In Love’s Kitchen

When it’s over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was a bridegroom, taking the world into my arms. – Mary Oliver I want the next line to read “Lord, let me have lived and loved dangerously.” I’m learning to love fear. I’m learning to be courageous […]

When the Fertility Fairy Goes MIA

“Are you going to have more kids?” I look at my only child, playing and grinning from ear to ear. God, I love him. I feel a stab in my heart as disappointment and grief flood in. I don’t want him to be alone in life. But his dad and I have been trying for […]

The Size of a Green Pea

We took a photo for the first time that Sunday afternoon, eight weeks ago. I’d always imagined I’d do a photo with the pregnancy test, like the many I’ve seen on Pinterest—the ones where nine months later that little piece of plastic is replaced with a baby. But the two tests I did were the […]

The Difference Between Sex and Gender Roles in My Marriage

“Before our marriage, I didn’t think much on how my femaleness colored parts of me in different ways than my husband’s maleness did.” By Danielle Vermeer When my pastor first asked to grab coffee to talk about my blog, I was afraid. I ran through a litany of questions, attempting to probe the potential reasons […]

On Faith and Fertility: My Very Own Christmas Miracle

“I was so glad the day I found pregnancy tests could be purchased in bulk online, since store-bought ones were costing a fortune. I literally ordered a hundred at a time. I think I felt that if I took enough tests, I could somehow stop my period from coming.” [From our Archives] Every Christmas I […]