SheLoves Magazine

Mercy: The Flowering of a Girl

“She came into the home with her arms crossed, defiantly gloomy, intimidatingly unfriendly.”

By Musu Taylor-Lewis | Twitter: @mercycanada

Have you ever watched a flower bloom? No, really watched a rosebud as it slowly opens up to reveal the majesty of its creation?

It’s incredible to see how much beauty is shut up into a rather small bud. Nothing of the vibrant colour is visible until the bud begins to open up; and yet all the beauty and all the radiant colour is already present within the bud. What that bud needs is the right conditions for it to blossom.

Over the last year at Mercy Ministries, I’ve had the incredible opportunity of watching a flower bloom: not a rose, not a lily, but one young woman who graduated from Mercy Ministries this week and is going out into the world with a colour and beauty that was not visible when she first arrived.

You had to be there … She came into the home with her arms crossed, defiantly gloomy, intimidatingly unfriendly. In my role, I mostly watch our residents from a distance and from that perspective, her manner made me wonder why she even bothered coming to Mercy Ministries, and whether she would stay. Residents come of their own free will and are free to go if they choose to.

But she stayed … and now, whenever I look at her, all I see is a flower in full bloom. She is friendly, straightforward, intelligent and thoughtful. Today she seems more shy than defiant, more curious than challenging and open to fellowship and friendship. I cannot describe just how much her whole demeanor has changed, in response to the word of God and the love of God’s people.

Watching her today reminds me of how the apostle Paul describes working with his friend Apollos to bring about change to people’s lives.

“I planted the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow. It’s not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What’s important is that God makes the seed grow.”

I know for sure that God has done this remarkable work of blossoming in a young woman’s life. Mercy Ministries was the soil in which she was planted and God used different persons to bring her to full bloom: One person counseled and another planned. One person led worship and another gave. One person challenged and another was gentle. One person prayed and another raised money.

What is important is that this flower bloomed.

_____________________________

About Musu:

My life is lived out of the calling “to advance Christ-centred work.” I am currently Director of Marketing and Development at Mercy Ministries, working to get the word out about the life-transforming work that takes place here. Prior to my work at Mercy, I directed a Crisis Pregnancy Centre, studied Christianity and Culture at Regent College and co-led women’s programs at my local church. I have four great children and am married to Steven, a gift to me from the Creator.

Image credit: Girl in Garden, by Sean Carpenter

This time, I’m running

“I’m running for the freedom and wholeness of our beautiful women right here in Canada, for the physically and sexually abused, the sex trafficked, the prostitute.”

By Sarah Bessey | Twitter: @sarahbessey

When you all ran the SheLoves Half-Marathon for Living Hope last year, I felt so ripped off.

Just afterwards, I wrote on my own blog:

I had a chance to be a part of something really amazing, to tell a very cool story of love and sweat and work, and I said no.

So much of life is like that, isn’t it? We feel a nudge, an invitation, a passion, a burning, a bothering. I once heard that if you want to know where you’re called, take an honest look at what makes you angry. If something makes you angry–an injustice, in particular–that is as good as an engraved invitation to do something about it. And oh, I admit it, sometimes I’m so angry about women’s issues (in the church and the world) that I want to burn down the Internet for every lie told to keep women down, to placate and patronize and neuter the strong voices of women, for every injustice done to our sisters and our own selves from the daily mundane lies to the violent abuses.

But we all have a long list of reasons for not stepping out, speaking out, writing it out, singing it out, running it out, confronting, praying, laying on hands, working it out, being bold and courageous. It’s risky. I might fail. People may not like me. I may irritate people. I might be called names or receive a bit more nasty email. (People don’t like it when someone else gets out of the boat, do they?)

It’s easier to stay home and write tweets celebrating the ones actually doing something. And even though I want to live boldly, speak truthfully, love madly, work for justice, sometimes when I hear the Voice, the invitation, I shrug, “Meh – I’m tired” and I’ll just cheer on the women and men actually doing something instead and convince myself that it’s enough.

I work a few hours a week for Mercy Ministries of Canada. Every year, we hold our main fundraiser, the Run for Mercy. And every year, I organize and plan, set up tables and lend my hand to the undertaking. I hand out sandwiches or sign people up at the registration, I write letters and recruit. And I love it. I love gathering together with the Mercy family, with our residents, our graduates, our supporters, our churches, our friends.

