Archived entries for Natasha Files

Closure: Saying Goodbye

On grieving what was to make space for what lies ahead.

By Natasha Files | Twitter: @natashafiles

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Reflecting on what I have learned during this journey of writing a SheLoves wellness post on Wednesdays, it has come to my attention that everything is as it should be. Yes, I will miss sharing my passion with a community of equally passionate women, but closure for this piece means space for other amazing women to share, and room for me to learn.

Until recently I regarded the word “closure” to be very negative. How can a word used to describe the termination of something good, be anything but depressing? I focused on what I was losing, rather than what would fill the new space and negated to acknowledge my need to grieve transitions in a healthy way.

Growing & Grieving

With a few big transitions in the past eight months, I have become a bit accustomed to moving and grieving. Becoming accustomed doesn’t make me a pro, but I feel that all this change has forced me to sink or swim in the land of growth.

Embracing the unfamiliar seems daunting, especially when it means saying goodbye to everything comfortable. These last two weeks I have needed to remind myself that being sad is a valid emotion during times of closure, even when tears come unexpectedly at inconvenient times. For example: in the middle of a class discussion about government policy on the second day of school. Yep.

Recognizing the many reasons I have loved writing for SheLoves magazine, leaves me wanting to “cut and run” in order to avoid the pain of leaving. “Cut and run,” to me, would mean I isolate from the community in order to forget the reasons I love it so much. I know this isn’t healthy, but I also know I am not the only individual who would rather isolate from a love rather than acknowledge the pain. I took time to journal the healthy ways I will process this closure and hope you will also find them helpful, if you ever find yourself in a place of termination.

Here’s how I processed:

1) I defined the painful situation.

2) I acknowledged my emotions and their significance.

3) I identified the aspects of my life that require extra attention this season.

4) I brainstormed ways to address the grief that will inevitably follow.

5) I reminded myself that this pain is normal, valid, and will not last forever.

I sit here slightly dazed. Processing the many aspects of how this space has empowered me, I can’t help but be grateful for a community of participants who are willing to be real. Someone once encouraged me with these words: “Life and time will continue ticking, but it is up to you whether you genuinely participate in each moment and make it count.”

It is obvious that the women of SheLoves (both readers and writers) are individuals who have chosen to participate in each moment. We recognize the importance of walking with arms linked, calling affirmations to those ahead and behind, because it is by working together that we can surpass any potential hurdles to life.

Thank you for being a part of something more powerful than any of us can understand. I am honoured to be a participant in this community and look forward to following others as they continue to share Truth with the world wide web.

Much love always and forever,

Tash xo

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–>>Editor’s note: I have treasured these weekly posts from Natasha. She was one of our first regular SheLoves contributors and helped give momentum and a hearbeat to our site. I will always be grateful for that.

Love you, Natasha, and catch you on the other side of your Masters degree! –idelette xoxo

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About Natasha:
Natasha Files is Case Manager with a Mental Health and Addictions Team. She has experience working with youth and adults struggling with a variety of life-controlling issues and she specializes in eating disorders. Natasha’s passion for mental wellness began when she personally experienced the impact of a genuinely caring professional. That passion is paired with a love of espresso, only to be overshadowed by her desire to see women set free from life-controlling issues.

Image credit: Untitled, by  Adam Piggott

My Cure for Feeling Overwhelmed: The Three P’s

On nine ballerinas, moving to Calgary and prioritizing my life

By Natasha Files | Twitter: @natashafiles

A few days after settling into my new life amidst the flames and cowboys of Calgary, I found myself slightly overwhelmed. It’s not the fact that I am the main house parent to nine quirky ballerinas, nor that I am in a full-time Masters program that requires countless pages of paper writing. No, I think the pressure is coming from my lack of organization and an inability to conceptualize the coming weeks.

Have you ever had a moment where you felt completely engulfed in confusion, but knew you would eventually work it out? This past week has been like that, where I had seen the light at the end of the tunnel, but running to it was equitable to running through thick air during a nightmare. Well, I finally figured out how to cut that air and reach the light: patience, prioritizing & planning.

Or: PPP.

I know, so corny, but I find it easier having acronyms or fun sayings to remind myself about healthy coping. Here is how I unpackaged and found my three P’s were most helpful:

1)   Patience – I asked myself to identify my specific stressors and divide the factors I can control vs the ones I can’t. After realizing that not everything in my bundle of stress is within my power to change, I acknowledged my need to trust and focus on the process rather than chomp at the bit for an end result.

