Wellness Wednesday: Finding My Resting Place, No Guilt Added

Taking time to rest may just be the most spiritual thing I do all week.

By Claire De Boer | Twitter: @Britchic19

Last weekend I attended a conference called LifeWomen at my home church here in Surrey, Canada. The concept of LifeWomen couldn’t have been more inspiring—this conference really did breathe life into me.

One of the speakers, Dr. Robi Sonderegger, is a clinical psychologist and humanitarian activist—an amazing speaker who has an innate ability to speak to the very heart of women and seemingly understand our deepest needs.

Dr. Robi said many profound things over the three-day conference, but the phrase that really took route in my brain was perhaps one of the most simplistic:

“Taking time to rest may just be the most spiritual thing you do all week.”

I never take rests.

To me my rest time is when I put my head on my pillow at night and close my eyes. Even then, my brain is often swimming with a multitude of thoughts.

God has been tapping me on my shoulder and telling me to rest for some time now. It’s therefore no surprise to me that this particular phrase from Dr. Robi is the one that sticks in my mind.

A Moment of Rest

I took a trip with my family earlier this spring down to Florida. Part of me didn’t even want to go because it meant leaving a heavy workload. At the same time, I relished the thought of an opportunity to unwind.

It ended up being one of the most relaxing two weeks I’ve ever had. It wasn’t until I found myself out of my usual environment that I realized how much I needed the break. I felt calm; I could breathe deeply again and enjoy the life around me. On this trip I promised myself that when I returned home, I would take more time to relax.

It didn’t last. The memories of my relaxing trip soon faded into the background and within a couple of weeks I was back to my old routine—soccer mum one minute, crazy writer the next.

Resting in Him

Dr. Robi’s words are taking me on a journey. On this journey I’m pondering why and how God needs me to rest. The answer is transparent: If I don’t take time to rest, when do I connect with Him? How can I let Him take center place in my life if I’m too busy to let God in?

God’s message is clear: we need rest in order to have strength when we are working.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” –Matthew 11:28-29 The Message)

What good am I to my family, friends and work if I don’t rest? I become irritable, my mind often fogging over, and I go through the day in a state of heightened anxiety, which could eventually lead to illness. It’s quite clear why God requires me to rest.

But sometimes I’m a little like a petulant child, you see. I know what I need to do and why it’s good for me, but I keep running along in my own world, ignoring what’s best and just focusing on “getting things done.”

What would it be like if I spent a day focusing on NOT getting things done? What if I just rested in God for that day—took long walks on the beach, listened to music, wrote in my journal and prayed? It’s so easy! As a mother it would take a little logistical finagling, but it is do-able. So why don’t I ever do it?

Valuing my Time

As a child there was nothing I enjoyed more than singing or painting while listening to music. These things brought me peace, connection with myself and allowed my mind to rest. I valued this time to myself.

As I’ve grown older and added more tasks to my plate, including motherhood, taking care of a home and working, I’ve placed increasingly less value on my “alone time.” I like to accomplish tasks and feel anxious if I can’t.

Laying Aside Guilt

Until I really pondered the concept of rest and why I don’t make time for it in my life, I had no idea guilt was a factor.

When I rest, I feel guilty.

When I think of the times I’ve made the decision to put my feet up on the couch and read for half an hour, I have been unable to shake the thought that I could and should be doing something more useful.

It’s as though I feel I have to fill every second of my life doing something that will have some kind of productive outcome. But the irony is that without rest, everything else I do becomes unproductive. I can’t give all of myself to anything if I’m discounting my own needs.

What would my life look like if I took the time to really rest—self-condemnation aside—every day?

________________________

My dear SheLoves friends, I’d love to hear your thoughts:

• Do you take time to rest? If not, why?
• Does resting bring you closer to God?
• How could you incorporate a few minutes of rest into your daily life?

__________________________

About Claire:

Born and raised in the UK, Claire De Boer is the SheLoves Wellness Editor. She is a creative writer, woman of God, mother and wife. She is currently working on her first women’s fiction novel and a collection of short stories.

Claire is also a graduate of The Writer’s Studio at Simon Fraser University and currently mentors in the Southbank creative writing program at the university.

Can a Mother Forget the Child She Has Born?

“Just a few weeks ago we had to call the police, because a mother was prostituting her own daughter.”

By Danielle Strickland | Twitter: @djstrickland

Mothers are amazing. At least that’s what Hallmark says.

I’m always a bit conflicted around Mother’s Day. It’s not just the commercialism and sentimentalism and obvious manipulated emotionalism of the day in our culture–it’s also the fact that my own reality and the world of the people where I live and serve are so vastly different.

My mother is amazing.There’s no doubt about that. She’s the spitting image of  Hallmark propaganda–actually, thinking about it now makes me think she might have taken some kind of special training. Always kind and considerate, full of love, understanding and perseverance. Not too soft, not too hard. I mean, really, I’ve been extremely blessed.

