SheLoves Magazine

ShePonders: Covenant

” (T)he text is quite clear that we are to be covenant to those who are on the edges of society.”

By Kelley Johnson-Nikondeha | Twitter: @kelljnik

Clustered around the front of the building were a myriad of mothers. Some stood together, chatting. One fussed with her child’s wayward cowlick and others were preoccupied with their phones. But one stood out: the mother wearing the black hijab in the Arizona sun, standing all alone as if others had created a force field around her. I stood next to her and was instantly greeted with a smile. It was the first day of school for her son and she was a bit nervous, as well as curious about all the details of drop-off, pick-up, etc. Our first conversation was about school protocol, laced with assurances that her son would make friends and have a good time in class.

I clearly saw that others did not want anything to do with her. She was so foreign, so different, so other. She was clearly from the Middle East somewhere and maybe even Muslim. In my state, not known for tolerance to immigrants, she literally stood on the margins. And I was drawn to her.

This friendship was underway when I encountered Isaiah 49:8 where God says to His servant, “I have kept you and I have given you as a covenant to the people.”

Covenant

Covenant is such a heavy word in the Old Testament, yet to our modern ears it’s a bit cumbersome and cryptic.  Covenant is, basically, a solemn agreement. It is more than a mere contract. Some describe it as a blood oath, since cutting a covenant often involved the spilling of blood (be it bulls split in half or circumcision). Over the years, God has cut many covenants with His people, like Moses, Jacob and David. One covenant resulted in a rainbow!  Then there was the Abrahamic covenant where God promised Abraham a son (even in his old age) and a prolific progeny that would be blessed in order to be a blessing to all the nations.

God makes covenants. He makes promises.  And the essence of the covenant is His very word. “My word is my bond” comes to mind. Covenant is about deep bonding, fidelity and unending commitment.

But what is striking in Isaiah is not that God says we ought to make covenant with others, but that we are to be covenant to them. We are given as covenant … What could that possibly mean?

We can find a bit more context when we realize this phrase is mentioned earlier in Isaiah 42.  And there is a pattern we can see in both passages. God says His people have been kept, that God has taken care of us.  Then there is the declaration that we are given as covenant–to prisoners.  In ancient Palestine it was clear who the prisoners were – they were the outcasts, the poor, those on the margins.  I hear echoes of “blessed to be a blessing to the nations” in those words: “kept to be a covenant to prisoners.”

God is saying something very similar, right?  But what I hear in the move from Genesis to Isaiah is some fine-tuning. He brings it closer. God makes this more intimate by saying that we are the covenant. We embody covenant!

We are cared for by God, so that we can in turn care for others. But the others are not only friends who move in our own social circles; actually the text is quite clear that we are to be covenant to those who are on the edges of society. We are to be the physical manifestation (dare I say “incarnation”) of covenant to those who are most vulnerable, misunderstood and imprisoned.

Walter Brueggemann frames it this way:  “The text does not say, I have given you to make covenant, but to be a covenant, to be the kind of presence in the world that lets folks bond and trust and commit.”  (italics are mine)  This took my breath away!  I am to be a covenantal presence in this world, embodying fidelity and trustworthiness.

“I am called to be the safe place for those who feel at risk in society.”

This school year a lovely friendship has blossomed between Tahany and me. When she is sick, I pick up her son from school. When there are too many grape leaves to roll alone, she teaches me how and we work together for hours, all the while sipping on sage tea from Palestine. My son calls Jamal and Abraham his little brothers and my daughter knows Tahany and the boys to be her family (her own word). We have sat in doctor’s offices together, waited for the kids to be released from school and shared long park days together.  I am leaning into being covenant to her–to be a place where she can feel less marginalized and more embraced, not alone but one who belongs. I believe that God has kept me and given me as covenant to her and her boys.

One Word

“Covenant” is my “one word” for 2012.  God is taking this weighty word from ancient Palestine and making it fresh, real and active today in my modern setting. I want to be that kind of presence in the world–where scared people feel safe, where misunderstood folks get a shot at understanding, where those I usually would walk around become those I stand next to and begin a conversation.

I want to be a safe place–I have been kept by God for such a purpose.  I have been kept–not for my own interests, but for the good of the neighborhood. I have been given as covenant to my community. I embody God’s fidelity, His goodness and tenderness … especially to those who stand at risk.

This word has already changed who I see … as I am now aware of who is at the edge and in need of some covenant goodness.

You are given as a covenant in your community as well, to embody God’s faithful and loving presence in the neighborhood. Who is at risk? Who is standing alone?  Who needs a safe place? Let’s go to them.

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Image credit: Palestinian girl, by Ekaterina Boym-Medler

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Dear SheLovers, I’d love to hear:

• What has been your understanding of covenant?
• Who is a safe place for you?
• Who do you see on the edges of the society you live in?

About Kelley:

Kelley Johnson Nikondeha is co-director of Amahoro Africa and international staff member of Community of Faith with her husband Claude. She’s a thinker, connector, advocate, avid reader and mother of two beautiful children. Kelley lives between Arizona and Burundi. She loves handwritten letters, homemade pesto and anything written by Walter Brueggemann.

Little Pockets of Love

So many of us have been at the Justice Conference in Portland these past few days. While we are still digesting + thinking through what we learned, this post by Kathy Escobar speaks to the Love and community we know is crucial to seeing Justice flow on the earth. -idelette xo
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Celebrating those places where the beauty, strength and goodness that is within each person has a chance to come out.

By Kathy Escobar | Twitter: @kathyescobar

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“What the world needs now is love, sweet love.  It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of…”

 - Paul Anka

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This song might sound corny 30 years after it was originally recorded, but it’s true.

Love is compelling.

Love is transforming.

Love is possible.

Love is hard.