But this year, I’m running.

This time, I want to sweat, I want to hurt, I want to be physically there, every step of the way, my heart focused on the long journey of our brave girls.

My sister downloaded that Coach to 5K app on her iPhone, and she’s doggedly walking beside me while I wheeze and hobble around our small city track three nights a week. (I believe that runners call this “training” but that might be a bit ambitious in my case. My feet are moving though and that counts for something, I hope.) It won’t be pretty, but it will be done.

I’m running for the freedom and wholeness of our beautiful women right here in Canada, for the physically and sexually abused, the sex trafficked, the prostitute.

I am running for the drug and alcohol addicted, the broken, the hurting.

I am running for the anorexic, the bulimic, the depressed, the frightened, the anxious, the self-harming.

I am running for my daughters, for our mothers, our sisters, our friends. I am running for you.

I am running for our current residents, for the girls still in our application process, for the girl sitting there with an unfinished application absolutely terrified of change but more scared of staying the same.

I am running for our graduates, for our most recent graduates, Christina and Jessica, because all of our graduates are my heroes.

I am running because I believe that God has a plan and a purpose for each one, and that it is a plan for good and not evil, a plan of hope and freedom.

I’m running for Mercy because it matters for Mercy Ministries of Canada, of course. But I’m also running because, now I know, it matters to me, too.

There are three ways to support Run for Mercy:

1. Join us. Register here, recruit a team from your church or neighbourhood, volunteer or fundraise, show up on Race Day

2. Spread the word for us.

3. Donate or sponsor the Run for Mercy.

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About Sarah:

Sarah Styles Bessey lives in Abbotsford, BC with her husband and three tinies. She’s a happy clappy Jesus-lover, an advocate for Mercy Ministries of Canada, a blogger, writer and simple living/social justice wannabe. She blogs at www.emergingmummy.com and tweets from @sarahbessey.

Compassion: What Cleaning My House Showed Me About Dusting Off My Heart

” … the Son revealed the wrong judgement, dusty assumptions and pretentious smudges that needed my attention.”

By Musu Taylor-Lewis | Twitter: @mercycanada

The sunlight had me scowling as I looked around the house. I couldn’t relax. In room after room, the rays revealed the dust, fingerprints and window smudges that needed attention. It’s Spring Cleaning time and I’m not someone who finds cleaning therapeutic.

To me, housecleaning is a chore. When my house needs a Great Big Clean, I tend to feel overwhelmed and procrastinate until mornings like these when the need to go beyond the routine clean-up just cannot be ignored. So, in the light of the sun I decided to tackle the task at hand once and for all.

One hour later with the help of a trusty Google search and a few phone calls, I had a cleaning service lined up for later in the week. Aaaah … Now I could reasonably justify the long list of things I needed to do instead of grabbing a bucket and mop.

Fast forward to Big Clean Day, The thought of strangers coming through my house meant I spent some time tidying and sorting to make sure the cleaning could be done properly. I was looking forward to having a completely clean house. (I do like clean, just not the cleaning!) Finally, right on time, the doorbell rang.

I opened the door and in front of me stood the cleaning, em … girl?

She was not what I expected! The young woman lugging a vacuum cleaner to my front door had multiple face piercings and a huge black ring inserted into her ear lobe.

“Hi” she said in a very friendly voice. “My name is Sally* and this is Mary*, we’re your cleaning team for today.”

“Umm, hi,” I stumbled, trying not to show my reaction or betray the thoughts whizzing through my head for a split second.

Mary* didn’t look much older than my teenage son. I wasn’t planning on staying home the whole time. Could I trust them in my house alone? Doesn’t the cleaning service know they should be more careful about who they send over?

Just then, the Spirit stopped me in my tracks with the whisper of one name.

You see, the name the Spirit whispered was the name of a recent Mercy Ministries graduate I’m particularly fond of. She had just announced with pride that she was doing some housecleaning to earn a living. Her past life had been very rough–being treated with mistrust could have reinforced the lies she believed about herself, and today, her fragile healing would be at risk if she were to show up for work and be treated with suspicion.