Reflect: Feeling overwhelmed? Can you make a list of the main contributors to your stress? Within that list, what is in your power to change? Which parts do you need to eliminate? Which parts do you need to hand over to God?

2)   Prioritization – this is a big one for me because I get so excited about opportunities to get involved. This week I had to remind myself that I am a full-time mother and a full-time student, so maybe I need to step back from a few responsibilities this season. I highlighted my personal goals (spiritual, physical, relational, financial and educational) and decided what is at the top of my list and what might need to be paused or stopped.

Reflect: What are your current personal goals? How do your current responsibilities line up with these desires? Can anything be shifted or decreased?

3)   Planning – Once I recognized the most important commitments for this season, I made a schedule. I ensured I will have enough time to fully embrace my current responsibilities and passions, and reminded myself that stepping back from certain areas does not make me less of a woman.

Reflect: How can you schedule your life so that important commitments and passions do not become overwhelming burdens?

Making Room

A bittersweet aspect of my current 3 P’s is that some of my favourite activities are being paused or stopped. When I planned, I chose to focus on allowing more room for the most precious commitments of this season and, unfortunately, had strong boundaries with giving those commitments enough space. The end result? Certain passions are currently paused. Despite the heartache of this decision, I have peace and know I am honoring myself and avoiding burn out.

One of the commitments that will soon go on pause is my weekly wellness piece with SheLoves magazine. As mentioned above, I have had to have strong boundaries with myself to avoid burnout in this new season and am no less passionate about SheLoves or wellness because of this decision. I am honoured to have had space to share my experiences and a forum to offer resources in such a supportive community. I will still be following other entries and sharing this site with as many people as possible, and hope to eventually return with a fresh perspective. I so love SheLoves magazine <3

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With this, my beautifully powerful SheLoves sisters, I am curious to hear your thoughts:

1) How is your current life situation? Does it need a do-over with the 3 P’s?

2) What is an area where you could benefit from being a little more patient?

3) What areas of your life would you prioritize in this season and how can you plan to ensure they have space?

About Natasha:
Natasha Files is Case Manager with a Mental Health and Addictions Team. She has experience working with youth and adults struggling with a variety of life-controlling issues and she specializes in eating disorders. Natasha’s passion for mental wellness began when she personally experienced the impact of a genuinely caring professional. That passion is paired with a love of espresso, only to be overshadowed by her desire to see women set free from life-controlling issues.

My 20-Something Life: Knowing My True Identity in a Time of Transition

Bye-bye, Dawson Creek. Hello, new adventures!

By Natasha Files | Twitter: @natashafiles

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It feels like yesterday that I packed my things, hopped on an over-priced flight and moved to Dawson Creek, BC. Somehow the time has flown by and amongst my whining about -40° weather and small town drama, I have grown and transitioned into someone who feels ready to embrace my next season of adventures.

This week I am relocating to a new province and city, with a new job, school and program and no expectations, except to excel in school. Anything can happen! Instead of fear, I feel anticipation for the many crazy moments that are to come. I was blessed to land a job as house mother for nine teenage ballerinas (aged 12-18), so I am expecting surprises–as well as excitement about discovering who I am amongst the layers of transition.

The word to define my current emotional state is: “complete.” Amongst the rawness of saying goodbye to a town I love and the eagerness of moments to come, I am resting in the present rather than trying to jump ahead. My last day of work was emotional as I wished clients and colleagues well, then packed up my office. But as I organized my files, I was reminded of the many lessons I have learned over the past few months.

Most importantly, I have learned to mindfully engage with the moment in which I find myself: no matter how uncomfortable or emotionally overwhelming. I have learned to acknowledge my state and respond accordingly. As a girl who historically has taken some drastic measures to avoid emotions, I am pretty stoked to be walking (and loving) this middle path.

My first Masters level class starts in less than a week and I have already received assignments and been asked to read the whole textbook. Eeek! I have never been the girl who loves doing assigned readings and this time is no different (I have had to bribe myself just to make it past page three). That said, the first four pages of my social policy textbook are filled with gems of information.

