SheLoves Magazine

Wellness Wednesday: Discovering Joy in Every Season

“I had to let go of the expectations I had put on myself before the pressure could drop off my shoulders.”

By Amelia Englemark | Twitter: @AmyEnglemark

I saw a picture in the clouds. The image stood out from the darkness behind it—the slug with a cartoon bubble in front of its mouth was definitely trying to tell me something. Though I couldn’t see any words in the bubble I knew TRUTH was written there.

I feel like that slug sometimes. Slow and steady wins the race. But I’m not a “slow and steady” type of person. The problem is I’m running ahead in some areas of my life, while in others I’ve been somewhat halted—hence the slug picture.

Clarity in the Night

The night I saw that picture, I needed clarity and direction for my business.

My husband has been upgrading his training for work and because of this, we’ve been busy on the home front. This means more has been required of me in my roles as wife and mom and I’ve had less time for my business role.

I expected I would have the time to achieve my business goals even while my husband was involved in intense and demanding training. I figured I could fit it all in. Not a chance. Turned out my perspective on my lack of achievement started affecting my thoughts, feelings and even the words I spoke.

I had to let go of the expectations I had put on myself, before the pressure could drop off my shoulders. Once I did that, I started enjoying the role of lover, nurturer and cook even more than before. I’ve always loved—okay, not always— being a wife and mom, but lately, delving into this role has brought an increased amount of joy to my life. I was reminded that there’s a season for everything.

Re-framing my perspective

What’s two weeks of setting aside my business to-do list when I know I will have time to pursue it later? This has changed my perspective on life. I feel more at peace and empowered, because I know my purpose in this season. I am also reminded that amazing things happen when we least expect them. I don’t know how my life will unfold, but there is power when I take action in the areas where I do have control

No matter how fast or slow I feel like I’m travelling, I am certain I am in good hands—hands that can easily sculpt “cloud wings” on the back of that slug to make sure I’m at the right place with the right people and at the right time.

I have an important role to play where I am, for the people in my life right now. Focusing on what I can accomplish fills me with purpose.

Seize the opportunity

Whether it’s the time to focus on my career, my partner, myself or my kids, I realize I must enter each season with joy. The time will come to pursue other opportunities and I know I will feel more fulfilled if I focus on the gifts in this season, rather than the ones I hope to have in the future.                                         

I have learned to embrace where I am in life and the opportunities right in front of me. I trust this is the best season for me to be experiencing right now. My life has a bigger purpose than I can see and by allowing myself to let go of expectations and demands, I have acquired a new perspective on life.

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My dear SheLoves friends, I’d love to hear your thoughts:

• What season in life are you finding yourself in? How are you embracing it?

• Have you overcome similar frustrations of having to set aside dreams and to-lists for a while?

• How did your perspective change?

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About Amy:

I am a Certified Professional Career and Life Coach through the International Coach Academy. I empower executives and entrepreneurs to find and pursue their career passion. I am thankful for passion in my career and relationships and want others to enjoy the same. If you’d like to find out how to move forward towards the career and life you’ve only dreamed of, you can get to know me at www.amyenglemark.com. I love hiking, mountain biking, travelling and any sort of adventure. I like to jump from the highest rock into the deepest water. I like to shout for joy.  I tweet @AmyEnglemark.

Healing at the Speed of Love

“Their love seemed to be speeding my healing process.”

By Amelia Englemark | Twitter: @AmyEnglemark

Around Christmas last year, I began to hobble instead of walk. I had been experiencing a lot of pain in my big toe, endured it for a few weeks and finally decided I’d had enough. Off to the doctor’s office I went. Three needles and one gruesome procedure later, I made my way out of the office, minus a portion of my toenail.

[ends groovy details]

While in pain (which I likened to childbirth, thanks to said toe), I found myself being fully taken care of by my husband and extended family members. My physical abilities were pretty limited and my healing was taking longer than I wanted it to.

I began to realize a greater purpose was unfolding.

My family did everything for me: brought me foot baths, tea and goodies. Not only did they take care of me by bringing me things, but also continually checked in to see how I was feeling. Their love seemed to be speeding my healing process. It also felt like Someone was saying to me,

“You just sit there. Don’t move. I’m going to pour love all over you and because it’s hard for you to walk away right now, you’ll just have to receive it.”

I did. Their love and attention turned out to be my best Christmas present.

I thought I was pretty good at receiving love, but if I’m honest, I have been more accustomed to giving love and “doing” things for others than being on the receiving end of the attention.

Whether I had landed myself inside this ordeal or not, my circumstances provided the opportunity for me to open up and receive more love than I thought I needed.

Here’s what I learned: Pain wanted me to shut down. It wanted me to feel like I’d lost a part of myself. It wanted to tell me I was lacking and didn’t have much to offer others. (Not much of value, anyways.) Pain dared me to lose the skip in my step and wave goodbye to my joy. Pain was just waiting for me to get grumpy and bitter.

I realized it’s ok to need help. Wounded people call for Medics. So, when we get wounded in the battle of life, medics (those lovers around us) offer up the salves and bandages, the words and gestures that make it possible to thrive again.

I even found out that when I let others love me (and I mean let them pour love on me), I healed more quickly.

I highly recommend allowing those around you to show you how much they care. The love of my family felt FABULOUS and more importantly it helped me heal.

Ahh, now I’ve got a warm feeling in my toe heart,

~Amy

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I wonder … 

• What lessons have you learned from pain?
• Where do you need to open up and allow others to love on you?
• Is there someone in your life who may need a little extra love and attention right now?

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About Amy:

I am thankful for passion in my career and relationships and want others to enjoy the same. I am a Certified Professional Career and Life Coach and I empower executives and entrepreneurs to find and pursue their career passion. You can get to know me at www.amyenglemark.com.