“This could be her,” He reminded me. “How would you want people to react to her?”

In that moment, the Son-light had me scowling as I looked around my heart. I began to relax as the Son revealed the wrong judgement, dusty assumptions and pretentious smudges that needed my attention.

“Come on in,” I said. “Let me show you around and get you started.”

For God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ. -2 Corinthians 4:6

*names were changed 

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About Musu:

My life is lived out of the calling “to advance Christ-centred work.” I am currently Director of Marketing and Development at Mercy Ministries, working to get the word out about the life-transforming work that takes place here. Prior to my work at Mercy, I directed a Crisis Pregnancy Centre, studied Christianity and Culture at Regent College and co-led women’s programs at my local church. I have four great children and am married to Steven, a gift to me from the Creator.

If Anyone Has a Reason Not to Forgive, She Does

The Surprise of a Life-freeing Gift

By Musu Taylor-Lewis | Twitter: @mercycanada

“A living nightmare,” is how she describes her childhood.

As I listened to her, I had to get over my stunned disbelief that this open, friendly, confident-looking young woman with the bright smile had come through a soul-destroying childhood. She made one statement on that day that had me thinking and praying for the life-freeing gift I saw in her.

Her words, simple and clear:

“I want to start by saying that I have forgiven all the people mentioned, and I am not sharing what happened to dishonour them in any way.”

This statement could be unremarkable until you realize  the size of the list of people she cares not to dishonour by telling her story:

• There’s the father who raped her and took photographs of her naked body. Then he let his friends rape her for a price.
• There’s a mother who stayed with that father, until her attempted suicide at age 13 forced the secrets out in the open. Then her mother blamed her for the divorce.
• There were the countless, faceless men who used her body as a playground when she started first stripping, then prostituting.
• There was the pimp who threatened her life any time she said “no,” to anyone or anything.
• There were professionals who stole her hope by telling her she would never function normally  in society.
• There was the man who raped her–interrupting her healing process–even while she was grieving the loss of her beloved grandmother.

Just when I started to wonder if a person could really forgive this much violation, she joyfully shared how she recently offered forgiveness to her mother. She’s grateful her mother received it and apologized. “We are now on our way to rebuilding our relationship,” she told me. Her willingness to forgiveness has put her on the road to reconciliation.

Understanding Forgiveness

I’ve always thought that Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness is one of the hardest things He asks us to do. It goes against our instinct for payback, against my independent spirit that says, “I’m a big girl, I can deal with difficult people myself.” Listening to this beautiful woman tell her story against the backdrop of forgiveness makes me wonder if I just don’t “get it,” the way she does.

She “gets” the helplessness of trying to do things her own way. She “gets” the destruction  that comes with holding on to hurt, anger, resentment and pain. Going her own way led her to mental breakdowns, suicide attempts and entrapment in the sex trade. As I watched her tell her story, I realized that–more that anything–now she also “gets” the relief and release that comes from finally surrendering to God’s way.

Brand-new in her faith since coming to Mercy Ministries, she has fallen in love with her Creator. Her eager-to-follow-Jesus attitude, which lights up her smile in a new way, also makes her willing to go along with anything He asks.

I imagine that when He says, “Forgive,” her question is not, “Why should I?” but rather: “How, Lord?”

When He responds: “As I forgave you,” she might say, “Oh, like that?”

Freedom

The fresh memory of His forgiveness and the overwhelming relief and release she experienced through that, frees her to forgive all the people who made her childhood such a nightmare. That is a life-freeing gift.

Lord, keep the memory of the joy of your forgiveness fresh in my mind, so I no longer feel burdened by your command to forgive but am, instead, freed by it.

_________________________

Dear SheLoves friends:

• Is there someone in your life you need to forgive?
• Do you know or remember the sweet taste of Jesus’ forgiveness?
• Any thoughts or comments you’d like to share?

About Musu:

My life is lived out of the calling “to advance Christ-centred work.” I am currently Director of Marketing and Development at Mercy Ministries, working to get the word out about the life-transforming work that takes place here. Prior to my work at Mercy, I directed a Crisis Pregnancy Centre, studied Christianity and Culture at Regent College and co-led women’s programs at my local church. I have four great children and am married to Steven, a gift to me from the Creator.

