Seeking Eve: The God of Kind Intentions

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SEEKING EVE MONDAY

“We all have our closets full of secrets. We are all bound by the minutiae of life. Celebrities flush toilets. Presidents brandish scars.”

By Christina Crook

Everybody is just like me.

Me, the child of a messy family. Only a toddler when the divorce proceedings began, when the court decided to split my brothers and I in half. One minute six of us under one roof, the next: no daddy, no big brothers, no home of my birth.

Everybody is just like me.

Me, the victim of attempted assault. A twenty-year-old girl in a cast, pressed down onto bed, punching and kicking with every inch of my will to fling wide his door, hobble to my parents’ minivan, and speed with the force of a tank through the thick summer air.

Everybody is just like me.

Me, the one who could not let go of love. Pining after my first, the man-of-my-dreams, for too many years to count. Driving to sit outside his family home in my Jeep in the late hours, hoping he’d miraculously step outside, see me, confess his undying affection.

Everybody is just like me.

Me, the girl who stuck her head into toilet bowls. A popular athlete slinking off to the bathroom at lunch break, before basketball games, in restaurants. Ruled by an over-bearing mother, my world grew too small, this my cry for a sense of control.

We think it is just us. We think we are the only ones. We think nobody knows. But the truth is: we see it, we know it, we do.

We all have our closets full of secrets. We are all bound by the minutiae of life. Celebrities flush toilets. Presidents brandish scars.

Everybody is just like me.

In Paul’s letter to the Ephesians he wrote: “In all wisdom and insight He made known the mystery of His will, according to His kind intention…”

I read that this morning: “His kind intention…” In those moments, those memories, the worst of my story, have I believed in this kindness?

What did you and I believe about God’s intentions when …

He withheld the affections of our first love?

Our career was thrown off with an endless string of unopened doors?

That friend made unwanted sexual advances?

The eating disorder  stole away years of confidence and joy?

How often have I thought about God like the Wizard of Oz, some weird little guy tucked behind a curtain pulling levers, me lost in the smoke and mirrors? In other words, someone far, faraway that I can’t relate to, don’t understand, and fully mistrust.

But, when I was 18 and said yes to His narrow path, He bound himself to me. He promised He would never leave or forsake me, this God of kind intentions.

How revolutionary it would be to believe at all times, in all circumstances, that He is for me. That He always has been. And that His kindness, His Love, covers over all that has been, that is and is to be.

I am seeking to see His kindness today and to re-examine my history with the same eyes.

A God that is kind, that is something worth seeking.
___________________

A God of kindness is worth seeking earnestly, and a community of kindness — like this marvelous SheLoves clan–is worth trusting with your truth.

How would you finish these lines:

Everybody is just like me. Me, who…

____________________

About Christina: 

Christina is a Toronto-based writer whose articles on culture, religion and technology have appeared in Vancouver, UPPERCASE and Geez magazine. She, her husband and two young children attend Grace Toronto Church. Christina Crook is founder of SeekingEve.ca and author of Letters from a Luddite: What I learned in 31 days off-line, now available at Blurb.com.

Photo credits: Katherina, bixentro

 

 

 

 

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Christina Crook
Christina is a Toronto-based writer whose articles on culture, religion and technology have appeared in Vancouver, UPPERCASE and Geez magazine. She, her husband and two young children attend Grace Toronto Church. Christina Crook is founder of SeekingEve.ca and author of Letters from a Luddite: What I learned in 31 days off-line, now available at Blurb.com.
Christina Crook