Identity

The first chapter emphasizes that our identity does not come from age, race, culture, language, economic and job status, sex, religion, citizen/immigrant status or health. I was very impressed to read a Canadian social policy textbook that made such a bold statement about identity. I know in my heart that my identity is more than the above list, but I often find myself striving to accomplish another goal before fully loving who I am or where I am. It comes back to embracing the present moment and accepting myself exactly where I am, without pulling in identifying stereotypes.

These past few months of northern seclusion have helped solidify the relationship I have with myself, but now I want to allow that insight to be communicated consistently. Yes, I am moving to a new city and can easily be identified by my job, schooling, religion and economic status, but I am choosing to break the confines of that comfortable box and challenge myself (and others) to notice me for who I am when all of those factors are stripped away. For example:

  • What is my character and how do I present when no one else is around?
  • What makes my heart beat and what kind of friend am I?
  • What am I passionate about and how far am I willing to go in order to accomplish my dreams?

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So, my SheLoves sisters, I am curious to know:

1)   What have you learned from your current season?

2)   Where does your identity come from?

3)   (This last question is a bit of a selfish one): What advice would you give to someone who is about to become a “mother” to a handful of teenage girls?

About Natasha:
Natasha Files is Case Manager with a Mental Health and Addictions Team. She has experience working with youth and adults struggling with a variety of life-controlling issues and she specializes in eating disorders. Natasha’s passion for mental wellness began when she personally experienced the impact of a genuinely caring professional. That passion is paired with a love of espresso, only to be overshadowed by her desire to see women set free from life-controlling issues.

That Time I Got Stuck in an Emotional Elevator

On discovering patience inside powerlessness and an inner anointing to learn the lessons on my way. 

By Natasha Files | Twitter: @natashafiles

So, last week I got stuck in an emotional elevator. When I first climbed in, I didn’t care I was the only passenger riding the–somewhat unstable–machine of my emotions. About half-way up to my destination, the building’s power went out (and the back-up generator obviously wasn’t working) which meant the elevator stopped and I was stuck, alone, in pure darkness.

I had the smart idea of using the (metaphorical) light from my iPhone to push for help, but  unfortunately a full day of phone-talking, music-listening, app-fiddling and info-sharing meant a completely depleted battery. On every end.

Putting my phone back in my pocket, I sighed and resigned to feeling the wall in front of me with the hope of finding the help button. I soon found it, only to realize I needed power to call outside for help.

Deflated, I slid to the floor and tried to get comfortable while waiting for the power to start back on. Two hours passed with no sign of power or movement and I tried to make sense of the helpless situation I felt I was in. I wasn’t going to be the one to get myself out, but I was in charge of my reactions while I waited. I had a choice: I could freak out or I could make the most of my time in limbo. I felt debilitated from anxiety and noticed myself shutting off my emotions to get through the waiting period.

Waiting for the Light

That was my week in a nutshell. I started off completely naïve to what was about to occur, then found myself stuck in, what felt like, a stuffy little space where the only obvious way out was to wait. I don’t know about you, but I am still learning to be composed when patience is needed in situations longer than a day. It’s not like I don’t trust things will work out as needed, it’s just that I am so good at planning and controlling, that when my plans are paused and alternate endings present, I have a hard time just going with the flow.

I think it’s an antsy thing where I am so used to seeing where I am supposed to run, that when I enter a tunnel and have to follow with limited vision, I overly anticipate what is to come and want to run faster despite having no idea where I’m supposed to place my feet. When this happens, paralysis usually follows because my all-or-nothing default setting seems to think I shouldn’t walk when I can’t run.

I’m still learning–daily–to hand over that all-or-nothing core belief.

My week in emotional seclusion reminded me of my humanness. Still, as I learned new truths in this process and faced new tests, I found myself in awe of my Creator who keeps calling me higher. I don’t enjoy discomfort, but then it definitely helps me appreciate the pleasant times.

I am also learning that I am uniquely anointed to learn the lessons that come my way.

I love this poem about patience by Sri Chinmoy:

Patience is the best

Shock–absorber.

Patience is the highest

Peace–discoverer.

Patience is the greatest

Perfection–believer.

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I think we can all learn from each other’s experiences and I’m curious to hear about yours:

1) What is the most recent life lesson you have learned?

2) Looking back on an intense times of testing, what are you most grateful for?

About Natasha:
Natasha Files is Case Manager with a Mental Health and Addictions Team. She has experience working with youth and adults struggling with a variety of life-controlling issues and she specializes in eating disorders. Natasha’s passion for mental wellness began when she personally experienced the impact of a genuinely caring professional. That passion is paired with a love of espresso, only to be overshadowed by her desire to see women set free from life-controlling issues.