_________________________

Image credit: Someday, by Martina Perhat.

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Mercy: A Daily Practice of Digging for Truth

A daily practice + shedding lies + seeing God’s unconditional Love = Journey to Freedom. 

By Musu Taylor-Lewis | Twitter: @mercycanada

Her voice is strong today, almost matter-of-fact as she explains where her journey started, trying to earn God’s love. A downward spiral that led to self-harm, despair and eventually an attempted suicide.

“I was nine years old when I was molested … It was around this time that I began to lose sight of God’s love for me. I began to feel like I was falling apart from the inside out. I began to believe the lies that there was something inherently wrong with me, something broken that could never be fixed and that no one cared.”

Who could blame her?  When it comes to deep and baffling pain, or even the tentacles of shame, any of us could lose sight of God’s unconditional love. Let alone a nine-year-old girl. We see the reflex to withdraw already in the Garden of Eden when the first pair of humans realized they had made a wrong choice.

“Losing sight of God’s love.” It’s a common theme we find with the young women who come through the doors of Mercy Ministries. Whatever the trigger–abuse, school pressure, a harsh word from a parent or even misunderstanding God’s love–the light of God’s love is dimmed each time a seemingly-logical lie gets repeated, whether in the privacy of the mind or out loud.

Thoughts like:

-“God wasn’t there when I was hurting.”

- “Nobody cares.”

- “If I do more, maybe He would love me.”

- “I’m too bad for God’s reach.”

That is why I’ve fallen in love with one particular daily exercise carried out by the residents at Mercy. I’ve watched how this exercise helps restore the ability to see God’s love. I’ve learned this: Seeing, grasping, knowing and understanding God’s love gives hope and strength to cooperate with what God wants to do in our lives. Seeing God’s love keeps us from being dragged down by hurt and failure, events that are inevitable in our world.

A Simple Ritual

Every day the residents get out their truth statements; statements they create based on their reading of scripture. Each girl reads her own statements in private, to counter the lies that have accumulated, trap her in self-destructive patterns and block her ability to see God’s love.

So, instead of “God wasn’t there when I was hurting” she states:

“God is near the broken-hearted.”

When she’s tempted to believe, “No one cares,” she is reminded:

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

When she wants to try and earn God’s love, her heart is stilled by the words:

“It is by grace you have been saved.”

When she thinks, “I’m too bad for God’s reach” that thought is counteracted by:

“Nothing can separate us from the love of God.”

Slowly but surely, over time, these truths bring God’s Love back into view. Eventually it becomes clear that God never left … not ever … not even for one moment. His love has been there all along, in every moment of despair and destruction. I have seen how this simple and powerful truth can transform a life lived with blurred vision from the age of nine.

Now I hear her tell the other side of the story:

“Mercy Ministries was God’s rescue mission. I have never felt so loved. God in His infinite, inexhaustible mercy delivered me from death. I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is good, that He never abandoned me or let go of me once. He pursued me relentlessly, because I am of great value in His eyes, because He loves me, because He wants me. I am beautiful, inside and out, because He made me. I can stop striving for perfection because I already carry the seal of His approval–His Holy Spirit–within me.

_________________________

Dear SheLoves friends,

• What practices–daily or otherwise–have you discovered that help you on your journey to Freedom?
• Is there a lie that keeps repeating itself in your life?
• What are some of your favourite Truth statements?

_________________________

About Musu:

My life is lived out of the calling “to advance Christ-centred work.” I am currently Director of Marketing and Development at Mercy Ministries, working to get the word out about the life-transforming work that takes place here. Prior to my work at Mercy, I directed a Crisis Pregnancy Centre, studied Christianity and Culture at Regent College and co-led women’s programs at my local church. I have four great children and am married to Steven, a gift to me from the Creator.

Mercy that Makes a Man

“I saw young women experience Christmas for the first time as free women.”

By Alan Koller

I was the guy who was always told, “Nice guys finish last.” I almost got it tattooed on my arm. In Grade 6, I was voted the best boy in the class, in a secret “Girls Only” poll. Three perfect scores. Thank you very much. That should give you a clue into who I was when I was young. What inspired my heart towards Mercy Ministries, however, started in college after two ex-girlfriends’ lives took some difficult turns, following their relationships with me.