Love is what the world needs.

Jesus embodied love. His message, his ministry, his death, his resurrection all point toward challenging his followers to emulate love. I always say the world does not need more division, death, or “knowledge.” It needs more love.

And we can be active participants in creating it. Not later, not once we gain more skills or training, not once our kids are out of the house, not once we get that next promotion, not once we have more time, not once we are less afraid.

I think we are called to participate in cultivating the Kingdom of God in the here and now by nurturing what I call “little pockets of love.”

To me, Christians are called to create a space of love for one another in a wide variety of contexts.  Eye-to-eye, face-to-face, heart-to-heart and life-to-life. People knit together on the journey, somehow committed to living, growing, learning, eating, trying and loving together.

My working definition of church is:  “People gathered together in some way, shape, or form to learn and practice the ways of Jesus and pass on love, hope, mercy, justice, and healing in a broken, weird world.”  

I love that there are many different expressions of “church” and deeply hope we can all play our part in small and big ways to reclaim this beautiful word that has been stripped of its original meaning and come to mean sitting in a room listening to someone talk and singing some songs.

I believe people are the church and we can live out our faith in diverse ways. It supersedes language and isn’t limited by our definitions nor by the type of gathering, experience, or context.  When I am with another person cultivating little pockets of love, it is “church.”

Throughout the years I have been transformed through little pockets of love. Very little happened for me in big venues or places where everyone was just like me or where I could easily hide. The places where people called out what was deep within me, stuck with me even when I wanted to run away, pointed me toward God’s real heart for me, and challenged me to pass it on—-those are the places where I seemed to learn the most.

There are many different expressions of pockets of love beyond the ones I’ve been part of at my little faith community, The Refuge, or in other small, intimate and challenging groups.  They are in houses, pubs, the streets, AA meetings, homeless shelters, prisons, schools, traditional churches, workplaces, social clubs, neighborhood gatherings, and a score of other places around the world.

Pockets of love are places where the gospel can be lived out through hearts in action, where Christ’s light can shine into the darkest of places, truth can be spoken, hope can be borrowed, and food can be shared.

Self-hatred, self-doubt, insecurity, depression, disconnectedness and loneliness plague so many, yet we often haven’t created spaces that help shift these damaging patterns. At the heart of God’s mission is the restoration of people. But unless we actually create a space where people can emerge from their wounds, doubts, fears and failures, it is doubtful they will ever discover that love.

If we look at the life of Jesus, it’s hard to imagine the church would be anything other than a diverse scattering of little pockets of love—places where the beauty, strength, and goodness that is within each person has a chance to come out. Where God and man somehow intersect in mysterious, supernatural ways. Where Jesus-in-the-flesh is alive and well, calling out hope, forgiveness, purpose, passion and love.

Little pockets of love don’t happen magically.

It requires much intention, grace and endurance to nurture little pockets of love.

My guess that many of you reading are doing this in all kinds of beautiful ways–cultivating “with” relationships, gathering people together in different creative ways and creating containers for love.  You may not even realize it. You may minimize what you are doing, thinking it’s not organized enough, successful enough, big enough or good enough.

Don’t minimize it. A little love goes a long way. Little pockets of love–safe spaces for people to feel and experience the love of God– are transforming because Jesus is being reflected there through people.

God, help us bravely cultivate little pockets of love in all kinds of shapes and sizes.

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We’d love to hear your thoughts:

• Where have you recently experienced a “little pocket of love?”

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About Kathy:

Kathy Escobar co-pastors The Refuge, an eclectic faith community in North Denver dedicated to those on the margins of life and faith. She blogs regularly about life and faith at www.kathyescobar.com and just released a new book called, Down We Go–Living out the Wild Ways of Jesus in Action. She lives in Arvada, Colorado with her husband, Jose, and five kids.

Image credit: Compassion International, by Kevin Rohr

Soul Sunday: On Kids, Dreams and Empty Fields

Memories of summer, driving down the Oregon coast + kids dreaming of rollerblades + watching a farmer plough, but never plant. 

By Kisa MacDonald | Twitter: @kisamac

Everyone recognized us in our old van.  The seats were plaid: yellow, orange and green.  The hard top roof was over ten feet tall. Daydreams and old radio tunes would rise over the grumbling engine. My entire school could see us coming.

Every mid-summer, we would travel south and watch sunrises over the sand dunes. We’d sink into the back seat of that old van, watching the Oregon coast unfold: Astoria, Cannon, Tillamook, Newport, Eugene … to visit some old friends in a little town called Sweet Home, Oregon.

We saw real poverty.  On those summer days in Sweet Home, the kids played–as kids always do–with no shoes, but in unpaved streets and unsafe homes. Recognizing hunger, we filled up our old van with groceries, and went door-to-door, giving it all away.

Mom taught us in simple ways how to recognize and value the dreams of others. She used to take each child aside and ask: “If you could do anything in one day, what would it be?”  The kids’ answers were always pretty simple: rollerskating, a new dress, a trip to the beach, a long bike ride, etc.  So, we all piled into the van and took them rollerskating, bought new dresses and went to the beach. We did everything we could.

The Farmer

Mom told me this story, once. When she was completing her undergrad degree, she would sit and watch a farmer who lived across the road. He regularly tilled the soil, turning back and forth across his field.  But, he never planted anything.

The farmer’s field is now a new park in suburban Victoria. No crops were ever planted. No playgrounds have been built.  Forty years have passed and it still sits empty. We laugh together at the paradox. Like, really?

Lately, our old van and that old farmer have both been coming to mind. I have been thinking about what it means to put something into motion, gain momentum and establish something that will become a long-lasting legacy.

I have a few ideas.