Practicing Assertiveness

On choosing a communications style that honors the genuine me.

By Natasha Files | Twitter: @natashafiles

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Have you ever been in a situation where you left thinking: “Wow, I wish I’d responded better.” Or, “if only I had said no instead of yes”? I’ve had a lot of those moments and will be the first to admit that I feel slightly defeated when they happen.

I used to lack assertiveness because I was afraid to step on people’s toes and didn’t want to be known as a boundary-stomper. I’ve recently realized that being a doormat is equally as unhealthy because it leaves me feeling crushed and doesn’t show others the genuine me.

Four styles

Contrary to popular belief, being assertive isn’t a bad or pushy thing. In fact, assertiveness is such an important skill that many workplaces offer workshops to help their employees hone the skills. Assertiveness is one of four communication styles with the other three being: passive, aggressive, and passive-aggressive. While a communication style does not represent who we are, it can definitely impact the success that we have in our relationships.

I value myself enough to put up healthy boundaries and take ownership of my behaviours, so I think it’s important to have skills that support those beliefs. Being assertive doesn’t mean I am doing things against others, it just means I am making choices that support me. Since putting my skills into play I have noticed a decrease in internal and external conflict, an increase in my self-respect and reduced feelings of helplessness and failure.

When putting assertiveness into action, I sometimes equate it to expressing my emotions. Last week we talked about accepting emotions in a healthy way and this week I hope to continue that acceptance by communicating them to others. Remembering that I am in charge of my own behaviours, I often push myself to be assertive in situations where I would rather passively hide.

For example: This past week an acquaintance made a joke about me in front of others. We all laughed and then moved on to another topic of conversation, but I noticed myself feeling hurt and ruminating about the cause for her joke. In the past I would have responded with internal anger then would have probably avoided her for a while. This time I chose to be assertive, so I waited for an appropriate time and one-to-one verbalized my hurt.

“Hey, I know we all laughed at that joke, but it kind of hurt when you said that. I am curious if I did something that prompted that?” It turned out she had heard someone previously share the joke and thought I would be the person who could most likely handle the burn. Had I just assumed her reasoning, nothing would have been resolved.

I didn’t learn assertiveness overnight, but am glad I put in the effort to practice the skills until they became natural. An exercise I did to get out of my comfort zone was to call someone I didn’t know and ask for information. Some ideas I found in a manual at work are:

  • Call a hotel and ask about room prices
  • Call the library and ask if they have “books on CD” and how long they may be borrowed for
  • Call a restaurant and ask about the potential of getting a reservation for a group of six this Saturday night

None of these ideas require that you commit to anything, but will need some assertiveness to complete!

About Natasha:
Natasha Files is Case Manager with a Mental Health and Addictions Team. She has experience working with youth and adults struggling with a variety of life-controlling issues and she specializes in eating disorders. Natasha’s passion for mental wellness began when she personally experienced the impact of a genuinely caring professional. That passion is paired with a love of espresso, only to be overshadowed by her desire to see women set free from life-controlling issues.

Photo credit: Frerieke

The Dance of Emotions

One phonecall. Eight emotions. And how I made my way through its aftermath without butter popcorn.

By Natasha Files | Twitter: @natashafiles

Source: vanityfair.com via Jolin on Pinterest

“We are over a thousand kilometres apart and your news still managed to punch me in the face,” I thought. I hung up the phone and snuggled deeper into the couch. I knew that conversation was a moment I’ll remember forever. I couldn’t help but want to throw my phone across the room.

I hate when people tell me things that painfully disintegrate my definition of reality. My emotions said I wanted to cry or scream (and maybe eat a bunch of buttery popcorn).

Making Sense

Moments like this are where I used to self-destruct, but now I’m somewhat able to step back before charging into chaos. Instead of slipping into “fix-it” mode, I try to make sense of the discomfort that is forming in my stomach.

I am not only reacting to the news of a loved one being ill, but am also reacting to my thoughts about that news: everything seems to be in layers. Recent training in DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) has taught me I have eight primary emotions that mix together to make up all emotions: anger, sorrow, joy, fear, disgust, guilt/shame, interest, surprise. An emotional reaction to a primary emotion is called a secondary emotion. For example: feeling shame when I get angry. Primary emotion: anger. Secondary emotion: shame.