Were these situations my fault? No, would be the response by most standards. The message from God, however, was different.

He simple said: “Their hearts were not yours to play with. Their hearts were placed in your hand to honour and respect first and foremost.”

[Insert photo of hand of God cuffing me in the back of the head here.]

Now add the fact that, after college, I spent 14 years bartending in Vancouver’s high-end hotels, seeing the male/female bar scene at its best and its worst. I learned how hard it was to tell who needed help. I wanted to at least try and do something, and cooking at Mercy Ministries, a residential program for young women who deal with life’s controlling issues, has become the way I am serving the cause.

So, what is it like for me to cook at Mercy?

-It is an honour of course.

-It’s fun.

-It’s emotional, definitely.

Each time I walk through the door I have to remember in this home are young women who have been emotionally and physically abused, mostly by men. Many of them have developed eating disorders as a result of the abuse. And there I am as a single guy, walking in the door with lots of food. Interesting, indeed.

Last year I got to cook dinner for the staff and girls at the Mercy Christmas party. It was an amazing night. One I will never forget for various reasons; some great and some not so great. Unfortunately at one point I stood next to a young woman, listening to another girl tell her story about what she was thankful for at Christmas. That young woman had to walk away from me, and I watched her starting to wring her hands with so much anxiety, I felt it necessary to return to cleaning up the kitchen. I stood in that kitchen and thought to myself, What happened to that young girl so my presence would cause her that much pain? I wish she knew I would never cause her any pain and if anyone tried to hurt her when I was around, she would be protected.

That night I saw I saw another girl, upon receiving a Christmas stocking, ask: “What is this?”

How is it possible that a Canadian girl would have no idea what a Christmas stocking is? I couldn’t understand it. I grew up with great parents and had a wonderful Christmas every year. To think a world like hers exists doesn’t make me sad, as much as it makes me angry.  I wished I could go back in time and visit each one of these girls and personally ensure those responsible pay and pay dearly for their involvement in causing a need for places like Mercy.

But as usual God showed up again and pointed out some more things I should be noticing at Mercy.

- I saw young women experience Christmas for the first time as free women.

- I saw tears of joy as they opened their gifts.

One of the gifts was cash for each of the girls. They were given strict instruction that the money was to be spent buying gifts for themselves. [Slightly emotional moment.]  One of the girls asked if she could use some of the money to tithe with. [Emotional moment times ten.] Praise God.

- To see young women so afraid of food, eating and enjoying life at a dining room table was incredible.  Oh and these girls can sing, and sing very well. Best Christmas carols I’d heard in a long time.

- To be sitting in the room as one of only three men and have one of the girls say to the three of us: Thank you for what you do, because for many of the girls here, their experience with men has been horrifying, and for the first time we can be around men and feel safe.  “Thank you,” she said, “It means a lot to us.”

[Insert a moment of feeling completely OVERWHELMED here.]

Words truly cannot express what I experienced that night or any of the other days I have been in the Mercy home. I do know this: I will not stop serving at Mercy. There is too much at stake to sit back and do nothing. What God has ultimately shown me is as much as I would like to find the source of the abuse for each one of these women and introduce those abusers to the wrath of God at my hands, God has shown me that Mercy is the answer, instead. Through Mercy God is building an army to defeat this evil.  The soldiers in this army are the young women who walk through the doors of Mercy. They will be able to help countless other women fight and overcome their own battles. They are going to be the ones who lift others out of the darkness.

My job as a man is to make sure they have the tools they need, the encouragement they need, the protection they need and, most importantly, the love they need to know they are not alone in this fight.

__________________________________

About Alan:

I grew up in a small town in BC and had a great childhood. My culinary side was cultured at a young age; I still remember standing on a chair in the kitchen stirring custard with my mother. Even though I have always had a passion for food and for cooking, I have never cooked professionally or trained. I just watched and learned. I am very blessed to be able to cook now purely for the joy and love of it and I am honoured to use my gifts to help build Mercy Ministries.

A Mercy Christmas: Generosity Up Close

“I’m certainly one of those thanking God this Christmas, because of an up close view of generosity at Mercy.”