It always brings me back to Sweet Home. Poverty is not limited to that one little American town.  All of our hometowns have kids who play without shoes, or three meals a day.  All those kids have dreams of what they would do one day.

A few months ago, the BC Child and Youth Advocacy Society released the 2011 Child Poverty Report Card.  The numbers are intense: 137,000 children live in poverty in BC.  To put this in perspective, that is double the entire population of my hometown.

Like those old radio songs, kids’ poverty has only been vaguely recognized. Like, the farmer in the field, who ploughed but did not plant anything, we have not done everything we could.  Can anyone explain why?

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About Kisa:

Kisa completed her law degree earlier last year and is currently finishing her articling year at a non-profit that focuses on law reform, legal research and outreach. She grew up on Vancouver Island but has lived all over: North America, Southeast Asia and Europe. In this next season of life, she hopes to see creative community and access to justice established in Vancouver.

Image credit: Wanderlust, by Hermés

Gong Xi Fa Cai! Or: How to Celebrate Chinese New Year Outside of China

Why do people eat dumplings for Chinese New Year? And what year is it according to the Chinese lunar calendar? A short guide to popular Chinese New Year traditions. 

By Winnie Lui | Twitter: @INTELsashimi

As a Chinese child growing up in Canada, every year, I experienced something like a second Christmas.

After the warm festivities, feasting, and gift-receiving of Christmas time, after the excitement and countdown to New Year and several weeks after the tinsel and lights have faded–the mood would build up again. Soon, I would receive more gifts, this time cash in little red envelopes, and join more gatherings full of food and family.

It was like Christmas all over again.

It is Chinese New Year.

This year, I visited China several weeks before Chinese New Year, which is, officially, today. While I was in China, preparations for this most important time of the year were already underway. When I met others, a popular ice-breaking question was, “Are you going home for Chinese New Year?”

I will be home for Chinese New Year this year, but “home” is currently here in Canada. Yet there are some easy ways to commemorate Chinese New Year even outside of China:

1. Keeping the Spirit of Giving

One of the most iconic traditions of Chinese New Year is the giving of red envelopes stuffed with one or more paper bills, given from the older generation to the younger ones. When giving and receiving a red envelope, both parties may speak words of blessings to each another, usually in the form of four-word Chinese idioms. The spirit of giving can be preserved in ways other than passing out cash too. Food associated with Chinese New Year, such as mandarin oranges, dried fruit and candy with bright foil, can be wrapped in small bunches and given to family, friends and co-workers to wish them happiness and blessings in the coming year.

2. Eating Foods with Meaning

There are many foods traditionally associated with Chinese New Year, and it may be fun–and delicious–to have some around this time of year. In northern China, people eat dumplings or “jiao zi,” the shape of which resembles a gold ingot, a form of currency used in ancient China. In the south, people eat a sticky rice pudding called “nian gao,” the name which sounds like the words “higher year.”  Other foods eaten at Chinese New Year that carry meaning are noodles (representing longevity) and fish (representing abundance).

3.  Wearing New Clothes

Many traditional Chinese will buy a complete set of new clothes to wear on the first day of New Year. Wearing new clothes symbolizes a fresh and new start. Wearing red–the favourite color of Chinese tradition–is another way to be festive.

4. Cutting–and Not Cutting–One’s Hair

Many Chinese will get a haircut before New Year to complement their new outfit on New Year’s day. It is considered unlucky, however, to cut anything during New Year, so those who want to cut their hair must do so early.

5. Cleaning–and Not Cleaning–the House

Cleaning the home from top to bottom is a popular way to welcome in the New Year, and to prepare your house for all the visitors who will drop by to bring well-wishes. Sweeping during New Year, however, is supposed to sweep away the good luck, so brooms are carefully put away during the New Year period.

6. Wishing People “Happy New Year” in Chinese

Chinese people greet one another with “gung hey fat choi” (Cantonese) or “gong xi fa cai” (Mandarin),” which literally means, “Wishing you a financially prosperous year.”

Another greeting is, “sun leen fai lok (Cantonese) or “xin nian kuai le” (Mandarin), which simply means, “Happy New Year.”

About Chinese New Year:

The Chinese have their own calendar, which follows the moon. Chinese New Year happens every year between January 21 and February 21, on the day of the first new moon, which is the darkest day. Celebrations run for 15 days, until the full moon appears. According to the Chinese lunar calendar, we are entering year 4710.

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How about you?

• What Chinese traditions are you curious about?
• Do you celebrate Chinese New Year, and how?
• Do you have any memories of celebrating Chinese New Year?

About Winnie:

The wave of Asian immigration in the 1990s brought Winnie to Canada on a little red-mast junk. To fulfill her family’s dream of running a business in Hong Kong and giving the children a Western education, Winnie’s father commuted home to Canada during Christmas and Chinese New Year, and Winnie herself spent her childhood between the two continents and among many different schools and neighbourhoods. Her growing up experience has become a mosaic of cultures, languages, and perspectives. Winnie blogs at intellectualsashimi.com and tweets @intelSASHIMI

Image credit: Collage, Esther Weng, Microsoft Clip Art

ShePonders: Christmas

“He, and not the Caesars of this age, is the Light of the World, the Messiah, the Savior.”

By Kelley Johnson-Nikondeha
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Audio: ShePonders: Christmas

Click on the link above for an audio experience of Kelley’s post.

“Jesus is the reason for the season.”

Growing up in the church and a series of other concentric Christian circles over the years, this is an oft-quoted truism during this season. Jesus is the reason for Christmas; the reason we celebrate. He is the reason we carve out this holy time on our annual calendar. Christmas is about Jesus, not about lavish consumption and consumerism.

Absolutely true.