I love hiking, mountain biking, travelling and any sort of adventure. I like to jump from the highest rock into the deepest water. I like to shout for joy. I blog at AimHighNow and here at SheLoves. I tweet @AmyEnglemark

TGIF: A Pedicure, a Tragic Love Story and My Road to Recovery

On Cleopatra, Bon Iver and taking a fearless moral inventory.

by Tina Francis | Twitter: @teenbug
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It was Canadian Thanksgiving and I was getting a pedicure at the Korean nail salon ten minutes away from my house.

I love pedicures. Who doesn’t?

However, on the rare occasion that I get a pedicure, I ask myself, “Really, Tina? Is this kind of decadence necessary?” I feel an odd cocktail of guilt and pleasure. My overactive imagination conjures up an image of Queen Cleopatra perched on an opulent chaise longue, being fed seedless grapes and fanned with peacock feathers. Not to mention that there’s something oh-so vulnerable about handing someone your feet. (I would have been a hot mess if Jesus wanted to wash my feet! #worstdiscipleever)

In an attempt to ignore the guilt-induced contractions (incidentally, 30 seconds apart), I closed my eyes and leaned deep into the massage chair kneading into my sore lower back.

My brittle state of zen suddenly interrupted by the words:

“I don’t want to lose him. I love him.”

My eyes shot open. I sat up in my chair and tried to look discretely in the direction of the voice. Such a vulnerable confession, in such a public space.

The voice belonged to the nail technician across the room; let’s call her Nat. “Registration for my classes end soon,” Nat said looking up at her client, “If he wants me to move to Montreal, he has to give me an answer soon.”

“What did he say when you told him about your registration deadline?” the girl getting the pedicure inquired. Let’s call her Jen.

Nat: He hasn’t had a chance to reply to my emails yet. He is really busy at work. [Red flag #1]
Jen: Oh … kay …
Nat: It’s expensive for me to keep flying to Montreal.
Jen: Does he visit you?
Nat: He can’t leave work right now because he is trying to get a promotion. [Red flag #2]
Jen: Well, can you share the price of the air ticket?
Nat: He’d love to, but he is paying a big mortgage on his house. [Red flag #3]

This was a classic case of “He is just not that into you.” (<- Video) My stomach dropped.

Nat: I feel like I am losing him …
You never had him, I thought.

Nat: I just need to know if I should register for next semester’s classes.
Please register for the classes, I thought.

Nat: I don’t want to be pushy … but I really need an answer.
You have an answer, I thought.

My heart broke for Nat.

“If he loved you …” Jen paused, “he would give you a proper answer.”

BOOM!

Truth bomb.

Jen knew what was going on. I knew what was going on. The guy sitting in the Starbucks across the street knew what was going on. “He doesn’t love you!” we wanted to yell.

The sobering truth was obvious to everyone but Nat.
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How many times have you looked at a friend and thought, “You have so much potential. I wish you would just open your eyes and stop making excuses.”

Crazy thought: What would happen if we took our own advice?

When I was in elementary school, my report card had a small section that graded things like punctuality, cleanliness and potential. Even if my report card was mostly peppered with A’s, I always got a B in Potential. “Room for improvement. Not operating at full potential.” My mom would always tap on the column and say, “Imagine if you really applied yourself, Tina?”

Nat was gambling her promising future for a boy who wouldn’t even respond to her emails.  I couldn’t help but wonder what her life would look like if she broke up with Montreal-guy, registered for her classes, kicked butt at school, worked her dream job and waited for real love.

Actually, what would my life look like:
If I cut my losses?
If I worked really hard?
If I stopped blaming my circumstances?
If I made (painfully hard) wise choices?

“The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
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“I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.”

Earlier this week I was listening to a podcast by Andy Stanley called “Recovery Road: Taking Inventory” where he talks about the twelve-step program developed by Alcoholics Anonymous. He highlights Step 4 of the program: “Make a searching and fearless moral inventory.”

He talks about how only the whole truth can bring full recovery. The partial truth only achieves partial recovery.

I thought long and hard about the words “fearless moral inventory”. This would mean exposing all my shortcomings openly before God so that I could get to the root of the problem. Heck, I can’t overcome something I can’t spell out.

Andy asks to complete the sentence:

“The real reason I _________ is because ________.”

Here is a brief snippet from my fearless moral inventory:

The real reason I overeat is because … I’m numbing my pain.
The real reason I tell self-deprecating jokes is because … I don’t love myself.
The real reason I spend hours on the internet is because … I’m running away.
The real reason I don’t give hundred percent at work is because …
I’m not doing what I love.

The answers are scary, but it is such a powerful exercise. Once I stop making excuses, I can start to make progress.

It dawned on me that I could take a “fearless moral inventory” because I am loved. Truly, madly, deeply loved. God loves me: emotional baggage, deep wounds, scars, flaws and all. I could stop kidding myself and just come clean. Stripping down the veneer of half-truths and looking at my ugly truth in the light of God’s unconditional love was liberating, healing and deeply transformative.

I can experience the full embrace of grace when I tell the full truth.

The unvarnished truth sets me free.

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In honour of Nat’s tragic love story with “Montreal Guy,” here is Bon Iver’s rad (did I just say rad?) version of one of my all-time favourite songs, Bonnie Raitt’s classic “I Can’t Make You Love Me.” Enjoy!

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Also, it’s not too late to buy SheLoves Christmas cards! All proceeds are sent to aid the famine relief in East Africa.

It all started when my friend Daniela (@DannySchwartz) was trying to get her son Owen to eat his dinner and the words, “There are starving children Africa” came tumbling out of her mouth. Her husband Ryan piped up, “Well, actually there is a famine.”