By Musu Taylor-Lewis | Twitter: @mercycanada

I love Christmas.

I love the festive decorations everywhere. I love hearing worship songs at the grocery store. I love the anticipation of getting together with family and friends and trying to figure out what they would most appreciate. I love seeing the story of Jesus told and pictured and sang in unexpected places.

This year, I am particularly struck by the spirit of generosity that comes out at Christmas.

It is amazing how much people really want to give. They want to give gifts that delight, they want to give gifts that provide and want to share in a way that relieves the sting of poverty, loneliness and hurt. At Christmas people give to those they personally know and love, but also give to those outside their circles who are in need. They give as individuals, in groups, in secret and openly. They give in expected ways and in creative ways too.

The supporters and friends of Mercy Ministries are a great example of this. Mercy has a tradition of celebrating with the residents before we break for Christmas. In part, because for some of the young women in our home, Christmas can be a time of unhappy memories of neglect and going without. Supporters join in the celebration by providing gifts that are joyously unwrapped by very appreciative young women.

In Canada this year, we started the Mercy-filled Christmas project just after Thanksgiving–a gift registry for our residents that allows anyone to choose a gift to purchase for a girl in the program. We aim to have enough of each item so that each girl receives one. Well, the response was so fast that we quickly filled almost all the items on the list. While we were very careful to choose items that would fit all budgets, the last item to be filled was the least expensive item on our gift registry!

Within a day we had all twelve cash gifts and iPod shuffles snapped up and provided for by individual supporters who wanted to remain anonymous. Then there were those who decided to get creative in order to give. One supporter put the challenge out to readers of her blog in order to raise money for gift cards. She raised three times as much as she asked for in less than a week! Another supporter put together a fundraiser at her church to collect the money for music CDs and pyjamas. Members of her church in Calgary collected twice as much as they had aimed for and will be able to sponsor a few days of Mercy in addition to giving the gift of warmth and music.

There is more.

Even before we started the Mercy-filled Christmas project, we got a call from a women’s ministry pastor in our area wanting to know how many study bibles they could send over for Christmas this year. And then there’s the December bride who has asked her guests to give A Day of Mercy or Half-a-Day of Mercy in lieu of wedding gifts. I could go on about the families who will host residents from out of town and unsafe homes, and the always generous supporter who is providing and preparing the whole Christmas dinner, but I’m sure by now you have the idea.

To paraphrase 2 Corinthians 2:12, generosity like this not only meets the need of people, but also causes many people to thank God. I’m certainly one of those thanking God this Christmas, because of an up close view of generosity at Mercy.

__________________________________________________

About Musu:

My life is lived out of the calling “to advance Christ-centred work.” I am currently Director of Marketing and Development at Mercy Ministries, working to get the word out about the life-transforming work that takes place here. Prior to my work at Mercy, I directed a Crisis Pregnancy Centre, studied Christianity and Culture at Regent College and co-led women’s programs at my local church. I have four great children and am married to Steven, a gift to me from the Creator.

Putting the Fun in Mercy

By Musu Taylor-Lewis | Twitter: @mercycanada

Young women arrive at Mercy Ministries ready to do the hard work necessary to make changes in their lives. They come willing to spend about six months of their lives, so they can concentrate on healing.

The thing is, concentrating on healing takes a lot of energy.

It is emotionally draining to talk about your problems when you’ve spent years drinking (for example), trying not to think about them. It is mentally challenging to replace the negative voices in your head with the truth you’ve learned from scripture, and it may take physical strength to get up at 7am in the morning to prepare for the day or stop yourself from heading to the bathroom after a meal. Every once in a while, in order to keep concentrating so hard, we need respite  from the hard work of healing to restore some of that energy.

Two weeks ago, staff at Mercy Canada surprised the girls with a Mexican fiesta. Staff took over kitchen duties for an afternoon, prepared a Mexican-themed meal, decorated the dining room and had a piñata ready for some fun playtime after the meal.

The girls’ faces said it all. The joyful surprise and relief had one girl moved to tears.

