A Love Letter to my Body: Most Sobering

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With the stunning response to our synchroblog last Saturday, we decided to run some of our favourite posts throughout this week until Saturday with a wrap-up post next Sunday. The hardest part is making a selection! 

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Today’s post was emailed to us by a sista-friend who wishes to remain anonymous. Her truth is sobering and shows what happens when our bodies finally surrender to the battle. 

“You tried to warn me that it was too much for you, but I didn’t listen.”

Dear Body,

We have struggled, you and I. I have waged a war against you, so intense, that I have finally won.

You have finally surrendered. You are too battered, too beaten, too tired. You are broken.

You are dying.

Body, I blamed you for what others did to me. I wanted you to pay for making your child shell look attractive to him. I wanted you to suffer as much as I was suffering in my mind. I wanted you to hurt too. Now I wish I could take it all back.

I realize it wasn’t your fault. I can look back and see that no matter what I did to you, all you wanted to do was protect me. I starved you relentlessly and with each day, you grew weaker and weaker. You tried to stop me. You tried to warn me that it was too much for you, but I didn’t listen. The doctors were on your side. They would put me in the hospital to give you the rest you needed. They tried to help you carry on. They wish they had taken more drastic measures. I’ve known Dr. S. for many years. We worked together for almost eight years and I had never seen him cry until the day he told us that I had killed you.

This is supposed to be a love letter to you, my body, but for me, I need to ask you for forgiveness. I am sorry! I do love you, though. I love that you never gave up on me and still haven’t. I love that you were always trying to tell me of the dangers lurking around the corners. I love that you are so intricately perfect. It amazes me how many times you repaired yourself for me. I love that even though you are slowly shutting down, I can still use you to live life with my husband and boys. You are still fighting to give me that.

As I sit here and think about what to write to you, one idea keeps coming to mind: You are amazingly beautiful, graceful and merciful. It took a little while, but I finally realized what I couldn’t put my finger on before. How could you not be all those things? God made you in God’s own image.

Love,

R.

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Dear SheLoves friends,

Our writer has tough journey ahead of her. Please join us in praying for her … perhaps even write your prayer for her right in the comments today. We know she’d appreciate your Love and support. 

ALSO: We hope you’ll come check back every day until next Saturday for our daily Love Letter to My Body selections plus a final wrap-up post next Sunday. 

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Idelette McVicker
If you only know one thing about me, I'd love for you to know this: I love Jesus, justice and living juicy. I also happen to drive a minivan and drink my lattes plain. (My life is exciting enough!) Nineteen years ago, I moved from Taiwan to Canada to marry Scott. We have two teenagers, a preteen, a Bernese Mountain dog and a restaurant. (Ask Scott to tell you our love story.) In 2010, I founded SheLovesmagazine.com and it has now grown to include a Dangerous Women membership community, a Red Couch Bookclub, events and gatherings. I'd like to think of it as curating transformational spaces for women in community. I long for women to be strong in our faith and voice, so we can be advocates for God’s heart for justice here on earth. As an Afrikaner woman, born and raised in South Africa during Apartheid, my story humbly compels me to step out for justice and everyday peacemaking. I have also seen firsthand the impact injustice has had on the lives and stories of women around the world. I refuse to stay silent. I am anti-racist and also a recovering racist. I am a Seven on the Enneagram, an INFP and I mostly wear black, with a dash of animal print or faux fur.
Idelette McVicker

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