On the other hand there are the people I serve and work with every day.They often have a different story: abandonment, neglect, abuse and almost every kind of unimaginable thing. Just a few weeks ago we had to call the police because a mother was prostituting her own daughter. It’s a sick world.

So, my conflict grows.

This must also be on God’s mind because He wrote an incredible verse in Isaiah 49:15 that explains this tension much better than I can. “Can a mother forget the child she has born?” The question is asked by a prophet as a rhetorical one, but it hangs in the air. What you want to do is respond with a big fat “No!” and you even want to believe it. But if we are honest, we know that the answer is “Yes”–tragically, through brokenness or sinfulness, a mother can forget the child she has born. But then the Scripture goes on: “ … even though she may forget–I will never forget you. I have engraved you on the palm of my hand.” God answers with the Truth.

This isn’t Hallmark, but it would make a great Mother’s Day card for a lot of people I know. Even though she may forget, I will never forget. The reality of the situation is that every person who is born, is not born by the will of a human alone. The willingness or goodness of the parent does not determine the value of the child. For GOD has planned and willed that people are born. His desire is to see life grow and prosper.

God is the ultimate Mother. We catch a glimpse of this through Jesus’ weeping over Jerusalem as he says out loud he longs to be like a mother hen who gathers her chicks into the nest (Matt. 23:37) … He longs for us like a mother. He has the ultimate Mother heart.

I first heard about this promise from Isaiah from my Dad. The most fascinating part about this tension in my life, is where my parents come from. They are both supposed to be statistics that reflect the world’s worst news. Both of them were discarded children–my Dad abandoned and my mother a casualty of addiction and violence; a ward of the court at ten years old. In adoption circles, she is a hard case–the kind people talk about with raised eyebrows … everyone knowing that the chances of her wholeness are almost nil because what life had dealt her.

But God intervened. Even though their mothers forgot, God didn’t. And this is true for everyone, everywhere. God will not forget–He cannot. The Bible tells us that He has knit us together in our mother’s womb … He has designed our lives before one day has come to be. This is incredible.

Catherine Booth (co-founder of The Salvation Army) used to tuck her kids into bed every night and tell them, “You were born to change the world.” And she was right. The psalmist says that the cry of an infant puts the enemy to flight–and he is right. Every yelp of life, every glimpse of hope, every small act of kindness and goodness in a dark world is evidence that God keeps his promises. Even though she may forget, I will never forget you. I have tattooed you on me. Forever.

Now take that, Hallmark.

_____________________________________

About Danielle
Danielle serves Jesus as the Corps Officer of Crossroads Community in Edmonton, Canada. Her passion is social justice, including establishing human trafficking response teams in local situations and giving leadership to the global team for the Stop The Traffik campaign. Danielle speaks and teaches around the world and has written several books: Just Imagine: the social justice agenda, Challenging Evil and The Liberating Truth: How Jesus Empowers Women. Danielle is married and has two sons.

You Are Capable of Greatness

“I know there is a Da Vinci in Rwanda and an Einstein in Mozambique waiting to burst free.”

By Desiree Adaway | Twitter: @desireeadaway
________________________________

“You are capable of greatness.”

I have heard my grandma say it a million times: God does not create junk. When I was a child, those words fill me with such warmth. Especially when I was feeling shame for having told a white lie or feeling vulnerable during my ugly teen age years when I found myself lacking in almost every way.

I would hear her voice: You are capable of greatness.

The truth is, we all are capable of greatness. There’s a power in you, in all of us that can do for us that which we cannot do for ourself. THAT spirit lives in you. It is in you but not of YOU.

You are great and you know it. YOU know it. God does not create junk. We act like we do not know, but we do know.

We are capable of greatness.

We KNOW that voice deep within us the one that some days we have a hard time connecting to or hearing clearly. The voice that has guided us so far through valleys of despair and mountain tops of triumph–and always will. We act like we do not know.

Today I want you to own that you do know. You have known all along.

Rest in the knowing and in the anointing of your power.

Think of how much talent has been wasted among women and oppressed people throughout history because social conditions made it impossible for some rise and shine–for some to hear that voice.

I know there is a Da Vinci in Rwanda and an Einstein in Mozambique waiting to burst free. What would our communities be like if we allowed everyone to rise and shine. If we allowed everyone to shine, be beautiful, noble and true.

If we owned the wisdom deep within us.

I wake up every day and ask myself how can I be the woman that God would have me be today?Something and Someone lives within me who is powerful beyond measure. How can I tap into that Source, that sanctuary so I can believe in MY greatness and live and act from that place. The power that was in Moses when he parted the Red Sea lives within you.

So, do not doubt your ability to liberate and free others; to liberate and free yourself.