And yet … it rings incomplete for me. Jesus is the reason for what? Is He the reason for gift-giving, cookie-baking, stocking-hanging, tree-lighting and hall-decking? Is He the reason for family gatherings; the reason we give to the poor at home and abroad? While the commemoration of His advent provokes celebration and charity, I still feel the message of Christmas is a bit muddled.

What is the Christmas story really about? What did Matthew and Luke intend as they wrote down their distinctive birth narratives we now blend together seamlessly into Christmas pageants? Why did the wise men bring gifts?  Why did the angels fill the celestial amphitheatre with song? Why did the shepherds run to see the baby?  What did the words of Elizabeth, Simeon and Anna mean to the first hearers in the ancient world? What is the rhyme and reason behind these cherished stories we read our children during the 12 days of Christmas?

Poetic Genealogies

Matthew begins with a long genealogy that travels from Abraham through David and Solomon, arriving at Jesus. The lineage demonstrates that Jesus is the new Messiah, arriving on the scene at the appropriate time. Luke’s genealogy begins with Jesus tracing His line back through Nathan, David, Boaz and finally to Adam in the garden. We learn from Luke that Jesus is the new Adam. In the poetry of genealogy we learn that Jesus is Messiah, that He is our new beginning. But we discover something else as well. In the ancient world, genealogies were spun to showcase the lineage of Caesar, to make manifest that he is the Son of God descended from Heaven. Both Matthew and Luke use the rhetoric of the day to say something different–there is a new ruler and here are His credentials. These were both counter-genealogies announcing the bone fides of Jesus. He is the true Messiah, He is the true beginning of a new era … not Caesar.

Divine Conception

Next, both Matthew and Luke tell the story of the divine conception of Jesus. The Angel Gabriel had several conversations with Joseph, according to Matthew, about the nature of his wife’s pregnancy.  As Luke tells it, Gabriel spoke to Mary directly about the goodness she was gestating within.  We are told that she received these words with an open heart and, I imagine, an awareness that her life had just been set on an irreversible trajectory.

While these stories of God-breathed conception sound novel to our ears, we must re-frame our understanding. Such tales were commonplace in the days of the ancient Mediterranean. You would hear stories like this all the time–about the birth of Caesar. Everyone knew He descended from the gods and was genetically inclined to rule the empire. Now we are told there is Another on the scene … another divine Son with the capacity and mandate to reign. We learn that the birth stories have less to do with the biology of the mother and more to do with the destiny of the child–destined to rule.  Matthew and Luke tell us that Caesar has a challenger for the throne.  Jesus, the true child of God, is destined to rule the Kingdom.

Heavy Titles

Scattered within these birth narratives are many heavy titles. ”King of the Jews” was a title ascribed to Herod the Great, but applied to Jesus. ”Son of God,” “Lord,” “Savior of the world”–all used to speak exclusively of Caesar, the one who descends from the gods and saves the world. He brings the Pax Romana through victory, employing violence to suppress rivals. Included in his peace is an economic policy that rewards the elites and exploits the poor, but keeps the roads open and commerce flowing. When Matthew and Luke call Jesus the Son of God, Messiah, Savior, Lord … they are dancing on the edge of treason. But they are naming a new reality–the light of the world has come, and it is not the emperor seated in Rome, but the babe in the stable. The gospel writers are, in effect, advertizing a better Son of God. Jesus will bring peace through justice and His peace will come through non-violent means. His Kingdom will bring about prosperity for all–even those at the margins and on the underbelly of the economy–and it will have no end.

Once we read these poetic genealogies, divine conception stories loaded with heavy titles we should all be chanting:

Jesus, not Caesar! Jesus, not Caesar! Jesus, not Caesar!

What the stories of Christmas say, then and now, is that peace cannot come through Caesar. The gospel writers wanted us all to see that there is another way to govern the world–peace through justice, not violence. There is another way to administer the Kingdom–through justice, love and goodness. We have been entrusted with very subversive stories that invite us to see differently, believe differently and act differently. The way the world operates now is not the only way it can ever be. Jesus comes as a new kind of President, a different kind of Prime Minister, a better General Secretary of the United Nations and more skilled Managing Director of the International Monetary Fund … with another Way to bring about a lasting peace and an equitable economy for all.

Jesus is the reason for the season … a reason that upends the status quo of the world as we know it. He is the beginning of deep transformation the world over and the savior for all who suffer under current empires and economies. He offers another way forward, a rationale that confronts all we have come to know and believe about the way the world works.

- Jesus is the reason to rethink the status quo of our empires and economies.

- Jesus is the reason to imagine peace and prosperity without war.

- Jesus is the reason to live differently in this season and every other season–

Because He, and not the Caesars of this age, is the Light of the World, the Messiah, the Savior. This is why we sing: Glory to God in the Highest!

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About Kelley:

Kelley Johnson Nikondeha is co-director of Amahoro Africa and international staff member of Community of Faith with her husband Claude. She’s a thinker, connector, advocate, avid reader and mother of two beautiful children. Kelley lives between Arizona and Burundi. She loves handwritten letters, homemade pesto and anything written by Walter Brueggemann.

Image credit: Merry Christmas, by The Meadowbrook blog

TGIF: 3 Important Lessons a Car Wash Taught Me About Life

On yellow submarines, high pressure washes and weathering life’s storms.

by Tina Francis | Twitter: @teenbug
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My sister and I loved going to the car wash when we were kids. We would hold hands and squeal in anticipation as the tires slowly clicked onto the conveyor belt. For five minutes we could pretend that our car was a submarine. We’d even hum, “We all live in a yellow submarine” in a trance-like state as our dilated pupils soaked up the aquatic Cirque de Soleil production unfolding 360°around us.

“Again-Again!” I wanted to yell when we were done.