This SheLoves project was birthed out of the conviction of one mom sitting at a dinner table. One mom who wasn’t going to sit around waiting for the world to change. Or as she says, “We can’t do everything, but we can all do something.”

I love everything about this! Read, support, buy!

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So dear one… what ugly truth you are running away from today?

1. Recovery begins with a fearless look in the mirror. Why is it so difficult to be completely honest with ourselves?

2. What’s one area of your life that needs a “fearless moral inventory”?

3. Complete the sentence: “The real reason I _________ is because ________”

Love you more than Fig Goat Cheese Pie with Basil, (<- Recipe)

xoxo,
Teen

To read more TGIFs from Tina: Click here.

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My name is Tina. Loved ones call me: Teen.

Words are my chocolate. Music, my caramel. Photography, my bread. Girlfriends, my butter.

Confession: Some girls dream about Manolo Blahniks or their next Hermes bag. Not me. I dream of freshly baked bread, perfectly barbecued meat & steaming bowls of Pho. My dream lover *cue Mariah Carey song* is someone who would read out a menu to me in Barry White’s baritone voice.

I celebrate food, ask for help, interrupt conversations, laugh and cry hard, acknowledge the elephant in most rooms, fight for the underdog and believe in the power of storytelling.

My word for the year is “leap.” If something scares me, I do it.

I was born and raised in Dubai and currently live in the beautiful city of Vancouver, known for some of the best sushi in the world.

Samson, Delilah and Why Dating Scares Me

“I figure the only way we can keep from losing it completely—pulling a “Samson” and shaving all our hair off—is by holding onto our purpose.”

By Ashley Mandanici | Twitter: @ashleymandanici

My friend is dating this guy, and she is just not that into him.

Don’t get me wrong; he seems nice enough. Educated, talented, good-looking.

But she is just not that into him.

I keep asking her why she’s still dating him. Meanwhile, I see a flashback to a few months ago, when she was asking me the same question about a guy I was dating.

We both expressed similar feelings about dating, primarily, that it tends to feel awkward and unnatural. To put it into perspective, I feel more comfortable on job interviews than I do on most dates.

Singleness and the 20-something

Both my friend and I are in our mid-twenties. We are both rational enough to understand we should not panic about being single; however, we realize there are certain variables nagging at us. These variables include, but are not limited to:

1. Boredom

Because your mom isn’t always a suitable Friday night date solution.

2. Age

The other day I checked Facebook to find a kid I taught in Kids Church is engaged! Engaged to be married, not just engaged in the new Twilight saga. I felt old.

3. Sexy time

I’ve never had sexy time, but I’ve heard good things.

4. Social pressure

This point is my personal favourite, as it tends to accompany the best conversation topics in social environments. Example:

“Ashley, why aren’t you married yet?”

“Well, Random Guest at Friend’s Wedding, I’ve been so busy beating off all the eligible bachelors who keep throwing themselves at me that I just can’t seem to find the time.”

Conversations

After a three-hour-long conversation with my friend in which we beat this topic into the ground, I hung up the phone more confused than when WE started.

Clarity from a godly source

With all of this dating and relationship confusion, I figured I would go to the Bible for some clarity.

In His infinite wisdom, God brought me to the book of Judges, Chapter 16—the story of Samson and Delilah.

There are a lot of peculiar relationships in the Bible, but Samson and Delilah’s has to be one of the top ten weirdest.

To make sure we’re all on the same page, Auntie Ashley is going to give her condensed, children’s church version of the story.

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Story Time with Auntie Ashley

My brilliant friend, Katelyn, is helping me with the illustrations. It seems only right that we have teamed up, as I remember Katelyn putting together many brilliant caricatures documenting my high school teenage heartbreaks.

So, criss-cross-apple-sauce everyone (that’s pre-schooler for “sit down and stop talking”), while Auntie Ashley tells you the magical tale of Samson and Delilah.

Samson was born with a clear purpose from God: to save the Israelites from the Philistines. Samson was amazingly strong… so long as he didn’t cut his hair. (He was also banned from eating grapes or raisins, or touching dead bodies—but that’s not important to the story.)

Samson had lousy taste in women and fell in love with a woman named Delilah.

The Philistines convinced Delilah to find the source of Samson’s strength. Delilah nagged Samson into submission, and he finally told her the source of his power.

Delilah cut Samson's hair—his source of power—and then sold him out to the Philistines

The Philistines overtook him, jabbed his eyes out, and tied him to two pillars in their temple.

In one last moment of strength and repentance to God, Samson pulled down the pillars of the temple and killed a whole crowd of Philistines and himself.

The end.

If I were telling this story to a group of pre-schoolers in Kids Church, this would be the point they might look at me with horror in their eyes.

Samson’s story and mine

I realized something as I thought more about this story. This story is not about Delilah. This story is not even about Samson. This story is about God’s purpose for Samson.

No, nix that, this story is about God’s purpose.

The greatest tragedy in the story of Samson’s life is how quickly he abandoned himself to his own desires and entirely forgot his God-given purpose. Just a little bit of nagging from Delilah, and his vision was removed, figuratively and literally.

I started thinking about my friend and I, and how this lesson applied to us. What does Samson and Delilah have to do with the fact that the very thought of dating made us both seasick?

I discovered that the common denominator is this: nagging. The three of us (Samson, my friend and I) have had things nagging at us!

For Samson, it was Delilah; for my friend and I, it is a collection of lists. Lists of all the things we should have accomplished by our age, lists of all the men we should have dated and how far we should have gone with them. Dating is not necessarily our problem; the issue is the purpose of why we are dating.

I figure the only way we can keep from losing it completely—pulling a “Samson” and shaving all our hair off—is by holding onto our purpose.