Not wanting to be a hypocrite who tells my clients to always use their skills, then neglects to use them myself, I tried to identify the emotional mess that is my heart. My first reaction on that phone call was fear: I am afraid that someone I love is sick and hate that I can’t directly control the outcome of their condition. Another big emotion was anger. To be honest, I am angry about the whole situation.

Chain of Emotions

Taking a step back I was able to identify the chain of emotions and urges that seemed to be tightly intertwined. Anger and fear transformed into nervousness, then disappointment, exhaustion and annoyance. My initial urge was to sleep (I can be a great avoider when I allow myself), but decided it was best to get more information instead of just ruminating assumptions and “what ifs.” As I processed through the situation I learned that things aren’t as disastrous as I had initially interpreted and also discovered the best way for me to be helpful despite being geographically so far away.

Here is a little formula of how I broke everything down:

1)   Paused, took a deep breath and stepped back from the situation

2)   Identified the prompting event: the phone call

3)   Described how the situation made me feel (emotionally and physically)

-       Primary emotions: fear and anger

-       Secondary emotions: nervousness, disappointment, exhaustion, annoyance

-       Physical sensation: emotionally flooded, upset stomach

4)   Recognized my urges: to eat and sleep

5)   I acknowledged my urges, but chose to cope in healthy ways: clarify some of the information, positive self-talk (remember about being your very own cheerleader?!) and call a friend to chat

Emotions aren’t bad and they can be very helpful in identifying how things are going for us. The trick is being able to identify emotions without acting in emotion-driven behaviours and giving into unhelpful urges. I like to remind myself that emotions don’t last forever and are not the truth; when I am emotional I observe the emotions, acknowledge my fragile state and choose to engage in a healthy coping activity.

Pleasant Events

DBT talks about engaging in “pleasant events” when under emotional strain in order to minimize the emotional intensity. Some of the things I find helpful are: journaling, exercising (sometimes I like to stroll and other times I run), praying, talking to a friend, sleeping (sleep can be a healthy distraction, but I am careful not to interfere with my night sleep schedule), watching a funny movie, colouring, playing with play dough (yes, I actually do this) and baking.

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I’m curious to know about what helps you?

1. What are some of the pleasant events that help you regulate your emotions?

2. What is your favourite funny movie or tv show?

About Natasha:
Natasha Files is Case Manager with a Mental Health and Addictions Team. She has experience working with youth and adults struggling with a variety of life-controlling issues and she specializes in eating disorders. Natasha’s passion for mental wellness began when she personally experienced the impact of a genuinely caring professional. That passion is paired with a love of espresso, only to be overshadowed by her desire to see women set free from life-controlling issues.

Katelin’s Story: Finding Joy after Miscarriage

On Loving a God who knows what it means to lose a child.

By Natasha Files | Twitter: @natashafiles

When I moved to Dawson Creek in January I was relieved to know one person: Katelin. Since she and her husband Josh picked me up at the airport on day one of my northern adventure, I have enjoyed getting to know them as great friends. This past week Katelin and I shared in the all-too-regular ritual of visiting the local cupcake shop and caught up over the decadent flavors of cinnamon chai and raspberry lemonade. I am grateful for our relationship because she is a friend who expects us to be real–even when things aren’t pretty–and this time was no different.

We discussed SheLoves and Katelin encouraged me to write about joy. She then proceeded to share her most recent experience and how it translates into joy. I was so moved, I asked if she would be willing to share it in this week’s column:

Katelin & Josh’s story

A few months ago Josh and I decided we were ready to start a family and although I knew it was too early for any results, I started taking pregnancy tests over a week before the test could detect anything. One evening, about four days before my expected period, I had a positive test (followed by one negative test and three more positive tests). We were elated and couldn’t wait to tell family and friends, but wanted to hear the heartbeat before sharing the news.

Over the past year, I have dealt with a blood clot issue so was put on heparin, a blood thinner, after my first prenatal exam. This meant that Josh had to give me a needle in my stomach twice a day. Painful.

A requirement for being on blood thinners was having extra ultrasounds, which gave us many more opportunities to see our baby. We were thrilled when we first saw and heard the heartbeat at six weeks and then again at eight. Soon after, we told our families and then at around 10 weeks we told our friends and church. It felt officially “real” after everyone knew!