You are capable of greatness. My granny and my God told me so.

________________________________

About Desiree:

Desiree is a consultant, strategist, coach, speaker, storyteller and explorer.  She uses her superpowers–her voice, sense of adventure and belief in the transformative power of community–to help organizations design programs that create unrestricted revenue, volunteers and advocates.

You can find out more about her at www.desireeadaway.com, or follow her on Twitter at @desireeadaway

Let Us Be Women Who Love

[Archives]

Join us online today by watching LifeWomen conference here live. Last night, we read out the SheLoves Manifesto together in a room with about 400 women. Talk about a Roar! We thought it would be a good idea to repost our Manifesto again today.

[Download LET US BE WOMEN WHO LOVE as a PDF version.]

By Idelette McVicker | Twitter: @idelette

Let us be women who Love.

Let us be women willing to lay down our sword words, our sharp looks, our ignorant silence and towering stance and fill the earth now with extravagant Love.

Let us be women who Love.

Let us be women who make room.

Let us be women who open our arms and invite others into an honest, spacious, glorious embrace.

Let us be women who carry each other.

Let us be women who give from what we have.

Let us be women who leap to do the difficult things, the unexpected things and the necessary things.

Let us be women who live for Peace.

Let us be women who breathe Hope.

Let us be women who create beauty.

Let us be women who Love.

Let us be a sanctuary where God may dwell.

Let us be a garden for tender souls.

Let us be a table where others may feast on the goodness of God.

Let us be a womb for Life to grow.

Let us be women who Love.

Let us rise to the questions of our time.

Let us speak to the injustices in our world.

Let us move the mountains of fear and intimidation.

Let us shout down the walls that separate and divide.

Let us fill the earth with the fragrance of Love.

Let us be women who Love.

Let us listen for those who have been silenced.

Let us honour those who have been devalued.

Let us say, Enough! with abuse, abandonment, diminishing and hiding.

Let us not rest until every person is free and equal.

Let us be women who Love.

Let us be women who are savvy, smart and wise.

Let us be women who shine with the light of God in us.

Let us be women who take courage and sing the song in our hearts.

Let us be women who say, Yes to the beautiful, unique purpose seeded in our souls.

Let us be women who call out the song in another’s heart.

Let us be women who teach our children to do the same.

Let us be women who Love.

Let us be women who Love, in spite of fear.

Let us be women who Love, in spite of our stories.

Let us be women who Love loudly, beautifully, Divinely.

Let us be women who Love.

______________________________________

About Idelette:

I like soggy cereal and I would like to go to every spot on the map of the earth to meet our world’s women.

I dream of a world where no women or girls are for sale. I dream of a world where women and men are partners in doing the work that brings down a new Heaven on earth.

My word for the year is “Roar,” but I have learned it’s not about my voice rising as much as it is about our collective voices rising in unison to bring down walls of injustice.

I have three children and this place–right here, called shelovesmagazine.com–is my fourth baby. I am African, although my skin colour doesn’t tell you that story. I am also a little bit Chinese, because my heart lives there amongst the tall skyscrapers of Taipei and the mountains of Chiufen. Give me sweet chai and I think I’m in heaven. I live in Vancouver, Canada and I pledged my heart to Scott 11 years ago.

I believe in kindness and calling out the song in each other’s hearts. I also believe that Love covers–my gaps, my mistakes and the distances between us. I blog at idelette.com and tweet@idelette.

Swimming Lessons with Auntie Ashley. Or: When to Step Out of the Boat

Do I want to spend my life guarding towels or walking on water?

By Ashley Mandanici | Twitter: @ashleymandanici

___________________________

Life Confession: I cannot swim.

Do not get me wrong, I have tried! I have tried, and failed miserably. Seriously! Never have so many swimming teachers at the YMCA been so disappointed with a pupil than they have been with me. “Back when I was a kid” (which is how I’ll start this story when I later explain to my children why we can’t go to the pool), they used to break the swimming class levels into colours, yellow being the first level. I failed yellow three times.

I say all this to say: even though the thought of swimming makes me want to throw up in my mouth, I love being on a boat! Few friends believe this because they know how pathetic I am when faced with even the possibility of having to swim. However, the truth remains: being on a boat is awesome.

I have compiled my own list of reasons why I prefer being on a boat, rather than actually swimming in the water:

-       Sitting on a boat requires no skill level or effort.

-       For me, the likeliness of drowning gets cut at least in half.

-       You can feel like you’re “experiencing” the sea without taking in the reality of it.

-       I have yet to hear about a person getting attacked by a shark while on a boat.

-       I do not have to wear my bathing suit, but am instead encouraged to wear a large vest that makes even the skinniest people look chunky.

These reasonings only work assuming I do not get myself into some sort of “Titanic” situation. In which case, I would succumb to the power of the seas, and wait for Jesus.

