ornament each year, one that’s meaningful or special to them. They love unwrapping and reminiscing about each one.

Reality check side note: Honestly, this funky assortment of ornaments makes for a Christmas tree that’s more eclectic than exquisite. This year we’re putting all of their “special” decorations on a small tree beside the fireplace in order to keep the big family tree pristinely perfect. Win-win.

Christmas Eve Church + Family Time: Because we serve on staff at church, Christmas Eve always involves at least one candlelight service. Celebrating with our church family is a highlight. Between services we chill in the family room at home and the kids get to open one gift they’ve thoughtfully picked out for each other.

Serious Togetherness: Each season we purpose to spend tons of time together–and it requires planning. (You know how the December calendar defaults to busy). We watch Christmas movies, bake (for us, for friends and for Christmas hampers), decorate cookies with cousins and intentionally enjoy each other’s presence. One of my best memories is of being (literally) snowed in at home as a teenager, spending days working on a gigantic puzzle with my family between Christmas and New Years. My parents were probably going stir-crazy but I haven’t forgotten it. I think I subconsciously try to recreate that intimate scenario every year (minus the snow).

Christmas is a celebration of God’s greatest act of love–Jesus didn’t distance Himself from us in our sin and humanity, but He came as close as He could–He “moved into the neighbourhood” and brought us the gift of His Presence. Each Christmas is a reminder of how precious that gift is. Our traditions bring us together, and I hope my kids will tell my grandkids about them one day.

• Tell me–what traditions do YOU treasure? I’d love to hear. 

About Angela:

Angela and her husband Rod have been married for 18 years and they have two children, Madison (15) and Miller (12). Angela works with the creative & media teams at Relate Church in Surrey, BC where she oversees art direction and communications. She loves finding beauty in everyday life and is passionate about communicating hope and the reality of a living Jesus through media and design.

Because of a Little Love: The Story of Beatrice and Agnes

Beatrice needed more than facial reconstructive surgery. She needed Agnes to remind her she is loved.

By Stephanie Motz Skinner | Twitter: @stephmotz

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©Fakeleft. Quote by Mother Teresa.

I am thinking about loneliness this week. Mother Teresa, a woman who witnessed extreme poverty and disease, believed that being unloved, rejected and lonely is a form of poverty.

She said: “We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread but there are many more dying for a little love.”

A Little Love

When James and I heard of the opportunity to film a girl who had just undergone reconstructive surgery we jumped at the opportunity. It was the last footage we needed to complete the production of a short video for Living Hope that we’ve been working on and we were eager to begin piecing the final story together.

So we set off early one morning with a Living Hope team leader. She informed us that the girl we were filming would be returning to her home in Gulu soon. We were excited for her because we figured she was probably anxious to return to her family.

Meet Beatrice

To protect her identity, I’ll call her Beatrice. Beatrice is about fifteen years old. She had undergone two surgical procedures in a week and was recovering at a Watoto village near Kampala. A cheerful and loving Living Hope graduate named Agnes was caring for her. She had been trained to nurse reconstructive surgery patients after their operation and had spent a week nursing Beatrice. When we met them you could tell they had become increasingly attached to each other. Agnes would hug Beatrice and fix the scarf around her neck. She would wipe Beatrice’s chin when spittle would trickle from her healing lips.

The stitches around her lips made it difficult for Beatrice to speak, so Agnes shared with us the details of Beatrice’ story. Beatrice had not experienced war injuries but she had been born with a cleft lip and palate and this had profoundly damaged her quality of life.

Reassurance

As Agnes spoke, Beatrice stared blankly at the ground. She seemed shy and even a little scared. Agnes pulled her close. She caressed her head and whispered a few words to her in Acholi, their local language. Beatrice smiled and appeared reassured.

After listening to her story, we explained the purpose of the video we were working on. We pulled out the reflectors, set up the tripod, opened some windows and began directing.

As we filmed, the Living Hope team leader and Agnes spoke to Beatrice making her feel at ease. But after a few minutes of shooting, she suddenly began to cry. We immediately stopped. We thought maybe we had approached her insensitively and briefing her had not been enough. Maybe she needed a little encouragement. I immediately asked the team leader to translate for me, but after a few minutes the team leader interrupted me to tell me that we weren’t the reason she was crying.

Phew, I thought at first. But then she explained that Beatrice was crying, because while we were shooting, she was told she would soon be returning home and this was harrowing news to her.

Going Home

Beatrice’s community associated her birth deformity with witchcraft. So when she was born, her mother gave her the Acholi name for “the cursed one.” Her mother abandoned her when she was young and her grandmother who is raising her, mistreats her. Even though she goes to school and has a home to sleep in, Beatrice didn’t grow up experiencing kindness and care.

