Women Who Love Stand in the Black Hole of Vulnerability Together



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I was about six years old when I had a birthday party on the back porch in Paarl. I remember the stretch of quiet minutes before my friends were supposed to arrive. My mom had set the table, ordered a beautiful cake and I had my birthday dress on. But I suddenly felt panicky: What if nobody showed up?

Even at six, those minutes were long and scary. I felt alone and now, as an adult and somewhat more versed in Brene Brown speak, I recognize I also felt vulnerable. I’d put my heart out there in an invitation and I hoped my friends would show up for me.

I notice this same Black Hole of Vulnerability still exists for me as an adult. It exists in the dark before the Light. In the silence before Sound. In the not-yet-knowing before Clarity. It lives in the gap between the Invitation and the Realization.

We feel that Black Hole of Vulnerability between hitting “publish” on a post and the very first person who comments or tags you on Facebook. Will anyone read?

We feel that Black Hole of Vulnerability when we leap to make a difference–sweat for sisterhood, run a half-marathon, build a well or buy ID cards–knowing we can do something by ourselves, but we can actually move MOUNTAINS if we do it together. But will anyone else come?

“Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experience,” says Brene Brown here.

The story we find ourselves in globally actually requires of us, as women and men, to be courageous together and be vulnerable.

 Especially when we’re part of a sisterhood. Especially when the odds globally are stacked up against women and girls. Especially when a young guy goes on a rampage and shoots women, because they’re women.

We can be a movement that raises up a standard of Light against the dark.

We can always do so much more together.

– My $25 is important towards any good cause. But my $25 multiplied by 200 people who choose to stand together, means great impact.

– My regular tweet (with or without a hashtag) makes a sound into the Twitterverse. My tweet added to a hashtag like #yesallwomen, becomes part of a roar.

Together is powerful. We know this.

So, on Saturday, June 7, our SheLoves sis, Cynthia, is putting on a party. Yes, it’s a birthday party of sorts, except she wants this party to celebrate and benefit women and girls in Rwanda and Moldova. She’s inviting us to come and walk or run with her. [ Here’s her original post.]

I’ll be there, because when one of my friends steps out on behalf of a better world for women and girls, I want to move into the Black Hole of Vulnerability with her to make it less scary. Who needs that icky feeling of panic or self-doubt, especially when she’s trying to make a difference?

Why care? 

I’ll tell you straight up: this isn’t about my dream or your dream.

Not this time.

But this is about how our dreams will also come as we start walking with someone else in the realization of her dream.

The first time I launched something that felt like a big, scary dream, my inspiration came from helping someone else build her dream. It was in growing her dream that mine also came. A light bulb went on for me even then.

If you’re about to leap or have a dream in your heart, why not step into someone else’s dream and make it a bit less daunting for her first?

Black Holes of Vulnerability will (and need to) happen as we become more and more courageous. Let’s decide to be the answer to her question, Will anyone come?

– Tell a friend you’ll stand with her in her dream.

– Leave a comment on a blogpost today, or every day this week.

– Help Cynthia fulfill her audacious hope by giving, or registering or sharing her dream with your world. Tell her: I’ll be there.


THIS WEEK on SheLoves:

I know every one of our writers this week–Holly (today), Bev + Erin (Tuesday), Kelley (Wednesday), Tina (Friday) and Sarah (zine on Saturday!) will greatly appreciate your encouragement and verbal high-fives. We’re doubling up with two posts on several days this week, so be sure to check in often or “turn on notifications” for our Facebook page. Speaking of Facebook: we’re a few likes away from being 4,000 strong. Pretty exciting!

Two stories to watch out for: On Wednesday, Michelle DeRusha is joining us for the first time. Her book, Spiritual Misfit: A Memoir of Uneasy Faith was released in April and we wanted to give her a moment to tell us more of her story and introduce her to our sisterhood. We’d love it if you give her a warm welcome on Wednesday.

On Saturday, Cynthia Cavanaugh will tell us the story of a pedicure in Cambodia, how her heart was broken open for women and justice and why this 5K No Limits Walk  is so important to her.

Here’s to a beautiful week together!



PS: We’re currently looking for a volunteer who is passionate about marketing + advertising to join our team. If you are interested, please email us at shelovesmagazine {at} gmail.com

Credits: Image by Tina Francis.

Graphic by Sarah Joslyn

Idelette McVicker
If you only know one thing about me, I'd love for you to know this: I love Jesus, justice and living juicy. I also happen to drive a minivan and drink my lattes plain. (My life is exciting enough!) Nineteen years ago, I moved from Taiwan to Canada to marry Scott. We have two teenagers, a preteen, a Bernese Mountain dog and a restaurant. (Ask Scott to tell you our love story.) In 2010, I founded SheLovesmagazine.com and it has now grown to include a Dangerous Women membership community, a Red Couch Bookclub, events and gatherings. I'd like to think of it as curating transformational spaces for women in community. I long for women to be strong in our faith and voice, so we can be advocates for God’s heart for justice here on earth. As an Afrikaner woman, born and raised in South Africa during Apartheid, my story humbly compels me to step out for justice and everyday peacemaking. I have also seen firsthand the impact injustice has had on the lives and stories of women around the world. I refuse to stay silent. I am anti-racist and also a recovering racist. I am a Seven on the Enneagram, an INFP and I mostly wear black, with a dash of animal print or faux fur.
Idelette McVicker