I regret to inform you that the number of friends I have who swim, outweighs the number of friends I have with a boat. This often means that as soon as the sun comes out, I resort to sitting on the sidelines during many social events. I have paid many an admission fee to water parks where I spent the day reading and guarding everyone’s towels.

“You were there?”

The other day I was remembering back on one of these adventures with a friend when she responded, “You were there?”

Um, yeah I was, friend. Don’t you remember coming back to your towel and your purse perfectly intact? Yeah, that was all me.

Apparently my involvement in our adventures has not been as memorable as I imagined it to be. This means one of two things: I need to learn how to swim, or I need to start acquiring friends with memberships to yacht clubs.

Shark-free and story-less

Apart from my literal need to “get out of the boat” and learn how to swim, there are many areas in life I need to take the leap off my comfortable, shark-free boat and start flailing around in the uncharted waters of Risk! I do not love the idea. What if I sink to my death? What if I look ridiculous (like a dog with two legs that can only swim in a circle)? What if I look chubby in my water wings?

I started thinking about the story of Peter walking on water with Jesus. You know the one—where Peter walked on the water with Jesus? (I know. I have a gift of making the Bible come alive!) I have read this passage of scripture many times, but this last time I had one looming question at the end of the story—what about the other guys in the boat?

I wonder if they were choked they did not even try to walk on water. I wonder if they knew that at the end of the day their part of the story would be as interesting as me guarding towels at the water park.

Sure Peter could have drowned, or been eaten by a large whale (it has happened) but he got his part in the story—an honorable mention at the very least.

Abandoning Ship

Matthew 14:28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

In a little under four months, I am embarking on a rather exciting/frightening adventure—I am going to Uganda for five months to serve at Watoto Childcare Ministry. I am abandoning all of my ships—the financial security of my job, the safety of my country, the comfort of my familiar friends—and I am jumping into the water. I am kind of over being the girl on the sidelines holding everyone’s towels. I am going to show up … and people are going to remember I was there!

I cannot give you a timeline on the swimming thing yet. Hey Tina Francis, what do you say to taking up water ballet with me? You’ll learn how to dance, I’ll learn how to swim—two birds, one stone.

_________________________

So, my SheLoves friends, I’d love to hear:

• What are some of the ships you need to abandon?
• Are you finding yourself on the sidelines or in the center of the action?
•  What is one skill you don’t have that you wish you did?

About Ashley:

My name is Ashley and I am the Children’s Ministry Coordinator at Relate Church in Surrey, B.C. My mission is to develop the God-given potential in every child who crosses my path *Insert Whitney Houston’s “Greatest Love of All” here*. I love all things jazzy, particularly music, and I tend to break into song throughout the day for no apparent reason. I blog here and tweet @AshleyMandanici

So, What Makes A Woman Strong?

“Is what we perceive to be a strong female really just what happens when a woman takes a difficult position, and then holds it? Or is there something more, deeper? “ 

By Kisa MacDonald | Twitter: @kisamac

7:05 a.m.  Facing myself behind floor-to-ceiling mirrors, and a ballet bar.

As I push my body into another thirty seconds of pain, my sleepy brain starts to wonder why I woke up so early for this.

To distract myself, I flip through my internal index of strong women. There is a long, long list of women in my life who are disciplined, faithful, and able to do great things.

I think about some of their lives over the past few days: at least two all-night hospital visits, countless family interventions, rethinking all her plans, moving into a new living space, trying to keep a job, wrestling for some sleep, finding good addiction counselors, balancing the bank account, battling cancer, taking that other anti-depressant, responding to special needs, adjusting to new pregnancies, writing that doctorate thesis, fundraising, and fighting over kids.

I could almost rip the bar off the wall–with all that collective strength. Instead, I gently put my chin up, press back my shoulders, and keep facing my own reflection. It is hard to look at my six-eh-um face, while trying to stay balanced.

So then the philosopher in me begins to ponder: Is feminine strength just an illusion? Is what we perceive to be a strong female really just what happens when a woman takes a difficult position, and then holds it?  Or is there something more, deeper? What does real, pure, genuine, supernatural strength look like? 

I reposition my feet. My mind keeps going: So, what does make a woman strong?

I begin to remember my own tough decisions and unpredictable circumstances. My muscles begin to shake. I point my toes.

I am not that strong, I think.

My body gives up. Being strong feels a lot harder than it looks.

I look around the room. All these other women look like they are more balanced, or at least more awake than me.

I remember my friend who is trying to leave an abusive relationship. She is struggling to regain her mental and emotional balance. Her days are hard.

I look around the room, again.

Sometimes, strength is hidden, elusive, buried deep.

Strength in Weakness

And then I remember something very true: my times of greatest strength have been found when I actually felt very weak.

What makes me strong, is my response to weakness – not just my own, but also those of others.

