The Virgin Diaries


Whenever someone acts surprised to hear that I’m a virgin, I always feel like I have let the other virgins down.

People are often really surprised when I tell them I am still a virgin. I’m not sure how to feel when they respond with utter shock and disbelief.

Why is everyone convinced I’ve handed in my V-card? Is it my age? Is it my (fictional) tongue ring or my butterfly tattoo strategically located on my lower back? Or maybe it’s because I use trendy references to my virginity such as “V-card?”

Whenever someone acts surprised to hear that I’m a virgin, I always feel like I have let the other virgins down; like I’ve been ashamed of my kind and haven’t been representing them obviously enough. It’s kind of like if a work-friend remarked, “Wow, you are a Christian? I would have never known.”

Some people seem to think they possess the ability to tell if someone is a virgin or not, just by looking at them. They have “virgin-dar”… No. I don’t like that. Vir-dar, anyone? Moving on. It’s not so much the ability to discern whether someone is a virgin, as much as it is having a mental profile of what a virgin looks like.

In my own mind, I can think of three categories of virgins:

1. The Religious Virgin: These virgins have bookshelves peppered with literary masterpieces like Joshua Harris’ “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” and Elizabeth Elliot’s, “Passion and Purity.” They wear their purity ring with pride; and surely have all of their weekends filled with youth groups, retreats and purity balls. These “religious virgins” are becoming more and more rare; they are the unicorns of purity (a term coined by Jon Acuff in his book “Stuff Christians Like.”)

Virgin 1

2. The “Not- A-Virgin-By-Choice” Virgin: Maybe it’s the girl with 22 cats and she calls them all her babies. Maybe it’s the guy who is on several fantasy-football teams. The teams also double as his crew when goes to Comic-Con.

Either way, they are Not-virgins-by-choice, their fate was decided by others.  

Virgin 2

3. The Celebrity Virgin: Adorned with a head microphone and riding on the high of their latest cover feature on Seventeen magazine, the Celebrity virgin has been left with nothing else to shock their audiences with, other than their virginity. Let’s face it; between Madonna and Lady Gaga, it’s all been done. What’s left you may ask? A teen saving themselves for marriage! Virginity has become the modern day sparkly bustier and squeaky clean pop artists are strapping it on and taking the stage. Do you need to get some attention? Do you need to boost ticket sales? Broadcast your “virginity” (yes, the quotation of “virginity” was necessary) and audiences worldwide will be looking on in curiosity to see if you fall from grace with a member from the latest UK boy band.

Virgin 3

Virginity is Curable

Remember when virginity was considered beautiful outside of the church? I often think I was meant to have grown up in a “simpler time,” when soda was a nickel, penny candies were still a penny, the penny still existed, and my virginity wasn’t something I had to defend or excuse.

Nowadays *insert Ashley slowly rocking in a rocking chair with knitting in her lap* virginity is treated as something that needs to be cured, instead of something to be revered.

Now, don’t worry, I’m not going to start preaching about S.T.I.’s, unplanned pregnancy and broken hearts. Also to clarify, if I wanted “some” I could get “some.” I’m just trying to figure out how to navigate virginity in a way that doesn’t turn me into a TLC special.

I want to save myself for my husband, not just because “the bible tells me so,” but also because I want to give something to my husband that is only his.

So my lovelies help me work this thing out:

Have you ever felt like you were “profiled” either as a virgin or a tramp?

Do you feel like you don’t fit into a category—like me—how have you found your place?


Illustrations: Katelyn Seib

About Katelyn:

Katelyn Seib is the writer of the blog, Yet to Grow Up where she details her neurotic childhood, marriage and sometimes-evil cat, Gizmo. When she’s not doing that, she works as a Mental Health Worker, makes weird crafts, takes lots of photos and plans where she will be traveling next!