Sad news

Around 12.5 weeks I was at work and noticed some spotting. I called Josh who quickly came and took me to the emergency room. Later that day we found out I had miscarried. My heart felt like it literally sunk. They told us it was probably a “missed miscarriage” as our baby had stopped growing around 8.5 weeks–just after we’d last heard the heartbeat. I was also told I would need to have an “evacuation” the next day.

We went home and spent the evening crying. When I got up the next morning and realized that by the afternoon my baby would no longer be inside of me I cried even more. Picking up my computer to go on Facebook, I noticed Josh had already used it to search for scriptures and was inspired to do the same. After googling “scriptures for miscarriage” I came across Psalm 34:18-19:

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The righteous person faces many troubles but the Lord comes to the rescue each time.”

The only words that really sunk in were, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.” Shortly after I had the evacuation and then Josh and I spent a few days at home to grieve.

Grieving

Sunday worship was incredible, but hard. We stayed in the sanctuary as long as we could and just basked in God’s presence. We left without visiting with anyone, knowing we would just break down if we did–though not out of sadness. On the way home we talked about how we felt God telling us it was OK to have joy and that we need to trust Him with everything, especially with our baby.

Romans 8:28 says:

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

Divine Empathy

The following week the rest of Psalm 34 really sunk in, especially “the Lord comes to the rescue each time.” Through this experience I have been reminded that miscarriages are more common than they are discussed. I took comfort in knowing that many others have gone through this, as well. However, the most comfort came from a text message from my old roommate. She reminded me of something that I hadn’t considered: God knows exactly what Josh and I are going through because He once lost His son as well.

One in Five

After we chatted I did some research on miscarriages and, as Katelin wrote, they are more common than expected. According to research from a Canadian parenting website, miscarriages occur in one of every five pregnancies. Multiplied, that is one million babies miscarried for every five million born. Wow. In some cases, the cause is known, but in many others it is a mystery. The Miscarriage Association of the UK has some online resources if you are interested in knowing more.

About Natasha:
Natasha Files is Case Manager with a Mental Health and Addictions Team. She has experience working with youth and adults struggling with a variety of life-controlling issues and she specializes in eating disorders. Natasha’s passion for mental wellness began when she personally experienced the impact of a genuinely caring professional. That passion is paired with a love of espresso, only to be overshadowed by her desire to see women set free from life-controlling issues.

Wednesday Wellness: Training for a Half

Finding my running rhythm in a small town.

By Natasha Files | Twitter: @natashafiles

If you haven’t already heard, a few weeks ago Tina from TGIF empowered readers to begin training for a half-marathon to raise money for an awesome cause (Go here for the full story). At first I thought I would support financially. (After all, I’ll be living in Calgary in September, so I can’t exactly run a race in Surrey). But a seed was planted and the more I noticed it, the more I knew I needed to join the running team.

It’s just a short while later and I have become one of those people who train for half-marathons. I wish I could tell you I’m a running superstar, but I am still a work in progress. I am still learning to eat like a runner, and I’m afraid of the Dawson Creek tap water, so I consistently mooch rides off people to go buy H2O.

I run at funny hours. Being a weirdo (and not enjoying the locals’ honking and waving as they drive past) I have taken to running in the dark. The only thing is that it’s summer, and I live far north, so sunset and dusk come kind of late. This week I started my long run at 11pm and was grateful to find the streets empty, aside from mosquitoes and the occasional ambulance. (I pretty much just run circles around the hospital). Truth be told, if I didn’t have a sweet running app on my iPhone, I potentially would have quit by now. (Hang head in shame). Adidas miCoach, thank-you.

Planning

As I ran through my first non-stop 10K, I realized my need to become more aware of what my body requires if I plan to eventually run 21.1K. Sure, I can run a few kilometers, but my new goal is to run and not have everyone at work tell me I look horrible the next day. My favourite comment from a colleague in the coffee room was, “You look like crap. Like, you seriously just look like crap.” I guess the bright side is I work in an extremely honest environment?!

I know lots of you ladies live in towns with great running stores and resources: I am truly happy for you. However, my local Walmart just isn’t cutting it–even if it does have a fulltime front-door greeter. I feel slightly isolated (hence why my work pays me isolation allowance?) and I’m keen to glean any information I can to improve my training. Until recently, I kept my research to the little support group we have going for the ladies who signed up to run, but have since dug a little deeper to find some more information.