Those times of vulnerability, hopelessness, loss, pain or despair could be exactly the times when the strengths of who we really are come to light.

I realize I am standing in a room with an incredible group of committed women, who for whatever reason put themselves through the rigorous stretch and strain of this painful exercise.

I am reminded: Strength is gained among others.

Hanging a Painting

Five or six years ago, I had the enormous task of hanging a very large painting at the airport with Tracy Kobus, a talented artist from the Comox Valley. The canvas was massive, about twice the length and four times the width of my body. We struggled together, fumbling to get our feet and the canvas up the small ladder. Somehow, miraculously, we placed that giant piece high above our heads, angling it gently onto two very small hooks.

When we stepped back from the wall, the title stood out: If you don’t change, you won’t grow.

I remember that, and think. Growing in strength is like that. It takes commitment, challenge, creativity, and change.

I finish stretching on the floor. I had woken up just early enough to catch the dawn breaking out. And now, I need to begin climbing through a new day of obstacles.

We are all learning how to gain strength, in one way or another, through uncontrolled circumstances and endless things to get done.  For me, when I am honest and humble, able to be my real self, I know that no matter what I begin facing in my days, my strength comes from above and beyond just me.

I see the four ingredients of commitment, challenge, creativity and change emerging through the women who are standing along that early-morning studio with me. I see those same beautiful traits in the women who are reading these SheLoves posts.

So, my questions for you are:

1. Where does your strength come from?
2. When do you feel most strong?
3. Who gives you strength?
4. How is this strength given (e.g. words of love, time spent, kindness, etc.)?
5. What life changes or choices have you taken that have made you stronger?

_________________________

About Kisa:

Kisa completed her law degree earlier last year and is currently finishing her articling year at a non-profit that focuses on law reform, legal research and outreach. She grew up on Vancouver Island but has lived all over: North America, Southeast Asia and Europe. In this next season of life, she hopes to see creative community and access to justice established in Vancouver.

Photo credit: Pinterest via Amanda Yu

On Beauty, B cups and Believing Our Way Back to Innocence

Seeking Eve Monday

“I wish to battle against the perspective that some people are ordinary and others are great … I really believe people can live ordinary lives in extraordinary ways.”

By Christina Crook

___________________________

Every woman who has given birth knows this is no ordinary feat. Yet, we are quick to reduce the enormity of our task to a brief remembering, a quaint vignette.

The truth is, every day we do the extraordinary.

We scrub floors on chaffed knees. Treat man, woman, child with dignity, with care. We climb corporate ladders. Extend our hands to the weak. We speak up when it’s uncomfortable. Rise at 3am to feed our babes.

We lead protests.

Carry petitions to the seat of Parliament. We train young eyes to seek Heaven. Deliver lasagna to the family next door. We watch for signs of Spring erupting all around us.

It’s extraordinarily normal women, like Andrea Dunbar, who make the world go round.

I first met Andrea in her tidy little bungalow in New Westminster, BC. The same house where her daughter Eden, was delivered by her father, a nurse, on the bathroom floor. The same home where the kitchen was full with the scent of fresh baking and the living room brim with the found and the made.

When I first asked to share Andrea’s story she declined, feeling she lived too much of a conventional life. For years I’ve hoped for a change of heart. This month, upon my return to British Columbia’s snowy interior, I got my wish.

“I regret my response to you when you [first] asked me to do this … I wish to battle against the perspective that some people are ordinary and others are great. I really believe that people can live ordinary lives in extraordinary ways,” she says from the small town of Mackenzie, where Andrea and her small family are spending the year with her in-laws.

While her husband, Robbie, works at the hospital, she is trying out homeschooling and getting out into the great outdoors with her two kids as often as possible.

Andrea is a public health nurse. When we first met she worked on Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside at a clinic that served many prostitutes and lower income women. Each workday she’d bike the 50-kilometer round-trip.

To those around her, Andrea is a source of inspiration, quietly challenging them with the daily choices she makes.

“She is very conscious of her stewardship of this earth,” says her friend, Renice. “In a way that is not at all brash, she makes every effort to care for the earth and the people in it.

She goes beyond recycling. She uses only cloth diapers, buys local and keeps her home organic inside and out. Aside from all that is “green” related, she supports local talent, whether it be art or music and quietly engages others to do the same. She loves to surround herself with all things beautiful even if it’s as simple as a single flower.

Andrea is a modern-day Eve. Seeking to live as a daughter loved by God, desiring her Father’s purposes, longing to look more like Jesus.

___________________

In her own words …

Faith to me means … growing.