Now that I’m an adult, I find the exercise of washing a car in a rainy city like Vancouver utterly futile. You wash your muddy car, it’s shiny for twenty seconds, you take a right turn at the McDonalds and boom before you can say “Game on, Windex!” it starts to rain. Just like that, you’re back to square one. Muddy Car 2.0.

Having said that, I was meeting a new friend who I couldn’t afford to scare off (just yet), and since my car looked like it rolled off the set of Jurassic Park, I drove to the closest car wash.

I’m still not sure why, but that particular Saturday, I felt like a kid again. I let the soapy magic wash over my muddy car and myself as I documented the whole thing on my iPhone.

Strong chemical pre-soak ….

Blinding soft cloth wraparounds …

Low-hanging, ribboned cloth curtains …

High pressure wash …

Foggy … so foggy …

Pretty rivulets of water …

Finally, the forced air-dry …

Is it just me, or is the car wash a great analogy for life?

How many times have we gone through:

• Strong chemical pre-soak – Harsh words, criticism, negativity, etc.
• Blinding Wraparounds - Bad news, curve balls, unexpected disappointments, etc. 
• Low-hanging ribboned cloth curtains – Easily accessible distractions to numb the pain like food, TV, shopping, Facebook, etc.
• High pressure wash – You think you’ve hit rock bottom and then it gets worse. Losing a loved one, job, health, etc.
• Foggy … so foggy - Self-explanatory.
• Pretty rivulets of water – Traces of hope: an encouraging phone call from a friend, getting approved for a loan, finding a part-time job until you get your dream job.
• Forced air dry – Crossing the threshold, walking on fire and finally passing the test.

The fabulous news? There ‘s light at the end of the tunnel.

Here are three important lessons a car wash taught me about life:

1. Be still - The first instruction you receive at a car wash is:

“Put the vehicle into neutral, release brakes and refrain from steering. Failure to do so can cause an accident on the conveyor.”

I thought this was poignant. When chocolate pudding hits the fan, don’t we always do the opposite? We go into overdrive. We clench up. We swerve like maniacs. We fight the current. We spit into the wind. And it achieves absolutely nothing. “Failure to do so can cause an accident on the conveyor.” Hello, can I get an Amen?

This “being still” can be particularly difficult for those of us who are doers who need to cross things off to-do lists. The reason we are incapacitated in a crisis is because the old rules don’t apply. There are new variables and we don’t have a 10-step list that will take away the pain. 

When nothing in life makes sense, we need to quieten down and listen for God’s voice. In other words, we need to breathe deeply (go into neutral), relax (release brakes) and give control to God (refrain from steering). *cue Carrie Underwood song “Jesus take the wheel.”* Ha-ha.

2. Move Forward: Okay, I know what you’re thinking, “How can I be still and move forward at the same time?” Wait, hear me out. One of the things that struck me about the car wash was the steady pace at which the car moved forward. The car didn’t accelerate during pre-soak or the high pressure wash or the forced air-dry. It simply stayed on course through each stage.

When I look back at the stormy seasons of my life, it was a slow and steady process of waking up, getting dressed and facing the day. There was never a quick-fix resolution.  Regardless of how heavy-hearted and overwhelmed I felt, I put one foot in front of the other. I mastered the art of baby steps.

Real life is the opposite of a movie trailer. There are no fast cuts with whooshing sounds and action packed scenes. Sometimes it feels like the same boring scene. Over and over again. Nothing changes. No new characters. No music. #worstmovieever #whofundedthis

Real life is like planting a seed, giving it sunlight, watering it every day and seeing nothing. Then on a random Tuesday when you’re rushing out the door to catch the bus, you spot a tiny blade of green peeking through the soil and your heart leaps, your blood flows, your face beams. Suddenly, it was all worth it.

3. Give Thanks –I smiled when I saw the green signal flashing “Thank you” at the end of the car wash. The year 2011 has been incredibly kind to me. I made beautiful friends, read life-changing books, fought hard for things I care about and had a deep sense of forward motion. It is easy to give thanks in a place of abundance, fruitfulness and joy.

A Different Time

Earlier this week in a conversation with a dear friend, I was reminded of a barren time in my life. The Job season of my life. The earth was spinning madly and I had nothing to hold onto. My heart had been betrayed, my bank account depleted, my career prospects were bleak, my loved ones were suffering physically and financially.  I was angry, livid and furious with God. How do you dig up gratitude in a place of emotional fatigue and famine?

I remember a particularly embarrassing meltdown after helping a friend with a garage sale a couple of summers ago. She asked the question, “How is the job search going?” and I lost it. Maybe I was just exhausted from carrying boxes, or maybe it was the hot summer sun, but I spewed tears, mucous and swear words for 15 minutes straight. I was a hot mess. Once the emotional explosion (tantrum) subsided, I crawled onto a sunlit spot on her couch and closed my eyes. The warm sun on my face, felt like a kiss from heaven and I went into neutral, released brakes and stopped steering. Just before falling asleep I whispered the words, “I’m sorry, God. I know you haven’t forgotten about me. Thank you for loving me even when I am an idiot.”

My life was still a mess when I woke up from that nap, but there was something about giving thanks in the midst of the pain that gave me enough strength for the next day.

I think Joe Bunting is onto something when he says, “Choose to be thankful for both the beauty and the pain.” 

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So when life feels crazy just remember to:

Be Still + Move Forward + Give Thanks

We’re gonna be okay. *rubs back* No really. We are.

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So, dear friends …

1. Which one of these three lessons is the hardest for you?

2. What practice have you found to be most helpful in the storms of life?

3. Does the carwash metaphor resonate with you?

Love you more than Chicken Corn Chowder and Buttered Biscuits, (<- Recipe)

xoxo,
Teen

To read more TGIFs from Tina: Click here.

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My name is Tina. Loved ones call me: Teen.