Little disclaimer: I am not a doctor, dietician, or sports medical professional. The information below was simply found online.

1) Start out slowly: just like with anything, building a strong foundation promises more endurance. Shape Magazine offers some great tips for things to focus on.
2) Set achievable goals: have a plan to stay on track (I use the Half-Marathon App for my training plan and Adidas miCoach to track my accomplishments, but there are also numerous other options online)
3) Stay hydrated: I have a feeling the reason I looked horrible after my recent 10K was due to dehydration. I was overly tired and had a headache, not to mention a fuzzy brain. Hydration is SUPER important, especially when running. For runs longer than one hour, be sure to drink water every 20 minutes. I love the Runner’s World info.
4) Properly fuel your body: I will be the first to admit I have room for improvement in this; I am a beginner when it comes to nutrition for optimal running performance. Run the Planet has some easy to follow information.
5) Remember why you run: I am a task-oriented person, but can sometimes lose sight of why I am working towards certain goals. This half-marathon training has been awesome practice for staying in a healthy mindset with running. I am running to raise money and support for an awesome cause. The benefits of training are improved health and wellness, but my goal for training is not to obsess about the miles. What is your reason for running/exercising?

Thoughts? I am new to the world of training for a half-marathon and would love to hear your thoughts and experiences:

  • What are some tricks that work for you?
  • The favourite song on your playlist? (I love my running playlist and get excited for runtime so I can listen to my songs!)
  • What keeps you motivated when you feel exhausted?

About Natasha:
Natasha Files is Case Manager with a Mental Health and Addictions Team. She has experience working with youth and adults struggling with a variety of life-controlling issues and she specializes in eating disorders. Natasha’s passion for mental wellness began when she personally experienced the impact of a genuinely caring professional. That passion is paired with a love of espresso, only to be overshadowed by her desire to see women set free from life-controlling issues.

Image credit: RUNNER © Glen Jones | Dreamstime.com

I am: Adopted and Chosen.

“Being adopted equaled rejection to my seven-year-old brain. Being adopted means being chosen to my adult brain.”

By Natasha Files | Twitter: @natashafiles


My colleagues and I share a love for coffee and cupcakes. We have become rather skilled at finding excuses to incorporate both into our weekly schedule. Today’s reason for cupcakes? It’s payday in four days. (Yes, we are quite creative.) As we sampled the cupcake flavours from the town’s local shop (creamy chai, strawberry shortcake, banana split, gluten-free fudge and more), I noticed myself smile as the conversation shifted from tattoos to one that has recently been big on my heart: adoption.

I can remember an assignment during my time at Mercy Ministries where my written response could have been equated to a temper tantrum. After a teaching about God adopting us as His children, I was mad, because, as I scribbled on my page: “I would rather just already be His child than have to be adopted. I want to be His from the start and think it’s stupid that He adopts us.” It was during that assignment I realized I potentially struggled with some abandonment issues from my earthly adoption. That was the beginning of a long journey.

Some of my current colleagues lovingly call me an “academic snob,” because I have a slight obsession with going to school and learning as much as possible. Point? I had this same drive while at Mercy; so study and learn I did. I pretty much lived in the library during the week following that tantrum and I am grateful for the cognitive shift that followed. This bitter girl who despised the word “adoption” learned that adoption is a high act of acceptance and love.

The transformation process looked a bit like this:

I believe God hates me because I was born to a mom who didn’t want me and God had to adopt me too, so no one wanted me from the start → The Greek word for adoption means “the placing as a son” (gotta love Strong’s Concordance) and is explained as an individual being brought into a new home and given a new name so the past life is wiped away and the new life includes benefits from the family who adopted the individual. → So if God adopted me, then that means He chose to take me despite my past. Great, but what about my mom? →

Just as God chose me, I was not a mistake to my adoptive parents because they also chose me and even paid money to secure me as their daughter. → So if adoption is a choice, then both God and my parents had to take action before I was securely theirs which kind of proves my belief wrong that I am rejected, if people had to get off their butts to ensure I was in their lives.

Accepted

I noticed how my actions changed as I began to believe I am accepted rather than abandoned. Prior to this revelation, I pushed my friends away to test if they actually loved me. (We categorize this as a personality issue at mental health.) But soon after I noticed myself acting out of the belief that I am worthy of being loved, I embraced my relationships and learned to have healthy, rather than fragmented, interactions.