What I mean by that is … the people of faith that I most admire continue growing throughout their lives. When I was at Trinity Western University, 10 years ago, and thought I knew everything, the buzz word that I and my friends never wanted to describe us was “complacent.” When I was in university, I also greeted strangers with, “Did you know that Jesus loves you?” While my approach to people has changed–or “grown”–over the years, I still feel just as strongly about not becoming complacent. Knowing that I will continue to grow and learn, helps me look forward to getting older, despite the pervasive North American disdain for aging.

One of my favourite songs describes the Source of growth, life, beauty:

All this pain

I wonder if I’ll ever find my way

I wonder if my life could really change at all

All this earth

Could all that is lost ever be found

Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things out of us

All around

Life is springing up from this old ground

Out of chaos life is being found in You

-”Beautiful Things” by Michael and Lisa Gungor

When I was little I … didn’t want my dad to touch me. I have a photo of my bewildered dad trying to pick me up. I am about 12 years old, my face is red, I am crying and my arms are folded self-consciously over my chest. My dad was a man of integrity and was simply trying to connect with his daughter in a playful way. However, my trust and innocence were destroyed by another man in my life, a close relative. He was a very religious man who preached that Christmas trees were idols and girls needed to wear dresses to church. At the same time, he touched and kissed me in sexual ways. When I realized that he was the reason that touch from my dad felt threatening to me, I had to mourn all those lost years when I could have felt safe in my dad’s hug or touch. I now feel grateful for God’s work of restoration and rescuing in my life despite the darkness that tried to bury me in fear and confusion. I still have so much to learn about accepting love from my Father.

My days are filled with … the voices of two special little people. I have a video clip on my iPhone that was taken by my daughter a few days ago. The video shows a side view of me with my head tilted down at a book and my long brown hair shielding my face. The sound track is her sweet little voice,

“Hi Mama! Mama, look! It’s me, Eden. Mama … Mama, look!”

At this point I move for the first time to look up with a dazed smile on my face, “Hi, how are you?”

When she showed me this video, we laughed together. I couldn’t believe how profound it was to see me through her eyes.

I wish … I could say that was my first delayed response to my kids. But it wasn’t. It happens far too often. Sometimes it happens when I am *gasp* texting or looking at Facebook. This little video has made me so much more aware of what that looks like to my kids.

On a larger scale, I also wish that the demand for child and women sex slaves and pornography would stop. I want this generation of boys and young men to be different than so many of their fathers. I want this generation of girls and young women to know how beautiful they are and to know that beauty is so much more than skin and shape. I raise and educate (home school) my son and daughter with these hopes. I am so grateful for the honourable example of my husband, Robbie, and my dad, Fritz. These men infuse hope into my life for a world that has more justice, peace and love for women.

Today I give myself permission …

- to have moments where I feel like a terrible mom and know that He makes beautiful things out of the dust.

- to be 5’3” with funky glasses, long straight hair, ‘athletic’ build, A sometimes B cup breasts, little white bumps that keep popping up on my face including one that is right at the corner of my eye, dark moles all over my body, and fair skin and to feel beautiful, confident and loved.

_____________

Would you like to add your story to Seeking Eve Monday?

We’d love to hear your story. Please share it by emailing Christina at seekingeve[@]gmail.com

To find words for your story, try following these lines, as Andrea did:

Faith to me means [community / hope / food / sacrifice / art / etc] …

What I mean by that is …

When I was little I …

My days are filled with …

I wish …

The thing is …

Today I give myself permission …

______________

About Christina: 

Christina is a Toronto-based writer whose articles on culture, religion and technology have appeared in Vancouver, UPPERCASE and Geez magazine. She, her husband and two young children attend Grace Toronto Church. She is the founder of SeekingEve.ca and blogs at www.christinacrook.com.

What I Would Like to Erase

The Value of a Fresh Start

By Kelly Voros 

I work with Engineers, whose minds are generally a mystery to me. One fellow in particular has a big white board on the wall of his office that is always completely covered in numbers, lines and symbols, barely a bit of white left showing on the board.

I stood looking at it in awe one day and asked him: “Is that how it feels inside your head?”

I wondered if there’s ever a point where he wipes it all away and starts over, which made me start thinking about the value of a fresh start. Most often I think of change as being the goal, but sometimes change feels more like an adjustment to the plan, when a total erase followed by a new beginning is what’s really needed. This thought launched me firmly into the land of self-examination where I’m ready to make some definite commitments to more than just change.

What I Would Like to Wipe Clean:

- I’m not proud of myself when I’m a crabby driver. It makes me feel mean and guilty. That should be enough motivation to stop being crabby, but it has not stopped me yet. I would benefit from a seven-second delay, like they have on TV and radio, where I would have that moment to choose my reaction. Today I mentally erase the single “angry” option which has been my go-to plan behind the wheel, and replace it with a list of reasonable reactions from which I have seven seconds to choose. Well, maybe less, but I’m determined to actually choose, rather than just react so quickly.

- I would like to erase my dining room set. Sadly, that’s not as easy.