And yet she seemed like such an innocent child. She had a shy smile and a sweet and gentle demeanor. For the last week Agnes had treated Beatrice like a daughter. She didn’t just nurse her wounds, she nurtured her heart.

Later that day Beatrice was transported to a recuperation center in Gulu and I thought I’d never see her again. But a week later James and I traveled to Gulu and while we were there, we visited the Living Hope recuperation center where women recover from their reconstructive surgeries or are prepared for their upcoming procedures.

Flourishing

As we pulled into the driveway and parked our car, we spotted Beatrice. When she recognized us, she sprinted towards us. And as soon as I was out of the car, she gave me a huge hug, her healing lips quivering as she tried to contain her smile. It was as if her experience with Agnes had unlocked something inside her and this was allowing her to flourish. I like to believe that the care and love she experienced will give her the hope she needs to persevere through difficult times. I can’t be certain what is going to happen to Beatrice, but my brief encounter with her has reminded me that sometimes the simplest, most uncomplicated acts of love and service–the type that Agnes demonstrated towards Beatrice by simply being there for her and treating her with dignity–can bring healing to people in ways that can surprise us.

I know a person can’t subsist solely on love, but love feeds hearts and helps people flourish. Love and acceptance can help a person conquer her fears and reach her potential.

We all experience pain, but there are so many people in this world who are hurting alone. There are people out there who are seldom noticed and are isolated from their community. As I was thinking about Beatrice and many others like her, this documentary, A Way Out, came to mind:

A Way Out – documentary (2010) from Noora Shalaby on Vimeo.

I am reminded of the impact Love has on a person and how we should never take an encouraging word, a squeeze of the hand or an embrace for granted.
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So, beautiful SheLoves friends, what are your thoughts?

• What speaks to you in this post?
• Have you experienced or witnessed the impact that a simple act of love can have on a person?

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About Stephanie:
Stephanie is a humanitarian and portrait photographer for fakeleft.com where she shares stories of hope and dignity. She blogs at fakeleft.com/blog and tweets at @stephmotz

Wellness: One Way to Infuse Your Life with Purpose

On stamina, stillness and the wisdom of Steve Jobs.

By Ali Valdez

Last week, the world was saddened and stunned by the death of technology savant, Steve Jobs. His Stanford University commencement speech, circulated prodigiously on the Internet, inspired millions. Its topic? Death. Not woe-is-me, cold-death-beckons-a-poor-Silicon-Valley-billionaire, but as a mentor and instrument of meaning, infusing his life with purpose:

“No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life.

My story

One Good Friday, my pastor challenged the congregation to contemplate Jesus’ death on the cross. The room was dark and quiet. This ties back to Peter who makes claims of loyalty for Christ, but indeed Jesus knew in advance his limitations. I lasted about ten minutes, gravely humbled by my lack of endurance. Instead, my leg went to sleep, my stomach hurt because I overate, my mind was distracted.

I realized I didn’t have the mental stamina, yet alone the physical stamina to be wholly present for more than ten minutes.

Stillness is something I have worked hard to cultivate. It is just me-and-God time, no one sees it, but it was a call to action. Wellness requires focus, discipline and health in the body and mind. Then the spiritual work can commence and be sustained.

Believing in the promise of Christ’s resurrection should diminish all concerns of death, right?  In 2 Corinthians 5:8 it states: Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. (NLT). Beyond stating the body is a temple, or “earthly,” Christians typically tend to regard the body in its most practical day-to-day existence, not as a sacred, divine mystery. The Sufi mystic, Rumi, writes of Adam, “when he was given his body and his made of watery clay and fiery wind, the qualities inside the names became that; a human life being lived.”

As a student of comparative religion, I see death take many figurative forms but always  as star attraction. The Upanishads say “even as a heavy-laden cart moves on groaning, even so the cart of the human body, wherein lives the Spirit, moves on groaning when a man is giving up the breath of life.” Believers simultaneously feign diffidence and shake in fear at the reality of death’s encroachment on their conditioned way of life. It is never easy to let go, practice non-attachment and still feel human. We work through illness, aging, battling our genetics or lifestyle choices. Most of us have not lived through the egregious assault of death when it plays its hand in its harshest forms such as living through revolution, civil war, or famine.

In the Western world we have a choice.

Philippians 1:22-23 says: But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ. So I really don’t know which is better. I’m torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. (NLT) Paul knows that his work stands to benefit many. He understands duty and works whole-heartedly. Still, what we have accepted is a gift: Christ’s sacrifice of his material self.  To act in wellness is to operate in the fullness of the Christian life; physically, mentally and spiritually acquiescing to the graceful acknowledgement that there is work to do and fearlessness of death whilst doing it, even if that includes death of ego, prestige, or status.