Words are my chocolate. Music, my caramel. Photography, my bread. Girlfriends, my butter.

Confession: Some girls dream about Manolo Blahniks or their next Hermes bag. Not me. I dream of freshly baked bread, perfectly barbecued meat & steaming bowls of Pho. My dream lover *cue Mariah Carey song* is someone who would read out a menu to me in Barry White’s baritone voice.

I celebrate food, ask for help, interrupt conversations, laugh and cry hard, acknowledge the elephant in most rooms, fight for the underdog and believe in the power of storytelling.

My word for the year is “leap.” If something scares me, I do it.

I was born and raised in Dubai and currently live in the beautiful city of Vancouver, known for some of the best sushi in the world.

Intoxicating: The Fragrant Life

“Thankfully, I know how to soak in Sweeter Perfume than what I store in my dresser.”

By Amy Englemark

I love to smell good.

The scent of my fragrant rose bushes sends me through the roof. I love to linger over my favourite perfume.

Still, personally, I want my whole being to smell good. I want to be noticed for the right reasons, for a Greater Purpose. I want to bring honor to Someone Greater. I want to exude sweetness and in order to do so, this lusciousness must first come from within. People will clue in pretty quickly if the sweetness they smell on me is only skin deep.

I’ve determined that for my life to carry this scent, I need to be a woman of integrity. I want to smell good in public as well as at home. I don’t like faking it.

Here’s three things I do for my life to smell good:

1. Listening and Learning (I clean my ears.)

I have a hard time listening to certain people in my life. (I won’t reveal names here!) I’m not quite sure why I find it easier to listen to some people and not others. Maybe it’s the way advice is given or maybe I feel like my way is good enough or I know enough already. Whatever the case, I miss out on opportunities to learn and grow when I close myself off. I’m making an effort to be open to others’ counsel. I’m finding that my effort results in my relationships growing deeper … probably because I smell better to them.

2. Believing the Truth (Bathe regularly.)

I am beautiful and no matter how old, how studied, how experienced or even what others think of me, I can do all things because of the strength and power within me. Now, I may not smell good to all people, but I am learning that doesn’t matter.

3. Walk the Talk (Brush my teeth.)

I do love talking about personal growth. I love talking about the meaty things in life. The weather can wait. Why waste time on that? Let’s get right to the point. That’s my personality.

Sometimes what I find difficult is taking action on what I’ve spoken about. I’m aware of the step I want to take, but mustering up the commitment to stick with my decision is another matter. I’m becoming aware that my follow through is equally important to my initial “great idea.”

The more I walk my talk the more authentic, trustworthy and reliable I am.

Oh, to smell good all the time! That is my aim but, I don’t always hit the mark.  Sometimes I forget my personal value and start living a life way below my potential. Sometimes I devalue others which creates friction in my relationships.

If only a gentle mist of my favourite perfume would cover these issues. Thankfully, I know how to soak in Sweeter Perfume than what I store in my dresser. It’s a heady scent that soaks deep into my bones and helps me focus on Beauty that comes from way down deep and resonates outward.

I hope all of you who read this are aware that your smell is different from anyone else’s in the whole world. I really mean it. Our uniquenesses smell up a room like nobody else can … even after running a marathon!

I’d love to hear from you:

• What small change you can make to smell more beautiful today?
• Have you noticed any unwelcome odours lately? Where’s it coming from?
• What perfume do you choose? What do you choose to smell like today?

Amy

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About Amy:

I am currently studying at the International Coach Academy to become a professional certified coach. I could spend 90% of my life outside. I love hiking, mountain biking, travelling and any sort of adventure. I like to jump from the highest rock into the deepest water. I like to shout for joy.

Down We Go: Leaving the Ninety-nine for the One

“Love doesn’t always come to us; often we have to go to it.”

By Kathy Escobar | Twitter: @kathyescobar

Most of us reading SheLoves are reading for a reason. We want to be part of changing the world, a part of infusing God’s hope, mercy, justice and love into people and places in desperate need of it. We want practice, not theology. We want to break down the walls between “us and them” and engage in “with” relationships instead of “to” and “for” ones and create little pockets of love.

There are practices that help embody this kind of downward living.  I talk about eight of these practices in Down We Go: Living into the Wild Ways of Jesus. They aren’t an inclusive list, but rather a good place to start. These eight practices are: extending love, mercy and compassion; welcoming pain; honoring doubt; diffusing power; practicing equality; pursuing justice; cultivating creativity; and celebrating freedom. Over the upcoming months we’ll look at each of these in a deeper way.

The first one is centered on extending love, mercy and compassion.

The key word in here is extending.

Love doesn’t always come to us; often we have to go to it.

It reminds me of the Parable of the Lost Sheep in Matthew 18:12-14:

“If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he will rejoice over it more than over the ninety-nine that didn’t wander away!  In the same way it is not my heavenly Father’s will that even one of these little ones should perish.”

Community

It’s easy to read the Bible for personal application and completely miss the community application. We must consider both. My friend and co-pastor at The Refuge, Karl, always reminds me that Paul’s letters in the Bible weren’t written to individuals but were written to bodies of people, to the church as a whole. When we read the Bible from a “we” perspective instead of an “only for me” perspective, things shift. Actually, they get much harder. Personal holiness doesn’t require the connection and sacrifice that real community does. I don’t know exactly what direction Jesus was going with this parable, but I wonder if maybe he was talking about the hundred sheep being the whole community of believers, or the church.

There is a strong allure to tend to the “Church of the Ninety-nine,″ the ones who already fill the pews or are connected to our ministries and work. They’re already “in.” This group tends to be louder and stronger.

Jesus, in this parable, tells of the shepherd who is willing to leave the Ninety-nine to find the One (to me, the One is the outcast, marginalized, oppressed, doubtful misfit, forgotten or neglected who somehow doesn’t cut it with the Ninety-nine).