- My PVR will attest to the fact that I have become rather attached to a number of TV shows. I remember thinking, a few years back, that there were no interesting shows on anymore. Now I’m wondering if TV got better or if my standards dropped because I can’t fit into my week the number of shows I really enjoy. Mostly crime stuff, mysteries to solve, medical shows and, of course, my two most embarrassing addictions, “Say Yes to the Dress” and “America’s Next Top Model.” I almost didn’t admit to that last one, but then that wouldn’t be a clean slate at all. It’s time to empty the list, select just a few and spend more time with my Kindle.

- I’m not a faithful flosser. I know, gross, right? Big erase on that one.

- Like the shoemaker whose kids have no shoes, I regularly teach women to speak well of themselves but I’m just as guilty of the negative mental mumbling. I know better than to look in that mirror and note the things I wish were different. I still sometimes do it. I also know better than to ever say those things out loud where some beautiful young girl might hear me and think that it’s okay to do that. It’s not okay and I am once again determined (why can’t I stay determined?!) to be careful and set a strong example to the girls in my world.

“All beautiful you are my darling. There is no flaw in you” - Song of Solomon 4:17

That scripture now stands in the place where the mumbling just was. I’m still working on believing the “no flaw” part, but I’m sure it’s just a few strokes of the eraser away.

Realizing the risk of “too much of a good thing,” I think I will put the eraser down for now, before I end up having to wipe away a serious case of self-loathing. The art of self-examination is definitely a delicate balance.

______________________________

My dear SheLoves friends, I’d love to hear:

• What would you like to erase from your current reality?

_____________________________

About Kelly:

Kelly Voros and her husband Peter have been married for 12 years and have a blended family of five grown children. They love spending time with their two grandkids and also enjoy ballroom dancing. Kelly works in post-secondary education at BCIT and has taught group fitness for over 20 years. She is passionate about encouraging women in the area of fitness and always focuses on making it fun. Kelly teaches Sunday morning preschool at Relate Church and is also active in the Community Care Ministry where she loves to help children and families in need.

Image Credit: Dry Erase Board Art on Etsy

The Culmination of a Small, Urgent Dream

Seeking Eve Monday

“This ride feels like … life after numb.”

By Christina Crook

___________________________

Sometime, being like Eve on that very first day, naked before the Lord, means listening to those inner truths. Giving legs to the still small voice.

Some summers ago, I climbed aboard a mountain bike, seeking out the Word that called me out on to the open road.

TGIF: Precious Pixels + Handwritten Letter + Sun + Fine Art Print + The Help

By Tina Francis, with Danielle Hardy

Hiiii my beautiful SheLovers!

[cups your face in my hands and smushes cheeks]

I’ve missed you! *** (I, as in Tina}

Sorry for going MIA. I just got back from a two-week work trip to India. Writing TGIF from the road was near impossible while juggling jetlag, an intense travel itinerary and spotty access to the internet.

So, my friends Ashley and Trinity (and new SheLoves friend Laura), saved the day (as friends often do) and did an awesome job of bringing you TGIF while I was away. I loved getting a glimpse into the Top 5 things they hold precious. Reading their posts made me realize that there’s great value in having more women share their voices. Less is not always more.

It’s like my undying of love of popcorn. I chomp through fistfuls of the stuff like a rabid dog foaming kernel dust (salt) at the mouth. Now, I like classic movie popcorn without butter. But I also love: white cheddar, dill, kettle corn, ketchup, etc.

My friends bring their unique flavour to popcorn … errm … I mean TGIF! So you will be seeing many more guest posts in the future.

Coming back to the business of this week’s post, I’m technically back in town, but still recovering from a severe case of jetlag. I put makeup on in the shower, get into imaginary heated debates with Gingrich on the skytrain and speak a hybrid of English-Aramaic-Hindi-Spanglish.

To spare you the gory details of my current state of lunacy, this week’s TGIF is brought to you by my friend Danielle of “What One Girl and Her Decals Can Do” fame. You’re going to love her!
________

5 Things I love …

By Danielle Hardy | Twitter: @hardydanielle

_______________________________________

Confession: It took me WAY too long to put together five things I love. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t love enough things or if I just love too many things to encapsulate into words. I hope it’s the latter, because I want to love in a B.I.G. way. So, after much thought, I would like to share five things  I love and invite you into my heart and see what makes it swoon.

Precious Pixels + Handwritten Letter + Sun + Fine Art Print + The Help

1. Precious Pixels: I think Will Smith said it best in his hit single “Just the two of us …”

Oh man, my mom would be SO mad at me for sharing this picture, but I just love it with all my heart and it’s not because of my amazing style sense that I had as a child (although that floral shirt and black stirrup combo is quite amazing), but because it just so perfectly captures the relationship between my mom and I.