In my last article I shared my “one sentence,” my purpose statement if you will. Now, I’m very glad I have said purpose statement.

But Samson knew his purpose too—and look how he wound up!

It is not enough to know my purpose; I need to hold onto it when the rest of the world is nagging at me to do something else. Because, let’s face it, it is not really my purpose, it’s God’s. And He’s going to get the job done whether I cooperate or not.

About Ashley:

My name is Ashley and I am the Children’s Ministry Coordinator at Relate Church in Surrey, B.C. My mission is to develop the God-given potential in every child who crosses my path *Insert Whitney Houston’s “Greatest Love of All” here*. I love all things jazzy, particularly music, and I tend to break into song throughout the day for no apparent reason. I blog here and tweet @AshleyMandanici

About Katelyn:

Katelyn Szekeres is the writer of the blog, oddbutnice.com where she details her neurotic childhood, marriage and sometimes-evil cat, Gizmo. When she’s not doing that, she works as a Mental Health Worker, makes weird crafts, takes lots of photos and plans where she will be traveling next!

Photo credit: Cali4beach

Losing my Job, But Finding God’s Goodness

“Just when I think my tank is running low and I have no more joy to run on, God gives me reason to smile.”

By Winnie Lui | Twitter: @INTELsashimi

This summer, I left my stable desk job to pursue my dreams.

Well, actually, I didn’t leave voluntarily. I think God pushed me out of my dry and boring but accustomed lifestyle, to give me the chance to pursue something more.

In actual fact, I lost my job this summer. I didn’t like my job entirely. I don’t think it suited my strengths or passions, but I liked it because it was my security.

But in losing my job, I felt God ask me, “Who did you say was your security?”

I fumbled for an answer.

“I said–Well, I meant …”

There was no fooling God. So I spent this summer rebuilding my answer to the question of where I put my security. At the same time, I explored another life question. Now that I’m free of my former job, what am I meant to do?

For Christians, deciding what to do with their life has to do with finding God’s will. If our existence is from God and our aim is to honour Him, then we want to know what He thinks is the best course for our life.

Finding God’s will

The Skit Guys on YouTube show a very fun yet thoughtful message on the topic of knowing God’s will. In it, one character wonders what he should study, who he should marry, and whether to eat the leftover pastrami in the fridge.

Meanwhile, another wiser character comments that finding God’s will is about knowing what our passions and giftings are.

But what if I don’t know what I most like to do or what I’m best at? What if I like to do too many things?

I played with my questions all summer.

Knowing just enough

I really wanted to know what my future would look like. I wanted to know the entire picture, but as I discovered, God gave me just enough information to keep on trusting.

Sometimes the wait time between one piece of information to the next is long. While waiting, I fought anxiety and discouragement. I struggled to joyfully trust.

Yet, with God, encouragement came when I needed it most.

New experiences

This summer I had many new opportunities and experiences, which have inspired me.

I joined a multimedia collective of young, energetic and talented students who want to build an influential media presence in Vancouver that represents English-speaking Canadians of East-Asian heritage. I became one of the bloggers on their website devoted to Asian pop culture and local Asian-inspired events.

Through that endeavour, I met and interviewed a Taiwanese celebrity visiting Canada. I coordinated projects and took up leadership roles among my peers which built up my confidence and helped me discover my strengths.

Hope

I feel that in the journey with God, just when I think the night is too long, the sun rises again.

Last week, I wondered whether I might be experiencing some depression.

This week, I saw God opening doors for me.

I had four interviews this week. In two of them, I took a YouTube celebrity to try out the best places to eat and play in our city, and interviewed him on his experience for a magazine article.

In the other two, an emerging magazine and an international development organization interviewed me as a candidate for their staff.

Thankful

I think God is always enough.

Just when I think my tank is running low and I have no more joy to run on, God gives me reason to smile.

I have yet to write the magazine article and I have no idea about the conclusion of my job interviews, but this week, I felt that God loves me and remembers me.

God doesn’t give me the same as He gives others. He gives me what He has for me, and it will make me smile.

I don’t know what is around the bend in my future, but I know God loves me. God is gracious towards me in my weaknesses and worries and there’s great adventure and purpose ahead of me.

About Winnie:

The wave of Asian immigration in the 1990s brought Winnie to Canada on a little red-mast junk. To fulfill her family’s dream of running a business in Hong Kong and giving the children a Western education, Winnie’s father commuted home to Canada during Christmas and Chinese New Year, and Winnie herself spent her childhood between the two continents and among many different schools and neighbourhoods. Her growing up experience has become a mosaic of cultures, languages, and perspectives. Winnie blogs at intellectualsashimi.com and tweets @intelSASHIMI

Photo credit: georgeparrilla, Esther Weng

ShePonders: Another Anointing

“Can we messiah one another–propelling each other into the larger salvation story of which we all have a part to play?”

By Kelley Johnson-Nikondeha

“You have to quit your job.” All the others around the room that morning nodded their heads in agreement. A sober-minded brunette reached for pen and paper: “We can help you write the resignation letter now.” Among this group of trusted friends gathered to help me discern my current situation, it was all but settled–it was time to embrace Africa and let go of lesser things.

“I will cover the cost of your first year,” one said. Such a bold investment brought immediate gravity to the sunlit room that morning … and then I felt another take my hand and whisper, “I am coming with you.”  Within moments there were hands laid on us and prayers ascending; the room awash with tears and blessing. This was a holy moment that pushed me forward into my deeper purpose–and I needed my sisters more than I realized.

The weekend I was messiahed.

* * *

For many months she had been following the Rabbi. She had heard him tell many of his parables–some more than once. She had listened to his teachings on hillsides in Galilee and in homes like Martha’s. She had witnessed healings and walked so close behind him that dust would sometimes cover her garments. She had eyes that saw and ears that heard … and she knew where he was headed because he said so on more than one occasion and in more than one way.