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” –Steve Jobs

I believe living from the heart requires single-minded focus, discipline and health in the body and mind. Then the spiritual work can commence and be sustained. Now I understand that my body is indeed a temple on many levels. Sometimes I feel like God conducts my life like a conductor of a Stravinsky symphony.  Mine tends to be a temple frenetically in motion, like a whirling dervish. But now my body can also be a temple made of stone, cemented in bedrock capable of sitting, listening and learning for days on end.

This has become my barometer of wellness: when I can sit undeterred in the presence of God.

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So, dear SheLoves sisters, I’d love to hear your thoughts:

• Like Paul and Steve Jobs, do you think about death and allow it to inspire you towards clarity of purpose?
• What is your relationship with your body? Do you think of it in its most practical day-to-day existence, or as a sacred, divine mystery?
• Or: Do you have any questions?

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About Ali:

My name is Ali Valdez and I live between Seattle and Houston. I am a Christian yoga instructor, academic and writer, and devote most of my time in servitude to my students, who are yoga teachers or studio owners developing yoga communities in their cities and towns. I have also worked and led Kindergarten and small groups at my church. I love religion, philosophy and man’s inquiry on all things of higher order. I have devoted my life to study and am versed in the metaphysical, philosophical and topics of comparative religion. Practically, I love wellness, nutrition, the gross and subtle energy bodies, healing, alternative medicine, fitness, exercise, and healthful levels on many levels. I have done crazy things like marathons, sky-diving and state-of-the-art spa treatments. I look forward to connecting with you all and sharing whatever insights I may have that serve you in your aspirations. For fun, I travel the world, host retreats globally, read and write on my blog, the Gadabout. I also party with my Bun, a little five-year-old named Mathilde. You can learn more about what I do at sattvayogaonline.com

RELATE with Helen: The Beauty of Together

“I am completely captivated by the beauty of TOGETHER–a magnificent, harmonious symphony with Jesus being the center of it all.”

By Helen Burns | Twitter: @helenburns

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Last week I spent a very memorable evening with three amazing women–my daughters Angela, Danica and Ashley. We had planned the evening to celebrate Ashley’s birthday with shopping and yummy Indian food. It was perfect–we bought bedding, clothing, lush candles, lovely dishes and books (yay for Anthropologie) and ate delectable food. We laughed until we cried (which we always do) and we talked openly, trustingly and safely and it occurred to me how intensely blessed and strong we were together. There was no hesitancy in our communication, no fear of being known, no awkwardness in expressing our heart’s longings or disappointments–it was a picture of the truest and purest form of motherhood, sisterhood and friendship.

The next morning I woke up early to study and finalize my preparations for a message I shared at LifeWomen, entitled  ”Womanity: The Heart and Strength of Motherhood.” I had planned to highlight the faith and courage of Jocabed, the mother of Moses who had so trustingly hid her baby boy in a basket and placed him in the Nile River. As I re-read the first chapters of Exodus, however, my heart was drawn to a bigger story–the story of a company of women who all participated in saving the life of a baby boy whom God had marked for a destiny of greatness. I encourage you to read Exodus 1 -2:10 and see the magnificence of these women who cooperated with the plan of God, each playing their part to bring about freedom and deliverance for literally millions of people.

These women were:

• The gutsy midwives, Shiphrah and Puah who refused to kill the baby boys as ordered by Pharoah. I adore these brave women who put the lives of others before their own. Heroes!
• Jocabed, Moses’ mother who was relentless, innovative and filled with ruthless trust in her God! She managed to hide a baby boy for three months, build a wee waterproof “ark” out of papyrus reeds and then with abandoned faith place him in the Nile knowing that God was watching over him.
• The Egyptian princess, Pharoah’s daughter and her maidens. Exodus 2:6 says “she saw the baby and her heart went out to him.” She recognized that he was a Hebrew baby and yet the heart of a mother rose up in her to care for him, even though her father had commanded he should have been killed. How amazing–it dawned on me afresh that we should never limit who God will use to partner in the journey of one precious life.
• Miriam, Moses’ sister. She protectively watched over him from a distance … she became her brother’s keeper as she stepped into the situation and offered a solution for Moses’ welfare.

As women, we are all mothers, we are all friends–we are all sisters.

I have learned never to devalue what can come of a few committed women who each play their part in the grand scheme of God’s plan. I love how Matthew 18:19-20 (Amplified) describes this:

“Again I tell you, if two of you on earth agree (harmonize together, make a symphony together) about whatever [anything and everything] they may ask, it will come to pass and be done for them by My Father in Heaven. For wherever two or three are gathered (drawn together as My followers) in (into) My name, there I AM in the midst of them.”