Her beauty was breathtaking. She definitely was no fashion expert, as the majority of her days consisted of sporting purple sweat pants, a northern reflection sweater(wolfscape included), navy patent shoes and a floral dicky (you know, those amazing faux turtlenecks from the early 90’s?), but her heart was so stunning. She always made time for me, loved me unconditionally, fiercely protected me, prayed without seizing for my soul and let me sit on her lap as much as I wanted and whenever I wanted. I spent countless car rides to school fixated on her lap as she was driving (something that is heavily frowned upon now for whatever reason).

It’s been 15 years ago since my mommy went to Heaven. She passed away from a two- year battle with cancer when I was 15 years old–three months short of my sweet 16. I look at this picture and remember my life with her in it: Safe, loved, encouraged and believed in. I can’t explain how much I miss this woman.

There’s not a doubt in my mind that if I had one more day on earth with her that I wouldn’t climb back on her lap and soak up her love and affection.

2. Handwritten Letter: Hello, LOVE LANGUAGE!!!

You can imagine my delight over this little treasure I found under the Christmas tree this year.

My son, Mattias, had the sweetest idea to make a present of his own to give to me: A beautiful letter expressing his four-year-old thoughts and love for me. He brought a blank piece of paper and pen to Daddy and asked him to write down what he said. [ MELT.MY.LITTLE.BLACK.HEART!!] I realized how much he watches what I do, studies what I say, and pays attention to what I spend money on

This kid is going to make a great GREAT husband.

3. Sun: Where are you?

I love the sun. Doesn’t matter if it’s humid sun, dry sun, 46 degree sun. I JUST LOVE THE SUN. It means flip flops and walks to the park. Frappucino’s and sunglasses. Happy, smiling people. Colour. Health (No vitamin D in the form of a pill). The sound of my kids playing outside. Camping trips. Walks to the beach. Windows in my house wide open. Blowing bubbles, impromptu hop-scotch with the kids and the sun setting at 9pm.

Please hurry summer … please?!

4. Fine Art Print: Inspiration

As a person that thrives on huge amounts of creativity I found this little number and immediately scooped it up off the internet with my handy dandy visa.

Loved the colours, design, femininity and the words kind of leapt off the page at me. I feel this to be true in my life. I used to despise those yucky and sometimes endless “winter” seasons that came in and out of my life. I see now, though, that they have brought me to where and who I am and I can appreciate the ups and downs that come with living life … that there is a beautiful summer after every winter. #seasons Buy here. 

5. THE HELP: The power of one; The power of many

I received “The Help” as a present from my hubs (who must know me so well to get this for me) a few months ago and couldn’t wait to read it. I sometimes find it hard to finish books, but I devoured this within 48 hours.

I love this story because it represents a person and a people who were willing to stand up for justice and what was right. They counted the gigantic cost of speaking the truth and telling their stories and they did it anyway. They didn’t know if their efforts were going to make any sort of change, but their voices were heard and they made a difference.

I love the power of one person willing to fight to create change and I love the power of a group of people joining alongside and do what they have in their hands–to use their voice and stand up for what is right. People willing to fight injustice with their sphere of influence and their God-given talents. #empowered #worldchanging

________________________________

* * *

Okay, that picture of Danielle’s mom? [hand on chest] LOVE. See what I mean? It’s amazing hearing everyone’s stories.

So, we’d love to hear from you:

- Do you have a picture you treasure just about as much as your holy book?
- What’s melted your heart this month?
- When you reach for some inspiration glee, what’s in your special drawer?

If you would like to write a guest post for TGIF, write to our editor (Mama-bear) Idelette or leave a comment below.

Love you more than crunchy-chewy-gooey chocolate chip cookies.

xoxo,
Teen
______________________________________

About Danielle:

Danielle Hardy lives in Surrey, BC (we’ll refer to it as Cloverdale). She is a wife to Paul and mommy to two of the cutest “Hardy Boys” around. She is owner and creator of Urbanwalls, Etsy seller, Graphic Designer, aspiring blogger and thrives in awkward moments. She blogs a uwdecals.com and tweets at @hardydanielle

About Tina:
My name is Tina. Loved ones call me: Teen.

Words are my chocolate. Music, my caramel. Photography, my bread. Girlfriends, my butter.

Confession: Some girls dream about Manolo Blahniks or their next Hermes bag. Not me. I dream of freshly baked bread, perfectly barbecued meat & steaming bowls of Pho. My dream lover *cue Mariah Carey song* is someone who would read out a menu to me in Barry White’s baritone voice.

I celebrate food, ask for help, interrupt conversations, laugh and cry hard, acknowledge the elephant in most rooms, fight for the underdog and believe in the power of storytelling.

My word for the year is “Enough.”

I was born and raised in Dubai and currently live in the beautiful city of Vancouver, known for some of the best sushi in the world.