So she saved coins here and there. She even found one in a corner–she had thought it long since lost! But not too long ago she took her small purse and purchased some ointment of nard. It was a small alabaster jar–all she could afford–but it was of the best quality. She had it by her bed where she could smell the fragrance like night-blooming jasmine.

There was a dinner party at Simon’s house in Bethany, a familiar occasion for the Rabbi and his disciples. But that night, as she left her house, she reached for the alabaster jar and carried it with her down the street to her neighbor’s home.

By the time she arrived, the Rabbi was already there. He was sitting at the table and laughing with Simon (once a leper) and some other friends. Other disciples were mingling about the room in spirited conversation while the house staff brought platters of food and began pouring the wine.

Now. Now was the time. She took a deep breath and felt the weight of the jar in her tiny hand. She walked toward him. She broke open the top of the jar and began to pour the ointment over his coarse hair … dark hair that reminded her of her own brother. But, unlike her brother, the Rabbi was destined for Jerusalem–for death and yet for victory, too. In her bones she knew him to be Messiah, though she hardly could conceive of what that really meant. She poured slowly … pondering these many things.

She was thinking of this when jolted by Peter’s sharp elbow and the angry words of Judas. The room was filled with noise. With shouting. With accusation. She felt confused … didn’t they all know what she was doing? Like Samuel and Elijah she was merely recognizing the Rabbi’s true calling.  She was affirming his destiny.

But they did not have eyes to see or ears to hear.

But the Rabbi knew. He felt the cool ointment dripping down his scalp and down his neck–and knew the fragrance immediately. She was preparing him. She was empowering him for what lay ahead. She was making visible his salvific purpose: a martyred messiah.

He pushed back Peter and the others pressing toward her; he chided Judas with one sharp look. Then he spoke: “She has anointed me.”

The woman sighed in deep relief as she realized the Rabbi had received her gift.

Like the prophets of old, the woman anointed Jesus and proclaimed his true identity. It was the woman who stood in the long prophetic tradition–not John the Baptist, who baptized with water; not Peter who attempted to announce Messiah but then misunderstood his agenda entirely. It was this woman who was the perceptive prophet. She messiahed Jesus.

She possessed the insight cultivated over months of patient watching, listening and pondering. She invested in the ointment of nard and made an intentional decision to take it with her on that cool night. She was inspired by the Spirit to anoint and therefore participate in the work of Jesus, giving momentum to his salvation agenda. One scholar notes that she empowered him, the disciple empowering the Rabbi. How stunning a reversal!

* * *

I have grown up with another concept of anointing, one that is more spontaneous and charismatic.  For many years I carried a green glass bottle of scented oil in my purse in case a moment arose where anointing was called for. Not too long ago I anointed the feet of some African leaders on Ugandan soil with olive oil.

It is good to bless one another with rich symbols. I recommend it.

But this is a story of another anointing. This woman, most likely a disciple of Jesus, observed him and was attentive to the meaning of his life. She knew there was a deeper purpose afoot. And she prepared for a prophetic moment when she would affirm and announce it. She would, unbeknownst to her, push him into passion week with her anointing. She pushed him in much the same ways my friends propelled me that sun-drenched morning. They messiahed me into my part in God’s salvation story of transformation in Africa.

This anointing involves more than scented oil in shapely vessels.

This anointing involves:

attentive observation,

intentional action and

bold participation

in the divine purpose of another.

This anointing pushes others toward their true call. We are invited to anoint each other toward the things that matter–for our sake, for their sake and for the sake of the world in need of transformation.

Can we messiah one another–propelling each other into the larger salvation story of which we all have a part to play?

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My dear SheLoves sisters and friends, I would love to hear your thoughts and comments:

• Have you ever been messiahed?
• Who has seen you in and participated in the divine purpose of your life?
• Other thoughts?

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<<<Another Anointing>>>

Click on the link above for an audio version of Kelley’s ShePonders: Another Anointing
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About Kelley:

Kelley Johnson Nikondeha is co-director of Amahoro Africa and international staff member of Community of Faith with her husband Claude. She’s a thinker, connector, advocate, avid reader and mother of two beautiful children. Kelley lives between Arizona and Burundi. She loves handwritten letters, homemade pesto and anything written by Walter Brueggemann.

TGIF: The Summer My Dad and I Became “Dreamers-Who-Do”

On building decks, toy trucks in cereal and a touch of crazy.

by Tina Francis | Twitter: @teenbug
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“You want to do what?!” I asked, my voice betraying my lack of confidence.

“I want to build a deck!” he answered, grinning like a school boy who discovered a toy truck in his cereal.

I had walked into the kitchen after work to find my mom and dad sitting at the computer looking at pictures of decks. “Should we build one level or two?” my Dad asked, his smile widening.

“Le-vels … ?” I asked haltingly. “One … I guess.”

Here’s what I knew about building a deck:
-       The raw materials are expensive.
-       You need to create something 3D out of pieces of wood and nails.
-       Assembling an IKEA bookshelf doesn’t count as “construction experience”.

When we first moved to Canada, my immigrant family of five encircled our very first lawnmower completely mystified, trying to turn the darn thing on. I’m sure our neighbours looked into our backyard and thought, “Oh, those crazy brown people! What on earth are they doing now?”

Sure, my dad can hook up a home theater system like a pro. No problem. But it was hard to imagine him building a functional physical addition to our house.

“Maybe he should start by building something small first? Like a table?” I thought. I felt like I needed to protect him from impending disappointment.

“How are you going to do this?” I inquired, my eyebrows furrowing in ways that would make Jim Carrey proud.