Rest, recreation and free time are all part of the Mercy program, but I realized as I watched all of us relax and have fun, that respite came from the unexpected break in routine. Sleep is scheduled, so there’s enough energy to get the most out of the program. Free time at Mercy can be used to reflect and catch up on assignments. Even recreation is planned so it doesn’t interfere with the work that needs to be done. But the dictionary definition of “respite” is:

a temporary relief from something trying or difficult.

The brief interruption from the work of healing, in the fun of a Mexican fiesta, provided relief from the work of concentrating so hard, provided a moment of lightness for staff and an opportunity for  the girls to simply be  joyful and childlike without trying, or working at it.

It all reminded me of advice from Ecclesiastes 8:15

“So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the sun.”

God’s program of healing and wholeness is always perfectly balanced, and so in seasons of concentrated work He recommends spontaneous, healthy doses of fun!

About Musu:

My life is lived out of the calling “to advance Christ-centred work.” I am currently Director of Marketing and Development at Mercy Ministries, working to get the word out about the life-transforming work that takes place here. Prior to my work at Mercy, I directed a Crisis Pregnancy Centre, studied Christianity and Culture at Regent College and co-led women’s programs at my local church. I have four great children and am married to Steven, a gift to me from the Creator.

This is Rebecca.

Of Love, Marriage and Mercy.

By Musu Taylor-Lewis | Twitter: @mercycanada

Friends, who is this coming up from the wilderness leaning on her beloved? -Solomon 8:5

WHO IS THIS?

This is Rebecca.

As a child: Sexually and physically abused, coerced into having an abortion, embraced promiscuity, heavy drinking and dropped out of school.

This is Rebecca.

As a teen: Brutally raped, she attempted suicide, placed a child for adoption, abused prescription drugs, resorted to self harm and turned her heart away from God.

This is Rebecca.

As a young woman: An unfaithful wife, pushed her husband away, couldn’t care for her children, developed an eating disorder and dismissed from work.

COMING UP FROM THE WILDERNESS.

This is the Rebecca who arrived at Mercy Ministries last September to seek healing. Angry, defiant, weak, defensive, numb and afraid to love.

Her husband Darryl had loved her through her rage, her inability to believe she could be loved, and her obsession with an eating disorder so severe that her heart was giving out.

Together and apart God arranged for their healing.

In the safe haven of Mercy, Rebecca revealed the sexual and physical abuse she had endured through her childhood for the first time, and found a place where she could let go of her shame and her guilt.

For Darryl, God provided a church community to surround him, love him and help him care for their young boys.

Together and apart they begin to a journey of faith and trust in the One who brings transformation.

Rebecca returned home from Mercy, with a new perspective, to a new community and a family united in gratitude to God.

This month, Rebecca and Darryl renewed their marriage vows in a simple ceremony, rich with meaning, and overflowing in love.

Together and apart they commit to live together in a marriage renewed by the love of The Father.

LEANING ON HER BELOVED

This is Rebecca today …

Bringing her abuser to justice, protecting others from abuse, encouraging others in pain, telling her story without shame.

This is Rebecca today …

Caring for her children, holding on to her healing, a part of community and worshipping her God again.

This is Rebecca today … 

Excited about life, grateful, healthy, hopeful and open to loving and receiving love

Friends, this is Rebecca coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved Darryl, together leaning on their beloved Christ.

You can see more photos of their Wedding Vow Renewal here. Thank you, Rachel Ray. 

About Musu:

My life is lived out of the calling “to advance Christ-centred work.” I am currently Director of Marketing and Development at Mercy Ministries, working to get the word out about the life-transforming work that takes place here. Prior to my work at Mercy, I directed a Crisis Pregnancy Centre, studied Christianity and Culture at Regent College and co-led women’s programs at my local church. I have four great children and am married to Steven, a gift to me from the Creator.

Image credit: Rebecca and Darryl, by Rachel Ray.

Pain and Prejudice: Understanding Self Harm

“Like many others, I jumped to very wrong conclusions before I began to try to understand why anybody would deliberately and regularly cut, bruise, burn or punch themselves.”

By Musu Taylor-Lewis | Twitter: @mercycanada

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I must admit, self harm is one of those issues I’ve long found very difficult to understand.

I personally avoid physical pain as much as I possibly can, so much so that as a young girl, I wouldn’t play soccer because I was afraid of being hit by the ball flying straight at me at high speed.

