You Are Wanted, You Are Loved

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“Your lost childhood message was, ‘You are wanted.’”

According to today’s EnneaThought for the Day email, I missed the memo as a kid. Somewhere along the line I forgot that I was wanted and needed by the world.

Instead, I adopted the narrative that I had to work for it. I had to clean the dishes for it. I had to be the first to volunteer for it. I had to be the sweet, nice girl for it. As long as you needed me, I had purpose.

I learned I was an Enneagram Type 2 when I was a sophomore in college.

What Type 2s fear the most is being unwanted or being unworthy of love. Us twos, we deeply desire to be loved. At our best, we are altruistic, compassionate and give ourselves without expecting anything back in return. At our worst, we are not pretty creatures; we are manipulative, resentful, domineering and more.

In college, I joined the clubs and programs that made everyday lives of students easier. I was so involved in church that I had the delusion it wouldn’t function as smoothly if I didn’t show up one Sunday. I adopted a sweet and quiet disposition because I didn’t think people could love me for all my fire and spunk.

But the more I bought into this false narrative, the unhappier I was. Meeting other people’s needs did not ensure mine were met. Neither did it mean I was loved any more. At the end of the day, I was a user. I was using people to get a hit of the love I was starving for.

I’ve started the work of undoing this false narrative, and while I’ve made significant steps, the work isn’t complete yet.

This Valentine’s Day, I’m practicing a radical act of self-love. I’m writing myself a One Sentence Love Letter.

I want to stick it on my bedroom wall so that I wake and fall sleep to these words. I want to read it again and again, until they are etched in my bones and it seeps deep in my heart.

*BIG BREATH* Here goes…

Beloved Leah, you are wanted.

I can feel my shoulders tense and my face form a slight frown. My body is still suspicious of these words.

But I want to commit to writing myself this love letter until my body opens up and embraces this truth. I want to read these words one day and feel relaxed, safe and at home.

I want to rewrite the narrative I adopted as a child. I don’t want to self-preserve. I want to crack open to my new story. I want to rise and reclaim the song that was sung over me when I was born: You are wanted. You are loved, just as you are, just because you exist. I can love because I am free to love, not because I need to love.

SheLovelys, HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! If you think I tell you that you are loved too many times, it is because it is my love letter to you. I want to say it until it is etched in your bones and seeped in your hearts. You are loved, you are loved, you are loved (repeat x1000).

What is your One Sentence Love Letter to yourself? How are you practicing radical acts of self love this Valentine’s Day?

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Leah Abraham

Leah Abraham

Leah is a storyteller + writer + journalist + creative + empathizing romantic + pessimistic realist + ISFP + Enneagram type 2 + much more. She lives in the Seattle area where she works as an education reporter and features writer. Bonus facts: She loves the great indoors, hates to floss, and is obsessed with Korean food and her dorky, immigrant family.
Leah Abraham
Leah Abraham

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