That One is worth it.

That One is his.

That One is valuable enough to drop everything and go find …

The Ninety-nine are the ones who pay the bills for many churches and ministries and help make things go. They are the ones whose voices are loudest, who have the most power and the most influence. It leaves many shepherds saying, “If we can just keep the Ninety-nine happy, maybe we can somehow figure out how to help the One.” I understand the dilemma. The church of the Ninety-nine is powerful; its culture is deeply embedded into our models, practices and almost everything related to contemporary church.

I can’t count the number of times over the years that ministry leaders have told me that I need to stop focusing on the “hurting people” so much. It makes me laugh when I think of it, but the truth is it’s not that funny, especially in light of where Jesus spent his time. The work the ministry leaders wanted me to do was build structures and programs that the Ninety-nine wanted, to perpetuate safety, comfort, and predictability that kept everyone inside safe and happy.

The problem is the Ones are everywhere. They’re in our neighborhoods, schools, workplace, families and every single place we intersect with. Beautiful, valuable people who are radically ignored by “the church” for a wide variety of reasons.

Extending Love

Jesus is challenging us to leave the safe confines of the Ninety-nine and love the One. Over and over he did this. He stepped out of the religious establishment to offer hope and dignity in places where it had been lost.

I believe this is what he’s calling us to as well. To go. To extend love, mercy, and compassion in tangible ways. To get up out of the pews and leave what’s safe and comfortable to care for the One. The person on the fringes, the person in pain, the person who doesn’t feel loved or valued, the person in need of tangible help and support.

The Ones look different for each of us, but my hope is that we will bravely leave the Ninety-nine to find them. My hope is that we’ll bravely try, in whatever little or big ways we can to extend love, mercy, and compassion, instead of staying protected in our own little flock.

My hope is that we’ll consistently leave the Ninety-nine to find the One.

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My dear SheLoves sisters, I’d love to hear:

• What moves you today?
• How do you consider the One?

About Kathy:

Kathy Escobar co-pastors The Refuge, an eclectic faith community in North Denver dedicated to those on the margins of life and faith. She blogs regularly about life and faith at www.kathyescobar.com and recently released a book called, Down We Go–Living out the Wild Ways of Jesus in Action. She lives in Arvada, Colorado with her husband, Jose, and five kids.

The Inspiration of Young Leaders

“I think the secret of leadership is to believe in and enjoy the people you lead.” What do you think? Please write me your leadership tips & advice below!

By Winnie Lui | Twitter: @INTELsashimi

“My name is Sarah and my favourite superhero is Batman.”

She spoke steadily into the camera, then glanced sideways at me for affirmation.

I was at the training grounds for young leaders last weekend. The BC Children’s Hospital Foundation lauched Operation Superhero last year, a three-year campaign to raise $5 million for the construction of an Oncology Inpatient Unit at the new hospital site, and they are involving youth aged 8 to 22 to help in the mission.

These Young Superheros serve as fundraisers and spokepersons for the hospital’s campaign, and in the process, become leaders among their peers and in their community.

But first they need superhero training.

The orientation last weekend encouraged and inspired these future leaders, teaching them practical skills like how to be confident, how to strategize their donation proposals and how to handle rejection. These are important social skills that will last them a lifetime.

It’s inspiring to see young people rising up as leaders. Meeting teenagers, hoodie-d and with oversized earphones hugging their jaws, or young ladies with dyed hair and fashionable make-up, I wasn’t quite expecting their calm confidence in talking about why they want to volunteer for BC Children’s Hosptial and what they expect to achieve.

Meeting these young volunteers prompted me to reflect on my own experience in stepping out, and to think about the question, “What is leadership?”

In some ways, I have gone through a similar journey as the Young Superheros: being a newbie, doing something I’ve never done before and running on the fumes of guts and venture–taking that leap of faith.

I did it when I started leading youth groups. The fun part about working with teenagers is that every meeting is an adventure. Akin to canoeing or hiking in the woods, the path taken at a youth meeting is rarely exactly as you planned, and at any given moment, you may need to adjust and take a different path, depending on what the situation dictates.

From my experience with youth groups, I see leadership this way: leadership is relating to those you lead, understanding them and feeling with them; sharing the mistakes and lessons learned in your own journey; doing your best to live out what you believe to be the best way of doing things; and letting your followers see, discover and decide their own path to go.

I think the secret of leadership is to believe in and enjoy the people you lead. People love to follow and work with someone who believes in them. That belief, in turn, raises and expands the followers’ capabilities, making the followers grow, and thus increasing the fruits of the leader’s leadership.

I once studied the insights of Andy Stanley, senior pastor to three churches and founder of North Point Ministries. In his book, Next Generation Leader, he describes leadership in very practical and applicable terms:

1. Focus on doing the things you’re good at doing. Don’t try to do everything; instead, delegate the stuff you hate doing and suck at doing. Do your best to invest as much time as possible doing the things that no one else can do as well as you can. Make your team members also focus on their specialties. This spells efficiency for any team.
2. Be the first to do something that needs to be done. Have the courage to take iniative, to step out before the crowd. Also have the courage to say no to opportunities that do not align with your priorities, and the courage to face the current reality.
3. Be clear. “Clarity is perceived as leadership.” Communicate clearly the goals and objectives. Be honest when the answer is unknown. In the midst of uncertainty, set a clear vision for the team.