“Google!” he beamed.

I realized this was a man on a mission and I had a choice to make. I could either list out every possible thing that could go wrong or I could bite my tongue and wait to see how the story ends.

In my moment of restraint, it suddenly dawned on me that I, too, was in the midst of “building a deck.” I was training to run my first ever half-marathon to raise money for our sisters in Uganda.

Oh …

This deck was my dad’s half-marathon.

I wonder what my parents thought when their exercise-averse firstborn publicly verbalized her dream to run 21km by the end of the summer. Given my track record, they had a litany of sound reasons to conclude that this dream would quickly derail and head full-steam into the land of bitter disappointment.

But, like me, they too exercised restraint.

And maybe, what I called restraint … they called “faith.”

“Faith is a passionate intuition.”  -William Wordsworth

Dreamers who do

“The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do.”  -Sarah Ban Breathnach

Over the course of the summer I watched my dad spend hours combing through Craigslist looking for deals on building material. He found an old lady in the process of renovating her house. She offered to give all the wood on her deck to anyone willing to demolish it for her. I watched my mom and dad pull into the driveway after hours of back-breaking work. They unloaded the rescued wood from the back of our mini-van, each piece a labour of love.

My dad has the work ethic of a farmer. Weak knees be damned. He was relentless.

Parallel to my dad’s efforts, I was training for the half-marathon. I was going for long runs, fundraising, raising awareness for our cause and rallying the hearts of the girls.

I watched him in our backyard, measuring tape in one hand and a piece of wood in the other. Over the course of the summer, he built the base of the deck, put together a white fence, fashioned a table out of scraps, added several coats of paint and varnish. He even built a covered patio so that our family could sit outside to have a meal, sip on chai or just talk. This from the man who has no experience in carpentry. I was amazed by his resolve.

Aesthetically, there are definitely some blips. For example, the colour of the wood doesn’t match the trim of our house and the fence is leaning a little to the left but … it’s finished!

He did it! And I think it’s magnificent.

The deck? Done and done.

The half-marathon? Done and Done.

[Watch this space for our VERY big half-marathon announcement next week.]

A touch of crazy …

I’ve said this on TGIF before:

Lukewarm, mellow and laid-back can’t change the world. Fierce, relentless and a touch of crazy,  just might.

As I type this, I can’t help but get misty-eyed.

This summer my dad and I:
- Dared to dream — lofty, unrealistic, ridiculous dreams.
- Finished what we started.

Here’s to summers of being dreamers-who-do!
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Here are five things that made me smile this week:

Lanyard + Royal Wedding + Dewarists + Stick Men + Ben Howard = TGIF!

1. The Lanyard: It has recently occurred to me that I need to carve out time for poetry and spoken word. It fills a void I can’t quite give expression to. At first, you may be confused by Billy Collins’ account of making a lanyard for his mother at camp. How is this “glee-inducing” you may think. Suddenly at the 1:25 mark you will hear a laugh escape your lips, then again softly at 1:45, and then louder at 1:55. I find his monotone delivery oddly hilarious! And then when you are least expecting it, at 2:18, he states a simple, sentimental, universal truth that will have you do a head-tilt awww.

2. Now, I realize this next statement is going to get me in a lot of trouble but … I wasn’t a huge fan of the neutral colour palette of “the” Royal Wedding. My personal pick for “Royal Wedding of the Year 2011″ goes to the King and Queen of Bhutan.

One word: Colour. Vibrant, glorious, revitalizing colour! That ladies and gentleman, is a crown. It’s the bling-lovechild of Michelangelo and Frida. For more pictures, check out Queen Pema on Facebook! I know, I know. I’m a junkie.

Mixing of patterns, textures and colour palettes. Ah. Love.

I’d much rather be, hanging out with cute babies vs. being escorted by men with Marge Simpson headgear post-ceremony.

Aww … too cute!

3. The Dewarists is a new original TV series that’s part music documentary and part travelogue that features musicians collaborating to create original music while traveling over beautiful locations across India. Hello? Of course, I had to share this! My sister posted this video on Facebook last week, a collaboration between Grammy Award-winning singer-songwriter Imogen Heap and composers Vishal and Shekhar for a track inspired by the Tagore poem, “Where The Mind Is Without Fear.” This episode was filmed at the luxurious, 475-year-old Samode Palace on the outskirts of Jaipur in Rajasthan, India. Download song here.

4. I won’t say much here. Except, click on: THIS. Go on. Play. Be creative. Think crazy thoughts and then execute. Bravely. Boldly. There are no wrong answers pictures.

5. Twenty-three-year-old British singer-songwriter Ben Howard hit the spot this cold rainy fall November work week. Acoustic Guitar + Catchy hook + Gruff familiar voice + Beautiful Video = Win. The lyrics start at 1:20.

“We stood steady as the stars in the woods
So happy-hearted and the warmth rang true inside these bones
As the old pine fell we sang
Just to bless the morning.”

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So, dear friends…

1. When was the last time you dared to dream a lofty, unrealistic, ridiculous dream?

2. What is standing between you and your dream?

Love you more than Coconut Soup With Red Kuri Squash and Shrimp and Apple Cardamom Cake, (<- Recipe)

xoxo,
Teen

To read more TGIFs from Tina: Click here.

Image from: Behance
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SheLoves Half-Marathon for Living Hope
- How it all got started? Read the story: HERE
- Donate: HERE
- Facebook Event Page: HERE
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My name is Tina. Loved ones call me: Teen.

Words are my chocolate. Music, my caramel. Photography, my bread. Girlfriends, my butter.

Confession: Some girls dream about Manolo Blahniks or their next Hermes bag. Not me. I dream of freshly baked bread, perfectly barbecued meat & steaming bowls of Pho. My dream lover *cue Mariah Carey song* is someone who would read out a menu to me in Barry White’s baritone voice.