So when I realized young women I knew were engaging in self-harming behaviour, my first reaction was shock and, like many others, I jumped to very wrong conclusions before I began to try to understand why anybody would deliberately and regularly cut, bruise, burn or punch themselves.

Some of the wrong conclusions I jumped to were:

1. Cutting is an attempt at suicide or will always lead to an attempt at suicide

The truth is that many people who harm themselves are not trying to kill themselves, but rather are so emotionally numb from pain that they physically hurt themselves just so that they can feel something, anything, so they can feel alive.

2. Self harm is a warped form of seeking attention.

Most people who self harm go to great lengths to hide their behaviour and don’t want anyone to know what they are doing. Long-sleeved shirts will often cover the arms of a young woman who is cutting, constant stories are made up to explain bruising or loss of hair. Self harm, in fact ,often starts with and  leads to such an intense sense of shame that hiding the problem, rather than reaching for help,  becomes part of the self-destructive behaviour.Self harm is new problem

3. Self harm is a new problem.

The form and methods of self harm may change, but self harm has been one way humans have tried to cope with the pain that sin brings for centuries. Many cultures have acceptable forms of self harm intended to bring healing to pained souls. Even in the history of the church, some false teaching required devout God0-seekers to whip themselves, in order to rid themselves of sin.

4. Self harm is something only irresponsible people do.

Many people who harm themselves do so because they are hyper-responsible, perfectionists, who punish themselves every time they feel they have failed to live up to the impossible standards they set for themselves.

Understanding the problem does not condone the behaviour, but I found that once I started to understand why people would resort to self harm, I could begin to see where our great and good God has already provided real solutions for dealing with the pain that comes from living in a broken world.

In her book Cut: Mercy for Self Harm, Mercy Ministries’ founder Nancy Alcorn leads her readers through six ways to access the relief that God has provided for pain. Though it would be impossible to go into each one at length, here is a quick scan of what she says:

• Choose Love

Accepting Jesus into our lives, accepting his love and the sacrifice He has already made to make up for each and every possible sin is the first step to breaking free from self harm

• Verbalize your Pain

Psalm 32:3 describes the effects of silence this way “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.”  Silence prolongs the pain and emphasizes shame. Nancy Alcorn put it this way “Don’t hesitate. Quickly expose your pain and receive the freedom the Lord is so excited to give you. He is a very safe place to take your pain, guilt and shame.”

• Give up control

By giving up control to God and beginning to trust Him enough to use the tools He provides, like prayer and worship, we move away from pain and embrace love more fully.

• Forgive Others, Yourself and God

Forgiving is difficult but very necessary step. Forgiveness is not the same as saying what that whatever caused the pain is okay, but it does release the pain and begins to allow us to let go and move forward, away from unproductive coping mechanisms

• Believe the Truth

Nancy Alcorn explains this well: … it means simply to replace ungodly thought (lies) with godly truth. For example when you think you’re worthless, immediately replace that thought with truth from the Word of God, which says you are valuable and important to Him

• Resist the Devil

James 4:7 reads “Submit yourselves then to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you.” This brings us all full circle, by choosing Love and surrendering control to God (submitting) we begin to resist the temptations and lies that that “The Father of lies” tries to get us to believe. By resisting his temptation to self harm through submission to God there is more and more freedom

I must admit, as I read these steps for breaking free of self harm, I am struck by how applicable these principles are for dealing with my own painful issues. Though I do not have to escape self harm, I do need to escape, from my own ineffective ways of dealing with pain, things like withdrawal, self pity, passive revenge and cultivating contempt. I find that our very great and good God has already provided real solutions for me to deal with the pain that comes from living in a broken world.

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We’d love to hear from you:

• What preconceived ideas have you had around self harm?
• What books have you found helpful on the subject?
• Any other thoughts or suggestions?

About Musu:

My life is lived out of the calling “to advance Christ-centred work.” I am currently Director of Marketing and Development at Mercy Ministries, working to get the word out about the life-transforming work that takes place here. Prior to my work at Mercy, I directed a Crisis Pregnancy Centre, studied Christianity and Culture at Regent College and co-led women’s programs at my local church. I have four great children and am married to Steven, a gift to me from the Creator.