Stanley’s insights are, of course, brilliant and the lessons gleaned from years of leadership experience. If I were to make my humble to-remember list for young leaders, here’s what I would write:

1. Leverage the strengths of your followers. You may be smarter than your followers in some ways, but they are smarter than you in other ways. Assign tasks and give junior leadership opportunities to your followers that both suit and challenge them. This way, you avoid being overwhelmed with work, and you begin doing what all leaders should do: grow new leaders.
2. Spend time listening to your followers. Leadership begins with understanding the context of your followers and building trust and connection.
3. Have co-leaders. Leadership is not a one-man task. At the very least, it’s helpful to have someone answer the door during the group activity or check on the cookies in the oven. Yet much more than that, co-leaders are an essential support and a valuable second point-of-view when debriefing, and discussing and planning the next steps.

Now it’s your turn. What have you learned in your life experience about leadership that you would like to share with future leaders? What key tips and strategies have worked for you? What have you seen other leaders do that you would love to emulate? I’d love it if you would write me some of your leadership pointers in the comments below!

About Winnie:

The wave of Asian immigration in the 1990s brought Winnie to Canada on a little red-mast junk. To fulfill her family’s dream of running a business in Hong Kong and giving the children a Western education, Winnie’s father commuted home to Canada during Christmas and Chinese New Year, and Winnie herself spent her childhood between the two continents and among many different schools and neighbourhoods. Her growing up experience has become a mosaic of cultures, languages, and perspectives. Winnie blogs at intellectualsashimi.com and tweets @intelSASHIMI

Photo credit: georgeparrilla, Esther Weng

Wellness: One Way to Infuse Your Life with Purpose

On stamina, stillness and the wisdom of Steve Jobs.

By Ali Valdez

Last week, the world was saddened and stunned by the death of technology savant, Steve Jobs. His Stanford University commencement speech, circulated prodigiously on the Internet, inspired millions. Its topic? Death. Not woe-is-me, cold-death-beckons-a-poor-Silicon-Valley-billionaire, but as a mentor and instrument of meaning, infusing his life with purpose:

“No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life.

My story

One Good Friday, my pastor challenged the congregation to contemplate Jesus’ death on the cross. The room was dark and quiet. This ties back to Peter who makes claims of loyalty for Christ, but indeed Jesus knew in advance his limitations. I lasted about ten minutes, gravely humbled by my lack of endurance. Instead, my leg went to sleep, my stomach hurt because I overate, my mind was distracted.

I realized I didn’t have the mental stamina, yet alone the physical stamina to be wholly present for more than ten minutes.

Stillness is something I have worked hard to cultivate. It is just me-and-God time, no one sees it, but it was a call to action. Wellness requires focus, discipline and health in the body and mind. Then the spiritual work can commence and be sustained.

Believing in the promise of Christ’s resurrection should diminish all concerns of death, right?  In 2 Corinthians 5:8 it states: Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. (NLT). Beyond stating the body is a temple, or “earthly,” Christians typically tend to regard the body in its most practical day-to-day existence, not as a sacred, divine mystery. The Sufi mystic, Rumi, writes of Adam, “when he was given his body and his made of watery clay and fiery wind, the qualities inside the names became that; a human life being lived.”

As a student of comparative religion, I see death take many figurative forms but always  as star attraction. The Upanishads say “even as a heavy-laden cart moves on groaning, even so the cart of the human body, wherein lives the Spirit, moves on groaning when a man is giving up the breath of life.” Believers simultaneously feign diffidence and shake in fear at the reality of death’s encroachment on their conditioned way of life. It is never easy to let go, practice non-attachment and still feel human. We work through illness, aging, battling our genetics or lifestyle choices. Most of us have not lived through the egregious assault of death when it plays its hand in its harshest forms such as living through revolution, civil war, or famine.

In the Western world we have a choice.

Philippians 1:22-23 says: But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ. So I really don’t know which is better. I’m torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. (NLT) Paul knows that his work stands to benefit many. He understands duty and works whole-heartedly. Still, what we have accepted is a gift: Christ’s sacrifice of his material self.  To act in wellness is to operate in the fullness of the Christian life; physically, mentally and spiritually acquiescing to the graceful acknowledgement that there is work to do and fearlessness of death whilst doing it, even if that includes death of ego, prestige, or status.

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” –Steve Jobs

I believe living from the heart requires single-minded focus, discipline and health in the body and mind. Then the spiritual work can commence and be sustained. Now I understand that my body is indeed a temple on many levels. Sometimes I feel like God conducts my life like a conductor of a Stravinsky symphony.  Mine tends to be a temple frenetically in motion, like a whirling dervish. But now my body can also be a temple made of stone, cemented in bedrock capable of sitting, listening and learning for days on end.

This has become my barometer of wellness: when I can sit undeterred in the presence of God.

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So, dear SheLoves sisters, I’d love to hear your thoughts:

• Like Paul and Steve Jobs, do you think about death and allow it to inspire you towards clarity of purpose?
• What is your relationship with your body? Do you think of it in its most practical day-to-day existence, or as a sacred, divine mystery?
• Or: Do you have any questions?

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About Ali:

My name is Ali Valdez and I live between Seattle and Houston. I am a Christian yoga instructor, academic and writer, and devote most of my time in servitude to my students, who are yoga teachers or studio owners developing yoga communities in their cities and towns. I have also worked and led Kindergarten and small groups at my church. I love religion, philosophy and man’s inquiry on all things of higher order. I have devoted my life to study and am versed in the metaphysical, philosophical and topics of comparative religion. Practically, I love wellness, nutrition, the gross and subtle energy bodies, healing, alternative medicine, fitness, exercise, and healthful levels on many levels. I have done crazy things like marathons, sky-diving and state-of-the-art spa treatments. I look forward to connecting with you all and sharing whatever insights I may have that serve you in your aspirations. For fun, I travel the world, host retreats globally, read and write on my blog, the Gadabout. I also party with my Bun, a little five-year-old named Mathilde. You can learn more about what I do at sattvayogaonline.com