I celebrate food, ask for help, interrupt conversations, laugh and cry hard, acknowledge the elephant in most rooms, fight for the underdog and believe in the power of storytelling.

My word for the year is “leap.” If something scares me, I do it.

I was born and raised in Dubai and currently live in the beautiful city of Vancouver, known for some of the best sushi in the world.

Singing Lessons with Auntie Ashley: Breathe from your …

“That’s where your dum-de-dee-dum will find its faa-lalala.”

By Ashley Mandanici | Twitter: @ashleymandanici

All right, so let’s get real: more often than not there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t say or do something moderately offensive. I really don’t mean to—I’m not trying to be rebellious or distasteful. I would like to blame it on my slightly dark sense of humor; and the fact that I went to a high school for the Creative Arts.

“Really, Ashley?”

So, there’s a video I’d like to share with you. I wasn’t going to as I could already hear all the sensible voices I know, say: “Really Ashley?” But I decided to test the video out on a focus group (ie. our Life Group girls) that I love, trust and who appreciate my slightly “off” sense of humor. They laughed, so now I’m going for it.

It’s really not that bad, but I’m warning you, if your cheeks flush at the word “hoo-hoo” don’t watch it …. or read the rest of my article … and I’d probably stop following me on Twitter and Facebook too.

Singing Lessons

If you’ve ever taken a singing lesson, I can almost guarantee the teacher talked about breathing (if the teacher is any good, anyway). Good breathing technique is imperative to a singer–not only for the sound of their voice, but also for the protection of their voice. This is why every singer will hear, “Breathe from your diaphragm,” at least once in her singing career (or in my case, you’ll have it screamed at you from behind an upright piano).

When singing, your voice’s power doesn’t come from your throat; it comes from a deep, controlled breath.

I considered copying and pasting a long explanation of what your diaphragm is, and it’s functions, but instead it’s much easier to explain it like this: Breathe from your Hoo-hoo.  Hence the video:

One Sentence.

So, for the past several weeks, the “Life Group” I attend (fearlessly lead by Idelette) has been wading through the deep waters of creating a purpose statement, a.k.a “One Sentence” for ourselves. The concept is from a book by Daniel Pink called Drive, and is inspired by a quote from Clare Booth Luce that states, “A great man … is one sentence.”

So, off we went, creating a sentence to best describe who we are, what we stand for, what makes us happy, angry, excited, and so on. Idelette explained to us that our sentences should feel like a really comfortable pair of jeans; we’ll just fit. In my head, throughout the room began to sprout this garden of words and it felt like I was running through them, carelessly scooping up flowers and turning them into a bouquet that I’d get to carry around with me from now on. While sitting on the floor amongst girlfriends throwing out words, and following it with “that’s totally YOU,” I found my sentence:

I use my voice to bring joy.

I must say, I felt super accomplished once I had slipped this sentence around my waist–my sentence was indeed as comfortable as a pair of really awesome jeans.

At the end of our “sentence-creating” evening, one of the girls made this statement: “Your sentence is a good gauge of how you’re doing.” (I’m paraphrasing a bit, but it was late.) Meaning that if my sentence is, “I use my voice to bring joy” and I am feeling stifled, barely audible and sarcastic—I will know that something’s wrong. This rang true for me.

Even when I was little, my voice was the way my family determined how I was doing. My mom used to say she knew when I was really too sick to go to school because I’d stop singing. If I was faking sick, I wouldn’t be able to hold out for a whole day without singing.

So with my sentence in mind, and using my voice (singing and speaking alike) as a gauge for “how I’m doing,” I stumbled across our ridiculous video and asked myself, “Am I really breathing from my hoo-hoo?”

The Power of my Hoo-Hoo

I am starting to discover that I am more than just a pretty singing voice, but that God can also use the power of my voice in other ways. He can use it to bring joy, to bring change, to teach and maybe even to rabble-rouse.

When I sing, I know how to breathe, in fact I don’t really need to think about it anymore. I automatically breathe from my “hoo-hoo” (he-he), and that’s where my strength comes from. Now that I’m realizing that God has not only given me, but His women, a voice, I think we all need to stop breathing on autopilot, and start training ourselves to breathe from our hoo-hoo’s. Our hoo-hoo’s in this case being that deep feminine strength within us that not only provides our power but also the longevity of our voices.

I haven’t figured all this out yet, but I do feel my “voice” has been a bit throaty lately.  As previously stated I’ve been so focused on not offending anyone with what I say that I think more about shutting up all together as opposed to belting out something passionate from my hoo-hoo. (And just so you’re all aware, I giggle girlishly every time I write “hoo-hoo.”)

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So with that, I would really love the voices of my SheLoves sisters on this one!

• Can you describe your purpose in one sentence?
• In what areas of your life do you need to start “breathing from your hoo-hoo”?

About Ashley:

My name is Ashley and I am the Children’s Ministry Coordinator at Relate Church in Surrey, B.C. My mission is to develop the God-given potential in every child who crosses my path *Insert Whitney Houston’s “Greatest Love of All” here*. I love all things jazzy, particularly music, and I tend to break into song throughout the day for no apparent reason. I blog here and tweet @AshleyMandanici

Sweet Dreams

On resting in our Father’s love

By Angela Doell | Twitter: @adoell

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I love watching my children sleep. 

When they were small I’d sneak into their rooms at the end of a long day and claim their rest as my reward, their bodies at peace a healing atonement after endless hours of busy, messy and fussy.

Watching them simply breathe, brought me joy.