As I have previously experienced, it can be easy to feel alone and deserted with the right ingredients of loss and negative experiences. My personal circumstances affected my beliefs, which impacted my mood and translated into a bundle of unhealthy coping that wrapped my relationships up in sheets. I believe that I can only be as strong as the foundation on which this temple is built, so until I sought Truth and cemented it as the reality on which I acted, I only had so much room to grow.

Eklektos

I now have a tattoo on my foot that reads “eklektos” which is Greek for “chosen; picked out; taken in preference; predestined.” I feel empowered every time I glance at it. We each have unique experiences that impact and define our lives. Not everyone’s issue is adoption, but (as my colleague so eloquently explained today) sometimes we have past childhood experiences that were interpreted and cemented into our seven-year-old brains and then carried into our adult lives. We are no longer seven, so we need to challenge those seven-year-old beliefs with our adult wisdom and insight. Being adopted equaled rejection to my seven-year-old brain. Now, to my adult brain, being adopted means being chosen.

About Natasha:
Natasha Files is Case Manager with a Mental Health and Addictions Team. She has experience working with youth and adults struggling with a variety of life-controlling issues and she specializes in eating disorders. Natasha’s passion for mental wellness began when she personally experienced the impact of a genuinely caring professional. That passion is paired with a love of espresso, only to be overshadowed by her desire to see women set free from life-controlling issues.

Wednesday Wellness: Passionate Dreaming

Am I moving towards my dream, or transferring into boring?

By Natasha Files | @natashafiles

Back when I was fighting to recover from a self-destructive lifestyle, I often considered “recovered” as a stereotypically perfect life that was only attainable in the movies. What I hadn’t considered was that my far-off dream could become a reality and the definition of perfection would transform into the quintessence of boring. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful and blessed with the life I am currently living, but I am realizing that sometimes my dreaming is limited by my understanding of attainable.

Dreams

Had you asked about my dreams approximately three years ago, I would have told you I wanted to be working in mental health, live independently, share the Truth with hurting women (and men and any breathing object for that matter) and make an impact. Nowhere in there did I consider moving, yet again, to another city or applying, yet again, to a scary big university in order to do, yet again, more school.

I think my internal compass is set in the direction of my destiny, but not until recently have I begun to comprehend the vastness of God’s plans for my life.

Being a recent graduate, I have quite a few friends who are currently seeking the next steps in life. I can feel the scrambling–and recount numerous times where I have scrambled to make things happen–and I’m grateful for the recent conversations that have required insight pulled from hindsight. Waiting can provoke anxiety, but it can also be a great time to practice living in the moment. Instead of worrying about tomorrow, we have decided to focus on today and discover what we are passionate about so that, right now, we can do all that is possible to stoke that passion.

Heartbeat

I am a firm believer that God created each of us with perfectly unique heartbeats. My heart beats for disempowered individuals and the area of mental health. Some of my friends’ hearts long to develop successful businesses in order to finance various ministries, while others are mothers determined to foster their children’s destinies. No heartbeat is better than the other and all are equally important.

I can remember how frustrating it was to feel as though I had years of labor before “arriving” at the place where I could finally do something I was passionate about. Looking back, I can only smile at the naivety of my attempts to force dreams to be birthed before the perfect time. A couple of things I learned along the way:

  1. I don’t have to wait to arrive in my destiny. I can always do something right now that will shape where and how I move forward (from praying about the path, to learning skills or networking with individuals running a similar race.)
  2. When I feel as though I have “arrived” I need to open my eyes, because I am just at a checkpoint and will be directed towards the next leg of my race.
  3. As long as I am breathing, I can always grow and continue to move forward.

Questions:

I would love to hear what you are passionate about!

  • What steps are you taking on this journey to your destiny?
  • Or, if you feel stuck and passionless, what do you think could help you wiggle forward?
  • Where would you like to be three years from now?

About Natasha:
Natasha Files is Case Manager with a Mental Health and Addictions Team. She has experience working with youth and adults struggling with a variety of life-controlling issues and she specializes in eating disorders. Natasha’s passion for mental wellness began when she personally experienced the impact of a genuinely caring professional. That passion is paired with a love of espresso, only to be overshadowed by her desire to see women set free from life-controlling issues.

Image credit: Chasing Love, by D. Sharon Pruitt

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