I am completely captivated by the beauty of TOGETHER–a magnificent, harmonious symphony with Jesus being the center of it all. Just as I need you to play your part and you need me to play mine, the world needs us to come together for a cause and a purpose that is much bigger than what one of us can manage on our own–it really is as simple and as pure as that. There are literally multitudes of others waiting on the other side of our partnership.

Sisters

This brings me back to the significance of the evening I spent with my daughters. It’s been a huge and very difficult few years for one of us in particular, but in fact it has been huge for all of us because of our intense love and fierce commitment to each other. We have carried each other and have sung over each other when our hearts couldn’t find the melody any more. We have found a way to each play our part to ensure that we all arrive safely at our destination even though the waters of life may seem precarious and dangerous at times.

We can’t afford to lose one voice. Just as God needed a company of women to secure the safety of Moses, God needs us to carry each other.

I have such hope and a dream for the future of sisterhood. I see women stepping into the gap and lending their strength to each other–selflessly, tirelessly and confidently. A beautiful story is unfolding and I invite you to allow your story to be written into His story. Let’s go girls–so much to get done so let’s do it together!

About Helen:

Helen Burns and her husband, John, speak around the world on the topic of relationships. They host the popular TV show “Relate with John and Helen.”

Image credit: South Beach Sisters, by adwriter

Community Care: Reaching out to Solo Moms

Haircuts + car detailing + oil changes + manicures = LOVE in action.

By Daniela Schwartz | Twitter: @dannyschwartz
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I am looking at a young man in my chair, confirming in my brain that in my 20 years of hairdressing, this is the worst haircut I have ever seen. I take a deep breath and as diplomatically as possible ask his mother: “Who cut this?” The mother, looking a little embarrassed, replies, “I did.”

I reply: “Mom, don’t cut these bangs so short again” and then I smile. His mom lets out a breath and starts to laugh, in spite of herself. I’m cutting his hair in our church foyer for our first Solo Mom’s Back to School event.

As I am snipping away, making things right for this little boy’s head again our Senior Pastor, John Burns walks over to say hi to the kids getting haircuts. (Kids love P. John) and as he walks away the mother of the boy’s hair I am cutting turns and ask me who he is. Surprised, I reply “Why, that’s Pastor John, he’s the big guy around here, well next to Jesus that is … ” and BANG! It hits me. We are doing it. We are reaching our community.

This solo mom’s event was an opportunity to bless single moms in our church and community. We provided car detailing, oil changes, kids’ haircuts and a new outfit for each child. We pampered moms with high tea and manicures while we took care of their kids and cars. This was not to feel sorry for them–we know they are strong. They are raising kids on their own! We wanted them to know that they are loved. Their hard work is appreciated. We believe in them.

The heart behind this? Loretta Hibbs. She has been a part of Relate Church for 24 years and currently oversees the Community Care program which involves Care Home visits, prison ministry and youth centres, an Adopt-a-School program and children’s hospital. Although this is her “job”, you need to be around Loretta for about five seconds to know it is much bigger to her. This is her heart.

Fltr: Linda Carlson, Loretta Hibbs and Daniela Schwartz during a seniors visit.

I asked Loretta what inspired this event and this is what she said:
“I started the Solo Parents Event because I have four kids of my own and a great husband to support me. I can not imagine how hard it would be to raise kids on my own, not only having their wellbeing as my responsibility but financially also. I have been able to connect with a number of solo moms and build relationships with them. I just have a heart to support them so they don’t feel like they are doing this on their own. Matthew 25 says, Let us to take care of those that need help and support.

The response at the event was amazing. Loretta said, “I had so many comments on Saturday asking us why we would do this just for them. They couldn’t believe their kids received new clothes and hair cuts, etc. Even the car washes and manicures were a great hit.”

I’ve had the privilege of working with Loretta on our seniors visits, school hampers and solo moms events and she gives everything to make sure those we connect with, feel loved and know God loves them. Every time Loretta and I put together hampers, we struggle to move them, logistically, due to their sheer size. To me, that represents who Loretta is–someone who is over and above meeting needs.

I asked for her vision for Community Care and here’s what she had to say:

“We are here to do our best to meet the needs of our community–bringing a living Jesus to a dying world. Bridging the gap between community and church in a tangible, impacting way. Bringing justice where there is injustice, bringing hope where their seems no hope, bringing strength to those that have no strength. Making the invisible, visible … Knowing with God ALL things are possible.”

I love the peeps I get to do life with.

About Daniela:
Daniela is stepping into the role of stay-at-home mom. She loves Jesus, her husband and kids and jumps feet first into opportunities to serve in her community. Daniela lives by this statement, “Preach the gospel always, use words when necessary.” She loves to live life big and laughs a lot. She blogs with her twin sister Trinity at Lime in the coconuts.