They are older now, sleeping in bigger beds and inhabiting slightly messier bedrooms. Their daily routine doesn’t require as much of me in the same physically intense way … but I still spy on them occasionally nightly when they’re asleep. I actually started snapping a picture here and there of my son asleep a few months ago on my iPhone. I can’t help myself. He may be almost as tall as me and on the doorstep of his teen years, but when he’s asleep, I can see the four-year-old he once was.

(He’s a funny sleeper. I had to share. He might have an issue with his mama posting silly pictures of him one day, but for now I have his blessing.)

When my children are asleep they aren’t trying to impress me or get my attention. And still I take great joy in their very existence. They simply breathe, and I am filled with pride and love.

Being a parent continues to give me new perspective into the heart of my Abba Father. Our church has been studying the book Purpose Driven Life, which starts by declaring that God planned us for His pleasure. He didn’t need us, but He wanted us. He made us so he could love us. As the Perfect Father, He takes pleasure in our custom-made, hand-crafted humanity. We are His, and we bring Him joy.

{Selah}

Perhaps this thought will help us sleep peacefully tonight.

About Angela:

Angela and her husband Rod have been married for 18 years and they have two children, Madison (15) and Miller (12). Angela works with the creative & media teams at Relate Church in Surrey, BC where she oversees art direction and communications. She loves finding beauty in everyday life and is passionate about communicating hope and the reality of a living Jesus through media and design.

With These Three Stones

On the courage of Mr. T, pursuing purpose and conquering my personal giants.

By Amy Englemark

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“I remember that … even though my hands are small, they are endowed with power to move mountains.”

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Hello, to all you SheLoves readers … As this is the first time I’m writing for SheLoves, I’m feeling somewhat vulnerable and a teeny bit scared! I figured that was a good place to start from, though. A place of openness and honesty about my imperfections! It’s not easy to share my struggles with people I don’t really know yet, but as I get to know you (and you me) these fears will disperse. I’m also discovering that the more I share my story and acknowledge my imperfections, the more I free up others to do the same.

Over the last one and a half years I’ve been training to become a Coach. The decision to pursue this career took courage as I felt called to coaching others, but it required a commitment of time and finances. My life was already full and my time was already occupied with my two kids (two and four at the time). The passion and peace I felt when I thought about this career decision overpowered the jitters I felt, so I jumped in.

I now have just under eight months left to go before graduation. The process has been extremely gratifying and every time I take a class or coach a client, I get confirmation that I have definitely made the right choice.

I must say that I have met a few giants along the way, though. These giants that have tried to slow me down, make me believe I’m little, powerless and that maybe I should pursue something else–something that won’t require as much of me. As I continue to run into these giants I’ve learned a few things …

I’m learning that I need to carry a slingshot and several well-picked stones with me at all times. Ammo. I need Ammo and I also need to have the courage of Mr. T. I’m referring to what is required of me in order to pursue personal greatness. I need Mr. T’s courage so the giants I run into don’t intimidate me.

I need to have peace.

I need to know my worth.

I need to know what my priorities are in life in order that I may live triumphantly, with purpose, moving forward at a STEADY rate.

Some of the giants that hold me back, (if I let them), include: Fear, Insignificance and Distraction. Interesting combination! I am unique, so the giants that plague me need to know where my weak spots are. Which makes me think, “I need to pursue these giants with as much intention as they pursue me. I need to know what holds me back from greatness so I am not held back any longer.”

—>Conquering Fear

Throughout my life, Fear has tried to throw me off course. Sometimes his tactics have worked, but in the last few years I’ve noticed that when I get scared, I simply need to decide what action to take. Action is one of the stones I carry in my pouch. When I start taking action on something that’s in line with my values, more opportunities open up and the “unknowns” I was afraid of, become known.

—>Power to Move Mountains

Insignificance tries to plant lies in my head that I have a small future. That I won’t amount to much. That I’m the same as everyone else and should settle for mediocre. Yuck. I have never liked being anyone but me. When I hear these lies I pick up another stone–a round one that always hits the mark: Truth. I plant my own seeds in my mind. I remember that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that even though my hands are small, they are endowed with power to move mountains and that I have been given dreams and desires for a purpose, not to hide them in some dark room.

—> Overcoming Distraction

Distraction, the last giant I mentioned, may indeed want me to hang out in some dark room and watch movies four nights a week. That would be relaxing, fun–and hey! I deserve it. BUT, I would not be using my time effectively. If I spent an hour a day sitting in front of the computer or chatting on the phone with friends, that adds up to seven hours a week or 30 hours a month where I am not focused on what I really want to be focused on. Don’t get me wrong. I love social time and need relaxation but too much of it takes away from a bigger and more profound calling that I long for.

When I am distracted I kneel down at the river and pick up Focus, so I remember what’s motivating me to pursue my goal. One more shot of ammo. Three stones should do the trick.

Taking action, remembering the truth about myself and focusing on what’s important to me, these are some of my weapons. I love knowing what resources I have to draw upon when I really need them. I’m learning and will continue to learn that I am bigger than any giant.

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So, on our journey to pursuing our personal greatness, here are some questions and suggestions:

1. What giants are standing in your way?

2. What action do you need to take to conquer them?

3. We all need someone we can trust and be accountable to. Do you have such a person or persons? This week, find someone or a few others you trust and be accountable to. This will help you remember your commitments and stick to them. I’d love to hear how it’s working out for you.

I look forward to more sweet smelling, crisp Autumn weather, as well as any feedback you may want to share,

Amy

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About Amy:

I am currently studying at the International Coach Academy to become a professional certified coach. I could spend 90% of my life outside. I love hiking, mountain biking, travelling and any sort of adventure. I like to jump from the highest rock into the deepest water. I like to shout for joy.

Image credit: Woodcarver, by Stephen A. Wolfe